


Surprise Visit - a Niall Horan fanfiction.

by KatieeEllen



Category: One Direction (Band), niall horan - Fandom
Genre: F/M, M/M, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-28
Updated: 2013-10-30
Packaged: 2017-12-24 22:50:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 93,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/945609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatieeEllen/pseuds/KatieeEllen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Normal days come and go in Katie's life, but this day will end up to be one like no other. When two of her favourite members of her favourite band just happen to turn up at her doorstep, she's in for the shock of a lifetime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First posting on here and I really don't know how to use this website at all yet, so bare with me xD  
> The next part shall be up in the next week, probably, I want to get it finished before college and stuff so yeah.  
> Also, A* for effort if you read this bit :P

A crash came from above my head as I opened the kitchen cupboard. I swore under my breath as I watched the spices come falling out of the shelves and onto the floor, two of the ten tiny bottles smashing and spreading their contents throughout the entire kitchen floor. Usually I would have called on the help of my mother and sister to clean the floor, but they were both out buying new clothes and school stuff.

Groaning, I pulled the vacuum out of its place in the corner of the hall and pulled it into the single socket in the kitchen. Turning it on I started humming to myself, knowing that I couldn’t possibly be heard over the roar of the motor inside of the machine. 

I hadn’t finished the whole of the kitchen floor when there was a bashing at the door so hard that I thought it was Hagrid breaking into my house to give me my Hogwarts letter 5 years late – or so I hoped – so I flicked the switch of the socket and wandered through the couple of doors needed to get to my front one; the door that someone on the other side was obviously trying to break. 

“Stop trying to break down my bloody door for chri-” my words caught in my throat as I opened the door to be faced with the last person I ever thought I would.

“Well it’s about freaking time!” his accent shone through the words like the sun breaking through clouds, “I've been standing here knocking for at least five minutes.” 

“I- I- why are you here?” was all I could manage to say. 

“To see the Queen, duh.” Another voice that I knew all too well came from the outside the door, so I stepped forward to be able to see him for my own eyes. Before I was able to answer, I heard a click of a camera and I knew what was happening. I glanced at the boys for a second before ushering them inside and slamming the door on the paparazzi’s face. 

I turned to them both, and Niall pulled his mouth away from Harry’s ear in a heartbeat. 

“Did I just see you engage in sexual contact in my house, or…?” I asked, eyeing the both of them as they burst out laughing. Though neither of them answered my question, the “no” was as clear as day.

“Good, because I prefer Larry.” I stated, deciding to explain my opinion of that matter later. “You two stay here, because I need to make my house look at least a little bit respectable for this out-of-the-blue visit.” I wondered how I could keep such a straight face and manner around them, for I was dying on the inside. As I walked back into the kitchen, I knew I’d never be able to clean it fully without turning the vacuum back on and sighed in frustration, turning back to head towards the boys to tell them to just come through anyway when I noticed them standing in the doorway to the kitchen. 

“Bad timing?” Niall asked as he swiftly passed me, showering me in a scent that I adored instantly, and plugging the hoover back in. 

“When is it ever a bad time to have Niall Horan and Harry Styles just happen to turn up at your door?” I said, and Harry chuckled at me from behind. “I’m pretty sure just about every Directioner in the entire world is jealous of me right now; they just don’t know it yet.” 

“And so they should be, Katie,” I took a sharp intake of breath when Niall said my name, and the worst thing was that he noticed it. “What? Isn’t that your name?” 

“No, no it is. How do you know my name? Why are you here? How the hell did you know where I lived?” the questions started spilling out of me and it was difficult to stop them. 

“Why don’t we take this to another room?” Harry suggested, leaning up against the doorframe as if he was tired of standing already. 

“Yeah, sure, let me just-” I started to say, but Niall cut me off.

“No, we can clean the kitchen later,” Niall laughed, half dragging me away from the hoover. “It’ll be fun, right Hazza?” 

“Sure, sure.” He gestured to me. “Where do you want us to go?” 

“Through here,” I said, fighting the urge to grab Niall’s hand as we walked a few steps through the house and into the lounge.

Harry took the first chair he saw; my dad’s black armchair in the best place to see the TV. Niall took the sofa and tapped the half that he wasn’t sprawled across for me to come and sit next to him. Maybe he knew more about me than I first thought.

“So,” I started, willing my voice to stay even. “Why did Niall Horan and Harry Styles just happen to turn up at my doorstep?” 

“Well,” Harry started, but just as he did to me, Niall cut him off.

“Do you have a guitar? Can you play?” Niall’s eager voice made Harry smile. 

“Yeah, I can play…” I trailed off, wondering if they’d take us off that subject but neither of them said anything else, so I pushed it. “Why?”

“Could we hear you play?” Niall asked, the eagerness not leaving his voice for a second.

“Sure, it’s upstairs in my room so… lemme just go get it,” I said nervously, skipping from the room as the fear started to build up quickly in my chest. 

Sprinting through the house and up the stairs, I flung my bedroom door open and snatched the guitar up, checking if it was in tune and shoving a pick in my mouth to be able to co-ordinate myself downstairs with a guitar without damaging it, because it’d be just my luck if I did. Going slower than I usually did, I made my way back down the stairs and through the house; back to Niall and Harry who suddenly stopped talking when the noticed me enter the room. 

I guessed the nervousness I was feeling was pretty plain on my face, because Niall smiled sympathetically at me and said “Play wherever you feel most comfortable.” 

I took my usual spot in the centre of the room on the floor, and rested my guitar on my right crossed leg. I had my jacket on with the sleeves down, as they would be kept, which made it harder to play but I tried not to concentrate on that fact. Looking up to the both of them, I asked which song they’d like me to play for them. Harry glanced over to Niall with a knowing smile.

“Inspiration,” Niall said, and in that moment I knew how they knew my name; how they knew that I played guitar; how they knew where I lived (I cursed myself for telling his close relations my address); and how they knew I wrote my own songs. 

Willing myself not to look at Niall, I set up my capo on the third fret and got into the zone. In that zone, no one was around apart from myself and my guitar. Niall Horan wasn’t listening the song I wrote for him, and Harry Styles wasn’t sitting here judging my every move. In my zone, I played the same chords I’d played a million times, and took the first breath needed for the song.

“It's great to be noticed  
Someone who knows your name  
The person that you cherish  
The one with all the fame  
They always keep you going  
Whenever times get rough-”

I glanced up to Niall for the first time since starting the song, and knowing this was my only chance, sang into his eyes.

“Their accent and their smile  
Your heart it turns to mush”

I glanced back to my guitar for the chorus, because I’d know it meant more if I sang the second verse to Niall alone. Finishing the chorus, I smiled sheepishly at Harry before turning my attention back to Nialler. 

“Blue eyes blonde hair guitar and  
He's the perfect one of five  
I'd love to find one of his hugs  
He's keeping me alive”

Niall slid from his chair and dropped to his knees in front of me as soon as the word “alive” was out of my mouth, and his bright blue eyes were glistening with tears threatening to overspill. I dropped my eyes from his so I made sure I could finish the song without bursting into tears myself.

“He could charm his way right through the crowd  
He could run the whole world as a clown  
He can pull of every colour of the rainbow”  
“I could tell myself I'm lucky everyday  
Which I am I know - but instead I say  
What actually comes from this knowledge?  
What do I gain from this experience?  
It's something great to tell people - some icebreaker I'm sure  
But it gets me nowhere  
Only inspiration  
No stages no big lights and  
Nothing face to face”  
“Blue eyes blonde hair guitar and  
He's the perfect one of five  
I'd love to find one of his hugs  
He's keeping me alive  
He’s keeping me alive  
He’s keeping me alive…”

Harry grinned and clapped as I finished the song and placed my guitar on the floor to my left. As soon as I straightened back up to look at Niall, I was engulfed in a bear hug which seemed to last a lifetime but only a moment at the same time. I could feel the tears falling from my eyes and pulling away from the hug, I could see tears falling from his too. I made a half laugh-half crying sound and was back in Niall’s arms, being almost cradled and told not to cry and that everything was okay. 

Harry coughed which seemed to snap Niall out of it (whatever “it” was) and stood up, holding out his hand to help me to my feet too. I half smiled in his direction as Harry beckoned Niall over, and had a whispered conversation as I sat back down on the sofa. Harry shrugged so Niall turned to me, his face seeming to be blushing.

“Um… where’s the loo?” Niall asked, flushing a crimson red and putting his face down. I held back a laugh and directed him through the house, and wandered back to Harry.

“So,” he started, seeming a little awkward, which surprised me. “You’re really good,” I blushed more than I should have, but he was Harry Styles for god’s sake.

“Thank you,” I looked up at him, and I could see a question forming in his eyes.

“Are you a Directioner?” he asked completely seriously, and burst out laughing.

“You really think I’d write a song about Niall if I wasn’t a Directioner? Of course I am.” 

“You’re a Niall girl though, obviously.” Harry grinned. “Do you know any of our songs?”

“On guitar? Yeah, a few. Why?” 

“Just wondering,” I could see the glint in Harry’s eye as Niall walked back through and sat next to me.

“So mate, what d’you think about Katie coming on tour with us for a couple songs a night? If she gets along with us all, obviously. I like her a lot.” Harry said it so casually that he could be announcing the weather forecast, but I was mighty glad I was sitting down. I brought my hands to my face as I started to show my complete inner fangirl for the first time since their arrival.

“A-are you serious?!” I asked, looking Harry straight in the eyes.

“Deadly.” 

A door slammed, and I knew my mum and sister were home. I glanced at Niall and back to Harry, and whispered something incomprehensible to all of us that was supposed to be along the lines of “stay here and stay quiet”. I wandered into the kitchen and I greeted my mum first, then my sister.

“Listen to me for a second,” I told them both as soon as they walked through the door. "You're not going to believe me bu-"

“What did you break this time?” Mum asked sternly, glaring at me.

“I didn’t break anything!” I told her, and then glanced to the kitchen which still hadn’t been cleaned. “Well, maybe I did, but it’s nothing serious. Just listen, okay?”

“Okay…” my mum could hear the excitement and also panic in my voice; I don’t know why it was there. I took a deep breath.

“Harry Styles and Niall Horan are in the lounge.” A moment of silence passed.

“Don’t make things up, Katie. Now what did you break?” Mum asked, glaring at me even more. I sighed.

“Two of your spice bottles, they fell on me when I opened the cupboard and I was clearing it up but Niall almost bashed the door down before I had chance to-” my sister, Sarah, cut me off this time.

“PROVE IT,” she shouted, so obviously the boys heard. I sighed, knowing full well what would happen when Sarah saw Harry. I turned my back on them both, and went into the lounge, gesturing for the boys to come out. I lead the way with the both of them following me, and as soon as we wre through the lounge door my sister ran towards Harry and almost knocked him over with one of her hugs.

“I now realise why you have so many bodyguards,” I said, as Niall laughed and Harry prised my sister from his body. 

Both Niall and Harry formally introduced themselves to my mother, and she seemed as overwhelmed as I felt.

“Harry… you probably want to mention what you asked me just now to my mother,” I said cautiously, and she looked at him questioningly. 

“Oh yeah. I’m sorry to spring this on you so suddenly, but would it be okay for Katie to come with us on our UK This Is Us tour? There’s not that many venues nor performances and we could sort out hotels if you’d like to come with her…” Harry trailed off as he saw my mother’s smile.

“I think she needs some more independence in her life.” I opened my mouth in shock at my mother’s words; fully expecting her to stop me from going. “And besides, she has five amazing and responsible boys to look after her, as well as all the people who look after those boys.” My mum grinned, and I gave her the biggest hug ever. 

“Thank you so so so much,” I whispered in her ear.

“What about me?!” my sister piped up, anger and sadness layering her voice.

“Not many people can say they’ve hugged Harry Styles in their own house,” I told her and Harry chuckled. “I’ll get all my stuff signed?” I glanced at Harry and Niall, who nodded, “and I’ll give it to you. I’ll get videos and pictures and everything, and maybe even persuade all the boys to drop me back home after this trip, so you can meet the other three. Okay?” I looked at my sister, and she seemed delighted with this compromise. 

“So… you’re letting me go now?” I asked, staring at my mother in complete shock. 

“Whenever you need to go, you can go. You’ve been kept in this house for the past two months; you might as well spend the rest of your summer out on tour, if you’ve got the chance. You’ll only get this once, so who am I to stop you?” 

I honestly couldn’t believe my ears.

“I’m guessing that’s a yes?” Niall asked hopefully.

“Yes,” my mother and I said simultaneously. 

“Pack your stuff then,” Harry said with a wink. “Want a hand?”

“I’m good, thanks.” I said, sticking my tongue out. I only declined because my room looked like a house in the blitz of World War Two and I really didn’t want two almost-teenage boys seeing pictures of themselves lining my walls. 

Half way through tidying the place up and packing at the same time, just incase someone did decide to come in and “help” me, I sat down on my bed and pulled up my sleeves, looking down at my wrist and remembering for the first time since the boys arrived. My eyes welled up; I forgot just how much I could forget when I was looking into Niall’s eyes, no matter if he was standing in front of me or whether he was on a screen like he usually was. 

I jumped out of my skin when there was a tiny knock at my door and it cracked open, asking for permission to be able to enter. I hastily pulled my jacket sleeve back down and glanced around the room; it was just tidy enough to be able to allow Niall in without being too embarrassed.

“Sure,” I called, still sat on my bed, now staring at a wall. 

“Are you alright?” Niall asked entering the room, concern flooding through his voice. 

“Yeah,” I lied, “It’s just overwhelming, you know?” I was debating whether to go on and risk crying in front of Niall again but decided against it.

“Having two people that you obviously,” Niall glanced around my room, noticing his face staring back at him more than once, “look up to and admire suddenly turn up at your doorstep? Yeah, I understand.” He smiled at me and the warmth I felt before ran through me again. 

“I thought I told you I didn’t need help, anyway,” I said, playfully sticking out my tongue. 

“Oh, really?” Niall grinned, picking up a top from my open drawer. It was one of my few e held it up to himself, and I laughed.

“It suits you,” I said as he threw it to me.

“Yeah well I’d think it probably looks a lot better on you, so shove it in the case,” Niall said through a smile, and I packed it.

“You’re not really helping right now,” I told Niall with a pretence sternness and crossed his arms and pouted, which made me giggle. “Seriously, you should probably go and help Harry with my sister – I’m 98% sure she’s trying to kill him.”

“With what? Cuddles?” Niall laughed.

“Exactly,” I said “It’ll be a very bad diagnosis if you don’t get down there like… right now,” I smiled sweetly, and he got the message. 

“Alright, I’ll go. Just shout me if you need anything, okay?” 

“Ob…viously.” I imitated Snape, and he grinned knowingly. This made me happier than it should.

With Niall out of the way, things went a lot faster. My half-packed case quickly filled up with clothes, and so I grabbed a couple of books (City of Ashes and City of Glass, to be exact) and shoved them in too. Starting to drag my case down the stairs, the two boys came running to my aid, obviously hearing the bash of the plastic on wood.  
I could get used to this.

Running back upstairs, I grabbed my iPod Nano, phone, iPad Mini and chargers. Debating whether to take my laptop as well, I figured I wouldn’t have time to use it around the boys as well as everything else, and it wasn’t like I didn’t have no source of WiFi anyway. I also grabbed my black guitar case with tuner, just to be sure. My room looked odd, mainly because it was clean and was missing my guitar stuff, but making one last checklist in my head and sweeping the room, I closed the door. 

Dumping my stuff by the front door with the case, I walked back to the kitchen where my mum was trying to reason with my sister why she couldn’t come with us.

“Sarah,” I cut in with a sudden realisation over my own future, and not just to persuade her out of trying to come, “If you come with us, your face will be all over the newspapers, social networking sites; you’ll probably get hate for just being with the boys. Do you want that?” Sarah slowly shook her head. “Do you think you’d be ready for that?” she kept shaking her head as Harry turned me around to face him.

“Are you ready for that?” he asked.

“Yes. I get hate all the time online anyway,” my mother took in a breath in anger (probably over not telling her about everything), but I ignored her, “and I’m sure the cameras are something I can get used to, as long as I’m with you boys and stuff. It’ll be different, but I’m ready.” 

And in that moment, I knew I was.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extending on the two-shot, turning it into a mini-fic because I'm still not finished. Underestimated how much I was going to write! Hope you like.

“Are you sure this is safe?” I asked Niall who was sitting next to me in the back seat, Harry driving like a madman.

“Um…” Niall hesitated. “I’m pretty sure,” Harry chuckled from the front, and turned the radio on. 

“We’ll be fine,” Harry insisted, but I still wasn’t convinced. Niall could sense my discomfort, so took my hand and looked over to me, as for permission to be able to hold my hand; like he needed it. I nodded and smiled, but my stomach was doing backflips for two reasons: the first being that Niall freaking Horan was holding my hand, and the second being that he was inches away from my biggest secret. 

The opening chords of my favourite song came on the radio, and I grinned at Niall, who did the same back to me. 

“Harry always does his solo- watch,” Niall whispered to me. I nodded and looked at Harry in expectation while the intro carried on.

“MAYBE IT’S THE WAY SHE WALKED,”  
“Ow!”  
“STRAIGHT INTO MY HEART AND STOLE IT. THROUGH THE DOORS AND PAST THE GUARDS, JUST LIKE SHE ALREADY OWNED IT,”  
“I said can you give it back to me, she said-” Niall looked expectantly at me but I was one step ahead.   
“She said never in your wildest dreaaaaams!”   
“AND WE DANCED ALL NIGHT TO THE BEST SONG EVER! WE KNEW EVERY LINE NOW I CAN’T REMEMBER HOW IT GOES BUT I KNOW THAT I WON’T FORGET HER CAUSE WE DANCED ALL NIGHT TO THE BEST SONG EVER,”  
“Think it went,” Harry stopped and Niall carried on.   
“Oh oh oh,”  
“Think it went,”  
“Yeah yeah yeah,”  
“Think it goes ohhhhhs,” I finished just as Harry started again. 

“SAID HER NAME WAS GEORGIA ROSE,”  
“Ow!”  
“AND HER DADDY WAS A DENTIST. SAID I HAD A DIRTY MOUTH,”  
Niall and I looked at each other. “She got a dirty mouth,”   
“AND SHE KISSED ME LIKE SHE MEANT IT”  
“I said can I take you home with me”  
“She said never in your wildest drems,” I winked.  
“AND WE DANCED ALL NIGHT TO THE BEST SONG EVER! WE KNEW EVERY LINE NOW I CAN’T REMEMBER HOW IT GOES BUT I KNOW THAT I WON’T FORGET HER CAUSE WE DANCED ALL NIGHT TO THE BEST SONG EVER,”  
“Think it went,” Harry stopped again and Niall took over, as before.   
“Oh oh oh,”  
“Think it went,”  
“Yeah yeah yeah,”  
“Think it goes ohhhhhs,”

I decided to take over this bit, as it was my personal favourite part of the song.   
“You know, I know, you know I’ll remember you and I know, you know, I know you’ll remember me and you know, I know, you know I’ll remember you and you know, I hope I know you’ll remember how we danced…how we danced…”  
“ONE, TWO, ONE TWO THREE,”   
“AND WE DANCED ALL NIGHT TO THE BEST SONG EVER! WE KNEW EVERY LINE NOW I CAN’T REMEMBER HOW IT GOES BUT I KNOW THAT I WON’T FORGET HER CAUSE WE DANCED ALL NIGHT TO THE BEST SONG EVER,”

It wasn’t the actual end of the song, but the radio decided to cut the ending off as Greg James’ voice came through, saying the usual outro and the new intro to the song. Niall leaned forward through to the front and turned the switch off, then leant back to me. Harry glared playfully at Niall and he just laughed.

“So Katie,” Niall said, “We don’t really know much about you,” I glanced up to see Harry watching Niall in the rear view mirror, with apparent apprehension. “What do you like to do?” I laughed, thinking to myself. What did I like to do?

“Um… well, to be completely honest with you, I’m an Internet person,” I waited for them both to laugh, but Harry was focused on the road and Niall seemed to want to hear more. “I have a Facebook account, YouTube, Tumblr, Twitter…” I trailed off, wondering what else I could say.

“What’s your Twitter?” Harry asked. 

“KatieeEllenxo,” I said, watching Niall pull out his phone. “You’re not gonna… oh my gosh I have 1/5,” I said without thinking.

“You’ll have 5/5 by the end of the week, if the boys like you,” Niall grinned and I felt like I could faint, the whole situation slowly sinking in.

“What about you?” I asked Niall. “What do you when you’re not doing press junkets or on tour?”

“Well… what do we do Haz? When we have time off, we usually spend time with our families, write songs, do twitcams, organise trips out, sleep.”

“Yeah, we sleep a lot,” Harry laughed. “And in Niall’s case, eat a lot too.”

“Of course! We’ll have to go to Nandos okay?” 

“Okay,” I replied, smiling up to Niall. 

The car was quiet for a time after that conversation, when I suddenly felt a mass of human fall softly against me, their chest rising and falling in time with mine. I smiled, and Harry glanced up again in the rear view mirror, doing the same. My arm was positioned awkwardly, almost around his shoulders, so with Harry’s influence I carefully moved my arm so I was more comfortable and didn’t have to risk waking Niall again.

“He always falls asleep on car journeys,” Harry stated softly. “Usually on mine or Liam’s lap; he never takes any interest in bringing girls along for the ride.” I wondered where this was going, as I nodded at Harry’s words and glanced down at Niall’s perfectly sculptured sleeping face. 

I was counting Niall’s breaths, breathing when he did to make sure nothing happened in his sleep and was looking out the window when Harry spoke again, after around 20 minutes of silence.

“Every spare moment he got, he’d be watching your videos,” I brought my free hand to my mouth, freaking out internally and gasping externally, showing the shock in my face. “Slowly but surely learning the words and the chords to your songs, singing along with you- I even heard him singing a few lines from Best Song Ever when he was showering last week, but it wasn’t our version. It was yours. He told me the other day, when he heard Inspiration for the first time, that we had to find you. I don’t know what came over him; he had a determination I’d only seen from him in the X Factor house and that one time a Directioner found- it doesn’t matter. That’s a different story entirely.” 

“So… what?” I said quietly. “What does it mean? You five are best friends - like brothers - surely you know why… also, why aren’t the other three here?” 

“We couldn’t all fit in the car,” Harry chuckled. “And anyway, Lou’s spending quality time with Eleanor, Zayn with Perrie, and Liam’s with his family; Nialler wanted me to come with him. He was nervous to go by himself,” I smiled warmly, still listening. “And it means a lot more than you and the other boys know…” Harry hesitated, checking that Niall really was asleep. “We were talking at yours, and it seems like he’s got a crush.”

“Funny joke, Harry.” I trailed off, Harry’s eyes looking completely seriously into mine as I carried on. “He’s Niall Horan. Like… the Niall Horan I’ve loved since The X-Factor 2010 auditions. And he’s famous,” I put the emphasis on the word, “as are you. As are all of you. The most famous boyband in the world…”

“I joke around a lot,” Harry said, unmistakeable seriousness in his voice, “but not today. Not about this. Not about Niall.” 

I was about to reply, when Niall stirred. I smiled down at him as he cracked open his eyes and realised the position he was in.

“Woah Katie I’m so sorry,” he started, jumping up from my lap, which made both myself and Harry laugh, getting out of the seriousness of our conversation. 

“It’s fine,” I giggled. “Not many people can say they’ve had Niall Horan fall asleep on their laps on a car journey. Sweet dreams?” 

“Yeah thanks,” I didn’t seem to be able to stop smiling around him. Acting in the moment, I reached out to sort out Niall’s hair, as it was sticking out everywhere from being on my lap. He looked shocked, but didn’t pull my hand away or protest as I styled it the best I could back into his usual signature quiff. 

“We’re here,” Niall smiled at me, as I untangled my hands from his hair and twisted my head to look at the One Direction house. It was huge from the outside, and I was so excited to see how it looked on the inside. 

“It’ll just be us three, for tonight,” Harry said, switching off the engine. “I think the other three will be back tomorrow, you’re okay with that?” I nodded my head and followed Niall out of the car, slamming the door and walking in through the front of the house behind Harry. Slipping my shoes off like the boys did, I gazed up in wonder at the huge foyer in front of me. Niall took my hand and lead me through to the kitchen; a huge room with counters and cupboards along two of the walls and an island in the middle of the room with six stools stood around it. The counter-tops were black marble and the cupboards a bright white; a contrast that probably shouldn’t work, but did all the same. Following Niall through to the front room, I saw Harry sprawled across a huge leather sofa on his phone, probably tweeting about his arrival back. 

“Would you like a house tour?” Niall asked me, checking the time on his phone. 5.14pm. 

“Of course,” I said, “I don’t want to like, have a shower tomorrow morning and then be wandering around in a towel, not being able to find my way back to wherever I’m sleeping,” I laughed, and Niall joined in. 

He lead me up a flight of stairs, onto a landing with six doors. Niall explained that his and Harry’s rooms were on this floor, along with a guest room, a bathroom and a spare room that the boys used for storage; I was advised not to open that door, and I could imagine why. The final door he opened, which lead into another set of stairs up to the gym on the top floor, apparently. We didn’t go up there though, and headed back down the flight of stairs we came up. 

Niall showed me around the bottom floor, where the kitchen, two “chillaxing” rooms (as he called them), the utility room, an office room (which wasn’t used much apparently) and another couple of bathrooms were. Heading down another flight of stairs into the basement, he showed me where many of the songs they wrote were practiced, and where they came for a bit of messing around when they felt like it – the music room. Guitars lined the back wall, two drum sets in the two corners of the room, a set of microphones and stands, a DJ mixing deck, a grand piano against the wall opposite to the guitar wall and several other instruments in cases piled up near the guitars. Moving quickly I overtook Niall and headed straight towards a gorgeous acoustic guitar; dark brown wood varnished which made the guitar amazingly shiny to look at and smooth to touch. 

“You like that?” Niall asked me, a smile forming.

“I do… It’s so beautiful.” I said, gazing at the guitar.

“That one’s mine,” Niall said, “Would you like to play it?” I nodded, and he reached up. got the guitar off the wall for me, and handed it over. “I would say be careful, but I know you will be.”

I got comfortable with the guitar, which was a little bigger than my own, and strummed down. The open chord send shivers down my spine for the note was so clear and crisp; the guitar was nothing like I’d ever played before. Testing out a few chords, I found a set of four which flowed and I started humming a melody on the spot, before a crashing sound came from the stairs.

“NIALL! KATIE! WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR DINNER?” Harry’s booming voice rattled through the room. 

“I dunno mate, go order pizza or summat?” Niall called back.

“IS KATIE ALRIGHT WITH THAT?” Harry shouted.

“Yeah, it’s all good,” I said, still not being able to wipe the smile from my face. 

After the tour of the house, Harry decided to have a cosy evening in with movies and popcorn he found in one of the cupboards. I have a feeling it was Louis’ because it had the label “Louis’ special popcorn for movie nights, do not touch” but Harry opened it anyway and decided to make a game out of trying to throw popcorn pieces into Niall’s mouth from different distances away; it was very amusing to watch until I got showered in popcorn too. Niall tweeted a picture of us three, popcorn in my hair, the popcorn bowl on Harry’s head and the bag in Niall’s hands, all of us having the time of my life. He tagged me in the tweet; meaning I experienced a fraction of what the boys got every single time they tweeted anything and even when they didn’t. I gained a load of followers from that one tweet, and my phone went so insane that I had to turn off my notifications for Twitter. Most of the tweets I was mentioned in were along the lines of “who is she???” and “wow Harry you got a new girl?” but of course, there were a few hate tweets which couldn’t be helped. They didn’t get to me much, however there was a tiny part of me which listened to them. 

I took a nice selfie with Niall and Harry, one where we weren’t covered in popcorn, and posted it on my own Twitter profile saying “Having a movie night with my new besties @NiallOfficial and @Harry_Styles pic.twitter.com/fgskot3n…” Harry RT’d the picture, and so again I got a ton of followers and mentions. I logged off Twitter and checked my Facebook for ten minutes, posting the same selfie and posting in a couple of groups that something big had happened and I’d explain when I wasn’t sitting on a sofa between Harry and Niall, about to watch a movie of my choice. 

I decided on Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, which was still in its wrapping. I questioned why it hadn’t been opened, and Harry explained that Zayn didn’t really like Harry Potter much, but both he and Niall were more than happy to watch it. Niall shoved the Blu-ray in the player and came back to sit next to me, a tiny bit closer than he was before which I wasn’t objecting to in the slightest. 

The Battle of Hogwarts scene started, and I knew this was a part that got me every single time. My eyes fixated on the screen, I watched the scene I knew back to front and inside out, and my eyes started to water at deaths I’d seen over so many times. Niall noticed, it seemed, and wrapped one of his arms around my shoulders and pulled me closer, and even though I loved it, my mind was still in the film. 

The epilogue ended, and I looked up to Niall, who’s eyes were watering too. I smiled through watery eyes myself, and glanced to Harry, who had obviously been crying also. Pulling Harry in for a cuddle too, I experienced the best group hug I’d ever had in my life before it was time for bed. 

“Katie?” Niall asked, “Would you like to sleep on mine and Harry’s floor, or Lou, Liam and Zayn’s floor?”

“Could I sleep on your floor? I’d feel more comfortable not being alone on the first night away from home,” I said honestly, and Niall smiled, obviously getting the answer he was hoping for.

“Of course,” Niall paused. “HAZZA! Help me get Katie’s case up our staircase, would you?” 

“Course,” Harry said, dragging my stuff through from the front door. I went through and grabbed my guitar, and waited for the boys to get my case up the stairs (even though I’d offered to help, they refused) and then went up after them, showing me to my room. 

Tue guest room was beautifully simple; the walls were painted white with a four-poster bed up against the left wall. The covers on the bed were light blue, with darker blue swirls, and the bed only made a tiny noise when I sat on it. Bringing my case through into the room and placing it down against the huge floor-to-ceiling window, I drew the curtains which matched the bed sheets and wondered how many times this room was actually used. There was an en-suite in the room which I decided would be the main place I showered, only because I really didn’t want to be walking around the house full of 19-21 year olds with just a towel on. The en-suite was amazing; it had a huge shower and a bathtub, with the most beautiful stonework which was engraved into the sink as well as the bath, and on the counters surrounding both. 

Wandering back through, I opened my case and got changed into a tank top and pyjama shorts. For the first time in over four hours, I looked down at my wrist and everything came flooding back… again. I grabbed my bathroom bag and placed it on the side next to the sink in the en-suite, and decided to take a shower in the morning rather than before bed. Not taking my guitar out of its case, I leant it up against a wall and made a mental note to put it downstairs in the music room in the morning, and then took out my chargers from my case to charge both my phone and my iPad up for the following day, even though I had no idea what we’d be doing. 

After putting everything on charge, checking and double checking that I had everything in place so I didn’t panic tomorrow morning, I curled up in the four poster bed and thought over everything that had happened in the 10 hours. I still couldn’t get my head around everything as I drifted off into a deep but uneasy sleep at half past midnight. 

*

Jumping awake, gasped and sat up, trying to regain my breath. Once I had calmed down from the nightmare enough, I clambered out of bed and into the bathroom to check myself in the mirror, and wiping away the tear tracks staining my face. I watched the shoulders of my reflection rise and fall before I walked back through, perched on the bed and checked my iPad. 6.45am. I sighed, deciding there was no point trying to go back to sleep and slipped into my jacket from yesterday, opening the door as quietly as I could. My bare feet padded along the carpeted corridor, and I stopped to check for sounds beside Niall’s door; I could hear his heavy breathing so I knew I was the only one awake, for I could hear Harry’s snores from my own room. 

At the bottom of the stairs, I wondered what I was going to do for the couple of hours while the boys were sleeping. I had no idea how to work the TV (and even if I did, I wouldn’t want to touch it in fear of breaking it); I didn’t know if I was allowed things from the fridge; I couldn’t go down into the music room for fear of waking Niall and Harry up; and I really didn’t like the sound of the gym at this time in the morning, besides, that meant having to go back upstairs again. 

I settled for sitting on the sofa I sat on last night, going through my Twitter notifications and new followers, following them all back and replying to most of the nice mentions. Once that was done, I logged into my Facebook and was bombarded with messages and notifications about what I posted last night, so I decided to explain in one of my favourite groups. I ended up posting this:  
“Basically, Niall and Harry turned up at my doorstep yesterday, around the time when I disappeared for around five hours. Niall was the one who really wanted to meet me, because of my YouTube videos, but hadn’t found the time before their break from their tour, and he just dragged Harry along. :P I spent the night in their house, on Niall and Harry’s floor to be exact, and I guess I’ll stay here until they restart the tour… and oh, did I mention that Harry offered for me to sing with them /on tour/ and my mum let me? Crazy, right? Just waiting for Louis, Liam and Zayn to turn up at the house from visiting their family and stuff, and according to Niall they should be back today. I’ll be around until the boys wake up this morning, then off and on for the next few months. Videos and pictures to come, probably! :D” 

I had just hit ‘post’ when the door banged and gave me a heart attack. I jumped up, and slowly made my way into the kitchen to see Louis, Liam and Zayn walk through the door.  
“Good to be home,” Louis said as he turned to me, and tapped Liam and Zayn.

“What the hell…” Liam said, glaring at me. I cowered against the wall, thinking that I should probably say something but no words being able to form in my mouth.

“Who are you? What the fuck are you doing here? Get ou-” Zayn was cut off by Louis.

“WAIT,” Louis almost yelled. “Is she…” 

“Is she what, Louis?! She’s in our house!” Zayn thundered. 

“Zayn, calm down,” Liam said, looking at the dark haired boy. “I think I know what Louis is talking about.”

“She’s that girl. You know, the one that Niall’s been talking about all the time?” Louis explained to Zayn and his features relaxed, but only slightly.

“Can you sing? Can you play guitar? Do you have a YouTube?” Zayn questioned me, as I nodded for each one, him seeming to become calmer the more I moved.

“I would get Niall to prove it,” I started, my voice cracking, “But him and Harry are both asleep, and I don’t want to wake them to ask them, or wake them to prove it to you.” 

“You don’t have to prove it, I believe you,” Louis smiled, walking forward and embracing me in a hug. Lou was a hugger, I made a mental note.

“And if Lou believes you, I do too,” Liam came and did the same, but whispered a few more words in my ear. “You’re really special you know; Niall wouldn’t do this for just any girl.” I smiled and thanked him.

“I’ll wait for Nialler to wake up, I think,” Zayn said, not looking at me. “Don’t take offence; just to be on the safe side, you know?” 

“Yeah, I understand,” I said, knowing full well what the fangirls could be like if they wanted to be. I guess I was one too, so it just furthered my understanding more. Zayn turned and headed through the house to the staircase which lead to his room, and I heard a door slam. I felt like an intruder, but Liam was there to comfort me.

“He’s just on edge right now; him and Perrie are getting more hate than usual recently because of their engagement and it’s getting to him a little,” Liam explained, even though I already knew. “He’ll come around, I promise.” I nodded and both Louis and Liam smiled at me.

“Liam! How could we be so rude?” Louis looked shocked and Liam confused. “We don’t even know her name!” 

“I’m so sorry,” Liam apologised to me, and I waved it off.

“I’m Katie, nice to meet you both,” I laughed, wondering how I had kept my cool for so long.

“Come on Liam, I’m starved,” Louis said, moving more into the kitchen. “You want something, Katie?” 

“I’m good thanks,” I told Louis, and went back into my spot I’d been in for an hour and a half before the rest of the boys showed up. 

Getting bored of the Internet world quicker than usual, I asked Louis and Liam if it was okay for me to go down to the music room and use a guitar, because I didn’t really fancy going upstairs to get mine and waking either Niall or Harry (or both) up. They replied that I was allowed anywhere at any time as long as it wasn’t their rooms without permission, or play things really loud in the middle of the night, so I thanked them and headed down the staircase which I knew I would be ascending and descending more times than the rest. Shrugging off my jacket and leaving it on the floor beside me, I picked up Niall’s guitar that I had a go on last night and started playing ‘Hey There Delilah’ quietly to myself. 

My music took me to worlds I’d never been to, worlds that made me peaceful, and places that couldn’t be matched in the real world. Finishing one song and going straight into the next was the best way to achieve this, and I hadn’t been this adsorbed in the notes and melodies in months. I guessed it was the amazing sound of the guitar which my voice seemed to fit nicely with, and because I was so absorbed I didn’t notice Liam in the room until he started singing the song I had just started; Summer Love. I mentally jumped out of my world, but kept playing and kept singing until the song ended. I made the final strum and looked up to see Liam looking at my arm, and my heart dropped to the floor and my stomach flipped. I subconsciously pulled it away from him towards my body but he reached out for it, and I felt obliged to stretch it out again. Putting the guitar to the side and out of the way, I twisted my wrist over and watched the emotion on his face as he ran his fingers over the scars and cuts down the battlefield which was my skin. 

Without saying a word, he took me in for a hug which lasted longer than the usual. 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, not daring to say anything else because tears were already threatening to spill over onto my cheeks. 

“No, Katie, no,” Liam whispered back, just as quietly. “Don’t be sorry. I’m not going to say I understand, because I don’t, as I’ve never had to do this to myself…” Liam trailed off, obviously not knowing what to say. It got too much for me, and the tears began to fall; slow at first but getting quicker every time another fell. Liam embraced me in another hug.  
“You won’t tell the others,” I managed to choke out, “will you?”

“Katie…” Liam started, and I knew this wasn’t going to be good. “We don’t keep secrets here. We’re best friends, brothers-”

“But really, I’m not one of you,” I said, “Am I? I haven’t even been here a day, you wouldn’t have known if I was more careful, I’m okay I promise it’s just…”

“I know you’re not okay,” Liam said. “But being with us might help you?” Liam paused as I nodded, seemingly weighing up the pros and cons. “Well, it’s not my secret to keep, but tell Nialler at least?”

“I can’t. I wasn’t going to tell anyone, I’m not ready for you guys to know, especially not Niall…” in my mind I imagined his face if I told him, and it broke my heart.

“Why not Niall?” Liam questioned.

“Because I know how much it’d hurt him. According to Harry… well that doesn’t matter. I saw your face, and I don’t think I could handle another one of those,” I said avoiding the truth, though telling it at the same time. I couldn’t see Niall’s face like that. I couldn’t. 

“According to Harry what?” Liam pushed further.

“It doesn’t matter.” I said, suddenly turning blunt. “If you really wanna know, go and ask him, but I’m going to go back upstairs and see if he and Niall are awake, then take a shower.” I picked up my jacket, slung it back over my shoulders and slid my arms through. Putting the guitar back in its place, I took one more glance at Liam, and then disappeared back up the stairs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic just keeps getting bigger. Honestly I have no idea where this'll end now... Bare with me. :P

Letting the hot water of the shower roll over my hair and down my back, my train of thought wandered around the events of the morning and the future. I shook my head, trying to wipe my brain of the bad thoughts as the steam of the hot water started to fill the room. Failing at clearing my mind, I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself, catching my reflection in the mirror before walking through to my room. 

I quickly shoved on a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a black Hunger Games top on my jacket slung exactly how it was yesterday. I my way back downstairs with my phone in my hand, noticing that Harry was awake and in the kitchen, Liam and Zayn watching the morning news and Louis nowhere to be seen; most probably in his room sleeping, like Niall.   
I sat myself on one of the stools around the island, watching Harry fix up some bacon and eggs for his breakfast and going on my phone. 

“Does Niall always sleep this long?” I asked Harry, and he turned around to face me.

“Usually,” Harry said, preoccupied with his bacon. “Unless he has something to wake up for, or we throw water over him,” Zayn chuckled from the next room.

“We were going to go bowling today, shut the place down so we could have some peace at the same time,” Liam told me, walking through. “But Niall seems to want to miss the fun.” Harry smirked. 

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Harry said, looking at me. 

“I think so,” I grinned. “Should I go get Lou?”

“Already here!” Louis’ voice came from across the room as he walked over, escorted by Zayn. Zayn nodded and smiled at me, and I knew Harry had explained. I smiled back, and then addressed them all.

“So… what’s the plan?” I asked.

“Plain and simple, shall we?” Harry had a playful glint in his eye as Liam grabbed a plastic jug from the nearest cupboard and filled it to the brim with freezing cold water. 

I walked with Harry up the stairs, with the other three behind us. Liam still had the water and I could hear the sloshing against the plastic sides with each step we took. Harry tested Niall’s door as it was closed, but not locked. As he opened the door as quietly as he could, I leant into him.

“You know what would be awkward?” I whispered.

“What?” Harry breathed back.

“If Niall slept naked.” Harry broke down into silent giggles at my words, and let Liam past with the water. Once Zayn and Louis were both in the room and had a good view, Liam counted down.

“3… 2… 1…” on one, Liam threw the water over Niall, making him jump awake. 

“Oh my god guys I hate you all,” Niall looked furious as he watched everyone laughing, and then noticed me. “GUYS GET HER OUT!” he yelled, and everyone just laughed harder. I followed his wishes and exited the room, deciding to wait outside the door for everyone to reappear, trying and failing to calm down. 

“Come on,” Louis said, coming out of Niall’s room five minutes later with a smile on his face. “Harry’s talking to him, he’s not mad really,” 

“I know,” I laughed, as Zayn and Liam followed Louis and I down the stairs. 

After a couple of minutes of awkwardness and silence, I had to get out of there. “I’m going to the downstairs for a bit until Niall comes down,” I said, heading down into the music room without waiting for their replies. Ignoring the guitars this time, I headed over to the piano and tested out a couple of the keys. I didn’t really play piano much, for I didn’t have on at home, but I could read music easily so I decided to open up the sheet music for They Don’t Know About Us on my phone and started learning. 

Getting frustrated easily, I switched from piano to just singing. Grabbing a microphone stand and a mic, I pretended I was on stage. The microphone wasn’t on, but I thought I should probably get practice in because I hadn’t really handled a microphone much before this day. 

After a couple of songs, Niall came walking down the stairs with a half-smile dancing around his lips. 

“I’ve just realised something, you know,” he said, walking towards me. “You haven’t actually sung with us all yet. Could we?” on those last two words, the other four members of One Direction came walking down the stairs, grinning. Just that gesture overwhelmed me, for I hadn’t seen them all together like that; they’d all been apart, or sleeping, or soaking wet. 

Harry grabbed the mics, threw one to Zayn and one to Louis, handed another to Liam before taking one for himself, and I tried to hand mine to Niall. 

“No, no, that one’s yours,” he said seriously. 

“I’m a Directioner,” I said simply, “And I’m not one of those girls who just likes you for your looks,” Louis laughed as Zayn did a Harry-style hair flip. “Do I not get to hear a couple first?” I used puppy-dog eyes on Niall, and he caved in with very little persuasion. I stuck my tongue out at Harry when Niall turned around, and he winked back as I took a seat on the piano stool. 

After playing my three favourite songs of theirs (Irresistible, Taken and Last First Kiss) Niall handed his microphone back to me and grabbed the last one from behind him. 

“Go on Katie, you start,” Harry said. “First one you can do the verses, we’ll come in for the chorus with you. Sound good?” I nodded, suddenly really nervous. I thought of the first song in my head, and looked over at Liam.

“Said I’d never leave her cause her hands fit like my t-shirt  
Tongue-tied over three words, cursed.  
Running over thoughts that make my feet hurt  
Body's intertwined with her lips,”

I started the second part of the first verse, and turned to Niall.

“Now she’s feeling so low since she went solo  
Hole in the middle of my heart like a polo,  
And it’s no joke to me  
So can we do it all over again”

Going into the chorus, the whole group sung along with me and it was a feeling I couldn’t match with any other. My voice blended into theirs perfectly, by my ears; they all grinned at each other and my way, so I guessed they thought it too. I looked at Harry for the first part of the next verse, then to Louis, in time with their solos.   
After the second perfect chorus, I looked a Zayn and lowered my mic, knowing that I probably wouldn’t do the bridge justice. 

“You’ll never know how to make it on your own  
And you’ll never show weakness for letting go  
I guess you’re still hurt if the seeds sown  
But do you really want to be alone?”

The rest of the song went perfectly, with the boys knowing exactly what they had to do over each other and Harry nodded to me when it came to the last line, and we sang it together:

“So we can start it all over again.”

Did I really just do that? Did I really just sing with the biggest boyband in the world? 

After a couple more songs, Niall said he was hungry so we decided to head out to the bowling alley. We split up into two cars; myself, Niall and Liam in one car, and Harry, Louis and Zayn in the other. Liam offered to drive and Niall said he’d come sit in the back seat with me, and we set off on the half an hour journey downtown. I mainly kept quiet as the Niall and Liam discussed tour dates and joked around, following the other boys’ car as they wound their way through the city centre. 

After grabbing a KFC and eating it in the car, we pulled into the deserted car park, and took a couple of the spots nearest to the entrance – but not the disabled spaces. I smiled to myself as Niall clambered out of the car and held his hand out to me to help me out, though I didn’t really need it. Jumping of the car and almost into his arms, we laughed together for a perfect few seconds before jogging to catch up to the other four, heading towards the sliding glass doors. From the outside it looked like the place was closed down for the day, but inside it was as bright and colourful as it would have been any other day. 

Harry walked up to the girl at the desk and she handed over six pairs of bowling shoes. I grabbed mine and Niall’s pairs, knowing he had the same shoe size as myself and swapped one of the right one’s over with the left when he wasn’t looking, so I handed him two right shoes. I think Zayn noticed what I did but he kept quiet until Niall tried to get the second right shoe on his left foot, whispering something to Louis who turned around and watched with myself and Zayn. Niall looked over to me as I was grinning, and caught on quicker than expected. Smirking at me, he grabbed my two shoes from my hand and checked them over, clocking that they were both lefts. Looking down at his feet, he finally worked out I’d switched the shoes over and smiled, a plan forming in his eyes.

“Okay, you got me,” he told me. “However, unless you can get the shoe off… you have to wear two lefts,” the boys laughed, and I turned to them quickly before focusing my attention back on Niall.

“Dude, you’re on,” I said, slipping the two left shoes on my feet. “I can /still/ beat you like this,” I smiled slyly at Niall.

Liam ended up grabbing three lanes for the first game; one for Louis and Harry, one for himself and Zayn, and the final one for Niall and myself. We set up a tournament system for the day – the three who won would go onto another lane and play for the winner and the three who lost would go onto a different lane and see who lost. 

Niall decided he didn’t want any distractions from the boys for our game, so we went on Lane 1 on the opposite side of the room to the other four who ended up using lanes 39 and 40. There were 20 lanes on each side of the room and each had UV paint all over them, as in most bowling alleys. The lights went down apart from the UV lights, and there was music blaring throughout the alley while Niall set up the machine for our game. He set me going first, and I grabbed a purple “12” ball from the middle and walked up to throw it in line to hit at least some pins.

“Don’t get distracted!” Niall called out to me, and I turned just as the ball slipped from my fingers and went straight into the gutter. I stalked back to the laughing Irish bundle of perfection and stared straight into his shining blue eyes.

“Are we going to do this?” I asked, not waiting for answer. “Because I can do everything better than you – I can do it in broken heels,” I smiled too sweetly as Niall kept laughing, picking up a dark green “14” ball from the same place I took mine. Just as he was about to let go, I called out.

“Oooooh, I do love chicken, thank you!” 

Niall’s bowling ball went the exact same way as mine did, and I grinned as Niall turned to me.

“Oh, you’re good,” Niall said in complete seriousness. “How about we play fairly now?” I laughed but agreed, and the game carried on as any other would.

I was having the time of my life with Niall, and I was winning the game until the 9th go, where Niall overtook me by four points. He stuck his tongue out at me when he got his second strike in a row, pushing his score just over mine. I copied his actions, picking out a 14 for my last go instead of my usual 12. Niall chuckled as I struggled with the ball, but I took a chance, hoping I’d do better with a heavier ball. I was right. Knocking out a spare, I got the one extra go at the end of the game and got a strike which made my points total 114, while Niall was on 96, and needed the exact same of what I got to beat me… which he did. He turned around with a victorious look on his face, and I made a fake pout.

“All talk and no walk, hey?” he joked to me. 

“I was FOUR POINTS AWAY,” I said, stressing the words. “Close enough.” 

“Close, but not close enough,” Niall winked and I laughed. “Come on, let’s swap shoes back.” 

I undid the left shoe on my right foot and threw it to Niall, and he made a face. He did the same, throwing his at me and it hit me on the chin. I drew my hand up to my face as a reflex action and Niall dropped my shoe, making the three steps towards me in record time, drawing me into his body and apologising over and over. Slowly pulling me out of his chest, he got down on his knees and checked my chin to see if it was bleeding – which it wasn’t.

“You were supposed to catch it,” Niall said and I giggled.

“My hand-eye coordination sucks,” I said as Niall got up and hugged me again.

“I worked that out,” Niall whispered. “I really didn’t mean to,”

“I know,” I said simply. Niall pulled out of the hug and put the right shoe back on, and I did the same.

“The others must be finished by now,” Niall paused, and took my hand. “Let’s go,” I could hear the smile in his voice when I didn’t pull away from his hand, and we wandered across the building to the other lanes. Liam and Zayn had finished their game, but Harry and Louis seemed to be taking their time and were only on their 8th go. We wandered over to Liam and Zayn, who were sat at a table with a good view of Harry and Louis’ game. They seemed to be flirting with each other as they each took their turns, though it didn’t seem like they were aware of that fact.

“Are they always like this?” I asked Niall.

“When they’re together in a situation like this one, yes,” Niall said, twisting his hand in mine.

“Louis has a girlfriend and Harry says he’s straight,” Liam joined in. “But there’s always been something different about the way they act around each other than around us. Not much difference, and not enough to notice usually, but when something like this happens…” Liam trailed off.

“Yeah, I see what you mean,” I said honestly, “But some of the stories out there about Larry can influence your view and opinion of them both together and apart; until you meet them in the flesh of course.” I glanced up to Harry and Louis’ scoreboard; Louis was miles ahead of Harry and it was impossible for Harry to win unless he got three strikes on his final go and Louis completely blew it. It didn’t happen. Louis won the game, so that meant Niall, Louis and Zayn in the game for the winners and Liam, Harry and myself in the game for the losers. 

Niall seemed reluctant to let my hand go and it seemed as though Harry had spotted something going on between us, because he kept questioning me about it when Liam was taking his go and couldn’t hear us talking. 

“So, what happened over there?” Harry asked me with the hint of a smirk coming over his face. 

“Niall hit me in the face with a bowling shoe,” I said completely honestly and seriously, and Harry burst out laughing.

“Seriously? Are you okay?” Harry said through laughter. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said smiling as Liam came over wondering what the hell happened. Harry explained to him when I took my bowl, and I heard them both laughing over it together. 

“No seriously,” Harry said as Liam took his next turn, after Harry had spectacularly failed at his go. “I saw you holding hands,”

“Harry, we’re just friends,” I said, and it hit me that I really was friends with One Direction. Wow. 

“I see the way he looks at you; he’s told me he might have a thing for you,” Harry murmured, making sure no one else could hear. Before I could reply, Liam came back over and that meant it was my go. I threw the ball and got my second strike in a row; it made me too happy that I was walking the floor with both of them. Niall must have been distracting me by just being my opponent because I was doing much better against Harry and Liam than just Niall. 

“You’ve always been a Niall girl though, haven’t you?” Harry came and sat next to me after his second amazing fail of a go in a row. 

“Yeah – how did you know that?” I asked.

“You can kinda always tell, if you spend enough time with a small group of fans,” he explained. “They stay closer to one boy than the rest, and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but you’re one hell of a girl. Niall just doesn’t fall for same-old same-old, you know.” Harry smiled.

“Harry has a great point,” Liam said, sitting on my other side. “I’ve seen the way he looks at her,” Liam explained as Harry glared at Liam for eavesdropping. 

“But I’m not anyone special, I’m not famou-” Harry cut me off.

“Exactly. You’re just what Niall looks for in a girl; a great personality, down-to-earth, modest, all of that,” Harry said, glancing to Liam. “Am I right?” 

“Exactly right,” Liam said, as I got up to bowl my final go. I got a spare and a strike, just like I did in Niall’s game; Liam and Harry didn’t even come close. The three of us headed back to the same table as before, waiting for the ‘winners’ game to be over, and discussed Niall further.

“Seriously, he just needs to ask you on a date sooner or later,” Harry laughed.

“Isn’t this one already?” Liam questioned.

“I guess so, but we’re here Li, so not really.”

“Touché.” There was a moment of silence before Liam spoke again.

“Have you told him yet?” he asked, and I knew exactly what he meant.

“No… I haven’t found the right time,” I protested, as Liam gave me a look which meant ‘you really should.’

“Wait, what am I missing?” Harry asked curiously, and I groaned.

“Thanks, Liam…” I muttered under my breath and he looked at me expectantly. This should be fun, I thought, the sarcasm dripping even through my thoughts. 

“Katie, it’s okay,” Harry reassured me, noticing my expression. “Whatever you have to tell me, us, Niall, whatever, we won’t judge you for it. I promise.” 

I took a deep breath in and clenched my fists, my heart hammering in my chest. Without looking at either of them, instead fixing my eyes on the cracks of the old wooden table, I pulled the sleeve of my jacket up and tried to block out Harry’s gasp; failing. I chanced a look up to their faces, Liam watching my reaction more than Harry’s and Harry having his eyes on my wrist before getting up and coming to sit next to me, embracing me in a hug. 

“It’s okay,” Harry breathed into my hair as the hug was still going on. “It’ll be okay, you don’t have to do this to yourself any longer okay? I’m here, we’re all here for you,” Harry pulled away, glancing at Liam. “Right Liam? We’re all always here.”

“Yeah,” Liam said as I rolled my sleeve back down, both to cover my cuts up and wipe my eyes because the others were coming. 

“One last game with all of us, lads?” Zayn came through with Niall and Louis behind him; Zayn’s manner showed that he had one the game, even though Niall and Louis were grinning behind him. 

“Sounds good,” Harry said, getting up to stand next to Zayn, and it felt good being referred to as a lad. 

“Totally gonna beat you all,” Liam said, getting up in time with me. “Just had a couple of bad games, is all,” when Zayn and I raised our eyebrows at him. 

“Suuuuuure,” Louis rolled his eyes as I bounced towards Niall. 

“I’ve got some kicking butt to do,” I smiled, looking to Niall.

“Hey, I beat you once, I can do it again,” Niall replied and I just copied Louis by rolling my eyes.

Grabbing a lane in the middle of the left side of the bowling alley, Zayn set up the machine in age order, which meant I went first, followed by Harry, Niall, Liam, Zayn and Louis in that order. I got a strike on my first go, made a point of showing it off because none of the boys got a strike or a spare on their first goes so I felt like I had that right; especially when it came to Niall. In response, the boys took it upon themselves to try and distract me every time I had a go, and they knew exactly how to get to me. 

At the half way point, Zayn was in the lead, I was second, Louis and Niall were drawing, two points behind me, in third and Liam and Harry were basically nowhere to be seen. The game was half actually playing, and half the boys messing around as they usually did. At one point just before the end of the game, Louis thought it would be funny to walk along the edging of the lane, and ended up getting stuck there. I have no idea why he couldn’t just walk back; but it was Louis. He was a drama queen and a joker through and through, and he certainly succeeded in making us all laugh. 

After Harry had saved Louis and the game was over, we all headed back to ‘the table’ and had some soft drinks before going back to the car and the house. 

“Guys…” Zayn trailed off, gesturing towards the door where hoards of pubescent teenage girls were screaming outside the door.

“Shit.” Niall swore, glancing at me, obviously worried for my reaction.

“This’ll be a new one…” I said nervously, willing myself to be brave, and preparing myself for what was to come.

“Harry, Louis, you go in front of Niall and Katie,” Liam said, taking charge. “Zayn you stay with me behind. Don’t let anything happen to her, or us, alright? I’ll call the guys to get them to come down here.” Liam pulled out his phone and dialed a number, and they seemed to pick up pretty fast. Liam was talking quickly, and hung up. “They’ll be here any second; they were in the city anyway just in case this happened,” Liam explained. It made me feel a little better that we’d have bodyguards, but I was still terrified of going out there for the reaction I might get. 

The bodyguards were there in the space of five minutes, pushing their way through the crowd and getting to the front, gesturing for us to come through and out into the open. I stood by Niall’s side and grabbed his hand and held on tight, and he squeezed my hand reassuringly and it made me feel a little better. Harry and Louis opened the door, and the volume of the screaming increased a hundred-fold. My heart leaped into my chest as Niall went through the door first, turning around with his hand still twisted in with mine and leading me out through the door. I did my best to look round at the phone cameras and smile, do what the boys were doing, and followed their lead. Harry and Louis were signing things and taking pictures with the girls, however Niall seemed to just want to get me out of there as soon as possible. A second later, I knew why.

“Ew, who is she? Why is she holding my boyfriend’s hand? Go kill yourself whore!” I heard from a girl behind me. I tried to turn around, but it was obvious Niall had heard too, so kept me firmly away from her and battled his way through the crowd, leaving Louis and Harry behind. Making a beeline for the car, he called out for Liam, asking if we could leave before the other three. Liam agreed instantly, also hearing the obvious anger in Niall’s voice I’d never heard before; it scared me, to an extent. 

“Liam, we need to go. Now,” Niall said lowly, obviously trying to keep his voice level. “Before I do something stupid to that stupid girl.” I knew he wasn’t talking about me. He took me into another one of his Horan hugs and it took all I had not to break down in his arms; I shouldn’t have let something so little get to me but that girl didn’t even /know/ me. Even Niall didn’t know how close to home that little remark came, but I knew the time would have to come soon. For the time being, I just didn’t let go of Niall’s chest for the whole journey, scared to check my phone and Twitter to see if the Directioner fandom had worked out who I was and was sending hate; I knew it’d happen sometime or other, just not this soon. I didn’t have time to prepare… maybe I wasn’t ready.


	4. Chapter 4

Arriving back at the house, Liam decided to head down to the music room to work on a song for their next album and Niall crashed on the sofa, inviting me to watch a movie with him. I declined, making the excuse that I needed to go and have a shower, and bounded up the stairs and into my room. I did take a shower, not taking my eyes off one of two shaving razors I brought with me. Finally deciding against it, I turned the water off and slipped back into the clothes I was previously wearing which were scattered all over the floor.

I heard the front door slam and an echo of chatter moving through and then silencing; the boys were back. Perching myself on the bed, I picked up my iPad and connected it through the Internet via my phone. I should’ve turned the Twitter notifications off because they exploded and made it crash before I turned Airplane mode on and turned notifications off. After the Internet reconnected, I checked my hundreds of mentions.

“Saw this girl with @NiallOfficial today!! Think she’s @KatieeEllenxo but not sure. You go girl” a tiny smile spread across my face as I kept reading.

“@KatieeEllenxo totally saw you with Niall today!! Are you like in with the boys now ;)” that was the last one I had from one of my Internet friends, and felt bad because I didn’t see her out. One new interaction popped up, and I clicked it.

“Some girl with Niall today appaz it’s @KatieeEllenxo ?? Dunno what shes doing with my boyfriend, slut bitch.”

“@KatieeEllenxo back off my man all you’ll do is change him u don’t deserve him go die”

I knew I should have stopped reading, but I couldn’t. Some famous Twitter account about the boys must have tweeted something bad about me being with Niall, and now it wouldn’t stop. Every time I refreshed my mentions there were new tweets, a 50/50 balance of hate and love. I’d never experienced anything like this before and I was done with it all. Logging out, I decided to go to Facebook and talk to my actual friends on there, and not just randomers who thought it was funny and big to send me hate.

I checked my 35 notifications and replied to messages, saying I was free to talk and then sat back, thinking over everything that happened. Could so many people telling me to go and die and just to cut myself be so wrong? They must have a point; it wasn’t just one person. Would it make everything better if I just did it? Would it shut them up? Would it make me feel better? I only knew the answer to the last, and the answer was yes, in the short term. I was overthinking things, overthinking everything. I knew that if I did it, it would stop me thinking for just a short amount of time and let me focus back on the important things. Wasn’t that for the best? It’d keep me on my toes and shut up the tiny voice in my head telling me to do it, maybe even stop the tears rolling down my face.

Throwing my iPad to the side scarily close to the edge of the bed, I made my way back through to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Grabbing the razor and opening each draw in the en-suite in turn, I found a pair of scissors I could use to be able to dismantle it like I’d done so many times before.

_“I’m fine,” I protested after Mum had questioned my dark circles under my eyes._

_“I don’t need help,” I told my best internet friend after I told him about what I did, and how often._

_“I can get through it alone,” I told my cousin, the only family member who knew._

My jacket discarded on the bright white tiled floor, I leant up against the side of the bath, pocketed two of the blades and took the third to my wrist. Trailing the cold sliver of silver metal down my arm, I judged how hard I’d have to press down to break the skin and not slip up and go deep enough for stitches. I counted in my head how many girls I’d upset, how much they must have been hurting, and went in for the first cut. The tears kept rolling down my face as I went over and over, one time becoming five, five becoming ten, going into a zone where I couldn’t think about anything but what I was doing to myself.

I heard the door of the bathroom open, slowly at first and then pushed open with a force.

_“Katie!”_ his voice made me go numb, the sudden reality of what I had done and, more importantly, what he’d walked in on crashed over me. I buried my face in my knees, my wrist throbbing, not daring to look up at his face knowing I wouldn’t be able to stand what he looked like in that second. His arms wrapped around me slowly and gently, obviously trying not to hurt me more than I had hurt myself.

“Why didn’t you tell me,” Niall breathed into my hair, trying to stop me shaking in his arms.

“I- I was going to,” I choked into his chest. “I was trying to find the right time… not this way. Never this way,” he pulled me away a tiny bit and I looked at him for the first time. His eyes were full of tears, his face broken in a way I’d never seen before and never wanted to see that way.

“Let me see,” he whispered, and I let him take my wrist and inspect it. After a few seconds, he spoke again. “Can you stand?” I nodded, noting that I must have looked fainter than I thought I did. Helping me up, he stood up and wrapped his left arm around my waist as if he never wanted to let go again. Running the cold water, he gently took my arm and ran the water over the gashes where the blood was starting to clot.

“You have to not let it do that,” I explained, trying to keep my voice level. “It has to be clean-” I winced as the cold water rinsed them out.

“I know,” Niall said, not looking up. Once the wounds were clean, Niall took me to sit on the bed and strode across the corridor to his room, coming back with armfuls of bandages.

“Why do you have those?” I asked as he shut the door behind him.

“Emergencies,” he said simply, “When you’re on tour, someone always has to be prepared. And then there’s me, just extra prepared,”

“Of course,” I said, trying not to show the pain of him putting the bandage around my arm.

“Can we make a deal?” he asked after a new more seconds of silence.

“If it involves you, anything,” I hoped I wouldn’t regret this.

“No more secrets,” Niall looked up into my eyes, and blue locked with green.

“Okay,” I breathed out as Niall seemed to prompt me with his expression. “Well, there is this one thing… but it’s just a crush,” he missed the hint of my smile as he looked back down, fixing up my bandage.

“Who?” he asked, finishing my bandage but not letting my hand drop.

“You might know him,” I started, deciding to be playful. “He’s in a band; he’s got perfect hair; he can play guitar; he’s got the most amazing smile; one of the best accents in the world… not to mention his personality, don’t even get me started…” Niall looked at me with the question, and I made a tiny nod of my head. I stretched up to him and he leant into me, and-

“OI MATE, D’YOU WANNA… oh. Fuck. Oops. Sorry,” Zayn said sheepishly as he watched me and Niall spring apart. I fell back on the bed and knew in that second that the moment was gone, and so did Niall.

“Come on, let’s go back down,” Niall said, obviously disappointed but smiling at my smile.

“Let me grab my jacket first,” I said, opening the bathroom door and groaning at the mess inside. Niall was by my side in an instant and grabbed my jacket for me.

“We can clean that later,” he said, grabbing the blade and the rubbish left from the razor. “But this is going in the bin now. Okay? You don’t need it,” I didn’t know what to say to that, not trying to protest or tell him I did need it which I wanted to do.

Taking my hand, he lead me into his room for the first time. The whole room was painted a deep blue with white dots on the ceiling, looking like stars. There was another guitar in the corner of his room to the left of his bed and a glass floor-to-ceiling wall similar to mine. A huge lava-lamp in the opposite corner to the guitar was the same height as the window it was opposite, and contained a bright orange liquid which gave the room light by itself. He let go of my hand and went into his bathroom, and I heard a thump of plastic on plastic, and I knew it was gone. Until that second I forgot I had the other two in my jeans, and they immediately started burning a hole in my pocket.

“Niall…” I said slowly, wanting to keep up my side of the deal, “There’s these two as well,” I pulled them out of my pocket and they dug into my palm.

“Thank you,” Niall whispered genuinely, taking the two bigger blades from my hand.

“Mind out,” I said, showing my palm, “They can be bitches.” Niall chuckled and threw them in the bin too.

Walking downstairs, Niall took my hand again and stopped, just before we got to the boys.

“Are we… are we a thing?” Niall asked.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to be 'Niall’s girlfriend' yet,” I said completely honestly, “With all the shit that comes with it, you know?” Niall nodded.

“Does that mean, if the chance ever came up, I’m not allowed to kiss you?” Niall asked, with a puppy-dog look on his face.

“Well, we’re both single. So I’ll leave that up to you,” I grinned, and I felt a weight lift off my shoulders that I didn’t even know was there from the previous hour.  
We walked into the front room holding hands and Louis gestured down to them, and Niall just shrugged it off saying “it’s complicated.” We decided to watch a movie; some action film that Harry wanted to watch so I wasn’t really interested. Cuddled up against Niall on the smaller sofa of the two I checked my Twitter mentions and just blocked the people who gave me hate, deciding to replying to those who saw me and following a few whose tweets I liked. Niall noticed what I was doing and suddenly took my phone off me, so I had to fight for my phone back and somehow ended in getting his instead of mine.

“Follow a load of people if you want,” he said not looking at me, concentrating on the film. “Hashtag NiallFollowSpree or something and hit follow limit, make a few girl’s days,” I smiled to myself and opened Niall’s phone up, which surprisingly didn’t have a passcode lock. Not looking at anything but Twitter, I opened the mobile app and tweeted from his account.

“Hey guys, anyone up for a follow spree? #NiallFollowSpree get it trending and I’ll start!”

The mentions, which were fast paced to start with, completely exploded. I had noticed Niall had already disabled the automatic updates, so I checked the trends and it was trending already. I went back to the mentions and followed the 20 people at the top of the mentions. I refreshed and did the same, over and over, until I hit Niall’s follow limit.

“Hit follow limit for couple hours! Followed all who I could, thanks guys, love ya”

I gave the phone back to Niall and pretended to watch the movie, while actually just enjoying the situation I was in. I closed my eyes, matched my breathing pattern with his and memorised his scent, smiling and sighed happily.

“Shh, you’ll wake her,” Niall whispered what seemed like seconds later. My eyes felt too heavy to open so I kept them closed, but listened to the conversation going on around me.

“She looks so cute asleep,” Louis’ voice came from my left as it dawned on me; I’d fallen asleep in Niall’s arms while the boys were watching the movie. Great. Half of me wanted to open my eyes but the other half stopped me, wondering where this conversation was going.

“I know,” Niall whispered dreamily.

“She’s one lucky girl Nialler,” Harry’s voice came from my other side.

“Nah,” Niall denied, but I fully agreed with Harry. “I’m the lucky one, and I would have been luckier if Zayn didn’t walk in on us almost kissing.”

“ZAYN!” Harry called reproachfully.

“Shut up Harry!” Niall hissed. “I don’t want to wake her; she’s seemed tired all day.”

To make my ‘sleep’ more believable I moved around, settling more into Niall’s arms. He held still, obviously expecting me to wake up, but I went still again and in this position, I could regulate my breathing with his for the second time today.

“Sorry,” Harry said quietly. “Why don’t you move her to her room? Surely she can’t be that heavy, is she?”

“I don’t want to move her,” Niall replied simply and there was a couple of seconds of silence.

“You really like this girl, don’t you?” Louis said, and I felt Niall nod his head. “At least move her to your room, then you can have privacy, she can be sleeping in a bed and we won’t wake her up.”

Niall must have agreed because seconds later I felt myself being picked up like I was a ragdoll and carried through the living room and up the stairs, and then lain down in a bed. I didn’t think it was mine, so it must have been Niall’s, but whoever’s it was Niall came to lay next to me, wrapping his arms around me as I wrapped mine around his, in my ‘sleep’.

I don’t know how long we were together on there, but I must have fallen asleep again because when I woke up, Niall wasn’t there. I rubbed my eyes and sat up, and was hit by a wave of dizziness and laid back down again. After waking up properly, I sat up and swung my feet over the edge of the bed and checked the time; 9.47pm. Overall, I must have slept for at least five hours, because we got home from the bowling alley at 3am, started the movie at 4… though now this meant I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. I sighed and went into Niall’s bathroom to glance in the mirror and check my face; it didn’t look too bad but not as if I’d just had a nap, because the dark circles were still there.

“There she is,” Harry grinned as I walked down the stairs.

“About time,” Louis laughed.

“Monopoly?” I questioned, looking down at the board which all five of them were sat around.

“What’s wrong with a bit of good old board games?” Zayn asked as I sat between Louis and Niall.

“Nothing, nothing,” I laughed, working out that Liam was basically running the game with the orange and dark blue sets, while Niall had the pinks, Harry with the dark green, Louis with the browns and Zayn straggling with random properties.

“Katie can be on my team!” Louis announced randomly.

“What if I want her on my team?” Harry asked from across the board.

“I’m losing, so technically I should have her on my team,” chipped in Zayn.

“I’m winning AND I’m the banker, so I should decide,” Liam said with authority which gained pretence boo’s from the other four.

“I’ll win either way, so I’m not bothered,” Niall winked at me. “Though, I think Katie should get to choose.” Thank you Niall for putting me on the spot. I took one for my best Directioner friend and went with his favourite.

“I’m gonna go with Louis because he asked first,” I said and Louis made a whoop of victory. “And because I don’t have to move,” everyone laughed along with me.

The game ended with Liam winning, as expected, along with many arguments over trades, properties and rent prices. Louis was the best team member I could have picked because even though we came last, I had more fun trying to persuade him to buy properties and not to trade things than the rest of the game put together.

I stayed downstairs as the boys went to bed, because of my nap. After making a smoothie with nearly all of the fruits in the kitchen and getting bored of the Internet world, I headed down into the basement music room. Taking a different guitar from the wall, I tested the tuning and it was in perfect standard tuning. I sat down in my usual spot in the middle of the floor and decided to pick the strings at random, trying to make a melody and ended with picking the melody to Irresistible. Starting to sing quietly along, all I could think about was almost kissing Niall, being able to feel his breath on my face and loving every second.

After a few more songs, I put the guitar back in its place and walked up into the living room, through to the kitchen. I needed something to do, so I took it upon myself to clean the surfaces and put everything away, along with sorting out the cupboards so there weren’t random cups in the plate’s compartment and random teabags where the cups should be. Once I’d finished that, I still wasn’t tired but decided to go up to my room anyway because I knew I needed sleep; Liam had told me that rehearsals started the day after tomorrow, and tomorrow we were going to have a day on the road because rehearsals were at our first venue: the Murrayfield Stadium in Edinburgh.

I entered my room and remembered the mess that was the en-suite, so I tiptoed back downstairs to grab a wet cloth and came back upstairs, and cleaned the bathroom. After I finished that, I laid down in my bed and from 1am to 2am I tried to sleep but my thoughts taking over my mind, tripping over one another and making it impossible for my brain to shut down enough. Acting on impulse, I got up out of bed with just my tight-fit Ravenclaw top on and a pair of pyjama shorts and opened my door. I had to guess which door was Niall’s because they all looked the same on the outside, but I could hear Harry’s snoring loudest from the door closest to the stairs so I guessed that the other room was Niall’s.

Knocking lightly, I hear a murmur from inside the room which sounds like “come in” so I opened the door and Niall looked up at me.

“Katie,” Niall said tiredly. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t sleep…” I trailed off, waiting for Niall to send me out of the room. Instead, he waves his hand to come and lay next to him on his king size bed.

“Join the club,” Niall whispered as I positioned myself on his bed, and he drew me in closer. “Though it’s a lot better now with you here,” he added.

“I agree,” I said honestly into his shoulder, feeling a lot more comfortable and at ease in his arms. I could feel him drifting off to sleep and it was a nice feeling, knowing I’d given him the chance to put his body at rest before a long day of travelling ahead of us both. I looked up at his face and even though I couldn’t see most of through the darkness, he was still perfect, and I saw an opportunity that I wasn’t going to miss.

I leaned up and pressed my lips against his, our mouths moulding perfectly together like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle finally being put together. He kissed me back, moving his hand involuntarily to my hair and mine doing the same with his. I could feel sparks fly in that moment and I was sure nothing could top the feeling I felt in those few seconds of contact. We both pulled away at the same time and he opened his eyes to look into mine and smiled before closing them again, sighing in contentment and drifting off to sleep and it wasn’t long before I did the exact same, still entangled in arms.

The Marimba alarm tune started blaring out of a phone somewhere nearby and I reached out to turn it off, accidentally slapping Niall in the face in the process.

“Ow! I’m getting up,” Niall groaned, reaching out to grab his phone and turn the alarm off.

“I’m sorry,” I croaked out from my morning voice and Niall twisted his head to me.

“So last night really did happen? Wow…” Niall trailed off. “You’re one damn good kisser.”

“Thanks,” I blushed, “but that’s probably because we were both half asleep and it was dark.” I laughed, and Niall grinned along with me.

“We could test it out…” Niall smirked, but then glanced at the time. “Or we could go get ready. We have to leave in 45 minutes, and I have no idea how long you take to get ready.”  
“I’ll race you,” I winked, and ran from the room and into mine.

“Oh it’s on like Donkey Kong!” Niall called from his room, and I laughed as I closed the door, skipped into the bathroom and jumped in the shower in record time. Washing my hair and taking a few seconds timeout for the water to just run over my body, I jumped back out again and wrapped a towel around me, walking back into my room and grabbing a top and jeans, not bothering with my jacket. I was glad I had the foresight not to unpack everything and to live out of my suitcase for a couple of days; it made repacking my bathroom things and keeping things tidy so much easier. Throwing my chargers back into the case and zipping it up, I went back into the bathroom to brush my hair through and then left it as I always did, not being bothered to tie it back but kept a hairband on my right wrist if I ever felt the need to shove it in a ponytail.

Bounding down the stairs and into the kitchen, I was met by a stunned Louis as he looked around the sparkling clean kitchen, and I giggled.

“You did this?” Louis asked incredulously.

“I couldn’t sleep,” I shrugged, “and was bored, so I decided to clean it up a bit. Oh, and I put everything where it should be because it was kinda bugging me that it was all odd… sorry,” I apologised, thinking in hindsight that I probably should’ve asked.

“No, don’t be sorry, it’s great!” Louis smiled as Harry came down the stairs, looking tired but ready to go with suitcase in hand, and he walked through to the front door and shoved his case beside it. Before he said a word, I ran back up the stairs and did a last minute check of my room before doing the same; just incase not having my case by the door meant losing to Niall and I couldn’t let that happen again.

“What are you in such a rush for?” Harry asked with his eyes raised.

“Niall said he could be quicker at getting ready than me, so I’m in the process of proving him wrong,” I smiled sweetly, and the two boys laughed as Liam and Zayn came from the other staircase with their luggage. I noted that the boys travelled light, which meant their stylists probably kept most of their clothes in the tour buses and they only travelled with their own personal essentials. Niall wasn’t far behind those two on the other staircase, but I rolled my eyes at him playfully.

“About time! I’ve been waiting here ages,” I said smirking.

“Damn Katie, for a girl you’re really fucking quick at getting ready, I was rushing and everything,” Niall said, pouting at me. “Though I did have a disadvantage,”

“And what’s that?” I asked innocently.

“You slapped me round the head when we woke up.”

“That was an accident!” I defended myself.

“Wait, what?” Harry butted in. Busted.

“Katie couldn’t sleep, so she came to my room and we slept together,” Niall said, then realised what he actually said.

“NO! Not like that I swear,” I started, Niall cutting me off.

“We really did just sleep,” Niall protested. “You know, like dreaming sleep and not the whole hippity dippity shit okay?” I broke down in laughter at ‘hippity dippity’ and so did the other boys.

“Alright, we believe you,” Harry said through laugher. “Come on, we can grab breakfast on the way or something. It’s gonna be a long drive.”

Leaving the security guards to loading the cases into the second tour bus, we jumped into the first bus and I took a gasp, for the bus was amazing. There was a TV with comfortable sofas enough to fit ten people; decent sized beds for being in a bus; two bathrooms (one at either end of the bus); and a couple of tables in the middle of the bus with booths around each of them.

“This is amazing,” I said to Niall, who smiled at me.

“It’s the best part of the tour other than the stages, in my opinion,” he replied. “It’s like a really long camping trip with your best friends and this time, it’ll be even better.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ll be coming on the journey with me.”


	5. Chapter 5

On the first leg up to Scotland, I plugged my headphones in and sat at one of the tables next to the window. I felt tired, but not tired enough to sleep on the move and sitting up; besides, I didn’t want to fall asleep in front of all the boys for a second time. Zayn and Harry were playing cards on the table on the other side of the tour bus and Louis, Liam and Niall decided to sit at the TV and play the Wii which I’d only just noticed was hooked up to the machine. The boys were playing Mario Kart and the game started to get interesting, so moving my position to the other side of the table to get a better view of the TV, I watched them have a laugh around and try to distract each other from the course.

After two rounds of different courses, I decided to show the boys how it was done. Unplugging my headphones and wandering over to the sofa which Louis was sitting on, I grabbed a remote and a wheel and requested to play.

“I’m top dog at this game,” Louis said proudly to me as I sat next to him.

“Yeah, not for long,” I told him with a smirk on my face.

“It. Is. On.” Louis replied, his face full of determination. Niall decided to pick the hardest cup of the game, the Star Cup, and I fake groaned as Louis’ eyes glinted. I tried to do badly, but the competitive side within me showed it’s true colours and I easily overtook Liam and Niall, coming up behind Louis. I waited until he threw his green shell backwards, trying to hit me and failing, before I threw my red shell at him which hit. I grinned as I overtook him and won the race, and eventually the whole cup.

“Who’s top dog now?” I asked, the smirk still on my face.

“That was totally just a fluke,” Louis said, trying to regain his pride.

“You want a rematch?” I grinned.

“You’re not winning this time,” Louis told me as he grabbed his remote back, and Liam walked away to play cards with Zayn as Harry wandered over.

“Can I play?” Harry looked at Louis and Niall.

“Sure mate, but Katie’ll probably beat you,” Niall laughed, “She beat Lou.”

“I heard,” Harry grinned at me. “But I’ve been going easy on Lou to let him win all the time, though Katie is a different matter.”

“Bullshit,” Louis said, glaring at Harry. “I’ll beat the both of you.” I just laughed as Louis set up the game for the Flower Cup. He beat me the first game, Harry coming in 3rd behind me, but I beat the three of them on every other race in the cup.

Zayn had disappeared onto his bunk in the tour bus and Liam wandered back over, so I handed my remote to him and went back to my headphones for a while, watching the four of them play before we stopped off at a McDonalds for some breakfast snacking.

The rest of the journey passed quicker than I expected; I mostly listened to my music but played a couple of card games with the boys as well, and discussed the tour details and the songs we were going to sing along with that. Niall made it clear that he wanted me to do at least one song by myself, whether that be as a support act or on the stage with them was my choice. It had also become apparent that Harry had the idea of myself coming on tour around the UK with them longer than any of the other boys, because management seemed to have expected me to be there; or Niall had just explained to them which I didn’t know about and they were okay with it, and able to make it work. I assumed the latter, because Harry probably hadn’t heard me sing before the day he turned up at my door with Niall.

Arriving at the arena, we climbed out of the tour bus to hoards of screaming girls. I laughed along, determined to not let anything shouted at me sink in, and followed the boys’ lead and went around with them, taking pictures with random fans when the screamed my name, even though they probably had no idea why I was with the boys, only knowing my name from Niall’s and Harry’s twitter accounts.

After about ten minutes of pictures and signing things, the boys and I were lead through into the arena, which took my breath away. The whole thing was huge; the stage being a tiny part of the building compared to the thousands of seats which surrounded it; not to mention the standing area which probably fit another two thousand.

“We’re performing here?” I craned my neck around the whole stadium, taking everything in.

“Yep. Three nights, then moving over to Northern Ireland,” Niall explained, smiling at my reaction.

“I’ve never sung in front of more than 250 people…” I trailed off, and Niall took my hand.

“We’ll have lots of practice; rehearsals are more for dance, but we mainly mess around anyway. I’m sure we can have some time to just get you used to big stadiums,” Niall’s eyes were full of reassurance and I relaxed a little.

“Come on,” Niall pulled me away after a few more minutes of looking around. “The boys are going to some Chinese buffet for dinner, but I don’t really feel like it, so do you wanna hit a Nando’s? I know a really good one just a couple of minutes down the road,”

“Of course,” I hesitated. “Is it gonna be like, a date?”

“If you want it to be,” Niall smiled at me, and I nodded a little. “Then a date it shall be,” he was excited to say the words as we followed the rest of the boys to check around backstage before we headed out.

“Hey boys, don’t feel like Chinese tonight,” Niall said just before we left. “Gonna go to Nando’s with Katie instead, that all good?”

“Yeah, course,” Liam replied.

“Just don’t get caught,” Harry added, winking. Niall hit him on the arm before we both headed out of the backstage door, and onto a dark alleyway. I raised my eyebrows.

“It’s a shortcut,” Niall explained. “And this way, we don’t get crowds of pubescent girls following along, but keep on the lookout just in case, yeah?”

“Okay,” I said, squeezing Niall’s hand harder as we walked down the seemingly everlasting alley until we were out in the open again, and the Nando’s was straight in front of us.

We walked in holding hands, and the waiter at the door must have recognised Niall and didn’t say a word; leading us straight into a private room. The room was dimly lit, with a small bouquet of flowers in the middle of the booth table. I slid into one side and Niall sat opposite me, and I smiled at him.

“I have something to confess,” I said, looking deep into his perfect blue eyes.

“What?” he asked, sounding worried.

“This is my first ever date,” I said, and he laughed.

“Really?” Niall sounded surprised. “A stunning girl like you, on your first date _ever_ with someone like me?” I blushed deeply.

“Yeah, I guess,” I said, trying to hide my blush and smile by looking down.

“I’m glad to have that honour,” Niall said, reaching across the table and lifting my head up gently with his fingertips under my chin.

“Hello my loves,” a Scottish waitress came up to our table and greeted us both. “What can I get you to drink?”

“I’ll have a pint of Guinness,” Niall said, looking over to me.

“I’ll just have a diet coke thanks,” I smiled as she scribbled the two drinks down and walked away.

“You don’t drink?” Niall asked curiously.

“Nah, never really seen the attraction unless it’s a party or a wedding or something,”

“You’re better than I am,” Niall laughed as the drinks came over and we were asked for our order. We decided on the Meal Platter, which gave us two chickens, two regular sides and bottomless soft drinks if we wanted them. Of course, I took that opportunity, unlike Niall who stuck with his one beer throughout the meal.

We made small talk about music, bands and surprisingly fandoms before the meal for both of us arrived, along with the waitress who seemed to like to flirt with Niall, now she was comfortable around us both.

“I wish she could notice I only have eyes for one,” Niall said after we’d finished and she took our plates away.

“What?” I questioned, “I noticed she can’t take her eyes of you, but she’s like… gorgeous,” it was true. She had long straight dark hair which was pulled back into a ponytail, long dark eyelashes and bright red lips which seemed to become brighter every time she came back to the table.

“What is it to me if she’s gorgeous?” Niall said. “You’re more so, so why would I look at her when I can look at you?” I blushed at the cliché answer; he was such a hopeless romantic.

“You’re too cute,” I replied, and he grinned at me.

“I can tone it down if you’d like,”

“No no,” I protested. “You’re perfect, just the way you are.” My reply turned the tables and left Niall blushing as the pretty waitress came back over.

“Would you like dessert?” the girl batted her eyes at Niall, seeming to forget that I was sitting right across from who she was addressing.

“I think we’re fine thanks,” Niall said, glancing up at her but keeping his eyes mainly on me.

“Yeah, we’re good,” I added, but she didn’t look at me.

“Just the bill, please?” Niall looked back up at her and she smiled, nodded and flounced off.

“Wow she really wants in your pants,” I joked as soon as she was out of earshot.

“I know,” Niall laughed. “Everyone wants a bit of this,” he pointed to himself and puffed out his chest as I giggled at him.

He paid for the check and we left hand in hand, making sure the waitress noticed. I thought it was a little mean but Niall thought she was rude to me so deserved it, and I didn’t try to stop him holding my hand; I never got tired of the sparks sent through me when he touched me. Walking down the alleyway again, I held onto his hand tighter, still scared that we’d get mugged by a load of screaming girls or something, but it didn’t happen.

Niall lead me to the hotel we were staying in and met up with the boys in the foyer, surrounded by a small group of about seven girls who had obviously done their research to know where we’d be staying.

“Hey Niall, Katie, come over here!” Louis called from the group of girls. We wandered over and I was nervous for the reactions of the fans, but there was no need.

“Hey Niall, can we get a picture with you all?” the most confident girl asked.

“Sure,” Niall answered.

“You want me to take the picture?” I asked the brunette girl holding the camera; she couldn’t have been more than thirteen.

“Please!” she squealed excitedly. “Are you Niall’s girlfriend or something? I saw you walk into Nando’s earlier,” Niall glanced over at me from the girls fawning over him and smiled.

“Not yet,” I told the girl, then deciding to lean in and whisper. “But something is there. You have to keep that quiet, okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed, handing me the camera and bounding back to her group of friends. Easily working out how to use it, I took a picture of all the girls and the boys together, then each girl in turn with all the boys. I gave the camera back to the girl and she immediately handed it to Harry.

“Could you take a picture of us?” she asked him, and then checking back to me to see if it was okay. I nodded with a smile on my face and Harry winked at me.

“Shut up Haz,” I laughed as he took the photo.

“Why did you want one with me anyway?” I asked the girl, as her friends were still talking to Zayn, Louis and Liam.

“Because you’re obviously with the band for a reason,” she said. “I want to be the first person to have a picture with you if you ever get super famous or something.”

“I like your thinking,” I laughed, and the girl smiled back at me, returning to her friends.

“Get used to it,” Niall came back over to me. “It’ll happen a lot more after the first night, trust me.”

“I do,” I replied simply, as we went to go and get the keys for the hotel rooms. We got two rooms, one room for myself, Niall and Louis; the other for Harry, Zayn and Liam.

“RACE YOU TO THE TOP!” Louis shouted across to us from the other side of the lobby, opening the door to the staircase. I heard his footsteps fade upwards as the lift came down to take the rest of us up to the top floor of the hotel the shorter way. Louis was stood breathless at the lift when we arrived at the top floor.

“I win,” he said victoriously, through breaths.

“We’ll give you that one Lou,” Zayn answered. “Now move your ass, I need a shower,”

Louis opened a door closest to him, which was obviously our room, as Zayn opened the one opposite to ours. I wandered in behind Niall and giggled at Louis’ reaction when he noticed there was only one bed for the three of us, along with a tiny TV, a bathroom with a lone shower and a smaller-than-usual sofa.

“I’ll take the sofa,” I laughed, perching on the edge of said furniture as Louis tackled Niall into the cloud of white duvets and sheets.

“The sofa seems a little small for the both of us…” Niall trailed off as Louis looked suddenly horrified again.

“Nialler! I thought we had something!” Louis said dramatically.

“Niall, I don’t think Louis would take to kindly to us in bed,” I held back laugher as Louis winked at me. “So you two can take the bed and top-and-tail or something. I won’t hate you if you like to snuggle with each other from time to time,” I had to stop talking because I was laughing too much at Niall’s expression.

“What do you say Niall?” Louis asked with a wink.

“Sure Lou baby,” Niall joked before turning to me. “In all seriousness, I won’t let you take the couch.”

“Too late, I called it,” I said sticking my tongue out. “No really, what other option is there? I don’t think Louis would like to sleep where I am, and I’m certain you wouldn’t want me in the same bed as Louis.” Niall’s expression showed me I was right. “And I’m the youngest anyway, I technically have no choice,”

“The girl’s got logic,” Lou stuck up for me.

“Fine,” Niall sighed.

“YAY SLEEPOVERS,” Louis turned into a crazy ten year old girl with her best friend for a sleepover for the first time, and I giggled. “Katie’s laughing at me so she can’t join in on the pillow fight.” Louis crossed his arms and pulled a face at me.

“Hey! Who made you in charge?” I pulled the same face back, grabbing the nearest cushion from the sofa and jumped on the bed.

“YOU’RE DISQUALIFIED!” Louis shouted at me.

“Why?” I pulled the face again.

“Because that’s a cushion.”

“God Katie, you can’t just bring a cushion to a pillow fight.” Niall rolled his eyes at me, smirking.

“FINE.” I said, grabbing the pillow Niall was leant up against and smacking him around the head with it. “You’re it!”

“You sneaky little…” Niall muttered, grabbing Louis’ pillow from his hands and hitting my back.

“But now I don’t have a pillow,” Louis pouted again, making him the most adorable person on the planet, bar Niall.

“There should be another in the top of the wardrobe Boo,” I used his nickname and he looked pretty shocked. “What?” I laughed.

“Nothing,” Louis grinned as he found two extra pillows in the wardrobe and started hitting Niall with them.

“STOP,” Niall called. “I have an idea,”

After Niall came back from going downstairs to get a spare key for the other boys door, I slipped the card in slowly and opened the door to pitch black. I couldn’t believe they were asleep already, until I checked the time. Half midnight. Oops.

Niall grinned at me through the darkness as Louis attacked, Harry screaming like a girl and probably waking the entire hotel up.

“LOUIS FUCKING TOMLINSON WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!” Harry roared as Niall and myself were in stitches, hanging onto the bed to keep ourselves upright.

“Pillow fight,” Louis said innocently.

“Get. Out.” Harry struggled to keep himself from exploding, obviously hating being interrupted in sleep. Liam and Zayn could see the funny side, chuckling along with me and Niall.

Louis could tell that he was pushing Harry to the limit, so leaned forward and gave him a peck on the forehead before exiting the room and heading back to our room.

“I saw that Louis,” I said quickly, as Louis collapsed back onto his and Niall’s bed. “Are you…”

“Friends, yes,” Louis told me, and then it dawned on him that I was a Larry shipper.  “And sometimes I wish it was more than that, but it’d tear the band apart. And, I love Eleanor with all my heart, it’s just different with Harry,”

“I would say I understand, but I’ve never been in the situation,” I looked at Louis. “But it’s your life, and the band, and Eleanor’s life and-” I got cut off by a snore from Niall.

“Come on, we both better get some sleep,” Louis said as I climbed into the sofa and pulled the spare duvet over me, deciding to wait until Louis had turned the light off before changing into night clothes. I heard the click of the light and Louis sliding into the king size bed, being careful not to wake Niall.

“Night Lou,” I whispered through the darkness, trying to pull my jeans off as silently as I could.

“Night Kat,” Louis said sleepily before we both went out like lights.

_I could hear my heartbeat as loud as the ragged breaths coming from behind me. I knew who he was but I didn't want to turn around to see his almost lifeless form, struggling with each passing breath. Chocking out my name, he tried to reach out to me, for I felt his bloody hands skim the back of my ankles; I couldn’t just leave him there. I turned and took in a gasp as I saw him, looking worse than I ever imagined he could be. I lowered myself to his level, and told him that everything would be okay and his bright blue eyes found peace for a mere second before lurching back into an uncontrolled panic as he found himself flying upwards, coughing and spluttering as he was slammed against an invisible wall 10 feet away. I yelped, reaching for him and finding myself blocked by an unknown force which kept me a good distance away from his helpless screams. It was too much for me to watch as he was slowly but surely murdered from the inside, though every time I tried to turn myself away I had a slap in the face back to his direction and my head was being kept in a tight grip which forced me to witness the scene unfurl.  All I could do was watch the pain in his eyes, until he was released from the small amount of life he had left. I cried out as I watched the light in his eyes fade to nothingness until I heard my name. Katie. Katie. Katie._

“Katie!” Louis shook me awake and I sat up, nearly head-butting him in the face. “Are you alright?” I was silent for a few seconds, wiping my eyes on the duvet, then having a mini panic attack when the whole nightmare came flooding back.

“Niall?!” I searched through the darkness, only being able to see Louis.

“Hey, calm down, shh,” Louis put his arms around me. “What happened?”

“Niall… Niall di..ed,” I choked out.

“He’s fine, I promise.” Louis reassured me. “He’s a deep sleeper, he’s okay. You wanna take my place?”

“Will you be okay here? It’s not that bad…” I steadied my voice.

“Yes,” Louis replied. “And even if I wasn’t okay here, I wouldn’t let you stay. It’s obvious how much this has shaken you.” only at those words did I notice how much I was physically shaking, as well as mentally.

“Thank you…” I whispered as I climbed out of the sofa, slid under the huge duvets of the bed and straight into Niall’s arms which seemed to unconsciously hold me in a little tighter, as if he knew what was going on.

“No funny business though, or you’re out,” Louis whispered through the darkness, and I giggled.

“I wouldn’t dare,” I whispered back completely seriously.

There was silence other than Niall and Louis’ breathing, but I still couldn’t fall asleep. After at least an hour and a half, Niall moved his arms around, obviously half awake and half asleep.

“Whuuu-” he murmured into the darkness, opening his eyes a crack and working out Louis and I had swapped places. “Katie…” Niall brought me closer into his chest.

“I woke Louis up… I’m sorry,” I apologised quietly.

“Why?” Niall whispered, obviously curious.

“I didn’t mean to… I must have been talking in my sleep or something,” I brushed it off.

“Even in the middle of the night, I can tell when you’re lying,” Niall informed me. “Tell me about it in the morning; it’s 5am. Come on, we both need sleep, because I know you haven’t.”

“Fine,” I mumbled, “I can’t sleep though… I’ve tried.”

“Come here,” Niall held me tight and started humming a melody that I didn’t know but made my tired eyes fall faster than I expected. I heard him whisper goodnight to me just before I fell back into a light but dreamless sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

This is it.

I was under the stage, waiting for Liam to call out my name like he’d done too many times to count in rehearsals. My heart was pounding; the boys had said good luck to me before they went off and stood where I was standing and did their own warm up before being raised onto the stage, endless screams accompanying them.

I sighed out, knowing my time was coming any minute now as the crew ushered me behind the set and shoved a microphone in my hands. Paul smiled reassuringly at me and I pulled a nervous half smile back, keeping my breathing in check and going through the lyrics to every song I was performing with them and my own song by myself, with the boys backing me.

“Now, now,” Harry started, somehow calming the crowd to almost absolute silence. “We have a very special guest.” The audience cheered, and the boys kept them quiet again.

“Please welcome…. Katie Ellen!” Liam yelled into the microphone, and the door in front of me slid upwards. The lights of the stage blinded me; I couldn’t see anything but I knew what to do. The smile on my face was the biggest I’d ever had and I walked down next to Liam, the I Would backing track playing.

The feeling of being on the stage was overwhelming, the noise of the crowd filled the entire stadium and I knew I’d probably never get this one feeling ever again. I was on a stage for the first time (a huge one at that; the boys did love to throw me in the deep end) with One Direction around me, messing around and having a great time. It was so easy to copy what they were doing, especially when we’d rehearsed so much and it felt like second nature anyway.

Harry started singing the first verse of I Would, singing into the crowd and occasionally looking around to the rest of the boys and I. My eyes were beginning to ajust to the light so I could make out shapes in the crowd, but I couldn’t really tell anything else. I came in with the boys on the chorus and knew I was taking the second verse, so didn’t bring the microphone away from my mouth. I walked forward like I’d done so many times in rehearsals, the boys behind me, and sung my heart out. The whole stadium seemed to erupt at my voice and a sense of relief spread through my body; I didn’t muck up and they seemed to like me.

The song ended as I wandered over to Niall and Louis, sliding myself between them.

“Hey Katie!” Louis said for the crowd.

“Hi,” I said breathlessly, still overwhelmed with the noise the crowd could make. Niall looked at me and smiled, nodding reassuringly, telling me I’d done the right thing.

“How are you feeling after that?” Harry chimed in.

“Um… this is just insane,” I looked and grinned into the crowd which gained me a cheer. “But enough about me. Next song please, Haz.” I winked and Harry winked back, more to the audience than me, which earned another roar.

“Let me kiss you,” Niall teased, glancing at me and the crowd exploding. Zayn started with the first verse, moving onto Harry. All of us went in for the chorus and as soon as Niall came towards me again, Harry got in the way. I laughed, wandering over to Zayn and leaving Niall and Harry’s bromance to blossom for the fans.

The show had ended and I came off stage with the boys; I was buzzing. I couldn’t sit still or focus on anything, and the boys were playing FIFA from the tour bus, so I was alone. I thought over the evening while making the beds in the hotel, even though it really wasn’t necessary, because I could think of nothing else to do. Everything had gone perfectly to plan, the lights worked, the music worked, I didn’t mess up and neither did the boys; it was the perfect first night for us all.

After a while, the boys came back up to the rooms. Louis popped his head through the door to say that he wasn’t tired and was going to do some songwriting with Liam, Zayn and Harry, leaving Niall and I alone together in the room. I knew exactly what Louis was up to, or what Niall had said before coming back up to the top floor of the hotel.

“You did great,” Niall smiled as he turned to me from closing the door behind him.

“Thanks,” I replied, my shyness coming through even now.

“I still can’t believe that was your first time on a stage like that. You’re a proper natural!”

“I was just following your lead, it’s no biggie,”

“Still,” Niall paused, “You tired?”

“A little,” I admitted, the adrenaline rush from the show wearing off fast. “What about you?”

“Yeah, a bit. When the rush of the show wears off we all usually fall asleep pretty quick,” Niall explained, casually changing his top in front of me and throwing the cover off the bed, while I just stared at him.

“What, have I got something on my face?” Niall asked, rubbing his mouth with the back of his hand.

“No,” I replied simply.

“What the hell are you staring at then?”

“You…” I trailed off, for once the blush not spreading to my cheeks but going wild in my chest.

 

~*~

 

I woke up entangled in Niall’s arms as memories from the previous evening and night came flooding back. I sighed contentedly to myself and decided to lay still until he woke up. Forty five minutes later and Niall still had no signs of waking up any time soon, I worked out the easiest way to get out of bed without waking him, got dressed without showering because I knew the shower would wake him up, and headed down to breakfast to see if the other boys were awake.

“Look who it is!” Harry called from across the room when I’d made my way downstairs. He was sat at a table for six with just Zayn, and I stuck my tongue out as I sat down opposite Harry and next to Zayn.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I retorted, not being able to keep the smile off my face.

“I see that smile! I know what that means!” Harry teased as I blushed.

“It wasn’t my idea,” I defended myself, still smiling.

“Doesn’t matterrrrrrr,” Zayn chimed in, obviously feeding off both mine and Harry’s energy.

“Just wait until Louis comes down. He’ll be like a kid in a candy store,” Harry said.

“Why?” I asked feeling pretty confused.

“He thinks you two are the most adorable couple ever,” Zayn rolled his eyes. “It’s the main reason he let you swap places with him the night before last.”

“Hold up hold up hold up. You guys know about that?!” I started freaking out.

“Hey, it’s all cool,” Harry said. “We don’t keep secrets and it’s really not that big of a deal.” I was about to say something back when Louis and Liam wandered in, and spotted us immediately. Harry made a slight nod in Louis’ direction and he ran over, sliding next to Harry and I got bombarded with questions.

“Louis, calm down,” Liam said, chuckling. “Give the girl some space. I bet she herself probably doesn’t even know where to start, right?” I nodded, thankful for Liam’s intervention.

After a few more minutes, Niall finally arrived in the breakfast room and sat next to me, a buzzing Louis wanting to question everything but Harry was holding him back.

“… How are they so quiet?” Niall asked me, teasing.

“Oh, I shut them up with a few details,” Niall’s eyes widened at my words. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’ve said nothing and that’s why Louis is like a tied up bull in a china shop right now.” Harry and Zayn laughed.

“I’ll deal with him later,” Niall informed me and I didn’t think I wanted to know. “Anyway, the food any good?” he changed the subject and I was glad.

We finished breakfast at around 10:30am, leaving us basically the whole day to wander or do whatever we wanted until we had to go and get ready for the show at 4pm. As a six we decided to go for a bit of shopping; mainly the backstreets because we didn’t really want masses and masses of girls following our every move. We didn’t stay for long because someone on Twitter had obviously ‘leaked’ where we were so we headed back to the tour bus; Louis was adamant on beating me in a Mario Kart tournament. He failed, miserably.

 

~*~

 

I’d spent a two weeks on the road, touring around five different venues throughout the UK. The shows had gone perfectly, we hadn’t got lost on the road (much), we hadn’t argued and all of us were just having the time of our lives.

“Katie, are you alright?” Harry looked at me concerned, and I was surprised. We were almost half way through the UK tour, rehearsing for our five upcoming Birmingham shows and then onto London after that. I hadn’t been feeling 100% for the past couple of days but I put it down to exhaustion; I never had done anything like this in my life and I guessed it was just my body’s way of coping. I must have been lagging a lot and looked worse than I thought for Harry to pick up on it.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, the rest of the boys now looking at me concerned. “I swear. I’m just tired, is all,”

“Go get some extra sleep,” Niall told me.

“I can’t miss rehearsal though,”

“Yes, you can,” Zayn said calmly.

“No-”

“Yes Katie, you can,” Niall sounded firm. “You’re a natural on the stage; just follow my lead.”

“Or hold his hand throughout the show,” Louis muttered.

“Shut your face Lou,” Niall turned around to him, and Louis chuckled. “Come on Katie,” Niall took my hand and lead me out of the stadium and into the tourbus.

“Why not the hotel?” I asked.

“There’s a chance the maid will come in, in the hotel room,” Niall explained. “And I thought you might feel more at home here; and if you can’t sleep there’s stuff to do, I guess.”

“Okay,” I nodded my head.

“Though, I’d like it a lot if you could sleep.” Niall added, helping me up into the bus. “Make yourself at home, you know the drill. Take whatever you want from the mini-fridge, do whatever- just don’t delete the FIFA progress, okay?” we laughed as he kissed my forehead. “I better get back. At least try and get some sleep, okay?”

“Okay,” I said for the second time as Niall shut the door behind him. As soon as the door clicked, I climbed into Niall’s bed in the tour bus (only because it was the one on the bottom and I didn’t have to drag myself up a ladder) and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

_I'm running, just running. All alone on the concrete pavement, trying to get my head into a place where I can think. Headphones in, blaring all types of music, when it happens. A screech of a car on the winding road in the middle of nowhere. The thump as a body hits the bonnet of the car, being flown up in the air and down again, the bones in their body cracking and breaking as they hit the ground. I didn't know who it was but I ran over, checking for signs of life before I realised I knew this man. Trying to hold myself together I called 999 but got no answer; they wouldn't pick up. I tried the number over and over again until someone picked up, and I almost screamed with joy until the voice came through my mobile._

_“No one can save him now. He's done for. That's what everyone wants for him, and for you.” That's all they said, and I slammed the phone down upon the silence that came after it. Throwing my mobile across the road in a fit of anger, I looked back at him. His eyes were open now, but I could tell they weren't seeing anything. I called his name, and he turned his head to me. He could still hear, just. I started talking to him about the times I wanted us to have, about how everything would be okay and help would come soon. That this wasn’t the end when we both knew it was._

_“Hold...me...” his voice broke. Tears flowing down my cheeks I held him in my arms like something out of the movies, and I sung to him. The song I sung when I was in love, in heartbreak, just like now. He looked at me, properly looking this time, and tried to smile. I smiled back through my tears and he nodded his head in a tiny movement, and I knew it was time. I watched him get sent to the heavens in my arms, before laying him down and closing his eyes. I tried to get up and scream but I couldn’t, held to the ground so I just screamed in my mind. Why me? Why him? Why did no one help us? Why did it have to end this way…_

A cool palm was pressed to my forehead, snapping me out of the dream, but I kept my eyes closed; I didn’t have the energy to open them. I shivered at the touch, and realised how cold I was.

“Lou… Lou she’s burning up,” Niall’s worried voice made me shiver more, and I curled up in the bed more so than before as soon as Niall dropped his hand from my face.

“Nialler, she’ll be fine.” Louis reassured him. “Just let her sleep it off; she’ll have to miss tonight’s show…” I willed myself to open my eyes and show the two boys in the tour bus that I was awake – or as awake as I could be.

“B-but the show,” I murmured out, making them both jump.

“Katie,” Niall turned to me, crouching to my level. “You can’t do the show tonight. It starts in an hour; you’re not well,”

“No,” I protested, “I’m fine. I’m okay. I want to do the show.” I tried to get up; swinging my legs out of the bed, involuntarily shivering and hanging onto the edge of the bunk, a wave of dizziness consuming me.

“Katie,” Louis cut in, gently but with an underlying firmness in his voice. “You can’t do the show tonight. You need rest.”

“But-” I tried to step forward but Niall grabbed me, lifting me into Zayn’s bed; the easiest one to lift me into.

“No buts,” Niall said, concern layered over his face. “Just sleep more, and if not, here-” he handed me his phone. “Go on my Twitter, mess around with the fans, try and get past the Candy Crush level I’ve been stuck on for about three weeks,” I smiled weakly, feeling myself dropping off again now I was on my back. I didn’t hear Niall’s last words to me before he and Louis left the bus to do the show; my eyes closed and my brain shut down before I could tell them not to.

I was woken by someone sliding in next to me, having no idea how long I had slept. For the first time in ages I’d slept without dreaming or having a nightmare, but that didn’t really make me feel a lot better. My throat was sore, like someone had shoved a cactus down my esophagus. I was shivering, even though I was covered in at least three blankets as well as the normal duvet, and my head was pounding. I cracked open my eyes, the light making them throb, and closed them again.

“Niall…” I mumbled. “Get out,”

“Ha. No way,” Niall replied, putting his arms around me. “I have to look after you,”

“No... no you don’t,” I could barely get my words to make sense. “You could catch something…”

“I could,” Niall agreed. “But I’m prepared to risk it. I’m not leaving you here alone, who knows what could happen to you,”

“I’m _fine_ dammit Niall…”

“No, you’re not. Shh now, try and sleep.” Niall felt my forehead again. “Your temperature is stupidly high right now, you just need to sleep.”

“But I’ve basically… slept all day,” I argued.

“Even when you’re sick, you have to argue?” Niall chuckled, obviously watching me fall slowly back into sleep. “Resting is always good. The more rest, the quicker you get back on stage; though I might tell the boys that you won’t be performing with us for the rest of Birmingham,”

“Noooo, Jimmy protested,” I burrowed into Niall’s chest, seeking warmth which I knew I didn’t need. “See… Jimmy agrees with me,” Niall just laughed and held me tighter until I slipped back into the world of sleep.

_Running. All I could do was run round in the maze of darkness, trying to locate the place where the sound was coming from. I didn’t even know what the sound was, but it was the only thing I had to go on in the pitch darkness where I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face, so I headed towards it. I kept bumping into walls and doors; some were locked and some would open just at my touch. I started having the feeling that something was watching me, that everything around me was watching my every move and it freaked me out. I stopped for a breather and I felt someone grab my hand, dragging me away from the source of the noise and further into the darkness; so far that I couldn’t hear any noise anymore, not even the breathing from my captor. I heard a door lock click, and in that second I knew I was locked in a room with no light or windows and I couldn’t find a door when I felt my way around the tiny room. Everything started closing in around me very suddenly and I couldn’t escape, the walls pressing down on me so tightly that I couldn’t move or breathe or-_

I woke with a start, breathing as much and as fast as I could with my throat how it was. I noticed that Niall was still sleeping – how he didn’t wake up because of my nightmare I had no idea – and suddenly I started coughing. I tried to silence my fit, or at least be quieter as not to wake Niall up, but failing miserably. The more I tried to be quiet, the more my chest built up and up and I couldn’t keep it in anymore.

Niall groaned from being woken up, but very quickly became aware of what was happening.

“Katie?!” concern flooded through his voice, and instead of cuddling me which I expected him to, he jumped out of bed and opened the mini fridge, coming back with a bottle of water. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he handed the bottle to me and I took a much needed gulp and breathed properly for the first time in at least five minutes.

“Thank you,” I managed to choke out after finishing almost the whole bottle.

“I’m just worried about you,” Niall told me as he slid his arms around me again, and I felt hot tears on my cheeks. I buried myself into the duvet so he wouldn’t see, but obviously he noticed.

“Why are you crying?” he asked, carefully persuading my head out of the duvet and to face him.

“Because I don’t want you to see me like this,” I said hoarsely, and groaned. “Like this I’m not going to be able to sing, goddammit…”

“I wouldn’t let you near a stage even if you could sing,” Niall said, “And it’s okay. Really. I feel like I’m doing something good by looking after you,”

“But-”

“No buts. Are you tired?” I could see the bags under his eyes.

“After sleeping for like 18 hours, not really,” I croaked out. “But you go back to sleep. I promise I’ll wake you if I start dying or something,”

“Okay,” Niall dropped off to sleep soon after, and I remembered I still had his phone. I logged into his Twitter, passing the time curled up to him following people and replying to as many people as I could. It made my day, seeing how many people were over the moon that ‘Niall’ had replied to them or had followed them, and their happiness made me happy. Once I hit tweet and follow limit in pretty close proximity of each other, I went onto Candy Crush and completed the level Niall was stuck on for weeks in one go. I smiled to myself, turning to be able to see his face. He was so peaceful in sleep, seeming more like an angel than a human, and putting his phone away after a couple of hours, I fell asleep against his warm body and beating heart.

 

~*~

 

“Shh Haz, you’ll wake her,” waking up, I heard the whisper of Niall’s voice.

“Dude, she’s sick. She’ll be out for another two hours at least, if she was awake from 4-6am as you said she was,” Harry’s voice came through the bus, lower in volume than usual but not making a huge effort to keep quiet.

“Still… we want her back on stage, don’t we?”

“Of course we do Nialler. She’s the perfect addition.” There was silence for a few seconds as the boys turned on the TV, and the FIFA music started playing.

“Aw come on Harry, no fair! I wanted him; he’d make the perfect team.”

“You snooze, you lose,” Harry laughed as I heard a thump of flesh on flesh.

The two boys played the game for a while before I heard Niall yelp.

“No Harry,”

“What? We can’t mess around?”

“Of course we can, but not here… not with her here.”

“What about her? She’s asleep and will be for a while: we’re not even doing anything serious.”

“I can see in your eyes you’re planning to…”

“Niall, I know the lines.”

“I know, but you seem to be oblivious to them.”

Harry sighed and said no more, though when I peeked around the edge of my bed, the two of them were playing FIFA again, pretty close together; even for a bromance. I could only see the picture from behind but it looked like Harry was laid almost across Niall, his feet dangling over the edge of the smaller sofa in front of the TV, and Niall didn’t seem to mind.

I laid back down on Zayn’s bunk, trying to fall back to sleep and failing. I checked the time on Niall’s phone; 10.32am. The rest of the boys must have been eating breakfast or gone out somewhere alone, because Harry and Niall were never as close as that when the others were around, were they?

I was trying to keep quiet to see if the two boys said anything else, but my body seemed to think otherwise as I could feel a second coughing fit coming on. Turning myself over and biting into Zayn’s pillow, I started coughing and Niall was there in a second, rubbing my back and waiting until it was over.

“How long have you been awake?” Niall asked me, seeming like he was only concerned for me, but I knew better.

“Coughing woke me up,” I lied, and he hugged me.

“Wanna get out of bed and watch me thrash Haz at FIFA?” Niall grinned.

“Dude I will beat you,” Harry’s voice floated from the other side of the bus.

“Sure,” I said. I’d do anything to get out of bed, even if that meant Harry seeing me in the state I was currently in. Niall helped me out of bed and I shivered, hugging against him while he wrapped me in his own duvet and Harry’s from behind him.

“I was right then,” Harry said, looking pretty worried at me. “No good for liars though, Louis did what you’re trying to do once and let me tell you… it didn’t end in any of our favours,” I nodded, remembering.

I watched Harry and Niall play the game for a while, at the same time as being on my own phone for once, and Harry’s. I have no idea why he trusted me with it, but he allowed me to do what Niall had allowed; follow and reply to people on Twitter. Lunchtime rolled around and Harry went out to buy us all sandwiches, and I was left with Niall. He taught me how to play FIFA and the main rules of football, though none of it really went in and stuck in my mind.

Once Harry came back I decided to nap for a little longer, though that didn’t really go to plan. After I laid in bed for half an hour and Niall came to check on me (both to see if I was alive and if I was sleeping or not, I guessed), the boys started talking again.

“She’s out,” Niall whispered.

“Finally,”

“Hey, give the girl a break. In the last 36 hours she’s probably been asleep for about 18 of them, if not more,”

“You make a good point,”

“I always make a good point,”

“Stop sticking that tongue out at me young man!” Harry imitated a mother’s voice.

“You’re younger than me, shut up,” Niall drawled back.

“Age is just a number,” I could hear the wink in Harry’s words.

“Yeah well sexuality is just a label,” retorted Niall.

“What are you suggesting?”

“I see how you look at Louis.”

“Oh, it’s not Louis I’m usually looking at anymore. The fans ruined that something good.”

“Agreed,” there was silence for a couple of seconds before Niall caught on. “Harry, mate…”

“Wow that took you long enough.”

“I don’t know dude. I have Katie and besides, we have to think of the band.”

“We can have a little fun though, right?”

“Brotherly fun, yes we can. But only that. Okay?”

“Okay,” Niall let the conversation drop, but I could hear in Harry’s voice that he was determined for something more than just ‘brotherly fun’.


	7. Chapter 7

I had begged and begged Niall to be able to perform for the last Birmingham show, even though I’d had no rehearsal time for that stadium. Finally, after a solid hour of arguing and being stubborn, he caved in; on the terms that I had to stay by him on the stage for most of the night, only singing the choruses with the boys and I wasn’t allowed to ‘over-exert’ myself, along with various other agreements. I came off lightly; I don’t think I would have been able to perform at all if Liam wasn’t there and supporting my side, no matter how surprising those turn of events was.

The boys decided to a random spur-of-the-moment meet and greet in the local town hall, though Niall made me stay in the stadium with the vocal coach, just to make sure my voice was strong enough to go on stage and perform well.

“Niall’s never usually like this,” the vocal coach commented in passing. “He’s usually happy-go-lucky, doesn’t worry about anything but the next meal. You must be something really special.” I didn’t know what to reply to that, so I just nodded, keeping to Niall’s suggestion of not talking too much.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine,” the vocal coach told me after another half an hour session. “Just don’t go for too long talking all the time, don’t go for too long _not_ talking at all, and drink a lot of fluids; mainly water.”

“Okay,” I said smiling, thanking her and walking back to the bus. I sat down in Harry’s usual spot in the middle of the smaller sofa and sighed, my mind not being able to focus on any one thing for no apparent reason. I got up; searching for my school bag full of stuff that I brought along with me, knowing my phone was in there. Grabbing the bag, I pulled my phone out and found the number I wanted and hit call.

“Hello?” the voice said through the speaker after the third ring.

“Sup,” I replied, grinning though no one could see me.

“Katie! How’s it going?”

“You seem _so_ surprised to hear me,”

“Well yeah, you fucked off with the band and no one’s heard anything since,”

“I’ve been online! And anyway, it’s busy on the road,”

“Yeah, sure,” there was a pause. “So what’s it like?”

“What’s what like?”

“Being on the road, duh. Tell me all the details,”

“Well, basically…” I launched into a quick fire explanation of what had happened on the tour, from their house to Mario tournaments to getting sick and Niall being overprotective.

“Hang on a second. Isn’t Niall the happy go lucky one?”

“That’s what I thought, and the same with the other boys and the crew. But…”

“But what?”

“MeandNiallmayhaveathingimeanwhatbye,” I muttered quickly, but Cam caught on every word.

“No way. No freaking way. Are you serious?”

“Completely,” I kept my suspicions about Harry’s intentions to myself, giving Cam his little moment oh fangirlishness.

“I. Am. _Screaming._ ”

“But shh, no one knows anything about it yet apart from the boys and some 13 year old who wanted my picture.”

“Ooooh, get you,” I could feel the patronising though the phone and mentally slapped him round the face.

“Shut the fuck up,” I laughed, and the door to the bus opened. “Oooh Cam, Louis and Niall are here. Wanna chat?”

“Do you even need to ask me that question.”

“Nope!” I replied, handing the phone over to Louis, explaining that it was my best friend on the phone and he loved the band. Cam and Louis had a good length conversation, moving from the subject of the band to football pretty quickly. After that conversation ended, Louis tried to hand the phone back to me but I waved it towards Niall’s direction, and it was passed over.

I didn’t really take an interest in the conversation for it was mainly about football again, until Niall left the bus with my phone still to his ear. I sighed; about to follow him but Louis stopped me, raising his eyebrows. I glared but sat back down on the sofa and waited until Niall came back with my phone.

“So what’s up?” Cam asked casually.

“If I could see you right now, I’d be glaring,”

“That’s good to know,”

“I know, right?” I heard calling from the other end of the phone before he spoke again.

“Fucking shit damn. Text me? Mum’s saying I’ve gotta go out for Ross’ thing,”

“Sure,” I laughed.

“Call me again sometime, would you?”

“Just because you wanna talk to the boooyyyssss,” I teased while Louis and Niall chuckled behind me.

“That too – now I’ve really gotta go. Bye!”

“Bye,” I said, but the phone had already been put down.

“Come on Kates,” Louis seemed to have adopted that new nickname for me. “It’s almost four; hair and makeup are calling,” I almost groaned at the words and Niall picked up on it.

“Can I choose your dress for tonight?” Niall asked, and I hesitated. “Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaase?” he used the puppy-dog-eyes and I melted.

“Fine,” I agreed. “But if I don’t like it, I’m not wearing it on stage,”

“But but but-”

“I’ll let you see it anyway, alright? I just don’t want to wear something I’m not comfortable wearing on stage, you know?”

“Come _on_ you two lovebirds,” Louis cut in. “We really need to go.”

“Sorry Lou,” Niall said, taking my hand and leading me backstage and let me go alone into my dressing room. It didn’t take the stylist long to do my hair and makeup; I only wanted the minimal makeup needed for the stage and my hair was having a good day so was just sprayed with hairspray to keep it in place (though it didn’t need it) and I was done. The stylist left me alone at my request afterwards; I needed some time to get into the zone before the show, half because I loved to be in my zone and half because I wanted to be as best as I could be for my return to the stage with the boys.

A knock at my door came around fifteen minutes later, and Harry popped his head around the door, with a dress in his hands. I raised my eyebrows, but got up and took it from him, holding it up to my body and looking in a mirror. I heard the door click behind me and Harry had gone; I probably should have said something to him but my mind just wasn’t there. I stepped into the dress, pulling it up over my body and slipping my arms through the wide straps. I looked at myself in the mirror and surprisingly, my body shape fitted the dress almost perfectly. The dress was deep purple, with a tight fitting bodice and a flaring out skirt which came to just above my knees and bounced up and down when I walked. The whole dress was covered in lilac and white spots, and the more I looked myself up and down in the mirror, the more I loved what I was wearing. Maybe I’d let Niall choose my dresses more often, because this one was beautiful.

I walked out of my dressing room and straight into Zayn who looked me up and down, more than once. He told me that Niall was in their dressing room alone, for the other boys were already prepping backstage, and that Niall was behindhand today. I walked in through the door Zayn had left open, and Niall caught a glimpse of me in the mirror he was sitting in front of, his hair being sprayed by a concoction of products to keep it looking just as it did in this moment throughout the show.

“Five minutes until the show,” a voice came through all the speakers of the building and Niall looked at me, grinning.

“You look stunning, but we really have to run,” he grabbed my hand and we ran through the back corridors of the stadium; I left my heels discarded at the first corner. I could do this barefoot.

“Come on guys, where you been?” Liam said as soon as we rounded the corner to the stage.

“Too busy smooching.” Harry glared at me and I wondered what I’d done wrong.

“Harry, focus,” Liam responded, quick and blunt enough to cut off whatever replies me and Niall could come up with. The boys did a warm up by themselves and Harry seemed to snap out of whatever mood he was in, his eyes lighting up at the sound of the crowd when the welcoming announcement was made for the band; the audience went insane.

After a few songs from just the boys, the roar of the crowd pounded in my ears as Liam introduced my name again. I'd missed the rush I got from the stage, the feeling of walking out to thousands of people screaming out to welcome you into the place of your own. I couldn't see the majority of the crowd; only the front row of fans that were in the line of the spotlight but the noise was as overwhelming as it was on the first night in Glasgow - if not more. I skipped over to Niall's side as he wanted me to, and he smiled at me. I grinned back to him and to the audience when Louis started talking to me, as per usual. I told the crowd I was happy to be back on the stage with the boys and I couldn't wait to have a great first, and last, time on the Birmingham stage.

We went through the list of songs we did every night, and went backstage for the end of the show. The crowd started a chant of "One Direction! One Direction! One Direction!" which started quietly but grew and grew until I guessed it was the loudest it could be. Niall told me to stay backstage so I didn't 'over-exert' myself and kept to his regulations, but I positioned myself so I could see the stage and surprisingly see the audience, because the light wasn't shining as much from where I was standing compared to on the stage where it was blinding.

The boys performed C'mon C'mon to the loudest crowd I'd ever heard, and then decided to close the encore with Last First Kiss, calming the audience down and preparing for the end of the show. It must have been the most amazing feeling for the boys; throughout the song the words were sung back to them and even though there were thousands of people there, the song had an intimacy that I'd never felt before at a concert of theirs. At a concert at all, in fact. If I was feeling this way, I couldn't imagine what the boys (especially Zayn and Liam, who wrote the song) must have been feeling in that moment. The song ended and the boys bounded offstage, though there was a completely different air about them all from when they usually ended with Heart Attack. Niall took off his guitar slung from his shoulder and handed it to one of the crew who took it away, probably to pack it up in the second bus because we were having that night on the road, and embraced me in one of his special hugs he saved for times like these.

“I wanna be last, yeah, baby let me be your let me be your last first kiss,” he sung quietly in my ear, not caring for the rest of the boys around us.

“I wanna be first yeah, wanna be the first to take it all the way like this,” I replied just as quietly, and Niall pulled his head out of the hug and pressed his lips to mine. I kissed back, running my hands through his hair as he moved his hands to the small of my back, pulling me in closer and moulding myself to him. Harry wolf whistled but I didn't care; all I could concentrate on was the perfectness that was holding himself to me.

We walked hand in hand back to the tour bus, and I was instructed that I had to get some rest or at least lay down in bed to be ready for rehearsals in two days. It felt like Niall was being overprotective of me, but I didn't mind because it just showed he cared about me. I climbed into Niall's bunk and he slid himself next to me, wrapping his arms around me like he always did.

“No funny business now!” Zayn called from the other end of the bus, writing a song.

“You think I'm that low, Zayn?” Niall called back, laughing. “We both have decency.”

“Niall makes a great point,” I agreed.

“Shush you,” Harry said, but I wasn’t sure if he was joking or not. “I thought Niall wanted you asleep already.”

“Shut up Harry! If I was close enough to smack you without smacking Niall in the process, I would.” I was joking; though I heard a thump and Harry's low whine come from the same place as Zayn.

“Done,” Zayn laughed.

“I was kidding, but I’m not complaining,” I poked my head around the bed, cutting across Niall, and giving Zayn an air high five.

“Get chur ass back in here,” Niall wrapped a playful arm around the middle of my upper body and pulled me back into the bed with him.

“Niall!” I protested just as playfully, pretending to struggle out of his arms, but I could feel myself getting tired pretty quickly.

“If I kiss you, will you stop wrestling me?” he asked, and I swore I could hear a tiny gagging sound from Harry’s direction, though I decided it was just my hearing as Niall didn’t seem to hear anything. I was about to respond with a confident “Never!” when Niall pressed his lips to mine anyway. I closed my eyes and didn’t think about anything but his lips, his body, just him. The perfection that is Niall Horan.

“Now, you have to sleep,” Niall told me, smiling as he pulled away.

“No,” I mumbled, “We have to sleep,”

“Aw damn. You caught me there,” Niall agreed, yawning.

“I told you so,” I stuck my tongue out.

“Those beds weren’t made for two you know!” Harry said as he wandered through to his bed, which was on the opposite side to Niall’s.

“That didn’t stop you and Louis on the first tour…” Niall trailed off, and I acted as though I wasn’t there.

“Shut it, Niall. That’s in the past,” Harry snapped, jumping into bed with enough force to rock the whole bus.

“Niall, leave him,” Liam’s gentle but firm voice came from the other direction.

Nothing else was said as the lights in the bus were dimmed and Niall closed the curtain which cut off all remaining light from the bus. He whispered goodnight into my ear and drifted off before I did, leaving me to try to fall asleep in one of the most awkward positions in the universe.

 

~*~

 

I had decided to go and wander around Brighton by myself (our last UK tour venue) just to be able to have some time to think. What would I do after this was all over? Our last date was tonight, and then the boys would be jetting off to America for 8 months of tour dates. It seemed insane; we only stayed on tour for a month and a bit in the UK and they’d be staying in the USA for eight whole months… I guess it shows just how huge the United States is in comparison to the UK. They had a week’s break before they left after tonight’s show, though I had to go back to school and get back into the routine I had deviated so far from during the tour. Nothing would change, apart from probably being the topic of discussion for most people and the live videos on YouTube from the tours, etcetera. Other than the obvious, nothing _would_ change; teachers wouldn’t treat me differently, the classes I went to would be the same, I’d still have to wake up at 7am every weekday, I’d still be in education and even though I knew that was the last thing I wanted to do, I had to do it.

I wandered into a Starbucks and ordered a hot chocolate because of my hatred for coffee, and sat at a window stool, looking out onto the sun and the beach. Even though it was now September, there were still a number of people on the beach and going into the sea as a last-ditch attempt to regain the summer back.

“You were mine for the summer, now we know it’s nearly over,” I mouthed to myself before taking a sip of my hot chocolate, watching a five year old build a sandcastle. It was true; I knew my journey and adventure with my idols was nearly over and that thought made my heart ache. I’d had the best month and a bit of my life with the boys, and I couldn’t comprehend the normality that I’d have to go back to after all the screaming girls and performing to crowds of people, but I had to accept it.

“What’s on your mind, sunshine?” a male voice came from my right; I’d been so absorbed in my thoughts that I hadn’t noticed Louis coming in and sitting next to me.

“Just the fact that after all this madness, I have to go home,” I said, turning to him.

“I couldn’t imagine that,” Louis admitted, showing sadness that I was feeling through his voice.

“I don’t want to… just the normality which will seem crazy after all this,” I turned back to the window, watching the five year old walk away to show his parents his creation of three sandcastles standing together. Louis didn’t say anything apart from putting his arm around me and bringing me closer in comfort, like an older brother. That’s what he felt like; an older brother who I could tell everything to, even though I’d really only known him for whom he actually was for a month and a bit.

I told Louis that I was going to go and walk along the sea front for a bit, and he let me go and do what I wanted to; apparently he wanted to go to some shops in the high street or something. I walked out of the door, dumping my empty Starbucks cup in the nearest rubbish bin I could find and took the hairband out of my hair, letting the brown curls whip around my face in the wind. I enjoyed the time by myself; I wasn’t really alone much on tour because of the closeness we had to have and I did like that closeness but the time by myself was just as precious as the time with the boys.

I had to go back to the buses after a time because I told Niall I’d meet him back there at 3; he and Zayn had decided to go and look at the local football stadium and I assumed Louis had gone with them, though I turned out to be wrong. I got back a little earlier than I was expecting – it was around two thirty – and opened the door to the bus. Nothing could have prepared me for what I walked in on and I don’t think they noticed me; I knew in a second that this would be an image I would never be able to erase from my mind.  I turned on my heel, making sure my presence was known by slamming the door as I ran out, not knowing where I was running to. I didn’t care, as long as I was away from the bus and away from them.


	8. Chapter 8

The tears started falling as soon as I slowed my pace to a walk, finding the sea front path and walking as far as I could away from everyone until I was alone. The wind from the ocean blew my tears from my eyes and onto the beach below me. I looked over to my left and I didn’t even notice that I had walked as far as the cliffs that I had seen earlier in the distance. I heard the padding of fast feet behind me, assuming it was a jogger I moved to the side of the path to let them through, but I was wrong again. I glanced over to the person beside me who slowed down to my pace when they reached me, and I could feel myself breaking down again. I choked on my next breath and he pulled me in for a hug, obviously knowing what had happened, whoever he found out from.

“Shhh, calm,” Louis held me, his breathing heavy from running down the path that I walked.

After I had calmed down a little, he took my hand in a brotherly way and we walked back a little way to the nearest bench overlooking the English Channel. We didn’t talk about anything, we just sat there and he kept my hand in his, glancing over to me and waiting until I was ready to speak.

“How-” I coughed, my throat tight from crying and not talking. “How did you know?”

“Where you were?” Louis asked, the gentleness in his voice almost setting me off again.

“No… about it,” I stopped, not wanting to think.

“Niall told me,” Louis explained. “He’s pretty upset too,”

“He’s upset?! _He’s upset?!”_ I almost went into hysterics. He’s upset? He’s not the one who walked in on his partner kissing another person, let alone his younger band mate. I knew Harry wanted something more. I knew it.

“I’m pretty sure neither of them were planning on getting caught,” Louis told me reasonably, and I didn’t have a reply to that. I just rubbed my eyes to wipe away the tears and stood up.

“I want to do the show tonight,” I said, and Louis just nodded. “If Niall doesn’t want me on stage with him, I can just do my solo songs as a support or something, but I do want to have my last night on stage and not waste it thinking about… this.”

“I can understand that, and I’d like to perform with you one last time, and I’m pretty sure that goes for Liam and Zayn too,” I smiled at Louis’ words; at least they still liked me, I guess. “Though we have to think of what’s best for the whole band and the fans.”

“I understand,” I replied, trying not to be blunt but trying not to cry again as I looked back out to sea. After a few more minutes of silence, I spoke again.

“Louis?”

“Kates?”

“Could I be alone for a little longer? I’ll be back by 5, I promise. The show doesn’t start till 7.30, does it?”

“You’re right, and sure. I probably should go check in with the others anyway… come talk to me after the show, if not before?”

“Sure,” I said causally.

“Promise?” Louis looked at me, and I promised. “Stay safe,” he added as he got up and left me alone, though kept glancing over his shoulder at me as he walked away.

I sighed deeply, noticing that I was starting to be able to see wisps of my breath in the slowly cooling air. I didn’t know how I would perform that night, but I would do it. I had to do it; I knew it was my last chance on stage at all until I had finished school and I couldn’t just waste that opportunity. I knew what I wanted to sing, but being allowed to sing them might be a more difficult matter.

I walked back slowly; taking my iPod and headphones I hadn’t touched for a few days and put the whole thing on shuffle. I was alone, as far as I could see, so I started to sing along with one earphone in and the other ear being able to gauge my pitch and tone. After a couple of songs, I tested out the ones I wanted to sing and could still sing them without my voice cracking or sounding too bad; I chose to ignore the fact that I had tears running down my face. I decided that I’d sing my heart out tonight, and that I’d give the performance of my lifetime and I knew I could – the emotions would be there so the voice would be too. That’s just how I work.

I finally got back to the stadium, and headed straight for my dressing room. I didn’t pass any of the boys on my way and I was thankful for that; I didn't want an awkward situation with any one of them, though I knew I’d only really have a problem if I bumped into Niall or Harry. After I’d changed into my outfit for the evening - a pink and black top which suited me well and black skinny jeans - Liam came into my dressing room and sat opposite me.

“You look good,” he complimented me.

“Thank you,” I paused, and took the opportunity to ask him my questions. “I’m guessing I’m not performing with you guys tonight?”

“I don't think so. I don't think Niall has any problem with it, but Harry on the other hand...”

“Yeah, I get it.” I replied pretty bluntly. “Could I perform a couple of songs by myself then?”

“I was about to suggest that,” Liam admitted. “Which songs?”

“I was thinking a couple of Taylor Swift’s?” I saw Liam's eyebrows rise. “Or Kelly Clarkson. I do have a lot of songs I'd love to perform, but…”

“But?”

“I’d like to perform one of yours, as the last one I do. Just for sentimental reasons, you know?”

“I’m sure that can be arranged. Which one?”

I’m pretty positive Liam knew what I was going to say before I actually said it.

“Summer Love… if possible?”

“Sounds pretty fitting,” Liam smiled at me and then looked down at his lap, obviously hesitating to say something.

“Liam?” I prompted.

“It's just...” Liam looked up at me again. “Harry’s usually never like this. None of us expected it from him - except perhaps Niall, but even then it’s still unexpected – it’s so out of character for him. I’m sorry it had to end this way,” I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes but it didn’t matter, for my makeup wasn't done yet.

“It’s fine. I kinda... There was something between them, and I knew that.”

Liam was silent for a couple of seconds before he spoke again. “I better get back to the boys. I’ll give you a guitar and make sure you’re plugged in properly for a couple of your solo songs? Do whatever you’d like,”

“Thank you," I said, being completely genuine.

“Oh, and Katie?” Liam turned to me when he opened the door. “Niall isn't gay. He's not even bisexual. Just keep that in mind,” and with that, the door clicked shut. I didn’t know what to make of that statement; if he wasn’t gay or bi then why was he kissing Harry? Why did it look like they were just about ready to take it to the next step?

I came to the conclusion that Niall had got Liam to lie to me to make me feel better, and quickly got my makeup done before show time.

I was pumped, standing backstage by myself for once; actually being able to avoid the boys (apart from Louis who had to come and check on me about a million times in my dressing room after Liam had said his bit) for the whole time, and I couldn't wait to get on stage and perform _Be Like You_ by Ed Sheeran, _The War is Over_ by Kelly Clarkson, _I Knew You Were Trouble_ by Taylor Swift and of course, _Summer Love_ by the boys. I decided to sing them in that order because that seemed to make the most sense, and hearing my cue, I walked on the stage by myself. The crowd was amazing and the adrenaline was nothing like I'd ever left before because this time I had no one around me, I had no one to fall back on or mess around with; it was just me, the stage and my guitar.

I loved the fact that most people knew _Be Like You_ and sung along with me even though I made it my own, and though the same couldn't be said for _The War is Over_ , the roar of the crowd was amazing. I started up _I Knew You Were Trouble_ and people cheered (though a couple of boos for song choice - I didn't care) and I sung every word with meaning, aiming the song both at Niall and Harry and everyone on the inside of the tour knew it.

“I'm gonna tone it down a little now, for my last song on stage this big for a long time,” I said into the crowd. “I'm pretty sure most of you know it, so I'm just gonna go ahead...” I paused as the audience cheered. “Sing along if you'd like to, and I'm sure you will,” I stood back from the microphone and the stand to play the intro to Summer Love, and returning to the mic I poured my heart and soul into the song.

Meaning every word, I got to Niall's bit in the chorus and I heard harmonies through my earphone. The noise of the audience increased a hundredfold as I glanced behind me and saw the boys walking out, singing the backing harmonies for the chorus and the second verse as I moved onto it. Liam stood one side of me and Louis the other, Zayn close to Liam and I knew Harry and Niall were on the stage somewhere, but I couldn't see them. The song came to a close and I was about to depart off of the stage, but Louis stopped me.

“Come on Kates,” Louis said, more to the audience than to me. “We couldn't let you leave alone now could we?” I laughed, agreeing with Louis' words and being grateful that he was sticking close to me so I didn't have to go near Harry nor Niall.

I heard the intro to Rock Me and internally groaned, knowing it was Harry’s solo first. Louis, Liam and I moved backwards to let Harry take centre stage, and my heart twisted at the sight of him. I kept it controlled; no one noticed any change in me apart from Louis, who still had my hand in his and tightened his grip when my hand involuntarily clenched. Louis nodded at me, encouraging me to sing with him on his solo before the chorus and we took the front of the stage by storm, as the rest of the boys came up behind us to sing the chorus together.

“Thank you,” I said at the end of a couple of songs with the boys. “This journey has been great, almost perfect, and I’m so upset to see it end,” I looked around at all the boys in turn, starting with Harry and ending with Louis, “Thank you so much,”

“Maybe we’ll do this again, sometime,” Liam said.

“Hopefully,” Zayn chipped in.

“This has definitely been the best tour we’ve had, being with you,” Louis told me, and I could see tears in his eyes, which surprised me more than it should have.

“Hey, I’m gonna go before you start crying,” I laughed, not wanting to cry on stage but knowing if Louis started, I would too. He took me in for a hug and I walked offstage, tears beginning to roll down my face so I quickened my pace.

That was it. That was the end of my amazing journey, and there was nothing I could do about it. We were travelling back to the house overnight, and I’d be taken back to mine by whoever I liked to; it was a shorter journey to the One Direction house than to mine and I’m sure the boys would like to be home as soon as possible. I’d had a rollercoaster of a month and it was time to step off, though I didn’t want to. I wanted to go again and again and in that second I didn’t care that Niall had been kissing Harry or been seeing Harry behind my back because that didn’t _matter_ , just being on the road and performing on the stage, whether I was alone or with the boys, was the best feeling of my life and in that second I knew that was what I wanted to do with my life. I didn’t want to go back to the normality of the average life; it wasn’t for me. My life wasn’t me.

I don’t know how long I sat in my dressing room staring at my reflection in the lighted mirror before the door opened. I turned, expecting to either see Louis or Niall, but it was neither. I nodded at Zayn to allow him to come in and sit at the sofa in my dressing room, and I sat next to him.

“I know we didn’t really talk a lot,” Zayn started, keeping my eyes with his. “But I’ll miss you around a lot. You’ve really become like a sister to us all – Harry included – and we’ll miss you a lot,”

“I’ll miss you too,” I replied, “Probably more than any of you realise,”

“I know the stage is the place for you. You’re really just a natural; you shine on stage. Even though you’re with us, anyone can see that. Your solo performances today were the best thing ever…” Zayn trailed off, realising he was rambling a little.

“Thank you,” my voice broke, and Zayn took me in for a hug.

“Come on, better get back to the bus so we can get going,” Zayn told me as he pulled away. I nodded and grabbed my stuff, following him out of the dressing room and out of the stadium. I took one last look up at the place with sadness, and climbed into the bus after him.

Louis and Liam took me in for a hug as soon as they saw me; I was glad that they unknowingly hid me from Harry and Niall even though they knew I’d been crying. Escaping their arms I quickly excused myself to bed, choosing the one lowest to the floor and hid myself behind the curtains. I let silent tears flow, going over the events of the day; both the kiss and the last show I’d do for longer than I wanted to imagine. I knew I wouldn’t be disturbed because I’d felt the boys go to bed and could hear their regulated breaths - along with Niall’s quieter than usual snores - and snuck out of bed, opening the curtain of the bunk as silently as I could.

“What's on your mind, sunshine,” a whisper cut through the almost darkness as I walked through to the two sofas.

“Louis...” I came and sat next to him.

“Couldn’t sleep either?”

“I haven’t really tried, though I know I wouldn’t be able to,”

“Understandable. I never really sleep much on the last night; I rarely sleep at all when we’re on the move anyway,”

“There’s just too much going on in my mind,” I admitted. “I can’t stop to think about just one thing, let alone sleep,”

“Sometimes letting it all out helps,” Louis paused, biting down on his lip. “I know how you feel for half of it.”

“No...” I couldn’t believe what I knew I was about to hear.

“Niall is to you what Harry is to me. We've grown apart and it kills me, though I don’t show it at all. I know how much it hurt you to see Niall kissing Harry, especially walking in on them like that,” I could see tears welling up in Louis’ eyes again and I finally understood why he was so emotional on stage while the other boys weren’t as much; I was the only one who really knew how Louis felt, and vice versa.

My heart broke both at his tears and at his words, and we sat and held each other for a few minutes - like siblings - before we broke apart and he looked expectantly at me.

“Yeah...” I started, not really knowing how to continue. “It killed me walking in on Niall and Harry, even though it wasn’t totally unexpected on my part. I overheard Niall and Harry talking when I was sick and was supposed to be sleeping and Harry was being forward with Niall; I never thought Niall would actually go along with anything because of the way he was replying to Harry and the manner he had about himself. He was always so protective and loving over me and I didn’t think it would end like this... I didn’t want it to end at all. Just like I don’t want this whole thing to end,”

“Everything has to end sometime, Kates. Some have shorter times than others but everything is special,”

“I know... But I came to the conclusion earlier that it doesn’t matter about Niall and Harry, not in a tour point of view. Sure it makes things a little awkward backstage but I don’t care about that when I’m on stage. The rush I get when I'm on stage, whether it be alone or with you or with anyone else... I can’t describe it.”

“You’re a natural,” Louis said the words again that I’d heard so many times over the last month. “And I’m sure you know that by now. I wish I didn’t have to see you go.”

“I wish I didn’t have to go.” I replied, the sickening feeling growing once again in my stomach at those words. There was silence for a few minutes before Louis got up.

“It's about 2.45am. Let’s see if we can sleep just a little bit?” I nodded at his words as he walked to his bunk.

“I’m staying on the sofa - I can't get back into one of those beds. Too many midnight memories.”

“Okay. Goodnight,” Louis smiled empathetically at me before sliding silently back into his bed, showing how many times he’d done that over the past three years of One Direction being on the road.

“Night Lou,” I answered, not knowing if he heard me or not because his body had already disappeared into the bunk. I laid back into the larger sofa of the two and stared up into the dimmed lights of the roof of the bus. I couldn’t silence the thoughts racing around in my head, though I couldn’t stop the tiredness suddenly grabbing my body and dragging me down into the depth of sleep either. Finally, my thoughts shut themselves up for the mere second needed for the darkness to overcome me and for me to be able to fall into a heavy but restless slumber.

 

~*~

 

Saying goodbye for the last time was the hardest. I didn’t seen Niall nor Harry for that goodbye, which upset me a little more than it probably should have but saying goodbye to Liam before Zayn and Louis took me back home was a killer. They really did feel like brothers to me and I knew I wouldn’t see them again until they came back from their America/Canada leg of their tour, which was eight months away. A full eight months of not seeing them but also having to go back into the routine which I dreaded with all of my being. Lots of tears were shed into Liam’s shirt as we hugged for one last time, and Zayn packed my stuff into the back of the car while I looked for Niall (which gained me a look of disapproval from Louis when I suggested the idea) but to no avail.

I sighed and kept my tears in for the time when I had to say goodbye to Louis and Zayn two and a half hours later at my doorstep, and I brought the two inside to show them around my house just to delay the time when they’d have to go back. I showed them my room full of their posters and they willingly signed everything I had in connection with them for me, and everything for my sister too; Louis even offered to take my sister’s booklet for Niall, Harry and Liam to sign back with them and to send it through the mail a few days after they left me at home.

I said goodbye to Zayn first, hugging him and thanking him for being who he was and for the experience he’d given me, and he went back to the car and sat there as I turned to Louis; he must have said something to Zayn before all this to get a minute alone with me. Bar Niall, Louis was the hardest to say goodbye to because we had the understanding between us that none of the other boys had with either of us, and I basically broke down in his arms, begging him not to go and leave me alone.

“Here’s my Skype,” Louis said through tears as I ripped out a piece of paper from my sister’s book which he wrote on. “I’ll DM you my personal number on Twitter though you have to promise you won’t give it to anyone, as I can’t remember it off the top of my head,”

“I promise,” I choked out.

“Text me whenever, call me whenever; just tell me when you wanna Skype and as long as I’m not in an interview or in the middle of a show, it’ll happen okay? I promise.”

“Thank you,” I wanted to say more but couldn’t get the words out; so we just had a final bear hug and he re-opened my front door, walked to the car and sat in the passenger side next to Zayn. Zayn rubbed his arm in a brotherly act of comfort and they both waved to me as they drove out of the end of my drive, and I could do nothing but watch as what seemed to be the place where I felt that I was destined to be slip away, getting further and further away every second that passed.


	9. Chapter 9

**_Louis_Tomlinson:_ ** _Just left @KatieeEllenxo. Quite emotional!_

**_KatieeEllenxo:_ ** _“Louis_Tomlinson: Just left @KatieeEllenxo. Quite emotional!” Same here, have to do it again sometime?_

**_Louis_Tomlinson:_ ** _@KatieeEllenxo definitely. The break’s been extended for another week by the way. :)_

**_KatieeEllenxo:_ ** _@Louis_Tomlinson awesome! I’ll be back at school, pray for me. :P_

**_Louis_Tomlinson:_ ** _@KatieeEllenxo that sucks! Just tell your teachers you’re close with 1D and they’ll let you off ;)_

**_Real_Liam_Payne:_ ** _@Louis_Tomlinson @KatieeEllenxo not sure if it works like that Lou…_

**_Louis_Tomlinson:_ ** _@Real_Liam_Payne @KatieeEllenxo sure it does pal, I sure would if I was a teacherrr._

**_KatieeEllenxo:_ ** _@Louis_Tomlinson @Real_Liam_Payne *sits back with popcorn*_

**_Louis_Tomlinson:_ ** _@KatieeEllenxo @Real_Liam_Payne HEY GIMME SOME_

**_Real_Liam_Payne:_ ** _@Louis_Tomlinson @KatieeEllenxo just saying it how it is. Good luck at school though :)_

**_KatieeEllenxo:_ ** _@Real_Liam_Payne thanks, I’m sure all of my conversations will be filled with details about on the road… ;)_

**_Real_Liam_Payne:_ ** _@KatieeEllenxo hey! What happens on the road stays on the road. :P_

**_KatieeEllenxo:_ ** _@Real_Liam_Payne suuuuure._

**_Louis_Tomlinson:_ ** _@KatieeEllenxo @Real_Liam_Payne guys I’m still here and I don’t have popcorn._

**_Real_Liam_Payne:_ ** _@Louis_Tomlinson @KatieeEllenxo aww poor LouLou._

**_Louis_Tomlinson:_ ** _@Real_Liam_Payne @KatieeEllenxo LIAM CAN YOU GET ME POPCORN SO WE CAN HAVE SOME LATER?_

**_Real_Liam_Payne:_ ** _@Louis_Tomlinson @KatieeEllenxo it’s Hazza’s night to choose, but I can ask him._

**_Louis_Tomlinson:_ ** _@Real_Liam_Payne @KatieeEllenxo YAY!_

I pushed my laptop away from me, the harsh reminder that I wouldn’t see the boys again for a long time to come creating a stabbing feeling in my chest. Without warning, everything from the tour came flooding back into the front of my mind and I closed the laptop down before heading upstairs and grabbing my second guitar from its place leaned up against my bookshelf. I tested out a few chords, getting frustrated because I couldn’t find a pattern which fitted together well enough to put lyrics to. I put my guitar to the side and hid my face with my hands, hot tears escaping out of my eyes and dripping onto my duvet and my jeans. All I wanted in that second was Niall or Louis by my side to say it was okay to miss them this much, but I didn’t have any of that. I was alone in that second, and let everything out that I’d been holding since I left them three days ago.

I refused to let my hand waver to the blades I’d been almost two months clean from; I tried my hardest to stop crying but I couldn’t. I picked up my guitar again and played my heart out, trying to sing out to Niall even though I knew he couldn’t hear m and would never know how much I really did miss him, along with the boys. The bling of my phone brought me out of the zone I’d put myself in.

**Hey Kates, you up for Skype? x**

The number was Louis’ so I quickly texted back.

_When? x_

**Now? x**

I really wanted to see him and talk to him, but I didn’t know how bad I looked in comparison to how bad I felt.

_Sure, give me a second to make myself look presentable x_

In my terms, that meant make myself look like I’d not spent the past half an hour crying over a band.

**You’re always presentable x**

I laughed at my phone at that one, before replying.

_You’d be surprised :P x_

I went downstairs with my phone in my hand, rubbing my eyes in front of the bathroom mirror and quickly gave that up as a bad job, grabbing my laptop and making my way back upstairs before checking the latest text.

**I’ve got four sisters, I’ve seen it all I promise x**

_They’re your sisters though, I’m different x_

**No you’re not, you’re like a sister to me x**

_Shush Lou, I am different :P I’m ready x_

I opened up Skype and saw that Louis was already online, and not another minute passed before he called me. I checked myself in my smaller camera before his loaded and I didn’t look as bad as I did if we were talking face to face.

“Hey Kat- holy shit are you alright?” Louis asked, concern flooding through his voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I must have looked worse than I thought. “What about you?”

“You don’t look fine…”

“And you didn’t answer my question,” I avoided.

“I’m all good, just worried about you,”

“There’s no reason to be,”

“Oh really?” Louis raised his eyebrows.

“I’m just missing you and the band, is all,” I admitted, and Louis looked upset.

“I miss you too – we miss you too,” a silence came between us that would have been filled with a hug if we were actually together.

“Loooooouuuuu?” a voice came from Louis’ end which sounded like Zayn, and I heard a door open.

“What’s up Zayn?”

“Liam, Harry and I wanna go shopping for a bit, but if you’re busy…”

“Hi Zayn,” I called, and Zayn came into view.

“Katieeeee! You alright?”

“Yeah good, what about you?”

“I’m grand, I’m grand.”

“Go on Lou, go shopping. We can text or something,” I insisted as Louis looked up at Zayn.

“But but… fine. I do need some new shoes,” Louis flipped his hair and I giggled.

“No Lou, you _want_ new shoes. There’s a difference,” Zayn said.

“Shut up Zayn,” Louis laughed. “Don’t be afraid to call me for anything, alright? Love you,” Louis smiled at me and I smiled back, feeling massive amounts better than I did not ten minutes ago.

“I will, promise. Love you too LouLou,” I kept my smile on my face even after Louis ended the call, knowing that wherever they were in the world, I wouldn’t be alone.

 

~*~

 

I arrived home early from a hard day at school and dumped my stuff on the kitchen counter, sitting at one of the two stools at the breakfast bar overlooking the kitchen. I moved my laptop from the sofa in the front room to where I set up camp with my school stuff and opened the laptop up. I clicked on Microsoft Word and Chrome, creating  new tab for YouTube and started playing a cover of Mirrors by Justin Timberlake, shoving my headphones in.

I got half way through my Geography homework when the doorbell rang; my sister must have forgotten her keys again today. I unplugged myself from my laptop and wandered through the house to get to the front door, pulling it open with words on my lips that disappeared at the sight of the person stood before me.

“I thought you were in LA,” I said, surprised I was actually able to talk in front of him because I hadn’t spoken a word to his face since everything that happened.

“Not all the rumours on Twitter are true,” he replied, looking back at me and then around him as though he had heard something. “Could I come in?”

“If it was anyone else in your situation, I’d say no,” I told him as I gestured for him to cross the threshold of the front door, shutting it a little more forcefully than usual behind him.

“Thanks,” Harry said as he followed me through into the lounge, taking the same seat he took this time two months ago before everything happened.

“So why are you here?” I asked after a couple more seconds of silence.

“To explain,” Harry didn’t have the decency look at me.

“Explain what?” I pushed.

“Explain everything that happened between myself and Niall.” Harry stopped and finally looked at me, gauging my reaction.

I hadn’t spoken to either Niall or Harry between the time I’d left them and this day; Louis hadn’t spoken about them either when we would talk over both Skype and texting. It was easier for all of us to be like this, I thought, to keep it in the past and keep it out of our minds rather than reliving the moment whenever possible, though I did have moments when it was all I could think about.

“Go on then,” I sighed, not knowing if I wanted to hear Harry out or not, but deciding to be fair.

“Just keep an open mind, please?” I nodded, the coolness from my actions obviously reaching Harry as he looked away from me again. “We both know I’m a flirt. We both know that what happened between myself and Niall wasn’t right and I’m sorry for that...but the main reason I need to explain is because Niall is so cut up about it. He didn’t even do anything; we were together for a while before you came in and we were just being friendly.” I raised my eyebrows as Harry continued.

“He'd beaten me in FIFA and he was happy about it, and we got into a play fight which ended as Niall up against the back wall of the tour bus and I was just...there. It just happened, and I pushed the boundaries where I shouldn't have and Niall was trying to push me away because he _knew_ how much it would hurt you and-”

“But he still did it. You both still did it knowing I was around and knowing it would mess things up,” I interrupted him.

“No Katie,” Harry looked straight into my eyes. “ _I_ still did it. _I_ moved on him. _I_ kissed him and he was trying to push me off him… which did hurt me but the second I went in for the kiss I knew I shouldn't have but I couldn’t stop,” he paused for breath and my conscience told me he was telling the truth; I knew he was telling the truth. He was never like this.

“I didn’t expect you to walk in; Niall told me you weren't coming back until three and so we’d have a lot of time to play on the PlayStation. I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am.”

“It still doesn’t make it right Harry...” I trailed off.

“I know it doesn’t, but that's not what I don’t already know, and not why I came here.”

“Then why did you come here? To explain? That's what you’ve done.”

“No, not just to explain. To get you to come back with me.”

I froze, the next words in my mouth not being able to form into anything comprehensible. I was split down the middle; the one thing I wanted was to get back on the stage and to see the boys - not just Harry and not just through a screen - but then again I couldn't stand to see Niall and Harry in the same place, let alone live in the same house as them both.

“Come back with you how?” I managed to ask.

“Management wants you, and you alone, to support us on our American leg. In their eyes, they got a lot more attention and money when you were with us and they want us to carry on that attention, because that’s their main goal. In our eyes, we think you made our show that much better, and we miss you,” Harry stopped and my heart was leaping. It was all I wanted with my life; to be on stage and to be able to tour the world...but then there was the side of me which kept me holding back, not knowing if I’d be able to stay with the boys because of what happened; I didn’t want my heart broken for a second time.

“But that’s not the only thing,” Harry carried on, and my heart jumped and sank at the same time. “Niall isn’t right without you. Over these past six days, he’s only come out of his room to eat and the afternoon signing the other day, and even then we had to drag him. I don’t know what it is about you because he’s never been like this with any other girl - any other person even – it’s like you've... died or something.”

“Well I'm not dead,” I muttered as Harry looked back up at me.

“He just seems so lost without you. It's like he’s given up all hope of anything and nothing we can say will make it right again; we’ve all tried. He swears he’s okay and he’s fine but we all know he’s not, and we just hope he’ll perk up a little for the America/Canada leg.”

“Surely he should feel better, knowing there’s a possibility I’ll be there...” I just wanted to be next to Niall and to be able to say that everything was okay. My heart broke hearing out his own heartbreak and now I understood how he was upset too when Louis came to see me on the seafront - he knew he’d jeopardised his chances and probably thought I didn’t give second ones. How wrong he was.

“He has no idea,” Harry cut through my thoughts.

“Why didn’t you tell him to try and cheer him up?”

“Because I didn’t want to tell him, and then you say no - which before I explained everything was a very high probability,” that was true, “and get him excited for him just to be let down again. That’s the last thing I want.”

“Well... If my parents let me find a career with you and the boys, then I have to come along, don’t I?”

I barely got my final words out before I was crushed into a hug that I had never felt before by Harry, and I could feel the gratitude of my answer through that.

“I’ll let you convince my mum to let me leave with five young males for eight months in a different country with only Skype as a way of communication,” I stuck my tongue out at Harry as the front door slammed.

“Damn. When you put it like that…” Harry grimaced, knowing the task ahead of him.

I stood up and walked through to the kitchen, Harry hot on my heels.

“Hello Katie...oh.” She spotted Harry, glaring at him as I had explained everything that happened between him and Niall on tour basically as soon as I got home almost a week ago.

“Mum...it’s a long story, and I’ll explain some other time but it’s okay,” I pleaded with her, knowing that I wouldn’t let Harry be in the house if it was that bad.

“Okay,” she didn’t move her eyes from Harry. “So why is he here?”

“I’m here,” Harry said, as polite as he could, “because Modest! has offered Katie a place to be our support act and to perform with us on our American leg of our tour.”

“Alright... How long is this?” I cringed, knowing what my mother’s reaction would be.

“Eight months,” Harry replied nervously.

“No. No way.” My face fell at her words.

“MUUUUMMMMM,” Sarah’s voice came through the house as the door slammed for a second time. “Can we ha- hi Harry!” Sarah beamed at the sight of her celebrity crush.

“Hey Sarah,” Harry replied with a smile, and I nodded slightly at her and she launched herself at Harry, almost knocking him over. Harry whispered something in her ear and she let go, doing her best puppy dog face at my mother.

“Mummy...?”

"What?"

“Can Katie go? Please please pleaaase?”

“I don’t think so sweetheart. It’s a good opportunity but it’s just too long to be away from home at that age.”

“I’m sixteen,” I cut in “And it’s not like I’d be unsupervised. I’ll even give you Paul’s number if you want me to.”

“That doesn’t matte-”

“You just want her to be happy, right?” my mother nodded slowly, knowing her argument wasn’t strong enough to compete with her motherly instincts. I grinned at Harry, and he winked slightly back at me.

“Yes but,” my mother tried to talk, but my sister cut her off again.

“BUT NOTHING. Can we have Chinese?”

“If you want. Go get the menu and choose what you want while I talk to Katie and Harry,”

“So that’s a yes for both questions? YAAY," Sarah flounced off in the direction she came.

“You'll be happy with them?” My mum questioned as soon as Sarah was out of the way, and I nodded. “You'll come back with something more than just memories?” I nodded again. “Are you _sure_ you want this?”

“More than I've ever wanted anything,” I said with complete honesty. “They need me, right Harry?” “We do,” Harry admitted. “It’s nice to have a girl on tour with us that doesn’t look for _that_ all the time,”

“Well...” my mother stopped mid-sentence, thinking over all the information and arguments we’d given her.  “You'll have Skype, you'll have your phone, and...uhh. Fine," my mother conceded. “Only because I know how bad you want this, and I’ve never seen you happier than when you’re on the stage,” I squealed, hugging her and running upstairs to repack everything I never really unpacked six days ago.

Harry followed me up the stairs and into my room, and just looked around.

“You sure love my face,” Harry stated, and I turned to glare at him before turning back to my case, working out what was already packed and what I needed to repack.

“It’s more Niall’s face which I love, but whatever floats your boat,” Harry just laughed and looked on my bookshelf.

“You like Harry Potter?”

“Harry Potter is life and if you disagree then you haven’t been taught well enough,” I said without turning away from my case on my bed.

“Who teaches Harry to fly in his first year?” Harry questioned, and I had a feeling where this would end.

“Madam Hooch,” I said without batting an eyelid, turning to grab two more pairs of jeans and a couple more tops from my drawers.

“How many uses of dragon’s blood are there?”

“Twelve,” I sorted out my case so I had room to pack chargers too.

“Wrong. There’s only eight,” Harry told me, and I could hear the smug smile on his face without having to look.

“Google it,” I said, smiling to myself as I grabbed _The Fault in Our Stars_ both for reading material and to watch the boys feels break as mine did the first time I read it. I turned, watching Harry type something into his phone (I’m guessing ‘how many uses of dragon blood are there’) and stuck his tongue out at me once the results loaded.

“Smartass,” Harry stuck his tongue out back at me.

“Nah, just Potterhead. I’m guessing you’re not one, hey?”

“I am, just haven’t read the books in a long while. No time, you know?”

“I’m sure I’ll understand that concept soon enough,” I retorted, and he smiled. “I think I’m ready.”

We went downstairs and I got all my stuff from the bathroom, shoving it in the front pocket of my case while my sister claimed Harry as her own for fifteen minutes, seemingly questioning everything he’d ever done. I walked back through to the living room and laughed at the pair together; Sarah was so smitten by Harry it was unbelievable. I wondered if this was what myself and Niall looked like before… before everything, though the feeling Sarah felt was reciprocated in mine and Niall’s case.

“Come on lovebirds,” I teased, my sister glaring at me though it earned her a kiss on the cheek from Harry, and she flushed deeper than I’d ever seen her blush before. “Be a gentleman and shove my stuff in the car would you Haz?” I said with a wink, because technically he did owe me, even though I would have probably come along anyway. I wasn’t stupid enough to pass up an opportunity with the boys I’d looked up to for three years, especially when I knew how sweet Liam and Zayn were, and the bond I had with Louis; even with what happened. I’d be on stages again, where I belonged, and I couldn’t let that go for a second.

“You’re helping me, that case is heavy!” Harry protested.

“Whatever,” I said, smiling at Harry though all of a sudden the feeling of seeing Niall again fell around me, and I had to keep my emotions under control. I think Harry sensed something but he didn’t say a word so I didn’t care; we just loaded the things into the back of his car and that was the end of it.

I said goodbye to my mum and Sarah without millions of tears, surprisingly, though Sarah did persuade Harry to give her his bracelet, which made her a lot happier about my absence. I made a mental note to get something like that from all of the boys, just as a memo of my time with them, and got into the passenger side of Harry’s car. I waved at my little family as Harry drove out of the drive, and it was in that moment that it hit me; I was going to America with One Direction for eight months. Eight. Months.

I wanted to plug myself in to my iPod and just listen to music, but it felt a little rude because the only ones in the car were me and Harry. He turned the radio on to stop the silence between us and the music on there wasn’t bad; it wasn’t what I usually listened to but I didn’t mind because it wasn’t what I had to listen to when I was in the car with my family. Harry nodded his head in time with the music, most likely subconsciously, because that’s usually what I ended up doing with music I liked. I was told that people did that because they had a musical mind; my grandma loved telling me stories about my mum singing and bobbing along to music out of time and out of tune and she was happy I got the musical talent which skipped my mum’s generation.

I leant up against the car door, being careful for the handle as always because my sister once opened the back door of my grandfather’s car by falling asleep on the inside handle. I have no idea how she did it, but I’ve always been careful since then and Harry glanced over to me as I moved to get more comfortable, then shifting his focus back to the road.

“Tired?” Harry asked.

“A little,” I admitted, subconsciously moving my hand to the bags under my eyes which I was surprised Harry hadn’t commented on before; Louis had only seen them through camera and they looked a lot better than they actually were through a lens.

“It looks like you haven’t slept properly for weeks,” Harry told me, looking back at me for a second.

“Only a week,” I corrected him. “And thanks for that observation,” I carried on, the sarcasm dripping through every word.

“Sorry,” Harry apologised, and the silence between us came back, only being broken by the sound coming from the radio and the hum of the car engine. I sat back, thinking over everything that might happen when I got back to the house and my mind wandered to Niall, and stayed there. I couldn’t get him out of my mind; I couldn’t wait to see him and apologise for everything and just be back in his arms where I wanted to be. I sighed to myself, getting annoyed by the trashy crap that was being played on the radio and asked Harry if I could listen to my own iPod instead. He told me I could do whatever I wished, so I plugged myself in and listened to Ed Sheeran, Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, Kelly Clarkson and of course, One Direction, for the duration of the travelling back to my ‘home away from home’ as it had become.

We arrived an hour later, and upon opening the boot I realised I forgot my guitar. Holding back tears, I slumped against the side of the car, running my hands through my hair. I didn’t know how I would be able to survive 8 months without it; other guitars were okay but they weren’t the same as my baby.

“Katie? Are you okay?” Harry’s voice brought my hands away from my head.

“Yeah… I forgot my guitar,” I looked up at Harry as he grabbed my case out of the boot.

“We have other guitars…” he trailed off at my glare.

“You wouldn’t understand,” I said bluntly, knowing if I said anything more I’d probably burst into tears. I felt pathetic for feeling so emotional over a guitar, but only I knew how much it meant to me. I think Harry said something more to me but I didn’t listen; I only grabbed my case from him so he could unlock the front door. He stepped in first and I followed, and it was an almost surreal feeling of knowing this hallway and foyer type of thing, and knowing my way around the house.

“None of the other boys know you’re here,” Harry whispered to me, a sly smile on his face. “Have fun,”

“Oh, I will.”

“Evening boys,” Harry called through the house as he stepped into the kitchen, and three voices responded. I took a deep breath in and walked in behind Harry into the kitchen - he was fixing himself a drink of what looked like vodka and coke – and the other three were engrossed in a program on the TV. Louis had his back to me, so I put my finger to my lips, waiting for one of the boys to notice I was there and not react. I wanted to get Louis and Louis only, though if I got all three with this I wouldn’t complain. Zayn spotted me and he worked out what I was doing, so didn’t react at all. Liam and Louis on the other hand…

“What’s on your mind, sunshine,” I whispered in Louis’ ear as soon as I was close enough. I ducked as Louis’ hand came around the edge of the chair, narrowly missing my head.

“KATIE!” Louis screamed, engulfing me in a hug of a lifetime.

“Dude you nearly smacked me!” I said, laughing.

“Sorry about that. Reflex action,” Louis grinned.

“Sure,” I said as Liam took me in for a hug, and so did Zayn. “Where’s Niall?” I asked tentatively.

“In his room,” Liam replied, looking at me sympathetically. “Do you want me to come with?” I shook my head, knowing what I had to do, and wanting to do it alone.

“I know where his room is – it’s directly opposite mine.” I answered Liam’s unasked question. “I’ll take my stuff up at the same time, saves a trip upstairs…”

“We can do that later,” Louis told me, smiling gently. “Good luck.”

I knew exactly why I needed good luck as I climbed the stairs slowly, the knot in my stomach getting tighter with every step. I got to Niall’s door and knocked lightly, and there was a grunt from inside; I guessed it was permission for me to come in. I held my breath and counted to five before opening the door, mentally preparing myself for what I was about to walk into.


	10. Chapter 10

I closed my eyes as I stepped towards the door, opening it slowly as I looked around to see Niall laying in his bed, headphones on and seemingly engrossed in whatever he was doing in his laptop. There were huge bags under his eyes which could probably compete with my own, indicating that he hadn’t had the easiest weeks rest for his first half of the break. He didn’t seem to notice me or take note of who I was; his face didn't move or flicker from the sombre expression plastered on the outside, reflecting nothing about what he was feeling inside, other than boredom.

The room was the same as it was two months ago; the same black ceiling, the lava lamp in the corner of the room (switched off) and the same floor-to-ceiling window, covered by a translucent dark curtain, letting only the minimal amounts of the dusk light into the room. I stepped further into his room, not really knowing what to say or what more I should do. I decided to wait until he looked up from his laptop screen - he had to at some point or another - and I knew I was as patient as I had to be with Niall.

Another five minutes past before he flicked his eyes up to my dark shape, and did nothing but move them back down again before something clicked. His blue-grey gems darted back up to mine and it took all I had not to let the tears fall at the expression that crossed his face; wonder, disbelief and heartbreak all at the same time.

“It’s just one of those again,” Niall whispered to himself, forcing his eyes back on his computer screen and I could tell he was trying not to look back up at me.

“One of what?” I coughed, regaining my voice from not speaking for a time.

“You know what,” Niall snapped, “You're one of them.”

“Niall...” I walked towards the left side of the bed, where he was closest. “I don’t know what ‘they’ are but I do know I’m not one of them.”

I tentatively reached out to touch the top of his hand and he flinched, but I didn’t pull away.

“Katie?” Niall held his breath, not wanting to believe it was me. “They’ve never done that before…”

“I’m here,” I started, and I felt something change in him. “And I’m sorry. I should have found you before I left, I should have apologised, I should have-”

“No,” Niall cut across me firmly. “ _I_ should have found _you_. I shouldn’t have let myself get like this it’s just I missed you so much... I still do. I don’t know if I’m dreaming this or if I’m awake but you’re my sunshine; you’re something that I couldn’t lose and I didn’t want to lose you and I lost you and I didn’t know how to get you back and instead of trying I let myself fall into this...state. I told myself I’d spend only this break being like this and I had to be okay and not be like this for the tour but it won’t be the same without you so how could I be the same without you?” he paused as if he was thinking over his own question, then shook it off and carried on.

“Some people just walk into your life and make a huge impact on everything that others do and then you can’t just let them walk out again - it may take weeks, months, years, but I knew I didn’t want to lose you, to hurt you, to let you go.” By this time, tears were streaming down both mine and Niall’s faces but he didn’t stop, shoving his laptop off his lap with so much force that I heard the crunch of metal and plastic on carpet on the right side of his bed and he got up, turning himself to me.

“And what did I do? I went and fucked it all up with Harry. I should have pushed him off better, I should have stopped him before it went too far because I _knew_ it’d go further than I wanted to or further than I planned but I couldn’t do it. He was too strong and I was too compassionate - I didn't want to hurt him but I didn't want to hurt you either. He’s a brother to me, and you’re not like a sister to me... I love you, Katie. I didn’t know what I had until it was gone and you’re so much more than just some girl and I went and fucked everything up and now nothing will be the same ever again.”

I could tell this was eating Niall out from the inside for a very long time, and he had been either storing it up or practicing it out more times than I’d like to count. I took Niall tightly in my arms, not being able to cope with seeing his face full of tears for any longer. His shoulders shook as we shared one of the most emotional hugs of both of our lives, I suspected, and I didn’t want to let go of him so I started to speak quietly into his chest.

“You haven’t messed anything up,” I promised. “Harry explained everything,” Niall pulled away and looked at me with a puzzled look on his face. "He came to my house today, that’s why I'm here. I finished school early and I was just doing homework as he knocked on my door... I wasn’t the nicest person to him but I heard him out. He explained what happened from his perspective and he knows he was wrong and was sorry. I don’t blame you for any of it happening...” I trailed off, hesitant to say the next part of my thoughts.

“Remember when I got sick? And you were looking after me?” Niall nodded. “Well... I was supposed to be sleeping and I couldn’t but I didn’t want to tell you about it to worry you more, and I overheard you and Harry talking - almost arguing. I was pretty out of it at the time so I don’t remember much, only really that Harry was pushing for something more than ‘brotherly love’ and you were against it because of me.”

“I never wanted to hurt you,” Niall repeated.

“I know you didn't,” I replied, not knowing what more to say. Niall didn’t move his gaze from my green eyes, which were of a more vivid and striking green now that I’d been crying. He leaned in, but against my better judgement I stopped him.

“Promise me something,” I whispered, barely audible.

“Anything,”

“Leave all this in the past. Remember the good things and not the bad; I’m starting a clean slate with Harry so could you, too?”

“Of course,”

“And one more thing,” I said, my eyes staring into his as he nodded slowly. “Never fall back I to whatever this was again. I hate seeing you like this and having to see you so lost and so drawn away, even for such a short time, broke my heart.”

“Don't leave me,” I could hear the fear and longing in his voice and it almost set me off again.

Instead of answering, I crossed the three inches between us and pressed my lips to his. We hadn't shared a moment like this one for at least three weeks, if not more, and it became apparent with the fierce gentleness of his manner that he missed this just as much as I did, if not more. He ran his left hand down my spine to the small of my back and his right twisted around my neck, pulling me closer, as I had one hand around his neck and the running through his highlighted blonde hair. I manoeuvred myself onto the bed, not breaking the kiss we were sharing and he pulled away, taking me into his chest and smelling my hair.

I had never felt as at home as I did in that moment in Niall's arms; I could feel his relaxed body slowly drifting off to sleep and his peace slipped my mind into a deep and restful slumber in his tight embrace.

 

~*~

 

“Rise and shine!” a sing-song voice came through my sleep-filled head and brought all the memories from the previous evening back to the front of my mind. Had I really fallen asleep in Niall’s arms before 7pm? I must have been tired.

“Mmmhhmmm I'm awake I'm awake,” I protested sleepily, moving my arms around a little and smacking two people in the process.

“Ow!” Louis yelped, hitting me back.

“Payback,” I replied, nuzzling into the slowly awakening body next to me.

“Hmm...” Niall groaned as he wrapped his arms tighter around me, suddenly tensing up.

“Niall?” I questioned, worried.

“Last night actually happened?”

“You didn’t...” Louis looked at me with a grimace.

“No, we didn’t!” I defended myself and Niall.

“I wish...” Niall's body relaxed, holding me closer and I could feel him falling back to sleep.

“Shut it you," I said, pretending to be stern, poking him in the chest.

“I’m wounded,” Niall brought his hand up to his heart and stuck his tongue out at me, opening his eyes again.

“Yeah well both of you get up,” Louis said briskly, “breakfast is in ten and Eleanor and Perrie are coming over in forty five.” My heart sunk at those words, both in dread and also in nervousness. I’d never met either of them before and I didn’t know how they would react to me; I was at least two years younger than the both of them, if not three, and there was a high chance that they’d disapprove. Along with the fact of course, that they were two of the most gorgeous and skinny people on the planet and I was the polar opposite.

“I better hit the shower then,” I said with as much joy as I could muster - which wasn’t a lot - and clambered out of Niall’s bed, following Louis out of the door and heading into my room alone.

The room was the same as when I left it two months before; only the duvet covers had changed. I noticed that someone had brought my case up here when I sleeping with Niall and thanked whoever it was because all my bathroom stuff was in there. I packed lighter than last time I came to the house; I barely got through half of my case in the house and even less on the road because I ‘borrowed’ a lot of Niall’s stuff, which I worked out was a lot of Harry and Liam’s stuff too because Niall liked to borrow clothes from them, and not give stuff back. I laughed, remembering the times on tour and it suddenly hitting me that Niall still had no idea I was coming with him to America. I made a conscious decision to not tell him until I felt it was right and it was a good time to tell him, which meant I could tell him this afternoon if the conversation cropped up or it could be the day before we left.

I jumped in the shower, letting the muscles in my shoulders relax as the pressure of the hot water hit my skin. The steam from the shower quickly filled the room as I turned the heat up a little, the nerves settling in my stomach at the prospect of meeting two gorgeous young women who I could never compete with. I washed my hair quickly before stepping out of the shower, grabbing my nicest top from my case and a pair of galaxy-patterned jeans and bounded back into Niall’s room.

“Going somewhere?” he teased though I couldn’t reply, his shirtless perfectness had blown me away. “What, have I got toothpaste on my nipple or something?” I just laughed as I walked towards him, and he was searching his chest for something I was staring at.

“I was staring at you, silly,” I said after letting him search for three minutes and not finding anything but two extra chest hairs, apparently.

“What would you wanna do that for?” Niall questioned, seeming honestly puzzled. I just brought my hand to my face and kissed him on the cheek, telling him to go and put a shirt on before Louis walked in again.

After he put a shirt on, I walked downstairs a step after Niall, unable to fathom where all the nerves I was feeling at that point in time were coming from. What did it matter? They were just two people, and it didn’t matter if they liked me or not. The trouble is, it did... If they didn’t like me, it would shake the band’s schedule and social time up quite a bit, for it’d be awkward for them to be around myself and Niall if they didn’t like me.

I was tense, not being able to relieve the stress in my shoulders that I’d relaxed during my shower. I was so distracted that I didn’t notice that Niall had stopped at the bottom of the stairs and so I ran into him, cursing under my breath. He jumped out of his skin and turned to embrace me in a hug, which made him notice how nervous I was.

“Man Katie, what's wrong?” Niall asked as he pulled away. “You’re not even like this before we go on stage!”

“Meeting Eleanor and Perrie,” I admitted in no more than a whisper.

“They’re amazing girls,” Niall tried to reassure me.

“I don’t doubt that,” I said as the door slammed and three voices echoed through the house.

I clutched his hand and half-hid behind his back as he almost dragged me through into the kitchen to meet them; Louis was already in the arms of his girlfriend and Perrie was unstrapping her heels while Zayn watched, seemingly star struck. It was pretty adorable to witness, and Zayn’s face lit up when Perrie was done and snuck a kiss on his cheek.

“Hello guys- ah, look at you!” Eleanor had the biggest smile on her face as she noticed me almost hiding behind Niall's arms instead of just resting in them.

“What Eleanor?” Perrie skipped through with Zayn hot on her heels. Niall gently pushed me out from behind him and Eleanor squealed more.

“You’re so adorable!” Eleanor cooed, and I suddenly felt really young.

“I agree,” Perrie smiled at me, and gave Eleanor a look which said ‘give the girl some space’.

“Hi..?” I said tentatively, and both girls beamed.

“Can we keep her?” Eleanor turned to Niall. “Pretty pretty pretty please?”

“Sure,” Niall laughed and the pair whooped, pausing as Louis whispered something first in Eleanor’s ear, then in Niall’s.

“Yes!” Perrie said as Eleanor told her what Louis said.

“It’s up to Niall,” Louis said, sticking his tongue out first at the Irish boy and then at me.

“Hey now,” Niall countered, and wrapped a protective arm around me. “She better come out of this alive,” Perrie and Eleanor laughed as I looked around at all of them.

“Come out of what alive? What?”

“It’s a surprise,” Perrie beamed at me. “Now come on, let’s go!”

“But you just got here?” I questioned. Surely they’d want to spend time with their boyfriends before we rushed off anywhere.

“And?” Eleanor said - she really was nicer than most of Twitter depicted her and she didn’t deserve any of the hate she got - taking my hand and dragging me towards the door and away from Niall.

“Don't question them,” Harry advised me, walking through to the kitchen in just his boxers. Even though he wasn’t my most favourite person at the moment, I couldn’t deny that his body was amazing - almost as perfect as Niall’s. I took Harry's advice and didn’t question them as they dragged me out of the house, into Louis’ car and didn’t stop talking to me the whole way there. Niall and Zayn were in Zayn’s car and I was going to travel with them but Perrie insisted that I travelled with the girls and Louis, just for us to get to know each other more.

We finally stopped at the top of a multi-storey car park and clambered out of the car while waiting for Niall and Zayn to follow us. They didn’t arrive for another ten minutes; apparently Zayn had wanted to go the right way but Niall knew a shortcut and said it would beat Louis’ car to the top, but of course that failed and they got lost.

How you can get lost in a multi-storey car park with a one way system I have no idea, but Zayn and Niall managed it.

Wandering out of the car park, I walked down the street hand in hand with Niall - it was a Thursday morning and most of the fans were in school so Niall didn't have to hide under a disguise and neither did the other boys with their girlfriends. I didn’t know what we were doing; all I knew was that I’d be alone with Eleanor and Perrie without the boys because, according to Perrie, I had to spend some ‘quality bonding time’ with the pair of them. I’d groaned on the inside because I knew this could only mean one thing but Eleanor and Perrie seemed all for it; the pair went out all the time together when the boys were on tour, or that's what Louis said, and they had a new person in their ranks so bonding time was ‘essential’.

Even though I was walking with Niall behind her and Perrie, Eleanor was constantly turning around and chatting to me about things which I wasn’t really interested in or honestly had no idea what it was about, but I didn’t mind. It meant she liked me and that’s all I was really worried about; the same with Perrie. After a time I think she caught on that I wasn’t really listening and gradually left me out of the conversation, rejoining Perrie and walking side by side with her, their boyfriends left on the outside of them both. I couldn’t help but laugh at the formation as Niall and I stayed about three steps behind them, talking about guitars.

Eleanor and Perrie suddenly stopped outside a very expensive looking store and turned, grabbing my wrist of the hand which Niall wasn't holding and almost dragging me inside before I had the chance to blink.

“Bye then,” Niall stuck his tongue out at me and jogged the couple of steps to catch up with Louis and Zayn, who had both stopped to see what their girlfriends were doing.

“If I don’t come back, write on my death certificate ‘Death by Shoes’” I told him completely seriously as Perrie rolled her eyes playfully and Niall just laughed. I said my goodbyes as the boys walked away, going back to their earlier conversation as Eleanor took me by the arm and forced me through the glass revolving door of the store.

I had no idea where to start; shelves upon shelves of shoes lined the walls in perfected marble and glass cases, while there were displays of jeans, shirts and dresses in the middle of the floor. I just gazed up in wonder at everything around me while Perrie had already picked out a pair of shoes she liked and were in her size and Eleanor was eyeing up a skimpy floral dress that I knew would suit her with just one glance.

Perrie turned away from the shoes she was holding and walked over to me, obviously noticing I had no idea what I was doing (I hadn’t moved an inch while they were wandering around the shop). She gestured for me to follow her through the store and I did so, taking in all the racks of clothes around me and quickly decided to let the girls pick out my outfits that they wanted me to try on, for I didn’t really have a clue about anything when it came to shopping for clothes.

 

~*~

 

“I really don’t think this is a dress… can you find me some jeans?” I called from the dressing room.

“It’s a dress I swear!” Eleanor protested as Perrie laughed.

“Seriously El you can see _everything_ if I bend over…”

“Don’t bend over then! Come out, I wanna see how gorgeous you look.”

I looked myself up and down one last time in the mirror before letting Eleanor and Perrie see the final dress they picked out for me. I’d put on five before; three of them weren’t really my style and the other two I would never have chosen in a million years, though all five didn’t make me look horrible, though they didn’t really do me any favours either. That opinion wasn’t shared however; both girls insisted that I looked gorgeous in each one of them and decided after each one to buy them and I suspected that this little number wouldn’t be any different.

I sighed and walked out, subconsciously pulling the dress down so it was another inch closer to my knees which felt miles away from the deep purple fabric. The two girls squealed simultaneously, throwing compliments my way quicker than they had on the other dresses.

“This is gorgeous!”

“You look stunning!”

“It suits you so well!”

“We _have_ to get this one!”

I let them go on and on until they seemed to stop, and I was allowed to step out of the spotlight they created for me and change back into clothes I was actually comfortable in. I was dreading the rest of the day because we weren’t even half done; shoes and makeovers were also needed apparently. We walked out of the shop and I kept a couple of steps behind Eleanor and Perrie, who were discussing different types of mascara, and tried to imagine having headphones in. It didn’t work well.

We stopped off at a Starbucks though didn’t stay in there long, for Perrie got noticed and things started to get a little crazy. We started heading back to the shop which we came from and a store took my eye whilst Eleanor and Perrie didn’t even bat an eyelid.

“Can I go in here?” I piped up, and they both turned.

“Sure,” Perrie smiled over at Eleanor, and they exchanged a look which I knew meant something, but didn’t know what. “We’ll meet you back at the Apple store in half an hour? I think Louis wanted to get the new iPhone5c or something so we’ll stay in there until he comes along.”

“Sounds good,” I grinned, happy with the prospect that it didn’t seem like we were going clothes shopping anymore. “I’ll see you in half an hour then,”

“Bye!” the girls called out as I entered the guitar store.

I was blown away by the sheer size of the store; the only music store I had been in previously to this one was tiny, and didn’t just house guitars – a whole range of instruments were sold – whereas this store focussed completely on guitars and accessories (strings, cases, straps etc). I just stood for a minute and observed the whole store, before my eyes were drawn to a beautiful dark brown electro-acoustic guitar, varnished so well that the lights from the ceiling reflected back into my eyes from the bodywork.

“You wanna try it?” a kind voice came from behind me, which made me jump. I turned around and saw a middle-aged man with a soft face and gentle smile, in the shop’s uniform and a deep blue lanyard around his neck.

“Please,” I smiled back as he manoeuvred past me, unclipping the guitar from the wall and carefully handing it to me. There was a black strap already attached to the guitar so I slung it over my shoulder, making sure I didn’t hit or break anything on the way, and strummed an open chord. The sound she made was amazing, like nothing I’ve ever heard before from a guitar and I fell in love in an instant. I started stringing two chords together, then playing four, and then strumming out songs that I knew.

“You sure know now to treat a guitar right,” the assistant said as I reluctantly took off the strap and he put the guitar back on the wall.

“Thanks,” I replied, giving myself another minute to look at the guitar before turning to the rest of the store. “It’s such a beauty,”

“I know,” he smiled and wandered through the store with me for another fifteen minutes, giving me details on the rest of the guitars in the shop before I had to meet Perrie and Eleanor on the next floor in the Apple store, presumably with Louis.

I walked back up to the Apple store, quickly spotting Louis with Eleanor at the front of the nearly deserted shop (it was 2pm on a school day) and Perrie near the back, looking over the cases for Apple products. I wondered where Niall and Zayn were but I guessed they were still at the local football stadium, though it confused me a little why Louis didn’t stay with them for the same amount of time.

Louis noticed me first as I came up the escalator and his smile faltered as he saw me alone. I gave him a puzzled look and he motioned for me to come to him as Eleanor went off by herself to check out the huge new mac touchscreen computers.

“Where’s Niall and Zayn?” he asked me as soon as I was near enough to hear him.

“I thought they were with you,” I said back, a stupid sickening feeling starting to blossom in my stomach.

“They were,” Louis paused.

“So where are they now?”

“They told me they’d meet me back here fifteen minutes ago,” I wondered why Louis sounded so worried; it was only fifteen minutes and it wasn’t like they were toddlers.

“Don't worry Lou,” I reassured him. “They’re not kids; they’ll just have lost track of time or something.”

“No, Niall said he wanted to find you and knew exactly where to go, so I expected them to be later than I expected but I thought they’d come back with you, if they kept to my expectations.”

“Well he must have gotten that a little wrong,” I laughed, though it didn’t seem to ease Louis’ tension.

After a couple of seconds, I spoke again. “Why don’t you call one of them? They must have their phones on them,”

“I tried Zayn just before you came up, but no answer.”

“Want me to call Niall?”

“Nah, I’ll do it.” Louis stepped outside the shop and dialled a number, holding the phone to his ear. After a few more seconds he swiped the phone away from his head in frustration and for a moment I thought he was going to throw it down to the ground floor, but put it in his pocket instead.

“No answer?” I guessed as Louis walked back to me, and he shook his head sharply, his worry already surpassing into anger.

“Louis, seriously, you need to loosen up a little,” I tried to talk sense into him.

“They’ll be _fine_. Why are you so worked up?”

“I’ve just got one of those feelings,” Louis replied bluntly as Eleanor walked over.

“Seriously Loubear,” Eleanor cut in as she wrapped an arm around Louis’ waist. “It’s only been twenty minutes. Stop panicking."

"I’ll try Niall, and if he doesn’t answer I’ll try to find them, alright?" I said trying to help, along with needing to get away from Louis’ fretting nature as it was starting to rub off on me and I knew I had to stay calm.

“But-”

“No buts. Okay? They’re fine, I’m sure,” I reassured Louis as I scrolled through my phone, found Niall’s contact and pressed call. The line rung for a minute and then went to answer phone, showing that he had his phone on but it was probably on silent or had left it somewhere. I sighed, wanting Niall to pick up to calm myself down, along with Louis, who had shaken up my mind as well as his own.

“No answer,” I said, and I could see Louis tense up. “I’ll go find them. If they’re where I think they are, it won’t take long to find them. I’ll call you as soon as I find them and if they come back here, you call me alright?" Louis nodded.

I started out of the Apple store and down the escalator parallel to the one I came up not fifteen minutes ago. I was sure Louis was overreacting and I wasn’t really doing this for my sake; more for his and to just put my mind at ease. I walked past a grand total of three people throughout the shopping centre - even I was surprised at the tiny amount of people here, even for this time of day - and back to the guitar shop I came from, expecting to see Niall and Zayn testing out a couple of new guitars for the tour; Niall always got at least one new one for long parts of the tour like the America/Canada leg.

Much to my surprise, they weren’t in the store and hadn’t been since I left; the assistant noticed my edge of panic picked up from Louis and asked if he could help, and after questioning him on seeing the two boys (which he denied) I let myself take one good look at the gorgeous guitar from earlier and left the store.

I had no idea where to head next, so I went up to the food court to see if I could spot them wandering around anywhere, for the food court was the highest place in the mall, when I got a call. I checked the caller ID and answered it on the second ring, much to Louis’ delight.

“They’re back,” he said, feeling the relief in his voice even down the phone line.

“What did I tell you?” I answered back and Louis shushed me from the other end. “I’ll be five minutes, if that.”

“Where are you?”

“Food court. Thought it was the best area to spot the pair as it’s the highest you can go in this place.”

“Great logic,” Louis laughed. “But we’ll meet you up there. I don’t know about the rest of them but I’m starved. Give us ten minutes; Zayn’s just spotted the new MacBook so it might take a bit of persuasion to drag him away from this place.” I laughed and agreed before putting the phone down and grabbing a table opposite KFC, so I didn’t have to be dragged into the hustle-and-bustle of a working fast food restaurant.

It was almost another twenty minutes before the boys came up the escalator for the food court, and the first thing I noticed was a new guitar case slung over Niall’s back, though it was a hard case so you couldn’t tell if there was a guitar inside or not. I grinned having not seen him for over four hours at this point and he took the seat next to me, firstly trying to balance the guitar case against the table and then giving up, sliding it under said table with the neck facing us. Louis sat opposite us next to Eleanor and Zayn and Perrie sat opposite each other on the other end of the table; Zayn sat near Niall and Perrie sat near Eleanor.

“Can I see?” I asked Niall as the other two couples went to get food for the six of us.

“No,” Niall stuck out his tongue at me. “It’s a surprise,” he explained as I pouted.

“Why is it a surprise?” I pushed, also sticking my tongue out to even the field.

“Because it’s... Because it is,” Niall backed up.

“But that's not fair! I wanna see how pretty your guitar is.”

“Who said it was a guitar?” he teased.

“Well it's a guitar case...”

“And?” Niall grinned at me and then beamed as Louis brought the food over.

“Sorry it took so long,” Zayn apologised with a grimace as he sat down. “Cashier recognised us and got us to sign almost everything in the shop and her own personal possessions,”

“I was surprised she didn’t ask for her boobs to be signed to be completely honest,” Perrie joked as she picked up a piece of chicken.

“I give up with my diet,” Eleanor declared, delicately putting a piece of popcorn chicken into her mouth.

“Amen to that,” Perrie laughed as she took a bite and I giggled because in the time that the girls had said that, Niall was on his second thigh. I hadn't touched anything. Niall offered me a piece and I shook my head with Louis watching me.

“I’m not really that hungry,” I said, and the two boys and Eleanor looked concerned at me; Zayn and Perrie were deep in a food sharing session to notice anything else. It was adorable and a little sickening at the same time, though that might have been just me.

“You okay?” Niall asked, and I nodded as I took a sip of my diet Pepsi, half because I was thirsty and half to enforce that I was okay. Louis gave me a look which said ‘speak to me later’ and I pretended not to see, unnaturally launching myself straight into Zayn and Niall’s newest conversation about music tastes before and after the band.


	11. Chapter 11

_I was alone. I was stood still for once, not being able to move even if I wanted to - which I didn't. I took in the environment around me and it felt bone-chillingly similar to something but I couldn't put my finger on what as I traced my eyes around the circle which seemed to encase me in some sort of force field. A flash of light cut across my line of vision and I twisted my head around to see where the bolt of lightning hit behind me. A lifeless form of human before suddenly jolted into life, making me jump and suddenly realise who it was. I cried out as in the second breath he took, a slim black branch wrapped itself around his abdomen and threw him against the marble wall of the place which I suddenly recognised as a gear in my brain clicked._

_“Welcome to the City of Bones,” a voice echoed eerily through the tiny underground room I was trapped in. I screamed and bashed against my restraints, wanting to get to the once again lifeless form that was Niall but the force keeping me back kept strong, and I wasn't able to break it. Eventually I was too exhausted to keep fighting the barrier and gave up; sinking to the floor as a whisper came echoing through the room._

_“You’re weak. You didn’t even try. You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve him.” On the final word, he was slammed up against the wall again and I could see his head bleeding, so I tripled my efforts from before to get to him, but it still wasn’t nearly enough. I gave up after another fifteen minutes and sat with my head in my hands, too tired to even cry when the voice came for a third time._

_“He hates you. He wants you to hurt yourself. You’re not thin enough for him. You’re not pretty enough for him.”_

_Suddenly he jolted towards me like a ragdoll, a hundred times quicker than I’d seen him be moved before this second and my vision went black in the same second that he slammed into me._

I jumped awake, sitting straight up and breathing heavily. I knew tears were rolling down my face but I didn’t really feel them; a kind of numbness spread throughout my body and suddenly I felt them. I knew what they were and what I had to do to get them to disappear, and I wished I was strong enough to battle them. This type of thing had happened so many times that it was almost normal for me and I knew it shouldn’t be that way, but it was. I also knew why the nightmare happened and it was a pretty pathetic reason, so I knew I wouldn’t be sharing that anytime soon.

I slipped out of my bed and padded to the bathroom, not bothering to check the time because I didn’t see much relevance in it. I could tell that it was some stupid hour of the morning and it didn’t really matter to me the details; all I knew that I was weak enough to cave into urges and let the nightmare get to me, as well as bringing what I needed with me. I knew it would happen sooner or later, and it was just a matter of time before I used them again, because I wasn’t okay, no matter what I said.

I was aware of nothing for around half an hour, and seemed to suddenly snap back into reality once the sun started to peek through the curtains of the bathroom. This meant it was around seven thirty, maybe a little earlier, so I decided to take a shower and not try and go back to sleep. I knew if I slept again, the whole process would just be repeated and, now back in a decent state of mind, I wanted to avoid that at all costs.

The shower made my wrist sting but I didn’t really care, it just meant my shower was shorter than usual. I got dressed, just shoving a pair of jeans and a short sleeved top on, and checked the time for the first time since I was awake. It was 6.49am, earlier than I thought but was still a decent time to go downstairs. I shrugged my jacket back on and sighed, knowing this would probably become part of my morning routine once again.

I wandered slowly downstairs, not wanting to wake anyone on my way. I encountered no one until I headed into the kitchen, and to my surprise Louis was standing there staring at the counter, seemingly waiting for the kettle to boil even though he hadn't actually turned anything on. He wasn't a morning person.

I crept up behind him and flicked the switch of the kettle and it suddenly turned on, and Louis whipped around, his tensed face softening at the sight of me.

“Why are you up so early?” he asked me.

“Just woke up,” I lied, subconsciously pulling at my sleeve and Louis noticed.

“What are you wearing that for?” Louis pointed at my blue jacket and looked puzzled as he was standing there in just his boxers and a flimsy top.

“Cold,” I replied and Louis stared me down. “What? It was freezing in my room when I woke up. Don’t look at me like that.”

The excuse usually worked with my mum, but not with Louis. He turned as the kettle switched itself off having boiled the water and poured himself a cup of coffee.

“Want one?” Louis asked out of courtesy, even though he knew I didn’t like tea nor coffee.

“Nah I’m fine,” I replied, and he kept his gaze on me.

“Surely if you’re cold, you want a hot drink?” I knew where this was going.

“I don’t like tea or coffee, Lou...” I trailed off and he wandered to the fridge to get the milk.

“So? We’ve got herbal tea, and latte stuff, and hot chocolate,” Louis pushed.

“I’m really not in the mood, Louis.”

I tried to get him off my back by walking through into the front room and turned the TV on for the end of the 7am news. He made his tea and followed me through, sitting on the sofa opposite to the one I was perched on.

I never did feel completely comfortable on these couches by myself; I loved laying on them with Niall or squishing up to Louis and Liam to watch a film, but that was it.

“What are you keeping from me?” I didn't move my eyes away from the TV screen at Louis’ words.

“Nothing,” I replied, not too quickly.

This usually brought my mum onto a different subject; the same with Harry and Liam (who I had both hidden it from on the tour and I still have no idea how) but it didn’t with Louis. I could feel his eyes on me throughout the ending bulletins of the show and he kept silent as the room started to heat up.

“Why?” I questioned, almost in tears at what Louis had done; even if it was for my own good.

“I didn’t want you to be cold,” he tried to be innocent and it made me sick.

“That’s a lie.”

“So was yours,” Louis retorted, and I didn’t have an answer to that.

“You know exactly what I’m not telling you, so why are you making me say?”

“I don't. That’s why I want you to say it and I don’t want to make assumptions.” I could only see this ending in an argument which I really didn’t want to be caught up in.

“You do.” I glared at him before deciding to get away from him. “I’m going downstairs. I don't want to see anyone unless it's something important.”

“You’re importa-”

“No, I’m not.” I cut him off. “Don’t test me Louis, because you don’t want to see it.” I stormed off with the empty threat of seeing me angry; all I really wanted to do was cry and I couldn't let that happen in front of him.

I tripped on my way down the stairs and fell the last three steps to the bottom, landing on my left shoulder. I cursed and it took everything not to cry out at the pain; the last thing I wanted was Louis coming down to investigate then never letting me out of his sight again. I bit down hard into the sleeve of my jacket, whining in pain into the fabric, before leaning against the bottom step and sitting up, tentatively testing out my shoulder. A shot of pain went through my arm from my wrist almost to my neck and I groaned, knowing what this meant. Yay for slings. Unless...

Niall’s guitar was hanging on the wall in its usual spot, and I carefully managed to get it down with just my right arm, resting it in my lap and testing out a few chords. It hurt, but not as much as when I tested it out earlier and I took this as a good sign, even if I was starting to feel a tiny uncomfortable feeling near the small of my back. I started up a melody of chords and didn't really know where I was going with it, but had to do something to put myself off the pain.

After a while, the slow ache in my shoulder started to throb too much for me to even play. Setting the guitar aside and crawling over to grab a microphone, I practiced just singing into it until I thought I should probably get up and try to stand for the first time in about an hour. A pain shot through me; I had to lean up against the nearest wall to be able to stand and even then I couldn’t for long, sinking to the floor. Instead of screaming his name, I texted Louis and he came down almost instantly.

I watched the colour drain from his face as he ran towards me, bending down to come to my level. Was the pain I was feeling really that obvious? I had to get better at hiding things.

“What happened?” he asked concerned, when I didn’t say anything.

“I may have kinda tripped down the stairs.”

“Katie...” Louis groaned. “What hurts?”

I assumed everything wouldn't be a helpful answer. “My shoulder and a little bit on my back.”

“How much is a little bit?”

“A little more than a little bit,” I didn't look at him.

“Can you stand?”

“Not for long. I’ve tried, and it hurt,” I yelped as Louis tried to help me up via my bad shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Louis apologised. “I’ll have to get someone else to help me; I don’t want you doing any more damage with just me supporting you up the stairs.”

“No I’m okay,” I protested as I got up by myself and started towards the stairs, leaning heavily on the wall. I took another two steps and I could see spots in my vision, finally deciding to give up and slid down the wall in pain.

“Stay. There.” Louis told me sternly as he went running back up the stairs, and I put my head in my hands. The tour was in less than a week; I couldn’t have this happen now. I had to at least be able to fly over to the US, even if I couldn’t go on stage for a while. I had to go. There was no question.

I heard two sets of footsteps come back down the stairs, one of which was Louis’ and the other of which I didn’t know; it definitely wasn’t Niall because the footsteps were too light for his walk.

“Goddammit Katie!” I knew who it was as soon as he said that.

“I’m sorry Harry, I didn’t-”

“You’ve really fucked this up haven’t you! How the _fuck_ are you supposed to fly like this?! You’ve probably broken something in your back and I’m-”

“Harold Edward Styles you keep your mouth shut.” Louis cut in, and Harry looked lost for words at Louis’ sudden outburst. “It’s not her fault and I’m pretty sure she’s in a lot of pain. If you don’t shut your trap I’ll send you back upstairs and go and wake Liam.”

“Sorry Lou,” Harry mumbled obviously embarrassed at his small fit of anger.

“It’s not me you should be apologising to.” Harry apologised to me and after a quick check over by Louis, he decided to try and get me up the stairs with Harry.

Louis took my right side and Harry took my left, and it did help more than I expected having one person either side of me, though it didn’t lessen the pain I felt half being dragged up the small staircase. I grabbed the closest hand to my hand - which happened to be Harry’s - and squeezed as hard as I could so I didn’t cry out in pain. I wanted to make it seem like it wasn’t that bad, but as soon as I got to the top of the stairs and the boys laid me out on the bigger sofa, Harry piped up.

“Fucking hell,” he said, massaging his hand I’d been crushing. “You’ve got a strong grip when you want to, Jesus Christ.” I just nodded, closing my eyes to try and lessen the pain I was feeling in that second. It failed.

“Morning boys, Katie-” Zayn came down the right staircase and stopped in his tracks. “Okay what happened this time?”

“Stairs,” Louis said, coming back in the room with an ice pack, though I had no idea where he’d put it.

“What hurts?” I heard for the second time.

“Back and shoulder,” I told him without opening my eyes.

“Shit. That could be serious you know,” Zayn informed us. “My mate fell down the stairs once and hurt his back, never got it checked out and then it ended up that he needed surgery.”

“Great news,” I whined as Louis pressed the ice to my shoulder.

“Someone go wake Niall while I call 999 then,” Harry announced and Zayn fled up the stairs to Niall’s room.

“No wait no it’s not that bad I don’t need to-”

“Katie.”

“Louis.”

“You need to go.”

“No I don’t I honestly don’t I’m fine I swear,” I tried to argue but I knew in a second that it wasn’t going to get me anywhere.

“Katie...”

“They’ll _see_ ,” I said in a whisper which terrified me more than anything at the time.

“Show me,” Louis looked around - Liam had gone into the kitchen, Harry was still on the phone and Zayn were nowhere to be seen.

“Louis, I don’t…”

“Please,”

I was in too much pain to protest further; all I really wanted to do was sleep. He took my arm gently and rolled my left sleeve up, running his hand over the two small scratches.

“They’re not the worst I’ve seen you do... Just be careful and give them the other arm if they want to take tests okay?” I nodded. “And even if they notice, which I’m pretty confident they won’t, I’m sure One Direction can persuade the doctors out of anything they want to give you or who they want you to see,” Louis winked and made me feel better as I rolled down the sleeve again. “Seriously, they probably won’t even take a second glance. Trust me.”

“LOUIS!” Harry called through from the next room.

“I’ll be back in a bit. Whatever you do, stay awake, okay?” I nodded, though I could feel my eyes dropping and all I wanted was to fall asleep. I really tried to stay awake, for Louis, and I had time just to watch Niall and Zayn crash down the stairs and burst into the front room before the pain finally took over and the world went black.

 

~*~

 

I woke up to the single beep of a monitor to my left, and immediately tried to pull the oxygen mask from my face when a familiar hand stopped it. I opened my eyes, the glare of the hospital lights making me squint and wanting to close them again.

“Katie,” Niall looked at me, still having my hand in his. I knew I couldn’t say anything with the stupid mask on my face, and so I made a second effort to pull it away from my face but Niall stopped me once again, giving me a gentle look of ‘wait’.

“Louis went to get the doctor. Just be patient.” Niall smiled at me and Louis came back with the doctor, who also gave me a gentle smile. I motioned to the mask and the doctor nodded, so I pulled it away from my face and actually breathed for myself for the first time in what felt like forever. I thought it would hurt, but surprisingly it didn’t; I was either on painkillers or all fine.

I suspected the first.

“That was quite some fall,” the doctor laughed and checked my charts at the end of the bed. “Though, it’s pretty handy knowing these guys. They were begging for you to be in here; they nearly paid me to let you have a room by yourself, for the hopefully limited time you’ll be in this place.” I glared at the boys, making a mental note to remind them not to do things like that for me.

“I told you not to fall asleep,” Louis told me, a smile dancing around his mouth.

“I’m sor-” I said, coughing from the lack of water. Niall and Louis went into panic mode, both trying at the same time to get the oxygen mask back on before I had chance to signal that all I needed was a drink. Needless to say, with both of them freaking out around me, it failed. I rolled my eyes at them as a nurse bustled in with a drink and a meal - which made me feel nauseous just looking at it - and I shoved the mask off and took a sip.

“It hurt, okay?” I said reproachfully at the pair of them.

“I know,” Louis said softly. “I'm just glad you weren’t under for too long.”

“You’re pretty lucky, actually,” the doctor informed me. “You dislocated your shoulder and you’ve got some pretty heavy bruising at the bottom of your back, but nothing’s broken. You also sustained a concussion somehow or another, so we’re going to have to keep you overnight as per protocol." I sighed in relief, though a shot of pain went through me and I winced. This would be a fun couple of recovering weeks.

“You okay?” Niall asked me, picking up on my pain.

“Yeah, I’m just lying in a hospital bed, I’m completely fine." I rolled my eyes once again.

“Great question Niall,” Louis shot at him before turning back to the doctor.

“You’ll have to be on bed rest for at least a week before doing anything strenuous - two to three weeks would be ideal.” I groaned, remembering the flight was in six days.

“When can I fly?”

“Why would you need to fly?” Niall cut in, looking at me puzzled.

“I’ll explain later,” Louis told him, so he fell silent again.

“You’ve only got bruising, so I’d say until you feel completely comfortable with it. Depending on how fast the bruising goes down, because it changes for every person; you could probably fly in five days, though I wouldn’t advise you to fly at all in economy class.”

“That won’t be a problem,” Louis spoke for me, and I was glad. I really just wanted to close my eyes and concentrate on getting the pain to go away, though I knew this was important.

“In business class, or first class, you’ve just got to be careful. I wouldn’t do anything like these boys are for another month; my daughters are huge fans and I’ve seen the Up All Night tour movie I don't know how many times because of them, so I know exactly what they’re like on stage,” The doctor laughed along with Louis, though Niall seemed too concerned with me to listen anymore.

“I’ll give you some time to rest,” the doctor carried on. “Or to spend time with these guys, though if you’re tired, do sleep; don’t let them keep you up. It’s mainly your body trying to heal the bruising, and it heals faster in sleep than when you're awake.”

“Okay,” I replied, now wanting the doctor to leave so I could question Louis and Niall on everything that happened. “I’ll leave you alone. Don’t be afraid to call if you need anything,” the doctor smiled and left.

“Where are the others?” I asked, as soon as the door swung shut.

“In the waiting room,” Louis answered. “The doctor said that only two of us could be at a time until you woke up, so...”

“Both of you... how long have you been here?” I didn't know the time, though I could see sun shining through the opaque curtains covering the window. Niall was unusually quiet, just staring at me and squeezing my hand in his.

“I haven't been here for the whole time,” Louis answered slowly. “You were under for around three hours, one of which you were at home and in the ambulance. You’ve been stable the whole time, though Niall was making the whole situation a little more dramatic than needs be...”

“I was worried, okay?” Niall's voice cracked, and he pushed his head into the flimsy covers of the bed.

“Talk later,” I told Louis, wanting some alone time with Niall to see what was really going through his mind.

"I'll let the rest come up in fifteen?" Louis asked me, and I nodded, even though I knew I’d probably be passed out again by then. "As much as they might not show it, they're all worried sick too."

After those words, Louis smiled at me and left. I couldn’t move much because the pain restricted my movements, but with some difficulty, I moved my arm to Niall’s back and rubbed it. He looked up to me with his tear stained eyes and hesitated before launching into me, his shoulders shaking as I buried my face into them.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay," I tiredly reassured him. “Shh… it’s okay, don't give me that..” I begged, hating watching Niall cry. “You’ll start me off... and I’m pretty sure it’ll hurt, crying.” I smiled as he laughed hollowly into my chest before straightening up, still not letting go of my hand.

"I was just worried you wouldn’t wake," Niall’s voice shook, and I shuddered as I thought of the situation reversed, wincing.

“I am awake though… I wasn’t under for that long.”

“The doctor said you wouldn’t be but I was just scared.”

“It’s okay to be scared, but I'm awake, and with you…that’s all that matters,"

“I know,” Niall hugged me again, and noticed my tenseness as he did so. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it just…hurts.” I admitted. “And I’m tired...”

“Go to sleep then,” Niall encouraged. “When the rest of them come up, I’ll explain everything, okay? I was listening to the doctor even though I know you thought I wasn’t," Niall stuck his tongue out, and he was right. “You just sleep.”

“I wanna…keep talking to you though...” I protested groggily, though I could feel my body dragging me into sleep again.

“I can wait. I’m okay now I’ve spoken to you and you’re better than half an hour ago,” Niall told me. “I need to talk to Louis when he comes back anyway,”

I just mumbled back before falling back into the darkness, though it was softer and more comfortable than the last.

 

~*~

 

A wall of pain hit me and I curled over instinctively, which actually made it worse. I let myself wince as I pushed myself up into a sitting position, spotting Harry, Niall, Louis and Liam play cards on the table to the left of the end of my bed, furthest away from the door. I half smiled as Harry threw his cards down saying he had Rummy, and the three other boys sighed, throwing their cards at Harry who proceeded to collect them up and start to shuffle them for another game.

Niall looked up from the table and glanced at me, his face suddenly splitting into a huge smile.

“Katie!” Niall said, and the boys all looked ago at once. I tried to smile and move myself into a more comfortable position and grimaced, whining in pain. Niall’s face fell and he ran over to me in seconds, dropping down to my level and taking my hand again.

“What’s wrong?!”

“Hurts,” I managed to say before burying my face in the hospital pillow.

“Painkiller must have worn off because she’s been sleeping,” Louis said, pressing the call button for the nurse.

“It’ll be okay,” Niall reassured me as the nurse came bustling in. I heard Louis and Liam’s low voices talking to the nurse as I felt her fiddling around with the two needles, one in each arm. I guessed one supplied pain killers and the other was an IV, though I didn’t really know or care, because I hated thinking about them.

“You feeling any better?” Liam asked after another five minutes, and I nodded, opening my eyes at the lessening pain in my back.

 “Still can't believe you’re all here,” I slurred, feeling the medicine making me drowsy already.

“Well, all of us bar one.” Harry chuckled.

“Someone had to stay at the house,” Liam defended Zayn.

“It was _nothing_ to do with the fact that his girlfriend staying over before her band’s Australia tour,” Louis rolled his eyes.

“It’s fine, I understand, honestly,” I laughed, and it didn’t hurt too much; the painkillers must have been kicking in properly now and I could feel it overpowering any sense of logic or reasoning I had.

“I’m gonna go back to the house to see Zayn,” Louis announced. “It's like 8pm so I won’t be back tonight; I’ll be back tomorrow, hopefully you’ll be out by then.” He smiled and came up to me, kissing my forehead and whispering “feel better” in my ear. I nodded and he left, and Liam decided he’d do the same and grab Louis’ car back home.

“I feel sleepy...” I told Niall and Harry honestly.

“Go to sleep love,” Niall smiled at me and let go of my hand. “When you wake up, I’ll be here and we can go home, I promise.”

I nodded again and closed my eyes, expecting sleep to take me as soon as I kept them closed for longer than a blink, but it didn’t happen. My breathing slowed and regulated - I could tell by beep of the heart monitor I had no idea why I was hooked up to - though I still didn’t fall completely asleep.

I’d reached the stage between consciousness and sleep when I heard Harry and Niall talking together.

“Thank you,” Niall’s voice still gave me shivers, though I tried my hardest not to change position or breathing speed.

“For?” Harry asked.

“Not going home with Liam and Louis. I didn’t want to be alone with her, incase…”

“I knew that. It’s one of the reasons why I stayed.” Harry hesitated.

“The other ones being?”

“She’s like a sister to me.”

“She’s like a sister to us all - apart from me, obviously.”

“Mmmm.” Harry stopped again.

“You’re lying to me Harry, I can tell.”

“You’d just laugh at me…”

“I won’t. I promise.”

“I didn’t want to go back to Louis.”

“You what?” I could tell just by Niall's voice how surprised he was.

“I don’t _know_ Nialler... I’m still confused.”

“About?”

“About boys and girls and stuff.”

“Are you coming out as bisexual to me?”

“I guess so... But Louis is the only one who brings it out in me. I tried it with you-”

“Don’t remind me.”

“Sorry. But with you there was nothing, I feel nothing like _that_ but it’s different with Louis.”

“Have you ever kissed him?”

“I wish.” Harry replied bitterly. “He’s got Eleanor; it’d rip the band apart.”

“You may have a point there.” Niall conceded, and the pair fell silent for another longish period of time before Harry broke it; I still wasn’t asleep.

“It’s 9.30pm Niall, we need to go.”

“I’m not going.” Niall said firmly.

“Mate...”

“What if she gets worse?”

“Dude, she’s only been bruised and it’s just a concussion. The worst thing that’ll happen will be that she’ll wake up and the painkillers will have worn off again, and that’s easily fixable.”

“You don’t know that,”

“No, you’re being paranoid. Please mate, come home with me,”

“I'm not leaving her.”

“You don’t have a car to get home, after I leave...”

“I don’t care because I don’t need one. I can sleep in that chair over there,”

“Niall.”

“Harry.”

“Please,”

“No.” Harry groaned, seemingly giving up.

“I’ll see you in the morning then, I guess,” Harry sighed, and Niall didn’t reply. I guessed he nodded because I heard the door swing open and slam shut, and Niall took a deep breath in and let it out shakily, like he was trying not to cry. I didn’t want to open my eyes but it was killing me not seeing, though just before I was about to open them Niall started talking to himself.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being there for you like Louis is. I’m sorry for doing this the cowardly way, and saying it while you’re sleeping and not to your face, but I couldn’t do it any other way. I’m so worried about you Katie, and I just want you to be okay. That’s all I want and all I’ve ever wanted... You look so peaceful there. Too peaceful, and that’s why I didn’t want to go back with Harry. I couldn’t just leave you; I’ve left you before and I hated every second of it and... I need to be here. The other boys don’t understand because this type of thing hasn’t happened to Perrie or Eleanor or any of Liam or Harry’s girlfriends and I can’t even being to describe it I just...” Niall sighed, letting out a tiny whimper before continuing.

“I don’t want to lose you, in any way shape or form. I hate hospitals. People’s lives are lost here more than any other place and I hate that. I hate being surrounded by hurt and death and longing and I just want you home safe, even if you are sick and can’t fly. At least at home you’re well enough to _be_ at home and not in this place. At least at home we can curl up on the sofa if it doesn’t hurt too much and watch soppy movies together and not even pay attention. I just like holding you in my arms and us both looking after each other. I didn’t see the light before you, and all I see is darkness after you. I want to keep the light in my life and this is a feeling like no other - I know we’re young but you know what? I don’t care. I don’t _care_ because all I care about is you and the band and now you’re coming on the tour with us...” I could feel the smile through his voice, making it clear that Louis and Harry had explained everything to him.

“Just be okay. Just hang on in there for another while longer and we can go home tomorrow and have Chinese every night - I know it’s your favourite - and just be okay. Don’t get any worse, for your sake. I know you hate being bed bound and by the looks of it you’ll be like that for a while but we can watch movies, and you can still sing when you get strong enough to and sooner or later we’ll be back on stage together and will have the time of our lives. I promise. Okay? Just be okay.”

There was a period of silence where I nearly fell asleep, being woken out of the trace of almost-sleep by the falling feeling that everyone got once in a while. I must have jumped a little because I felt Niall’s hand squeeze mine tighter again - he hadn’t once let go since I told him I was tired.

“I’m going to join you in sleep now,” Niall whispered after a few more minutes. “I’m still here, and I always will be.” His hand slackened grip or a second and I heard a light scrape of the chair as he drew it closer to my bed, I assumed, and he tightened my hand again after a few more seconds. I squeezed it back a little before finally falling into sleep with Niall by my side.

 

~*~

 

Three days before the flight and I still hadn’t really gotten any better. I was alright when I was dosed up on pain medicine but as soon as that started to wane, the pain came back in floods and I was sick of it already. I’d spent the last two and a half days in the same space on the sofa, sometimes with Niall cuddling up to me - but this day he had a press junket to do with the boys about the American leg.

I wanted to go back to sleep but I could feel the medication wearing off already; I’d been moved to a different painkiller because the other one made me too drowsy to do a single thing but at least it worked for a decent amount of time, whereas this one didn’t. It was starting to hurt to breathe and when at least one person was around, this would be the time when they’d sort it all out for me because I really still couldn’t move more than to the bathroom and back every few hours, and even that hurt like hell when I wasn’t on full dosage.

I tried to sit up and face the pain that came with it, but I couldn’t will myself to. How was I meant to fly like this? I hit the nearest cushion with my good arm repeatedly to keep my mind off everything, but it didn’t work. I knew I had to ease myself up and go to the toilet anyway, so I could get my meds and a drink on the way. Every step sent a new wave if pain through me but I managed to get through the bathroom stage without much more difficulty than usual. I’d usually go to lie back down and watch some Disney movie but I had to get myself to the kitchen and wherever the boys kept my stuff; hopefully it was still on the kitchen counter from this morning.

I grabbed onto the marble worktop and stood there for a second, trying to regain enough focus so I could take the tablets then crash back on the sofa. They were where I hoped they would be, and for that I was grateful, taking one of the stronger pills which I was taken off, not caring about the side effects because all I wanted was the pain to go away. I leant up against the island block in the middle of the kitchen and slid down to the floor, my back against the cold wooden structure, knowing in that second I wouldn’t have the power or energy to get back up again and closed my eyes, letting the darkness consume every part of me purely because it took away the ache I felt while breathing.

 

~*~

I didn’t know what time it was or how long I’d been lying on the cold floor of the kitchen before I heard a door slam and felt a strong but unfamiliar pair of arms lift me gently from the ground.

“Katie,” Liam whispered gently. “Are you okay?” I couldn’t reply, just rested my head on his chest and winced in pain. “Stupid question, I know.” I murmured a yes in reply as he laid me back on the sofa and jogged back to the kitchen, coming back with a glass of water with a straw poking out the top.

“We should go back to the doctors... It should have gotten at least a little better by now,” I shook my head at his words, opening my eyes and reaching out my hand for the pills in his. He handed them to me and I downed two, keeping my eyes on his.

“It’ll be better tomorrow,” I insisted, making sure it would be, even if I had to pretend.

“You’re just lucky Niall had one of his feelings and made me leave early...”

“Why didn’t he leave?”

“Management made sure he didn’t, knowing he’d probably not be able to cope if his feeling was right, which it was...”

“I’m sorry,” I apologised, hating being like this.

“Don’t be,” Liam told me sternly. “Just be glad that I’m here, and rest.”

“Please don’t let me be alone again,” the words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I could see Liam’s huge heart in his eyes as they ached.

“It won’t happen again,” Liam promised me, and I knew from the sincerity in his voice that he meant it. “Not while you’re like this.”

“Thank you,” I replied with a smile, and the front door banged again. Niall came almost running through and Liam backed away immediately so Niall could get to me easier. He wrapped his arms around me and I didn’t want to let go, but he pulled away as the others came wandering through.

“You okay?”

“Better now,” I said honestly, and Niall glanced at Liam who gave him a look which said ‘later’.

“I’m just glad you're okay,” I smiled back at Niall who grinned at me.

“I would curl up next to you but I _really_ need a shower.”

“Go shower, smelly,” I teased, and Niall clutched his heart in mock agony.

“Seriously mate, that last hour sitting next to you in the interviews was hell because of your armpits,” Louis cut in, sprawling himself across the other sofa and turning the TV on.

“Alright, alright, I get it I get it,” Niall stuck his tongue out at Louis before hauling himself from the crouched position he was in and jogged over to the stairs, taking them two at a time.

“Don’t fall down!” Harry called and Niall swore back as I gave Harry as much as an intense stare as I could while feeling myself being dragged back into sleep. I was so sick of sleeping and not being able to move but I was told that sleeping helped, even if the painkillers did give me no choice.

Harry just laughed with me and the boys at my pathetic glare before I closed my eyes and slipped into an almost-sleeping state, but I was still aware of some things going on around me if I concentrated enough. I let the voices of the TV settle as an extra buzzing in my ear which I didn’t care about at all, while focusing more on the occasional voices of the boys, firstly asking about dinner and secondly comparing gifts that the fans had each given them and as a whole at the interview/signing.

One of the most obscure ‘gifts’ was a box of condoms that was given to Harry, with the boys’ faces on them. From the gasps and noises of disgust, I was glad my eyes were closed.

I heard Niall’s loud footsteps down the stairs and I pricked my ears up, wanting to hear every word he said, and I wasn’t sure why.

“Was she okay?” Niall asked after a few seconds of silence, probably aiming the question at Liam, who didn’t reply immediately. “Don’t lie to me. I can tell when you lie.”

“We all can Nialler,” Louis said.

“No,” Liam finally replied, and there was silence. I longed to open my eyes but I was pretty confident this conversation wouldn’t be happening if they thought I could hear them, so didn’t move.

“How..?” Niall whispered, and I could tell from the tone of his voice he was scared of the answer.

My heart dropped to my stomach and suddenly I didn’t want Niall to know how weak and vulnerable I was when Liam turned up, though I couldn’t bring myself to stop it. I knew he deserved to know.

“She was passed out on the kitchen floor,” I heard a chorus of intakes of breath. “Obviously trying to get her medication; it must have worn off while we were gone.” There was silence for a few more seconds before Louis broke it.

“Jeez... One of us should have stayed.”

“I’m just glad you told us about your feeling mate,” Harry’s voice was probably aimed towards Niall.

“She told me something when I lifted her back to the sofa, as well.” I could hear that Liam was hesitant to add this, and knew what was coming after.

“What?” Niall’s voice was worried and broke, even through that one word.

“ _Please don’t let me be alone again_ ” I heard a padding of feet towards me, and felt a tiny rush of air as someone crouched next to me.

“I’m sorry,” Niall's arms wrapped themselves around my body, and instinctively I did the same around his.

“It’s okay,” I whispered back, and he jumped.

“I thought you were sleeping,”

“I was resting, there's a difference,” I smiled cheekily up to him, opening my eyes.

“You’re so beautiful…” Niall trailed off and I blushed.

“Guys, I have an idea,” Zayn cut in.

“What?” Louis asked as I propped myself up and slid over a little so Niall could sit next to me, keeping my eyes on Zayn.

“Why doesn’t Katie move to her bed? Maybe it’s not her body at all; maybe it’s the sofa not being...bed-like enough,” Zayn finished the sentence a little pathetically; he and the boys laughed, but it seemed like the most obvious thing in the world.

“No seriously guys, Zayn might have a point.” I said seriously.

“I always have a point,” Zayn grinned at me. “It’s just getting you up there.”

“Get a lift installed,” I joked, and Harry and Zayn stuck their tongues out.

“I’d love a lift in this place, but I’m not sure they can be fitted without ripping half the building out,” Louis laughed.

“Well if Liam can carry me from the kitchen to here...” I trailed off at Niall’s expression.

“No.” Niall said firmly. “If Liam can carry you, so can I.”

“Nothing I say in this situation will make a difference, will it?" I stated.

“Not a chance,” Harry replied for Niall.

“Just be careful with the back,” Louis said.

“Oh we’re actually doing this? Awesome,” Zayn sat back in the closer of the two armchairs in the room.

“I trust you,” I told Niall as he was positioning himself to lift me up, and I was a little nervous.

“I’ve got the door,” Louis called from up the stairs, and Niall lifted me as easily as a doll. I hung my arms around his neck and held on, the back of my mind praying that my painkillers would hold long enough, even though I knew they would. He climbed up the stairs and ignored my room that Louis had the door open for and went through his own, kicking the almost closed door and walking in, laying me on his bed and laughing, a little out of breath.

“What if I wanted to go to my room?” I pouted at him, moving over a little so he could lie next to me comfortably.

“Tough love, honey,” Niall replied, a laugh dancing around his lips.

“You’re a meanie,” I told him, playfully pushing his shoulder.

“That’s my name,” he pushed me back, and I grabbed a pillow.

“You messed with the wrong girl, mister,” I laughed as I hit the side of his abdomen, and he doubled over in pain, moaning. My mind whirled, what had I done? Was he sick? Had I hurt him?

“Niall?! I’m sorry, I didn-”

“Psyche!” Niall laughed, and I hit him harder.

“Don’t _do_ that!” I whined, burying my head in his chest, stupid tears threatening to spill over.

“I’m sorry,” Niall hugged me tighter. “You okay now?”

“Mmmm,” I felt more comfortable there than I had since the fall, and couldn't help but let my eyes droop in Niall's arms.

 

~*~

 

I moved around a bit, and the pain in my back returned; though softer this time. I smiled to myself and Niall sighed, though not at me.

“Goddammit Harry! I told you if you didn’t turn it down you’d wake her up,”

“It was _nothing_ to do with the fact you were squirming around to get a better playing position,” I could hear Harry’s eyes roll in his voice as I opened my own eyes.

The TV in Niall’s room was on, and it looked like they’d just started a game of something or other.

“I was moving around loads in FIFA, why couldn’t you have just kept it quieter?” he sounded frustrated.

“What’s the time?” I asked groggily.

“9am. You’ve been sleeping since 5pm, but I didn’t want to wake you for dinner… or wake you at all, but Harry here had other ideas,”

“Hey, it’s okay,” I said, sitting up straighter and realising that it didn’t hurt nearly as much as it used to. “Chuck me a controller; I wanna thrash you both in this game.”

“Meds firs-” Niall started to say, but Harry shut him up by throwing me a controller which skimmed his nose.

“Leave the girl alone Niall,” Harry laughed at his shocked face. “You’re totally on.”

“I’ve never played this before, just saying,” I said as Niall tightened the grip on his controller, the determined look on his face softening.

“It’s like Mario Kart, just for PlayStation,” Niall told me.

“And you’re using F1 cars instead of stupid ones,” Harry added, grinning confidently.

“Sounds like my type of game,”

“I’ll go easy on you,” Niall smiled.

“I won’t,” Harry had a dark, determined look in his eye, obviously still annoyed that I beat him on the Wii.

“Fine, see if I care,” I smiled innocently back, too sweet to be kind, knowing I was able to pick these games up and play them like I’d been playing them for years in the second race.

Harry set up the first game quickly, and I chose the car which looked the nicest - the most stereotypical thing I could have done. I saw Harry roll his eyes in the corner of my vision.

There was a huge smirk plastered over his face for the first race; he came first, Niall came third (much to his own disgust) and I came seventh out of eight players. I now knew the controls and took a decent guess at the best car for my type of playing for this particular game; the one I had picked the first time around was horribly opposite.

My guess was good; I sped up around a bend on the new track Harry had picked out, overtaking Niall in second and I increased speed on the straight, gaining ground on Harry. I saw his face in the corner of my eye turn from smirking to full on determination, speeding away from me. I noticed an advantage on the corner of the track that I had and Harry didn’t, going faster around the bend than Harry did and took my place next to him on the track. He started to speed up on the second, smaller straight part of the track and overtook me, keeping his place in first, but not by much.

I knew I could get more ground on the U shaped turn up ahead, so I slowed a little to wait for Harry to almost pass it before pressing on the gas a little more, and speeding around him, quickly passing the starting line for another two laps, in first. I grinned to myself as I kept my position throughout the game - Harry tried to overtake me on the last lap of the race, at the U-turn, but he accelerated too fast with his car to effectively get around the corner and crashed into the wall of tyres surrounding the outside edge of the track. The slip-up put Harry in fifth, Niall in second and myself in first.

“You were totally lying when you said you’d never played this before,” Niall grinned at me as Harry glared in silence.

“Honestly, I don’t have a PlayStation at home so I couldn’t have played it before." I told the truth.

“You’re amazing,”

“Isn’t she just,” Harry said darkly.

“Ooooh, jealous Harry is jealous,” I giggled, and Niall laughed along with me as a small smile found its way around the corner of his lips.

“I’m starting to get worried at that expression,” I laughed.

“I’ll be right back,” the smile was still there as Harry walked out of the room, and I turned to Niall.

“What’s up with him?”

“He doesn’t like to be beaten. That’s his favourite game - only Zayn can beat him, and even then it’s almost impossible,” he explained.

“He’s gone to get Zayn, hasn’t he?” I clocked on quickly.

“I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Great.” I groaned at Niall's words; I only just beat Harry and if Zayn was better than him...

“What’s wrong?” Niall asked with concern.

“Nothing, I just don’t like losing,” I stuck my tongue out.

“Katie, you’ve played this game twice and Zayn’s spent half his life playing it. If you lose, it really doesn't matter; I’m sure with a bit more practice you could wipe the floor with all five of us put together.”

“Thanks,” I smiled.

“Or, you could just get out of it.”

“How?”

“Play things up. Or, if you’ve been putting them down, tell us how it is.”

“You mean gaining attention from you people because something hurts?” I raised my eyebrows.

“You’ve done a pretty good job of that already,” Niall joked, though I took it seriously.

“That's what I’ve been trying to avoid.”

“I know love,” Niall looked at me, another plan forming in his eyes. “Or you could just say you're feeling well enough to have a guitar session.”

My eyes lit up; I hadn’t played a guitar since the day that I tried to scrub from my mind and it was so much longer than that since I’d played or sung with Niall and the boys.

 “Help me down the stairs then,” I said, getting up and testing my weight. It hurt more than sitting down did, but I was happy that I didn’t feel like I wanted to throw up or pass out because of the pain. I owed it to Zayn, really.

“You sure?” Niall looked worried.

“Yes. I’m in real need some music therapy.”

“You could just listen-”

“You and I both know that’s not the same.” I cut him off. “Now come on, if we go now we can stop Zayn and Harry coming back up completely.”

“Fine,” Niall jumped up and took my hand, walking slowly with me and wrapping his arm around me when we got to the stairs, supporting half of my weight on the way down.

“Damn.” Zayn caught us at the bottom of the staircase, and I smiled.

 “Sorry Zayn, guitar time,”

“I’ll get you one day,” Zayn returned to the front room with Liam, and crashed on the empty sofa with his phone in his hand.

“Where’s Lou?” I asked.

“Somewhere with Eleanor; she’s busy for the next two days so they won’t see each other again until the end of the America leg,” Liam replied.

“Ahh fair enough”  I replied, grinning as I opened the door to the staircase leading down to the music room.

“Don’t fall down now,” Harry teased, the same as he did with Niall yesterday.

“I’ll be fine; I have my big strong man to help me down,” I joked, making Liam crack up and Zayn chuckle from the sofa.

“Don’t pressure me, gawd!” Niall came up behind me with a protein shake in his hand, downing it in one.

“You’ll get hiccups,” I warned him, laughing.

“Is this the face of someone who cares?” Niall grinned, scooping me up in his arms unexpectedly and taking me down the stairs, the biggest grins on both our faces.

_Things are looking up, oh finally._


	12. Chapter 12

“Dude,” Harry was trying to get Zayn’s attention. “Mate. Oi. Zayn. DJ Malik. Twitter slacker. Zaaaaayyyyynnn.”

“Zayn mate,” Liam said, louder. “Zayn. Maaaannnn. The plane’s about to crash. Earth to Zayn? Zayn, we have a problem.”

“He’s got his headphones on, he won’t be able to hear you,” I told him reasonably.

“She’s right you know,” Louis looked up from his laptop.

“OI FUCKHEAD,” Harry shouted, throwing a flight packet of pretzels in Zayn’s direction. He missed.

“Good shot,” I laughed, and Harry stuck his tongue out.

“Like to see you do any better,” he retorted.

“Chuck another here then- wait no, you’ll miss,” I grinned, Niall passing me a second packet.

I aimed for Zayn's head and hit right on target, flinging Harry a smirk as Zayn ripped his headphones off.

“What?!” he asked, looking in my direction, as that’s where the source of interruption came from. I pointed in Harry's direction, and he turned his glare to the youngest member of the band.

“Cinnamon stick?” Harry asked sweetly, holding out an American churro that he’d found on his adventure through the plane ten minutes earlier.

“You’re un-fucking-believable,” Zayn rolled his eyes and put his headphones back on as myself and the rest of the band cracked up laughing, though not without grabbing the stick from Harry’s hand.

“You’re welcome!” Harry said, though Zayn had already engrossed himself back in his music.

We were all exhausted, though too excited to sleep, so everything was funny. Louis got bored of his laptop so shut it down, throwing a newspaper at Harry to get his attention. Harry caught it with both hands, ripping it in half as he did so and laughing manically. Louis gasped, as he was in pain, while the rest of us laughed at the scene unfolding.

“You murderer!” he pointed a sole finger at Harry, accusing in such a serious manner that it took all Niall, Liam, Harry and myself had to spoil the moment with laughter.

“Oh, I’m so sorry Lou bear, would you like me to kiss it better?” Harry retorted, trying and failing to contain laugher.

“No,” Louis pouted. “Though I know something else you could kiss...”

“I ship this so hard oh my god it’s so not bullshit,” I said under my breath, and Louis caught something from my whisper but not enough to make sense of the sentence.

“What was that?” Louis turned to me.

“Nothing,” I smiled sweetly as Niall laughed; he’d heard every word.

“That tweet was management,” Niall breathed in my ear, and I grinned.

“Knew it.”

“Knew _what_?” Louis pressed.

“Nothing,” I repeated sweetly, both Liam and Niall grinning at me this time; the people I was talking about seeming the only people who hadn't heard, other than Zayn of course.

“I’m watching you,” Harry added, turning his head to me and giving me a jokey glare before giving his attention back to Louis.

“I’m cooollllddddd,” Louis said playfully, over dramatising shivering.

“Come here you,” Harry got up from his seat and made Louis move over, embracing him in a hug and Louis buried himself into Harry as Harry positioned himself comfortably under Louis, keeping his arms wrapped around the older boy. I could think of ten names off the top of my head who would love to be in either Harry’s or Louis’ position, along with another twenty who’d love to be in mine.

“Smile for Twitter!” Liam said, snapping a quick picture of the boys before they were ready and then another when they were both looking and smiling at the camera.

“Are all plane journeys usually like this?” I asked Niall, keeping my eyes on the two boys who were supposedly straight, as he nodded.

Louis’ eyes started to droop in Harry’s arms and he smiled to himself, catching me staring. He rolled his eyes at me in a kind way, and then rested his head on Louis’ hair, the older boy sighing in contentment with his eyes closed.

“They're so cute,” I told Niall, who was in the first class seat next to me.

“It gets sickening after a while,” Niall chuckled as Harry stuck his middle finger up in our direction. “But yeah, it’s pretty cute. A lot more goes on than most of the fans know, and the fans know a lot.”

“You think I don’t know that?” I stuck my tongue out, and Niall reached out for me.

“You’re too far away,” Niall whined, taking my hand in his. “Come over here?”

“Why don’t you move Niall? You lazy bum,” Liam laughed from the corner, watching us like I watched Harry and Louis.

“Yeah Niall, why don’t _you_ move?” I stuck my tongue out, and he did the same.

“Fine then,” Niall replied, getting up from his seat, grabbing the blanket he was given at the start of the flight and positioning himself in my seat so we were comfortable. His body was still more comfortable than the aeroplane seat so I wasn’t complaining about the tight squeeze, though Niall seemed a little uncomfortable.

“How about if Niall goes on the bottom,” Harry suggested with a wink.

“Shut up!” I said, reaching out to smack Harry on his right arm though he dodged my blow.

I got up anyway, grateful for the little chance to stretch my legs while Niall worked out a way for us both to be comfortable in one seat. I hoped someday we’d be able to work it out in a second like Louis and Harry did.

“When I said “you’re too far away” I didn’t mean go further away,” Niall called from ten steps away and I turned. He was pouting, lying across my seat and I couldn’t put into words how much I wanted to save this moment and treasure it forever.

“Sorry cutie,” I smiled, and he stuck my tongue out.

“You’re so patronising,” he said as I found a comfortable position next to him, resting my head on his shoulder and intertwining our legs together.

“That was a legit compliment, I swear,” I protested.

“Then, thank you beautiful,”

“Awwww, thanks Nialler!” Liam cut in, and I laughed.

“Dammit Liam, I’m tryina make a move on a girl and you do this!” Niall threw Liam a glare. “Can’t have no nice things, can I…”

“Is this a nice thing?” I asked, snuggling closer to Niall and making myself comfortable enough to sleep, closing my eyes. I didn’t actually have any intention to fall asleep like that, but I could feel exhaustion creeping up on me.

“What do you think?” Niall replied softly, and I giggled into his neck.

“For the record… you don’t need to make a move on me,” I smiled as he wrapped his left arm tighter around my waist and I was able to follow Louis’ footsteps.

 

~*~

 

~Niall’s POV~

 

I felt her relax against my chest, keeping her head supported with my shoulder. I loved it when this happened; she fell asleep before I did or when I wasn’t tired, and I could just feel like I was protecting her even though I know she doesn’t need it.

I was so deep into my thoughts that I didn’t notice when Liam spoke to me, and he had to click his fingers to get my attention.

“Sorry Liam,” I apologised quietly, doing my best not to wake her.

“It’s alright,” Liam brushed it off. “You seemed upset.”

“Nah, just thinking.” I glanced away from Liam’s gaze and I looked at Zayn, his head resting against the seat; he had obviously fallen asleep watching his program on the tiny screen attached to his armrest, or listening to music through his Beats.

“You seem to be doing a lot of that lately,” Liam observed, and my eyes snapped back to his.

“Yeah,” I replied, intending to go back to thinking and enjoying the feeling of Katie resting on my left side of my body.

“You can tell me what’s on your mind, Niall,” Liam reassured me. “I can see in your eyes that something’s bothering you.”

“It’s nothing – stupid, even.” I said, even though I kinda wanted to talk about it to someone other than myself in the mirror.

“Doesn’t look like nothing,” Liam said gently. “I see it in your expression and your eyes more when you’re around her, and a hell of a lot more in situations like this.”

“Yeah... I’m just worried about her, you know?”

“Yeah,” Liam understood, his expression softening even further though there was a slight puzzled air about him. “Why though? You’ve had girlfriends before, but I’ve never seen you look at them quite like you look at her.”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly, letting my gaze wander to her closed eyes. “She’s different, but I don’t know how,” I paused, wondering if I should carry on or not. I decided on the first. “I find myself always thinking about her, whether she’s around or not, and always wondering if she’s okay.”

“I’m listening,” Liam assured me as I carried on.

“I know she plays things down a lot – too much – so I don’t know when she’s actually okay or whether she’s just trying to make me _not_ worry, which won’t work unless I can properly tell she’s okay.” Liam nodded, but I didn’t stop talking.

“I trust her, oh I trust her with my life and more, I just can’t tell if she’s okay or if she's lying. She's been doing it too long for me to be able to differentiate; she’s probably been doing it for as long as she can remember. And it doesn’t help that she’s a terrible liar with everything other than herself...”

“Have you told her any of this?”

“Oh God, no. She’d just get worse, telling me she’s okay when she’s really not to make me less worried because that’s just how she is. In her world, everyone has comes before her, especially us.”

“Especially you.” Liam finished for me, and I nodded.

Katie stirred a little in my arms, moaning in either pain or discomfort – I couldn’t tell – but it didn’t matter which. I wrapped my left arm around her tighter, which was already draped around her shoulders, and she subconsciously moved into me, though she didn’t wake up.

“Like just then,” Liam broke the few seconds silence. “I can see how much you care about her, and as much as it’s amazingly cute to watch... I don’t want either of you getting hurt.”

My mind jumped to the day when I walked in on her in the bathroom for the first time…

 

_I knew something wasn’t right. As soon as I took the first step upstairs, I knew something was wrong. Instead of heading to my room, which I was planning, I went into hers. She wasn’t in bed but the bathroom door was cracked open, and I could hear something moving in the en-suite._

_Holding my breath, I entered and I couldn’t have prepared myself for what I saw. She was lying on the bathroom floor, her face white enough to be a ghost and looking like she was about to pass out, with blood everywhere. Her own._

_“Katie!” I almost screamed, not being able to contain the emotions I was feeling in that second. All I could see was her tear-stained face and the blood slowly trickling from her wrist. I didn’t know what to do, so I scooped her up into my arms and felt hot tears running down my face, glad I’d found her before she could do anything worse to herself._

_“Why didn’t you tell me,” I breathed into her hair, feeling her shaking in my arms._

_“I- I was going to,” she choked into my chest. “I was trying to find the right time… not this way. Never this way,” I pulled her away from my body a tiny bit and I studied her face, taking in her broken features and wondering how I could have missed this huge part of her life. I could feel tears in my eyes and she pressed her head back into my chest, apologising over and over._

I could feel the blood draining quickly from my face at just the memory. It was something I’d tried to push from my mind but failed; I revisited that afternoon every night when I was alone, though no one knew that and I didn’t plan on telling anyone.

“Niall? You okay?” Liam asked, concerned. “You just went as white as a sheet.”

“Yeah, just remembering when I walked in on her hurting herself...” I bit down hard on my lip.

“You what? When was this?” Liam asked, evidently concerned with a hint of curiosity.

“The first week before the UK arena tour. It was like three days after Harry and myself brought her to the house, the day she got hate shouted at her outside the bowling alley...” I hated remembering.

“That’s why she had the bandage...” Liam trailed off, something clicking inside his mind.

“Yeah. It was just the easiest fix I could come up with; she almost passed out in my arms and-” I choked up, not being able to finish the sentence. Liam reached across and rubbed my arm in comfort, looking a little guilty for bringing it up.

“It’s okay mate, it’s over now.”

“Is it? I’m always worried she’ll do something to herself when none of us are around, like when we’re on stage next week and she won’t be able to perform because of her back and she’ll be alone...”

“She won’t be alone. You know, she might feel better in the next week, going by the progress that she’s had over the past couple of days.” I just nodded at Liam’s logic. “And even if she’s not, she’ll be right backstage where she can see us, and we’ve got Paul and the team behind us with her. She won’t be alone, I can promise you now.”

“I guess so. I'm just scared she’s got something up her sleeve and can slip away from Paul and them and just...”

“Try not to stress about it,” Liam looked at me like an elder brother would look at a younger one. “I’m sure she’s trying not to go down that path just as much as you’re trying to look after her, if not more.”

“I guess so.” I repeated, and I was silent for a second before voicing another thing I’d kept to myself for so long. “Liam?”

“Yeah?”

“What if I lose her?”

“How so?”

“I don’t know... I mean… Of course, the worst being the worst...but I’m scared.” I let my vulnerable side show for the first time in a long time with someone other than Katie, and I was nervous for Liam’s reaction.

“I’m 99.9% positive that she won’t leave you in one sense of the phrase, if Harry keeps his hands to himself,” I glanced over at the youngest member, suddenly glad that he was so close to Louis, before Liam carried on. “Which I’m sure he will. He doesn’t want a repeat of that just as much as you and Katie don’t.”

“That’s very true,” I agreed.

“The other way...well it’s about as likely as losing one of the other members of the band, apart from the fact that we have crazy fangirls who want to gain our attention in any way possible, and the next thing might be assassinating one of us,” Liam chuckled but I didn’t, suddenly thinking of a possibility that involved Katie.

“What if-” I started, but Liam cut me off.

“Don’t even suggest it. Our fans are our fans, there will be the majority who are happy because we’re happy, but then there will be the tiny minority who dislike us for being who we are and loving who we love. The fans who are the latter mean nothing to us in comparison to the others and in time it’ll get easier. You and Katie both knew that this wouldn’t be easy, but judging by the way you look at her and the way she looks at you, it'll work.” Liam smiled,  

“Thanks Liam,” I smiled, returning my gaze to Katie who seemed to be getting a little more uncomfortable than before.

“It’s just a bonus that she gets to come with us all,” Louis interjected, making me jump.

“Holy shit Louis I thought you were sleeping!” Liam turned on him.

“I was resting, there’s a difference,” Louis smirked.

“You’re being so original there,” I shot back with a grin.

“What? She has wise words,” Louis defended himself. “And with what you were talking about before I rudely interrupted you, Liam’s right.”

“Yeah, I’m just worrying,” I said; only really noting then how out of character it was for me.

“Don’t worry about losing her,” Louis added. “I had a _very_ long word with Harry about all of that,” I was grateful, for we hadn’t spoken about it at all. “And you can tell by the way she looks at you that she’s crazy for you.”

“I don’t get it,” I said, glancing at Louis then to Liam. “You keep saying how I look at her and she looks at me, but I don’t see it,”

“Of course you don’t,” Liam laughed.

“To outsiders, it’s just obvio-” Louis was cut off by Katie taking a deep breath in, jumping herself awake and after taking a glance at me with tears running down her face she buried her head into my chest. Her shoulders shook and I took her in.

Liam looked exactly how I felt; startled, worried and confused, though Louis didn't seem fazed.

“Nightmare,” he said, trying to be calm but even I could hear the hint of concern edging his voice.

“Of course,” I acknowledged what Louis said and turned to Katie. “Hey, it’s okay, shh,”

“Scared,” she mumbled into my chest, though I could feel her starting to calm down already.

“What are you scared of?” I asked, but she just shook her head. I decided not to push it, feeling her fast beating of her heart against my body.

“You’ve only been asleep, what, an hour?” I looked at Liam and he nodded. “Try and go back to sleep. I’m here, there’s no need to be afraid.” I reassured her as I felt her relaxing more and more, though she didn’t move from her position she had acquired upon waking up.

I held her tighter and when I was sure she was asleep again, I turned back to Liam and Louis.

“I just want her to be okay,” I said, more pain and longing coming through in my voice than I’d like there to be.

“I know mate,” Liam looked at me with sympathy as Louis squealed.

“FOR FUCKS SAKE HARRY,” Louis thumped his arm while Harry cried with laughter. I felt Katie move around a little in my arms though didn’t make any other notion that she was awake, and I didn’t let her go.

“Hurmrmmmm what?” Zayn rubbed his eyes and pulled his headphones off.

“That was good timing actually Harry,” Liam chuckled. “We’ll be landing in around twenty minutes.”

“Yeah Lou,” Harry stuck his tongue out and Louis rolled his eyes, though smiling my way so Harry couldn’t see.

We landed in New York airport, where we were taken around the edge of the place in a bus to avoid the masses and masses of screaming girls waiting in the lobby. Someone on Twitter must have tweeted our flight time and number, even though we’d tried our hardest to keep it secret, for our own sake. I wanted it to be kept secret for Katie’s sake a lot more than mine, but to be fair I couldn’t deny the fans were excellent at finding our whereabouts. Some could probably be FBI agents if they wanted to be.

I kept my hand in hers through the tiny journey to the cars ready to take us to our hotel, but she seemed unsettled as Louis was keeping us entertained with a ‘no expense spared’ recount of his dream which both Liam and I knew didn’t happen because he stayed awake with us, though he was probably saying it for Harry’s sake (who was asleep for the whole journey laid in Louis’ arms). He had apparently fought off dragons with just a vegetable grater, being the hero while Katie and Harry were tied up by the evil Count Zayn. I think he tried to cheer Katie up by including her in the dream but it didn’t work; she smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes, no matter what Louis said.

She leant her head onto my shoulder and I let go of her hand, bringing my arm up and around her shoulders, trying to make her feel better.

It didn’t work.

I was starting to get a little frustrated but kept it to myself, letting her warm heat of her body fill me up and fruitlessly trying to get her to relax in my arms.

“-and that’s how Niall died,” Louis chuckled at the end, and I snapped my head up to him.

“Wait what?!” I asked, working out I’d been lost in my own mind for longer than I thought.

“You died.” Louis said pretty bluntly, sticking his tongue out. Katie tensed up, seemingly in her own little world until those words snapped her out of it.

“Don’t,” Katie flinched, the first word out of her mouth since waking up to land.

“Sorry sweetie,” Louis apologised, diverting his guilty gaze downwards. Liam shot a look at Louis, seeming to know something that none of us did, and I made a mental note to ask him about it sometime when Katie wasn't around.

She didn’t reply, and her tense body didn’t relax in the slightest and she didn’t seem to want to let go when we had to get out of the bus to go to the cars. I had to let her go to get into the car and I let her go in first, quickly following behind her and Louis behind me, which I was surprised about. Louis and Harry rarely travelled apart, and if they did, Louis went with Liam and Zayn nine times out of ten.

“Katie?” Louis turned to her.

“Hm?” She looked up, probably just out of courtesy.

“D’you mind sitting in the middle? I know you don’t always like it in the back of low cars,” I raised my eyebrows at him, noting that this car was a four-by-four and really wasn’t that low at the back.

He motioned for me not to say anything.

Katie nodded, looking at me to move over one so she could sit in the middle and Louis came around the other side of the car, though not before whispering “pretend to sleep” in my ear. The journey was an hour and a half; easily enough time for me to really fall asleep if I was tired. I wasn’t.

Louis got in the car and took Katie’s right hand in his own, as I still had hers in my left. He gave me a look which Katie didn’t see – she was focusing on the car in front of us as we lurched forward – and I yawned, leaning my head up against the interior bodywork of the car. She looked my way, squeezing my hand in a gentle way which said ‘sleep if you need to’ just as I hoped she would. I closed my eyes and waited for Louis to magic a bird out of thin air or whatever the hell he wanted to do.

“He’s asleep,” Katie whispered to Louis. He must have made a motion to check that I was ‘sleeping’ which prompted her statement.

“Good...” Louis trailed off, and I felt him lean back in his seat.

“Can I ask you something?”

“If it’S something that bad that Niall can’t hear, then no.” Katie replied, cooler than she usually was and colder than I’d ever heard her speak. I still was wondering what was bothering her so much.

“No, no, it’s nothing like that,” I could tell Louis seemed as shocked by her coolness as I was. “It’s just so he doesn’t worry more than he does already.”

“I’m listening,” Katie said softly, the tone of voice completely changed.

“What happened on the plane?”

“What do you mean?”

“When you woke up in the middle of mine, Niall and Liam’s conversation...” Louis trailed off, and Katie was silent. “It was like you’d seen someone murdered right before your eyes.”

“That’s because... I did,” I felt the two move around a little, but she didn’t take her hand from mine. They probably had an awkward one-armed hug, or that’s what Louis ended up with anyway.

“Niall?” Louis asked, and I flinched a little at the sound of my name. “Thought so,” he carried on, so she must have nodded. “Is that why you were so upset?” There was silence, so I had no idea if Katie had said yes or no to the question, or if she’d answered it at all.

“I’m scared, Lou,” she said after another minute, and her voice cracked.

“What of?”

“Losing you. Losing Niall. Losing all of you.” She paused, her breath hitching up into her throat. “I’ve seen it so many times and I hate it. I hated it first and I still hate it now because I can't do anything. I'm so helpless. I hate being helpless.”

“It’s okay,” Louis said, and she let go of my hand for the first time, a tiny whimper coming from her direction.

“It’s not okay,” she replied, her voice sounding broken but muffled.

I couldn’t stand it any longer. I opened my eyes a tiny bit and saw Louis cradling her, like an older brother would do with an upset little sister, and he spotted me looking. He shook his head a tiny bit which meant for me to go back to ‘sleep’ and I gave him a look of longing. He kept his gaze set and mouthed “it’s better for her” and I knew it was. All I wanted to do was have her in my arms like she was in Louis’, but I knew this was what she needed right now; someone who would just listen and not worry like I would.

I leant my head back against the car frame, and waited for another few minutes before Louis spoke again.

“We’re here,” his voice was gentle and caring, and I knew in that second I couldn’t have asked for a better bandmate to look out for my girlfriend when she needed someone to vent to about me or things that she didn’t want to worry me with just yet; but we could come over that. I loved the girl, after all. 

 


	13. Chapter 13

I took a deep breath in and took Katie’s hand as soon as she stood up. She smiled nervously at me walking hand in hand towards the fans as the others stood behind us. Our fingers were intertwined and I could feel her hand tremble a little in mine, and I squeezed it harder, giving her a reassuring look of “it’s gonna be okay.”

We were directly in front of the crowd of 40 fans (it had just kept growing, I supposed it’d been told on Twitter that we were here and down from our rooms), and they’d noticed mine and her contact, some shouting things to her but most calling out mine and the boys’ names, trying to get our attention.

I motioned with my arms for them to quieten down the screaming and they fell silent almost immediately; a first that I’d experienced.

“I have some amazing news,” I said to the fans and their phones, taking both pictures and videos of this moment. I knew it’d be on YouTube in a quicker time than I thought possible, but that’s our fans for you.

Liam clapped a protective hand on my left shoulder, opposite to the hand that Katie was holding, and it was only then that I realised I was silent for a longer time than I thought, so I finished my announcement.

“This is my amazing girlfriend, Katie.” The crowd erupted.

I spotted a few girls near the back with tears in their eyes, and my heart broke. I made a note to go and see them as soon as possible to reassure them that I loved them too, though not as they loved me. I knew what they thought and I wish they didn’t think it but they did, but I knew I could make them smile and so I would. I had to stop them crying somehow.

My assumption of the group of girls was correct; no hate comments were shouted to her, only adoring shrieks of delight. I didn’t want to think what else they could be, so I focused my attention on the three girls with tear tracks down their cheeks. I looked at them all straight in the eye and beckoned them towards me, telling the two girls closer to move out of the way for a second and that I’d be with them in a minute. They smiled at me and Katie, and moved down to go and get a picture with Harry and Louis as two of the crying girls headed towards me, shaking, while the smallest one hid behind her taller friends. I took each of them into my arms and Katie did the same.

“I’m sorry,” I apologised, and the first girl shook her head. “I still love you. I promise. Can you write your Twitter down for me?” I’d gotten that too from Katie; we’d spoken about her ‘fan days’ as Harry had named them, and she explained how much a follow and/or mention means to fans and how much good it can do.

I told the other friend the same thing and worked my way around them to get to the hiding fan, and I crouched down to her level. She couldn’t have been more than thirteen, and by the looks of the bags under her eyes she must have been waiting here all night for us.

“You okay?” I asked, taking her into a tight embrace and feeling her shake against me. “I’m sorry sweetie. I am, I promise.” I didn’t let go of her, and I let her hold onto me for as long as she wanted.

“Please don’t cry,” I added on the end, almost begging. I hated it when fans cried, because I felt like I was just making things worse.

“I’m sorry,” she apologised back to me. “I can’t believe you’re actually here and she’s so pretty and I’m not-”

“You are gorgeous.” I cut in, taking her head gently in my hands, forcing her to look in my eyes. “You’re one of the prettiest people I’ve ever met, and I’ve met a lot of people. I bet you’d be prettier if I could see your amazing smile though.” I smiled encouragingly at her and she gave me a watery smile back, and thanked me.

I swapped places with Katie and I half wanted to know what they were saying, but also didn't, thinking it may ruin the ‘magic’ so to speak, because when Katie had stopped talking to her, the girl’s eyes were dry and had life in them.

Leaving the fans we’d spoken to behind, we wandered over to the other side of the lobby. I took a step back and did a double take about how many fans had arrived during the ten minutes I’d spent speaking to the five girls on the right side of the entrance.

I walked over to Zayn and Liam who were taking pictures with fans when I heard a shout from a girl to her friend closer to the back.

“Niall’s mine! That bitch needs to back off!”

I whipped around, trying to pinpoint the girl who the comment came from. It was mild and I don’t think Katie heard it, but I knew if this was happening while we could see and hear it, there would be so much more going on online. I let out a shaky breath and turned to Liam, wondering why there was a slow ripple of anger spreading through the bottom of my stomach from such a small comment.

“Let’s go,” Liam said to the boys, noting my expression. I took Katie’s hand and we waved to the fans, before exiting in the elevator which had just opened for us. Security went in first, then we did, and then security followed, making sure no girls could follow us in.

“Why did we leave so soon?” Katie asked, looking from Liam to myself, scanning over the other three boys for answers.

“We actually stayed for quite a while,” Louis smiled, looking at Katie.

“Really?!” she seemed shocked.

“Yeah. We don’t usually spend longer than ten minutes down there, we spent almost double that today,” Harry said for Louis.

“And anyway, don’t you want to go and see a bit of the American Outback?” I grinned and Katie looked at me puzzled.

“You mean Australian Outback? But we're not in Australia...” I chuckled at her confusion.

“The Outback meaning the amazing steakhouse down the road,” Zayn added in, and I smacked him a little on the shoulder.

“It’s so good though,” I defended, and Katie laughed.

“I’ll bet. Can I get changed?” she asked, looking at me.

“Why do you wanna get changed? You look perfect as you are,” I smiled back, and Liam cringed at the cheesiness of the remark.

“Shut up you, I’m in my worst jeans and everything,” she shot back with a grin.

“Yeah, maybe you _should_ get changed,” Harry said with a wink, and she lunged towards him. He laughed, stepping away from her attack and into Paul, who just laughed with us.

“Come on, we can go get changed,” I said as I took her hand and led her out of the lift, into our room. She had a new spring in her step which surprised me, and she didn’t seem fazed with anything. She was completely happy and I could tell, and it filled me up with a warm fuzzing feeling inside.

I pushed open our door and she wandered through first, grabbing a few things from her case and heading to the small en-suite with them, but I caught her arm. She looked at me puzzled and started to say something, but I pressed my fingers to her lips, then slowly taking them away and replacing them with my lips.

I wrapped my arms around her, my left just below her waist and my right higher up, running my fingers through her soft elbow length hair, twirling my fingers around her curls. She moved into me, opening my mouth further and explored my mouth with her tongue. Her hands ran through my hair, sending pleasurable shivers down my spine when she hit my sensitive spot on the back of my neck.

“I love you,” I whispered when she pulled away for a breather, though kept herself amazingly close to me.

“I love you, too.” she answered, and I smiled. Her lips found mine again and we spent another three minutes exchanging the passion we'd been holding back all morning, before a hard knock at the door caused us to jump apart.

“For fucks sake…” I muttered, flushing red as she did the same.

“At least they knocked,” she added and I nodded, opening the door to a beaming Harry.

“Can we go yet can we go yet can we go yet?” he sounded like a child on Christmas morning, bless him.

“I’m not even changed yet!” Katie called from inside the room.

“What have you been doing all this time?! It’s been like fifteen minutes!” Harry whined a second before his eyes widened. His mouth turned into an ‘o’ shape as Katie came bounding to the door, changed into a t-shirt and shorts in a quicker time than I thought possible for myself, let alone a girl.

“What?” she asked me and my expression must have looked stunned. I just shook my head. “What’s up with him?” she asked with a giggle, and Harry quickly closed his mouth but kept his eyes the same.

“Seriously Harry, we didn’t do what you think we did,” I said.

“Oh.” Katie said nothing more, trying not to laugh. “We were catching up for time that we lost in front of the fans,” Katie smirked and I nodded. “You and Louis should try it someday.” I lost it then, and went into a laughing fit while Katie seemed to be completely serious.

“Don’t catch Louis hear you say that,” Harry mirrored Katie’s face.

“Don’t catch me what?” Louis came jogging up the corridor, Liam and Zayn a good way behind him.

“Nothing,” Harry and Katie said simultaneously, and plastered innocent smiles across their faces. Louis scowled, first at Harry and then at Katie.

“It’s nothing important,” I said. “Just the fact that myself and Katie were catching up on lost time-”

"Oh, _really_?" Louis copied Harry’s face and tone from earlier.

“Not like that! Goddamn, all of you jump straight to conclusions. It doesn’t matter, but it wasn’t what you’re thinking,” I defended myself.

“Your girlfriend’s face says different,” Louis smirked.

“What?” Katie slipped her fingers into mine and leant casually against me.

“Your eyes and the flush in your cheeks,” Zayn said, chilled as could be and Harry stuck his tongue out.

“We were kissing okay? That’s it,” I muttered, getting almost annoyed with the boys’ lack of boundaries for the first time I could remember.

“Kissing as in kissing or kissing as in _kissing_?" Louis asked.

 " _Kissing,_ " Katie replied, and I could hear the joy in her voice, with a hint of boastfulness, and the boys whistled.

“She’s my girl though, so fuck off,” I laughed, joking around, though with a serious undertone which I don’t think anyone picked up but Katie as she gave me a sly and knowing smile.

 

~*~

 

We decided to hit the mall because Katie hadn't been to a proper American Mall before which surprised me, though not Louis, seemingly guessing that – as Katie isn’t one for shopping – she wouldn’t have been here before. I wanted to change that for the fact that I did want _someone_ to spend money on other than myself, but knowing her personality she wouldn’t let me anyway, even if she liked to shop and buy clothes. I couldn’t go without trying though.

“Really?” Katie groaned as we pulled into the huge car park next to the old grey building. “I thought we could do something cool, like... a theme park or something.”

“I need new clothes!” Harry replied, gesturing down to his ripped jeans.

“I thought those jeans were all the fashion,” she shot back, sticking her tongue out.

“I’ve only seen one person wear them since we got here, and that’s Harry,” Liam chimed.

“Exactly,” Katie said, and rolled her eyes when no one apart from me understood. “Don’t make me spell it out for you Harry, you have to have at least one brain cell under that beautiful head of hair you have.”

“Hurtful!” Harry held his heart as though he’d been shot as the rest of the boys sniggered around us.

“Ooh, Louis can we go in here?” I asked as we walked in, spotting a sports shop. I needed a new golf club and I could probably do with some new trainers as well...

“Sur-” Louis started to agree, but got cut off by Katie.

“Loou-iieeee, I thought you were ‘helping’ me choose clothes.”

“Oh yeah... whoops,” Louis flushed a tiny bit, though it disappeared from his face pretty fast. “Eleanor’s obviously been giving Katie tips; the first of which being to take me into the shops with her. Sorry mate.” Louis looked at me apologetically.

“It’s all good,” I smiled, knowing that this way I could get Katie something while she was with Louis.

“I’ll come in with ya,” Harry flashed a smile my way as I looked expectantly at the remaining two boys.

“Gonna go wander around, I think,”  Zayn replied to my look, and Liam nodded in agreement.

“Alrightyyy. Come on Hazza, I’ll teach you the ways of behind the scenes golf,” I grinned as Katie rolled her eyes at my words and planted a kiss on my cheek before flouncing off in the opposite direction with Louis.

“You’re blushing,” Liam told me with a tiny smile, and I turned. He full-on grinned at me and started to follow Zayn, before he stopped. “We need to organise a time to get back for, if we wanna get back before people find us…”

“Oh yeah shit,” Zayn said, looking at Louis and Katie’s quickly retreating backs.

“Don’t worry about them, I can text Katie,” I said. “2.45 sound good? It’s like...” I checked my phone for the time. “11.15 now.”

“Sounds good to me,” Liam smiled and Zayn did the nodding.

“Alright, I’ll text Katie that then now,” I grinned back. “Have fun!”

“If we don’t get mobbed my girls, I’m sure we will,” Zayn grimaced back.

“They’re all in school till like 3, you’ll be fine,” Harry smiled.

“That’s why I said the time I did,” I added on. “Seriously guys, if we do get ‘found out’ then it won’t be that bad. If there are any, there’ll be ten girls tops. It’s not like we’ve never done this type of thing before even so, come on now.”

“I know man, but the hotel...” Zayn trailed off, and I wondered if he was feeling all-it today.

“Was the hotel, and they knew where we were staying ages before. They don’t know we’re here now,” Liam comforted Zayn. “Come on,” he smiled at Zayn and Zayn smiled back, looking more at ease than before and walking off in the same direction as Katie and Louis.

“Let’s go then Harry, time to teach you the tricks of the trade,” I winked, and he raised his eyebrows.

“What are you, a golf master?”

“Yes, and you must call me Sir Horan, and buy me food every time I ask for it.”

“Right.”

“Can you buy me food?”

“No!” Harry laughed and pushed me a little.

“Damn. It was worth a try though, you’ve gotta admit,” I pushed him back.

“It was worth a try, though wasn’t a very good one,” Harry smirked. I just jokingly glared back as we entered the store, texting Katie.

_Forgot to tell you and Lou this, meet back at the entrance at 2.45? xx_

I got a reply back almost immediately.

_If I’m not dead by then, sure xx_

I chuckled at my phone and Harry questioned me. “What is it?” I just shook my head and held out the text, and he let out a tiny laugh before turning back to the golf clubs we’d found.

_Please don't die. Is it that bad? xx_

I didn’t get a reply for a while after that, though when I did it was pretty long.

_Yes! Louis is dragging me around all these shops and stuff and there’s these dresses which are like amazing but ew on me and he wants to take me to Macy’s but I know what Macy’s is like, you know? I just wanna go to that music store I spotted on the third floor but noooo Louis wants me to go to all the stores first ugh can you punch him when we get back? Jk but seriously :P xx_

Followed quickly by:

_Louis is telling me I have to get off my phone, gotta go! Love you xx_

Music store? What music store? I had to find it, and I knew Harry would come along with because he wanted a guitar to start to learn like Liam did.

"Harry!" I called across the store. “You nearly done? We’ve been in here almost an hour already. Come on!”

“Five more _minutes_ ,” he whined, and I sighed, rolling my eyes.

“Fine, whatever, but there’s this music sto-”

“What music store?!” Harry beamed, suddenly standing next to me.

“Katie said there’s one on the third floor,” I grinned at his enthusiasm, glancing down at my phone and texting her back.

_Aww baby :( I'm sure everything looks great on you! Don’t die too much, love you too xx_

~*~

 

The time seemed to fly by and before I knew it, myself and Harry were heading back to the entrance to meet Katie and the rest of the boys. We were there second; Zayn and Liam were already standing around with around seven bags between the two of them, ranging from Hollister to Primark to Hotel Chocolat. I lunged for the latter and Zayn pulled the bag quickly out of my reach, causing me to go flying forwards and almost headbutting the marble pillar which Liam was leaning on.

“Smoooooth,” I heard a laugh from behind me as I dusted myself off.

“I’m not the one who walked into our shower door in the bathroom,” I shot back with a smirk.

“Hey! You told me you wouldn’t tell anyone that,” she pouted and frowned.

“Must’ve slipped my mind,” I was still smirking.

“Like you did just then?” she stuck her tongue out, dodging out of the way as I went to sneak my arm around her.

“I had an excellent reason for that mishap,” I defended myself.

“Which was...?” she raised her eyebrows.

“Food. Chocolate, none the less.”

“Ooo, where?” I grinned at her distraction and so did she as she spotted Zayn’s bag. “Zaaaayynniiieeee?” she asked with the most innocent smile on her face and pleading puppy-dog eyes. “You know you love me?”

“I know you care,” Harry chimed in, and Katie threw him a light glare.

“Oh please not Bieber. Please,” she pleaded.

“Just shout whenever,” Liam carried on.

“And I’ll be there,” a smile curled around Louis’ lips.

“You are my love,” I sung.

“You are his heart-” Zayn pointed to me and I laughed.

“Nope I am done with you guys I’m totally not with you people anymore goodbye,” she said, walking briskly off in the direction of the two black cars parked close to the door.

“And you will never ever ever be apart,” Louis smirked.

“Are we an item?” I continued, following after her.

“Girl quit playin!” Zayn called, and the rest of the boys followed me.

“We’re just friends,” Harry mirrored Louis’ face as he looked at the older boy.

“What are you sayin?” Louis finished Harry’s part.

“Said there’s another and look right in my eyes,” Liam laughed.

“My first love broke my heart for the first time,” I finished the verse.

“And I was like-”

“I will do any fucking thing to stop you from carrying on I swear on the Irish guy’s life,” Katie turned on us, trying to be serious but failing miserably, the smile she was trying to hide breaking through her face numerous times.

I was about to break into the chorus anyway but Liam cut off what was about to come out of my mouth.

“I’ll take you up on that offer actually,” we all looked puzzled in his direction before he finished his sentence. “Ride back in the car with me? The other four can go in one car, they’re plenty big enough.”

“Sounds good to me, you all alright with that?” I nodded at her words and so did Harry, Louis and Zayn. “Why though?” she added.

“Just want a chat, feels like we haven’t spoken alone in _ages_ ,” Liam said, and I wondered for a second what he was up to. He probably wanted to talk about music stuff; he usually took the role of ‘Daddy Direction’ when it came to that and the welfare of all of us, when Simon wasn’t around.

“Fair enough,” she replied brightly. “This one?” she pointed to the slightly smaller of the two black cars and Liam nodded, climbing in the rear passenger side and Katie climbed in the rear driver’s side.

I reached the other car before the other three so climbed in the front, letting Harry, Louis and Zayn sort themselves out in the back of the car. Louis ended up in the middle – it made sense as he was the smallest – Harry was behind the driver’s seat and Zayn was behind me. It didn’t surprise me in the slightest that Zayn put his headphones in as soon as the engine turned on: unless it was a journey of less than ten minutes or if Liam was in the car, then he’d have them in, along with every single other mode of transport. I didn’t blame him to be honest, he did look like a mighty third wheel with Louis and Harry almost on top of each other next to him, blaming the car for being 'too small' to fit three young males in the back.

I didn't buy it for a second.

I knew every second they got to be alone and out of the way of the apps together, they'd be like this, and I didn't mind. It was kinda cute.

I was watching the road intensely, only really because I had nothing more to do. I’d left my earphones back in the hotel room and my phone was flat; I’d forgotten to put it on charge last night because I was a little busy… to say the least. I was watching the license plate of the black car in front of us, the car that Liam and Katie were in, when I noticed a flash of white hurdle past us on the opposite side of the road.

“Fuck me, that was a little close…” I whispered to myself, but Louis had obviously noticed and heard too.

“I know,” I turned to face him and Louis bit down nervously on his bottom lip.

“That’s a nasty crash waiting to happen, that one,” Harry added darkly, his voice layered with concern. I nodded at his words.

I stared down at the darkness of my phone screen, my mind in another word entirely, trying too hard to concentrate on anything other than the road.

The sound of screeching of rubber on tarmac pierced through my ears and I jerked my head up and out of my daze, just in time to see a blur of white smash into the black in front of us. Everything seemed to happen so fast and my mind froze in terror before shutting down completely.


	14. Chapter 14

I heard a bleeping in my left ear. It sounded different to my usual alarm, but I tried to bat the sound away with my arm anyway and finding it being pulled back by a wire, before everything came back in floods. I snapped my eyes open. The bright artificial lights of the hospital ward hurt my eyes and I squinted with my mind whirling.

_Katie no_

_What happened?_

_Car crash_

_White van_

_Black car_

_Katie????_

_Is she okay?_

_I need to know if she’s okay_

_Where are the others?_

_Are they okay?_

_Is Katie okay?_

_I need to find them_

_I need to find her_

_I need to-_

My thoughts were put on hold momentarily when a nurse came through and noticed that I was awake.

“Mr. Horan,” she smiled at me. “How are you feeling?” I didn’t reply; I couldn't remember how to speak. “It was quite a crash, you do remember?” I nodded.

“Where’s Katie?” I asked, stumbling over my words as my thoughts tried to take over my mouth.

“The young girl who was in the car in front? I’m afraid I cannot tell you that just yet,” my heart sank, and jumped into my mouth when the word ‘death’ flashed into my mind, jumping around and settling at the front of my brain.

I let out a choked sob before trying to ask, though not being able to get my words out.

“She’s alive,” the nurse reassured me with a sympathetic smile before carrying on. “Though you didn’t answer my first question, Mr. Horan. How are you feeling?"

Worried. Nervous. Wanting – no – _needing_ to get out of this bed. Needing to find her. Needing to find the others.

“Worried,” I replied quietly with the first.

“Pain anywhere?” she asked and I looked puzzled. “You were found unconscious in your car,” she informed me.

It was good to know that I didn’t have a strong enough stomach to handle a car crash, and grimaced. “No, I feel physically fine,” I put emphasis on the word ‘physically’. Emotionally I couldn’t think.

“That's good then,” she said brightly, trying to lighten my mood as she checked the chart in the basket at the end of the bed. “I’ll just check with the doctor and you’ll be free to go - you haven’t sustained any injuries that we are aware of; you’ve been incredibly lucky”

I didn't reply, knowing that I wasn’t lucky. This wasn’t luck. This was horrible. This was every negative word under the sun and it would have been a lot luckier if _I_ was in that car.

The nurse walked out and not a minute later a doctor walked in.

“You’ve been incredibly lucky,” the doctor repeated to me, and I nodded shallowly. “You have no injuries as far as we’re aware – other than minor whiplash which will probably be sore for a couple of weeks but it won’t leave any scarring – so that means that you can discharge yourself from the desk if you so wish. If, however, you don’t feel up to leaving right now, as is advised because you have suffered major emotional trauma, you can stay overnight,” the doctor finished with a smile.

“No, I want to go,” I replied quickly and in an almost panicked state.

“That’s understandable. Would you like me to lead the way down? I’m pretty sure they’re your friends waiting for you there,” the smile was kept on his face as I nodded and climbed out of the hard hospital bed. I was surprised I hadn’t been changed into a hospital gown, though I was relieved because that meant less time before I could find out what exactly happened and how everyone was... how Katie was.

I followed the doctor out of the ward and down the flight of stairs, looking back and noting the name of the ward I was in; “Short Stay Patients - up to 48 hours.”

The doctor showed me the way to the waiting room with a wave of his arm and departed with the same forced smile he had the whole way back. If I wasn’t in the state of mind I was, I’d wonder about his family and the bags under his eyes – but I was in the state of mind I was.

“NIALL!” I heard a shout from across the waiting room, and I was engulfed in Harry's strong arms before I knew it.

“We were worried mate,” Zayn’s low voice came from the left of me, and Harry let me go for a quick hug from Zayn.

“Still are,” Harry corrected Zayn quietly.

“Where are the other two..?” I hesitated, not wanting to ask and knowing I wouldn’t be prepared for the answer.

“Liam’s next door getting his leg casted and... Louis is with Katie..." Harry bit down on his lip.

“Where is she,” I barely whispered the words. Neither Harry nor Zayn said a word and I repeated myself, louder and more frantic. “Where _is_ she?!” Zayn laid his hand on my shoulder and I tried and failed to prepare for the worst.

“ICU,” Harry whispered, and looked apologetically at me, his tired eyes looking half as broken as I felt. I sat down on the nearest chair to me and put my head in my hands, running them through my hair and clenching my fists. ICU was serious. The worst place to be in a hospital and I hated hospitals anyway but ICU was the worst. People _died_ in ICU. People died in there often. Too often.

I couldn’t let her die, I couldn’t let her-

I got up as quickly as I'd sat down, and almost ran over to the desk, demanding for directions to the ICU. I think Harry and Zayn were trying to stop me but I took no notice as the girl at the desk told me that ICU was the top floor, and whipped my head around to find a staircase.

I found one easily, running over to the door guarding the stairs and throwing it open with a force that could have knocked someone out, a new wave of panic rolling over me with every second stair I took.

“NIALL JAMES HORAN SLOW THE _FUCK_ DOWN BEFORE YOU FALL AND END UP IN ONE OF THOSE FUCKING BEDS AGAIN!” Harry’s voice roared through the staircases and was probably heard throughout the hospital, but I didn’t care. I didn’t listen. All I needed was to find the floor and find her and be there for her. I had to be there if she- no. She wouldn’t. She would be _fine_. She had to be.

I slammed open the door of ICU as hard as I could, though it made no noise and didn’t actually slam because it was on an air lock hinge. The corridor I ran into was lined with door after door which meant people after people. I had no idea which room she was in but it was easy enough to work out; I saw names plastered on the door and I frantically looked along each one, searching for a ‘Katie’. I couldn’t find any and stormed back to reread, starting to get frustrated at my lack of focus. I couldn't think about anything except for finding her.

“Nialler,” Harry said softly.

“What?” I snapped, immediately regretting taking my anger out on him though his face didn’t flinch.

“Her full name’s Catherine,” his eyes were tired, though he tried his hardest to smile for me.

“How do you know that and I don’t?!” I felt hurt, though I knew I shouldn’t.

“Louis told us before he went in with her,” Zayn said calmly, but his chilled demeanour didn’t do anything to relax me for the first time that I could remember. I didn’t reply to either of them, stalking back up the corridor and noting the numbers as I looked on the doors this time.

389, 390, 931, 392, 393...

I whimpered quietly when I found which number had her name on. 394. Her favourite number. My heart sank at the irony of her luck; there’s a chance she could die in her favourite numbered room.

A nurse seemed to have been watching me the whole time because she came up to me as soon as I stopped outside the door, and smiled at me.

“I take it you want to go in here,” I nodded at her words, and thought that her smile shouldn’t be as big or as bright in a ward with such agony. “I’ll go and check with the doctor if you can; it’s usually next-of-kin only, but you five boys are taking care of her while she’s over here I gather, from the other young boy with her?” I nodded thickly again, thanking Louis mentally for explaining all of this. I knew I wouldn’t be able to.

She walked briskly away and into another door, and came out not ten seconds later and nodded encouragingly to me. I was suddenly apprehensive to open the door, scared to face what I might find. The only thing that gave me the courage to open the door was the strong hand finding its way to the small of my back and the knowledge that Louis would be in there and know how to help. I pushed down on the handle and opened the heavy metal door, feeling as though I could throw up any second.

She was lying on the bed in the middle of the room with who knows what attached to her. Upon a quick count, I estimated that there were at least 8 different wires stuck into her by needles and a ventilator in her mouth. Her eyes were shut and her body lifeless apart from the tiny, tiny movement of her chest which was the only thing that calmed me, and even then only fractionally. Her left arm was casted up and I guessed her left leg was too, though I could only work that out because that leg was a lot bigger than the other under the thin covers from the hospital storage.

I felt the blood drain from my face and my head spun as I walked over to her, dropping down to her level and taking her hand from Louis’ and holding it in both of mine, trying to warm up her cold state. Her usually flushed face was deathly pale and her cheekbones were defined unhealthily, and I remember the time when she said she’d like to have more defined cheekbones. I had disagreed and was right in doing so.

I let out a second whimper subconsciously and Louis rubbed my back, trying to reassure me. I didn't want to cry in front of them so I kept myself composed – though not well – and I felt powerless. I hated feeling powerless. At least last time I could hold her in my arms and she didn't have all the wires in her and she wasn't going to die. This time, who knows.

“What’s wrong with her?” Harry asked Louis after a period of silence apart from the bleeping of her heart monitor, and another machine I didn’t know.

“The car hit her straight on,” I winced and part of me didn’t want to listen, but I couldn’t block it out. My subconscious seemed to want to listen so I complied, knowing I half wanted to, too. “So a lot of her ribs are broken. Her right lung was punctured by the frame of the wreckage and she went straight into surgery when she got here, and they did the best job they could do to patch it back up. At the moment it’s not functioning at all, but they hope that it'll be at least half functioning by the time she’s fully recovered,” Louis sounded like a doctor, and I was glad because it was half reassuring. The words ‘fully recovered’ did let me relax a little, but Louis wasn’t finished.

“She’s suffered a major head injury and the doctors are concerned that her memory will be partially damaged but hopefully she won’t have any lasting memory loss, and the doctors said she should wake up sometime in the next week; it really depends how much her brain wants to fix itself before she is brought out of unconsciousness. It’ll take time, but it will happen,” he added, for my sake. “Her left arm’s also broken, but that's the least of our worries to be fair.”

“Did you absorb a medical dictionary or..?” Harry raised his eyebrows and looked like he was about to crack a smile, and then thought against it.

“I’ve had nothing more to do than to listen to the doctor saying it every time I ask – which is every time because I want to see if she’s better or…not,” Louis’ voice seemed to crack for the first time, letting emotion through his voice. It was only then that I realised how much he cared for her, almost as much as I did, just in a different way. If I didn’t know better, I’d think they were brother and sister, the way they act around each other and the way Louis looks over her. It was sweet and reliving to know that it wasn’t only me who cared – properly cared – and I wouldn't go through this alone. I had her, of course, but it wasn't the same as having someone in the outside knowing how this actually feels, like Louis.

I went in for a hug with Louis, making sure I didn’t let go of Katie’s hand with both of mine. I longed for her to just twitch, or flutter her eyelids, or something other than the movement of her chest to show that she was alive and being able to sustain herself.

Even if she didn’t remember me, I wanted her to always be okay... but I didn’t want to think about that.

“I’m gonna go find Liam,” Zayn broke the silence that followed Louis’ words full of emotion. “Anyone coming with?”

“I will,” Louis cleared his throat. “I’ll be back soon though. I just need to know how Liam’s doing because I haven’t seen him since...yeah. I’ll go.”

“Me too,” Harry added. “Unless you want me to stay, Niall?”

“I’m fine,” I answered, and honestly I wanted to spend some time alone with her. “I’ll be okay for a bit. Go and find Liam and tell him I love him, but I won’t leave her alone. Not yet.”

“I expected that,” Zayn smiled reassuringly at me. “I don't know who’ll be back soon, but one of us will.” I looked over to Louis and he nodded slightly.

“Just...text me if you need anything?” Harry questioned, glancing over to the door as he expected a nurse to come in just because he said the word text. I nodded, knowing that even if I did need him I probably wouldn’t end up texting him. Oh well.

“Alright, let’s go,” Zayn headed towards the door and the two other boys followed. They all turned around to me to give me an empathetic smile for a second, and then walked out.

The door swung slowly shut behind them and I dropped back down to Katie’s side, ignoring the chair next to the bed and kneeling on the floor, breathing in the musky but artificial smell of the hospital gowns and bedding. I let the tears fall from my eyes, first silently then letting myself whine and whimper quietly, longing for her to wake up.

Anything for her to wake up.

The beeps of the monitors gave me little comfort about her health as I sat in the same position for what seemed like hours, holding her hands and resting my head on the bed.

Finally I gave in, pulling back from the covers and finding a comfortable position on the armchair, staring at her closed eyes, imagining the eyes behind them. I wondered if they would be the vivid green they could be when her mood is great, or if they had turned grey which they do when she’s tired. I would like to think that they were green and I imagined them on her, before moving my gaze to her unmoving and lifeless lips. I couldn’t really see the shape of her lips behind the ventilator in her mouth, so quickly moved my eyes away. I didn’t like to see her with that thing in her mouth. Just knowing that she couldn’t breathe without it killed me; that’s not what she should be like. She should be able to breathe by herself and be able to remember...

Louis' words went around and around in my head. _The doctors are concerned that her memory will be partially damaged_. I couldn’t stop thinking about that. What if she couldn’t remember me? What if she couldn’t remember us? I didn’t want to think about it but I couldn’t stop. What if she couldn’t remember who she was? What if she couldn’t remember One Direction, and what we’ve done? What if she couldn’t remember me? What if the girl I’d come to love couldn't remember our own names?

That was one thing I was sure of. I was sure of it. I was sure I loved her and if this experience didn’t prove it, then... who knows what could. I wanted to care for her, I wanted for her to be okay and I always knew I was emotional from a very young age but I’ve never cared and loved someone like I love and care for her. I was glad we’d become official that very same day, because if we hadn’t then I knew we couldn’t have been able to for a very long time after this. Not until she was fully recovered- if she was ever fully recovered. My thoughts seemed to take over me and I couldn’t think straight, the tears starting to fall once again and in any other situation I’d hate myself for it, but this one just showed I was human.

I hoped.

 

~*~

 

I could feel myself being shaken, and I opened my eyes slowly, squinting at the sudden artificial light.

“Mate,” I heard a voice through the haze of sleep. “We think she’s waking up.”

No other words had to be spoken before I remembered everything and I snapped my eyes open, focusing my full attention on her. I could see her short eyelashes twitching, as though she was trying to wake up but not really managing. My hand was still intertwined with hers, surprisingly, and I could feel her trying to move her fingers.

I stumbled out of the position I fell asleep in and dropped down to my knees for the third time in the past twenty four hours, next to her. I ignored the fact that Louis and Harry were in the room with me and started speaking to her, squeezing her hand gently, putting pressure on and taking it off every few seconds.

“Hey,” I started. “It’s okay, you can wake up now. Waking up would be good,” I felt a hand rub my shoulder and plop down beside me; Harry. “It’d be really good. If you're not ready, it’s okay, but waking up would help a lot...hey?” I wanted to say I loved her, but Louis took over.

“Please sweetie,” I could feel the tears in his voice and I looked up; he was sat opposite me, rubbing her right hand with his thumb, though I couldn’t see any tears just yet. “Please wake up. I love you, we all love you. It’s okay...” Louis trailed off, either not knowing what more to say or not wanting to cry. I knew I would when she woke up; it was inevitable.

She did the opposite though. She stopped moving completely, and my heart dropped into my stomach, disappointment filling me up from every part of my body, though nothing could prepare me for what came next.

The machines started to go insane, and I knew this was bad. I didn’t have to be a doctor to work out why the heart monitor was so loud; her heartbeat was fading, and it was fading fast. Louis made a tiny sound which sounded like a cat being strangled, only quieter, and I was pulled away from her by one of the five nurses and doctors which came running in at the sound.

I could do nothing but watch as the heartbeat faded into nothingness, and Louis tried to pull me away but I turned around to slap him, though he dodged out the way. I’d apologise for that later but I had to stay, though I didn’t know why. I had to keep her in my sights, because this would be okay if I stayed, or that was my logic. This would turn out fine. It had to.

The noise of the paddles on her chest shocked me into reality, and I watched her back arch off the bed in horror. The first time did nothing; the machines were still going crazy and just got louder. I started to lose hope, though she couldn’t leave me. I wouldn’t let her. I was too scared and frozen with terror to cry, though the tears flowed freely as her heartbeat quickened and steadied out on the second shock. The doctors and nurses stood back from her bed, breathing out a relieved sigh and all of them bar two left the room. I leant against the wall and slid down, sinking into my knees and putting my head between my legs, my hands running through my hair.

“Holy **_shit_** Katie," Louis stormed back into the room once the nurses adjusted some of the wires and put another two in. “Don’t you **_dare_** do that to us again.” his voice was cracking with emotion and listening to him try and keep it together just made me cry more.

I looked up at Louis for the first time, and his face mirrored mine. Tear tracks ran down his face and he collapsed into the chair next to the bed, hiding his face in his arms. His anger seemed to ebb away quickly until I could just watch his shoulders jut up and down, and Harry walked forward and took him in his arms. Louis tried to push him away though gave in pretty quickly after Harry’s persistence, and I ducked my head between my legs for the second time after hearing Louis’ broken sobs into Harry’s shoulder.

I couldn’t think. I’d watched my girlfriend almost die and the echo of the noises in the room from fifteen minutes ago bounced around my mind and rung in my ears. I’d never experienced anything like that before and I didn’t want to experience anything like it ever again; the feeling of powerlessness overcame me and on impulse I punched the wall behind me, creating a crack in the paintwork and making my knuckles bleed. I felt unknown anger bubble up inside of me and I went to punch the wall again but a hand took my wrist and held it back. I went to turn on the person who had my wrist in their hands and punch them instead, but Harry’s face dissolved my anger. His expression seemed just as broken as I felt, and I knew it was probably to do with mine and Louis’ moods, and I couldn’t hold in anything more. He sat himself down next to me and pulled me in for a heart-wrenching hug, and I broke down in his arms just like Louis did not ten minutes ago. My voice cracked just as Louis’ did and the sobs hitched in the back of my throat; I shook like mad in Harry’s arms but all he did was hold me tighter until the breakdown was settling down and I bit down on my lip to stop the sobbing. I had no idea how Harry was supporting us both and not crying himself, but he’s been one of my best friends for three years now. I could see the pain and emotion in his eyes and features; he didn’t have to cry to show that he was worried and cared just like me and Lou did.

“I love you both,” Louis broke the silence, and his voice was full to the brim with emotion.

“I love you too Lou,” Harry replied, and got up as Louis did to hug the boy. The pair of them helped me up from the floor and I was a little unsteady on my feet to start with but they wrapped their arms around me and themselves, encasing me in a warm embrace, which would be relaxing if there wasn’t bleeps and flashes of hospital equipment all around us. The bleeps of the heart monitor, however, had somehow become almost relaxing because of the scare earlier that day.

Harry’s phone went off and he quickly read the text to himself before relaying the information back to me and Louis.

“Liam’s discharged,” he smiled weakly, “and Zayn’s going back to the hotel with him. Let’s just hope they don’t get mobbed by fans…”

“Maybe they can let us know on the media front when they get back,” Louis added on thoughtfully. “One Direction et girlfriend must have at least one front page somewhere or other.” I groaned in remembrance of the media and for a second wished that I wasn’t famous so we could just deal with this without all of that hassle.

“I’m staying here with her for as long as it takes,” I said, determination etched all over my face.

“You need to come back with us to the hotel sometime,” Harry said with a sad look on his face, knowing what my reaction would be.

“Yeah, ahaha, how about no.”

“To sleep-”

“I can sleep here.”

“Not well…”

“I don’t care. I’m not leaving until she wakes up.”

“Nialler, please,” Louis argued.

“No, don’t do that. Her parents can’t get over here because of her sister and their jobs and the rest of her family can’t afford it and won’t take our fucking money. So someone has to stay here. And it will fucking be me.”

Harry and Louis sighed in defeat, letting me know that they were going back to the hotel to check on things with Liam and Zayn. I did nothing but nod and they left as the door swung shut behind them, though not a second later it was opened again by a doctor and three bustling nurses. They instructed me to step aside and I did so, not wanting to fight because suddenly I felt everything catch up to me and realised just how much it had drained me.

They were finished fast and I was allowed back in the room, and I took the spot that Louis had left, taking Katie’s hand and deciding to let everything out that I’d been bottling up, because crying with the boys didn’t really seem to take the full weight off my shoulders… maybe nothing could, but I had to say it.

“Hey baby… I’ve never called you baby before. It sounds wrong. I’m just going with my thoughts… hey sweetie. Yes, that sounds a lot better. I wish you could wake up soon. But not too soon, because I saw what happened then… please don’t scare me like that again. Please. You’ll be okay, I know you will be, but you just… you have to be. I love you, Katie. I’ve told you it before and I’ll tell you it again because who knows if you’ll be taken away from me. I don’t want you to leave me. I can’t let you leave me. I have the boys I know and I’d have to keep going for them and the fans but you’ve changed my life in so many ways and I love you so much for that. You’ve given me a reason to keep doing what I do, along with the boys and you don’t realise how much you’ve helped me.  I know I’ve helped you but it’s not just you… you’ve helped me. And I don’t think you know that because I’ve never told you but you really do light up my world like nobody else. Wow that was cheesy. Ignore me. Don’t.” I could feel tears stinging at my eyes and I let them fall, though I spoke through them stronger.

“Anyway… you gave me such a scare earlier. It was the worst thing I’ve ever seen and you know what the worst thing was? I couldn’t help you. That killed me. I wanted to help you so bad and I couldn’t because I’m no doctor; I’m just an Irish guy. I don’t even know why you love me… I have so many flaws. So many flaws to your so very little. You look so delicate there, like you’d break if I touched you. I do hold your hand through, because you have to be okay. If I hold your hand it means you’re okay and you’re fine and you’re with me. I just need you to be with me. I want to be able to snuggle up with you again and watch movies and be on stage but at this rate we won’t be on stage again for a very long time and I’m so sorry because I knew how much you were looking forward to being back on stage. I just… I miss you. I miss us.” I stopped to take a breather, and then questioned myself out loud.

“What am I saying? There’s still an ‘us’, isn’t there? For the moment, with my memories to share… What am I doing? I need you to be okay, Katie. It seems like I’m going insane with you like this, in limbo, and no one knows whether you’ll be okay or not. It sucks. But at least you’re not taken from me yet… I don’t really know where I’m going with this. It was longer than I planned. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being in that car with you. I’m sorry for not being in your place, and taking that impact; maybe I’d have been stronger than you. At least then I could’ve saved your life…”

I trailed off, and choked out a final ‘ _I love you_ ’ to her almost lifeless body before being taken away by the darkness of sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

~3 days later~

 

It was late afternoon and the sun was beginning to fall out of view of her window. It didn’t matter to her what time it was, of course, but we were coming scarily close to the early end of the Sunday visiting times. The three of us had been basically camping out in her room for the past four days; I never left and Louis and Harry went back to the hotel at night. The nurses seemed to like me and gave me an exception to the visiting times because I did what they said and kept out of their way when I needed to be, but in all fairness that wasn’t that often anymore. We’d had no more scares from the one three days ago and for that I was grateful, though there was no particularly good news either. The week that the doctors had given her was almost up and I was getting tenser and tenser with every second that passed, much to the annoyance and disapproval of Harry and Louis, who got the brunt of my short temper and pretty emotional state. Louis understood moreso but there had been times when either me or Harry (usually the latter) had to leave for a while and calm down to prevent a row from starting out.

I just wanted her to wake up soon.

Louis and I were playing a game of slam while Harry was on the ground floor getting us all hot drinks from the café. If Louis slammed the empty pile that had formed in this game then he would win so the game would be over and to be honest I didn’t try hard to let him not win; I was tired so my reaction times were slower than usual and I was past the point of being fed up with stupid little card games by now.

“She’ll wake up today, I can feel it,” Louis said as he won, trying to cheer me up. In any other mood, I would have just nodded and moved on, but I snapped. Again.

“You don’t fucking know that,” I snarled, immediately regretting my decision.

“Nialler, you need to stop this.” Louis glared back and I was surprised; he usually just left it. Maybe I’d pushed him too far.

“I’ll stop when she wakes up,” I got up from the set next to the tiny table and positioned myself in the chair closest to her bed.

“What if she doesn’t.” Louis snapped back, and I could see by the look on his face that he knew he’d overstepped the line by about a thousand miles but the damage was done.

“Get the fuck out.” I spat, trying to hide my distraught emotions through anger. Louis didn’t move. “I _said_ get the _fuck_ out Louis, before I do something I fucking regret.”

He looked at me and bit down hard on his lip, obviously debating whether to carry on the conversation or just get out. It didn’t take him long to decide on the latter and he shot me a guilty apologetic look before walking out of the room, and I watched him run his hand through his hair before the door closed behind him.

I let myself break down in the chair. I’d thought of her not making it but no one had actually said it out loud and this was the reason why. It brought everything back into reality and the real threat that I could lose her and I wasn’t ready for that. I never would be and that scared me… I was honestly terrified.

I had my head in my hands and my whole body shook from top to bottom. I took her hand and prayed harder than I ever had before, because I needed her. A week was too long without her and I could feel myself slipping back into the habits I got into once she left the first time...

_“Niall,” Liam’s voice came from the doorway and I ignored him. It was the second day of the break and the second day without her; the second day of eternity. I was on Twitter but not reading; I was on YouTube but not listening; and I was supposed to be talking to Liam but I was ignoring. I couldn’t bring myself to look or to speak to anyone and I hadn’t really noticed that I hadn’t really eaten since we came back. I heard Liam sigh through my headphones and watched him place a plate of small sandwiches and a full glass of water on the table next to my bed out of the corner of my eye. I think we went out to touch me but thought the better of it at the last second._

_He stood in the doorway for a while – I could sense him standing and watching me; I didn’t have to look – before he closed the door behind him._

_~_

_Louis came up into my room the day after, sitting on the end of my bed and trying to talk sense into me. I pretended to have my headphones in but nothing was playing so I heard every word; how all of the boys were worried about me, how they would do anything for me to be back to my old self, or just to come out of my room. He explained that there was a signing that afternoon and Management had no idea of my stupor, and I had the choice of whether they could know and be mad at us all or if I went with them to keep up appearances._

_I only agreed because I knew what happened when Management was angry and this was my problem, no one else’s. I couldn’t take it out on everyone else; that’s not what she would have wanted me to do. A pain in my stomach twisted itself around on thought of her and settled in the bottom of my abdomen for the whole journey there and back, along with the whole signing. I didn’t interact with anyone I didn’t have to interact with, and that included the boys; I probably said an average of five words to each of them, if that._

_The boys weren’t blind; they knew something was wrong but slapped their hands on my back when we got home, Louis making a side remark about how well I could fake a smile for the fans. I wasn’t buying it. Every single girl who came up to me asked what was wrong and I said “nothing sweetie, it’s all fine,” over and over again. Some smiled and hugged me; others hugged me with more feeling and said that I wasn’t fooling anyone._

_At least I fooled Management, for the time being._

I could feel myself becoming detached from everyone to stay with her and I knew if she left I’d do the exact same as I had done before.

I made a spur of the moment decision and grabbed her phone from the tiny table beside me, and cursed when I found her unlock screen. I didn’t know her password and there was no other way of getting into the phone so I started guessing. I tried her birthday, her sisters birthday (it’d come up in a conversation when we had an idea to surprise Sarah for her birthday or Christmas, whichever came first), and all the generic combinations of numbers before I locked her phone for a minute.

Fuck.

I knew I only had one go once the timer was up to get into her phone or it’d be locked for five, and if I didn’t get it right this time then I knew I’d have to stop trying.

I sang a song in my head and rechecked the phone once I’d finished, and sure enough the phone had been taken out of lockdown. I took a deep breath and hit in the first four numbers of my birthday without really thinking about it – because that’s what I’d set mine up to be a couple of weeks beforehand – and closed my eyes. I cracked them open again not 15 seconds later and I smiled victoriously to myself; how could I have not thought of that earlier?

I went straight to her contacts list and scrolled down the few numbers she had and quickly found the number I was looking for. I hit dial and had to wait for only one ring before he picked up.

“Katie?” he asked, holding his breath in hope.

“I’m sorry,” I apologised to him, having the sudden realisation that this was probably all over the news all over the world. “I wish she was calling you.”

“Niall,” Cam breathed out. “What’s up? How is she?”

“It’s all over the news, isn’t it...” it wasn't really a question.

“Yup, unfortunately. There’s this horrible picture of the crash, but they have no pictures of her, thankfully...” Cam paused, and I didn’t say anything. “I’m so worried,” his voice broke and it was only then I realised how close the two must have been, even though they'd never properly met.

“Me too,” I said lamely, not really knowing what else to say.

“I’m guessing she’s not in a decent enough position to talk to me then?”

“If she was, I wouldn’t be the one calling you,” I felt bad for the boy.

“I guess not...”

“How strong is she?” the words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them.

“Mentally she’s amazingly strong. Stronger than she knows and I’m sure you know that,” Cam paused and I nodded, forgetting that he couldn’t actually see me.

“Yeah,”

“Physically I don’t really know. I would guess the same but who knows…”

“Yeah,” I repeated, my heart sinking.

“Was there any other reason you called me at quarter to eleven on a Sunday night?” Cam asked, though with no malice or spite in his voice; only worry.

“Shit, timezones,” I cursed, forgetting that he was five hours ahead of me.

“It’s no problem, I don’t have college tomorrow anyway; I start on Wednesdays,” well, at least he didn’t have to wake up in the morning, though if he was anything like me then he would anyway. “I was just wondering as it was so out of the blue...”

“I just wanted someone to talk to really,” I admitted, feeling almost vulnerable.

“That’s what I’m here for,” and I could see the half smile through his voice. “I'm so glad you care for her this much, Niall,” he continued, and I just listened. “For so long she’s needed someone who can be there for her and stuck through thick and thin and I’ve always known you were amazing but...never this amazing, yaknow?”

“Thanks Cam,” his words made me feel a little better, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her. “And I’m still next to her, and I probably shouldn’t really be on my phone in the hospital...”

“Text me when she’s awake?” Cam asked and I agreed, even though I was going to let him know anyway. “You probably should go before you get like, sued or something,” he said reasonably and I forced out a chuckle.

“Yeah... Thank you for this,” I told him genuinely, and I hoped he could find the sincerity in my voice.

“Anytime. Call me whenever, just check I’m awake first between the hours of 12am and 12pm,” he laughed weakly on the other end of the phone. “Katie’s made that mistake more than once.”

“Hah, I will do. Talk to you soon,” I didn’t really want to come off the phone, but I knew I had to if I didn’t want to risk being allowed to stay here.

“Bye dude, stay strong for her,” were Cam's last words before the phone line went to dial tone.

Not for the first time, I wondered how someone else could change me in such a short space of time. How I knew if this had happened to her just six months before, I wouldn’t have even known, and if I did know I wouldn’t really care, not like I felt right now. I’d never felt anything like this for a girl, and I never thought I could feel anything like this for anyone apart from my boys, though I’d proved myself wrong.

I tried to pull myself out of the mind-set I was in and squeezed Katie’s hand back as she gently clutched for mine, as if she wanted to pull me out of it herself. It took a second to register what had actually happened, and as soon as it happened I thought it was a trick of my mind. I was praying so hard that my mind must have made the movement up – but I was wrong.

Her hand squeezed mine and her eyes properly fluttered, not like the first time when they just twitched. I held my breath in anticipation, not wanting to get my hopes up for them to be thrown back under the water again.

I glimpsed her vivid green eyes for the first time in a week and pressed the call button as she tried to take a breath, and the ventilator blocked it. Two nurses came in almost immediately and one disabled the machine, taking two wires it was attached to out of her and took it to the side of the room, while the other took out another three of the wires from her arms which left only three; one in each arm and another in her chest, I guessed where her lung was.

The first nurse had left and come back with a drink of water and handed it to Katie, and my heart melted at her genuine smile forming on her lips as she thanked the nurse with a nod and spotted me. She pressed the straw to her mouth and I almost ran back over to her and threw my arms around her as the door shut behind the nurses. I started to cry again into her chest and it seemed like she was the one comforting me than the other way around.

“Stop crying…” she murmured into my hair. “I don’t want… first thing for me… since the accident is cry.”

I tried to stop but I couldn’t. I felt so overwhelmed that she was okay that she wasn't dead that she was still with me and talking to me after what Louis said.

“Please Niall… please don't… please… I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t,” I told her, locking my blue eyes with hers. “Don’t _ever_ be sorry. Please don’t,” I wanted to say so much more but my voice cracked and gave out, and against my better judgement I slid my head back to her bed.

“Niall…” the break in her voice killed me and I raised my head back to look at her, “You know… it hurts me when you cry...”

“I’m sorry,” I apologised, but she cut me off before I could say anything more.

“Don’t,” she repeated back to me weakly. “It’s always been like that... you know… when you cried during Little Things sometime… around a year ago? In America? If I wasn’t like… like this I could probably remember the exact date... but I cried when you cried. I can’t not…”

“You still remember…” it suddenly hit me that she remembered, and I didn’t have to worry about all of my ‘what if’s’ anymore. It lifted a huge weight off my shoulders that I didn’t even know was there.

“What? Of course I do…” her eyes closed for longer than usual as she blinked, and I could tell she was tired.

“If you’re tired, you can sleep,” I smiled at her, feeling tears well back up in my eyes with relief. I was honestly an emotional wreck.

“Just promise me… not to cry dammit,” she replied, copying my smile and keeping her eyes closed.

“I refuse to promise something I can’t keep,” I chuckled and she giggled softly. “Once you’re asleep I’ll go and get Louis and Harry, they’re downstairs…” she made a tiny nodding motion with her head and I could tell she was already slipping off to sleep. It was a lot more peaceful than only five minutes beforehand; she seemed alive and that’s all I wanted from her.

“We’ll be here when you wake up, I promise,” I got an ‘mmm’ in reply and I waited about ten minutes to see if she was actually sleeping, which unsurprisingly, she was.

With the biggest smile on my face, I opened the door and left the room for just the second time that day and flashed all the nurses I passed a grin, and they smiled back to me. I bounded down the five sets of stairs quicker than I ever had before, and sprinted to the café, skidding in through the entrance. I spotted Louis and Harry in the corner, Harry obviously trying to console Louis. I felt bad for a second before Louis caught the expression on my face and jumped up, scaring Harry out of his wits and almost making him fall out of his chair.

“She’s awake,” Louis stated, not even having to ask.

“Well done, Captain Obvious!” Harry laughed, following Louis and I back up the stairs to her room. We were chatting all the way up and I stopped outside her door.

“Shh though,” I said. “She’s actually so tired, believe it or not, so I let her sleep.”

“I kinda gathered,” Louis said quieter, opening the door. “I know you. You wouldn’t have left her side otherwise.”

“What the Doncaster boy said,” Harry grinned and stuck his tongue out before taking a double take. “How in the world does she look so much better already?!”

"I think it’s fact that the ventilator’s gone,” I smiled. “It just weighed her down. She looks a lot freer now,” Louis nodded in agreement to my words.

“You cried, didn’t you?” Harry looked at me and I glanced to the ground sheepishly.

“Maybe...”

“Perfect first thing for her to see,” Louis chuckled.

“It was emotional okay,” I defended myself.

 “I’m sure we'll find that out soon enough,” Harry glanced over to Louis and he gave the younger boy a death glare back.

“Just because I haven’t seen her awake yet, doesn’t mean I’ll cry,” Louis took a turn of defending himself.

“Sure, sure,” Harry laughed and I chuckled along with him, knowing just how emotional Louis could get when he let himself go. Louis crying wasn’t an often occurrence; I’d only seen him cry once but in all honesty when Louis cried you knew things were emotional.

Louis just raised his eyebrows and pulled a pack of cards out of his pocket and set about teaching Harry slam, the card game we were playing earlier. I kept my eyes on Katie and suddenly an idea dawned on me, thinking over the conversation I had over the phone around an hour ago.

~*~

 

I woke up in the middle of the night, twisted awkwardly in the chair and holding Katie’s hand. I went to pull away quickly to be able to shift my position and she held onto me. I opened my eyes properly and saw her bright eyes watching me in the half-light; hospital rooms could never be properly dark.

“Katie,” I smiled, somehow dragging the chair closer to her bed and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead as I got up.

“Hey,” she replied, though her smile didn’t reach her eyes.

“Are you okay?” I asked, and I could hear the concern flow through my voice.

“I’m fine,” she said, and I could tell she was lying.

“Don’t…” I told her as she tried to position herself closer to me, though I stopped her. If she moved any closer, the wire in her chest had a decent chance of slipping. “Don’t play things down. I’m not blind. I know you.”

“You do,” she paused, seemingly trying to regain her breath as her smile slipped from her face. 

“I’m calling the nurse…” I trailed off as I pressed the red button, and a nurse I hadn’t seen before came through. I hadn’t really interacted with anyone on the night shift.

“What’s wrong my lovely?” she asked with an encouraging smile on her face.

“It just hurts a little to breath, I’m okay,” Katie insisted, and I shot a small glare her way. When would she stop doing this?!

“I’ll go and get some pain medicine love,” the nurse kept the smile on her face. “It’ll be gone soon, I promise.”

It was times like these which I felt powerless; I didn’t know what was best for Katie and I could do barely anything to help her. I couldn’t cuddle next to her because of all the wires and all I wanted was to be able to hold her in my arms again and I couldn’t.

The nurse came back and fiddled with one of the wires.

“It’ll make you feel sleepy for a while so don’t fight it,” the nurse instructed and Katie nodded. “I’m sure this one here can make sure of this,” I smiled back at her and nodded, and the nurse noticed my hand in Katie’s. She said nothing though gave Katie some knowing smile before leaving us alone again.

“Why couldn’t you tell me that?” I asked as soon as the hinges of the door closed shut.

“You know I hate to worry you,” she replied, and it took all I had to snap at her.

“I know,” I finally whispered. “Get some rest, I need it too.”

“Yes sir,” she giggled tiredly and I took my hand from hers as I tried to get comfortable. She whined quietly, immediately worrying me.

“What’s wrong?!” I asked.

“You’re leaving me,” she sounded almost on the verge of tears and her sudden change of mood caught me off guard.

“I could never leave you,” I told her with complete sincerity, and instead of taking her hand again I hugged her as best I could, dodging the wires as I felt her bury her head into my chest. “Come on now, we both should sleep,” I felt her nod into me and I pulled back, placing a second kiss to her forehead and getting comfortable, taking her hand for a second time. She didn’t slack her hand from mine for a while after we became silent and I knew I couldn’t sleep until she did, which meant she was sleeping.

I hated this place with a passion. I just wanted to take her home. 


	16. Chapter 16

Two and a half weeks had passed since we’d left the hospital and I could tell she had cabin fever already. She was on bed rest for two weeks and house (or in our case, hotel) arrest for at least three weeks to a month, and you could tell American daytime TV was driving her up the walls.

We had to move out of New York and down state to our first show in Pennsylvania at the end of her hotel arrest and somehow Harry had convinced Paul for us to move out two days earlier than expected, just to “cater for any incidents” as he worded it. I was surprised at how much Harry cared for Katie as if she was a sibling like Louis did; and when I questioned Louis about it he seemed just as dumbfounded as I did.

Katie brought out the best in Harry, I’d realised; whenever Katie was upset he was always there with Louis and I, trying to help her, but it wasn’t just that. About a week ago, when it was mine and Louis’ night to go out and get food for the rest of us, I’d fought to stay home with her until Liam pointed to the couch which Katie had seemed to claim.

Her and Harry were wrestling on the sofa, Harry with the PlayStation controller in his hand and she was reaching for it, aiming to grab the controller though pushing him off instead. It was actually amazing to watch her laugh and roll around and it seemed like she was having the time of her life; her face was bright and her cheeks flushed and she seemed more alive than she had for weeks. I’d shot a smile at Liam as he nodded my way, and I walked out with Louis with a spring in my step for the first time since the accident.

 

I had a surprise waiting for her when she got back on the stage but it was starting to be a rough day; all she wanted was to at least leave the penthouse room that all six of us were sharing and do something, but I couldn’t let her. I wanted her to get better so she could hit the stage on top form, and I knew that was what the rest of us wanted too. It was getting to the point where no one could hold a conversation with her without her snapping at least once at her and it was only me and Harry who didn’t end up snapping back, and I knew we couldn’t stay like this for too much longer.

“Katie?” I called her name gently. I’d just had a shower and wandered over to her in a vest and shorts. She looked up at me and forced a smile as I sat down next to her and wrapped my arms around her into a hug. I pulled away and she looked at me puzzled, for we usually just chat still in each other’s arms.

“You’re planning something,” she half glared at me, and I smiled.

“Kinda,” I admitted. “Come with me.”

I took her hand and helped her up from the sofa, and a small smile crept onto her lips. I lead her through to my room – or you could call it our room as we both seemed to somehow end up in this room to sleep even though she had one of her own – and told her to close her eyes. She crossed her arms and refused so I called Louis through (who knew what I was doing) and clasped his hands over her eyes and she squealed. Louis and I both chuckled as I opened the door of my wardrobe, reaching in and grabbing the case from the back which was once hidden by all of my clothes.

“No peeking!” Louis exclaimed as she tried to wriggle out of his grip.

“You’re no fun,” she pouted with her eyes still covered.

“It’s nearly ready I promise,” I laughed as I unzipped the case and leaned it up against the bed. I nodded to Louis who took his hands from Katie’s eyes which widened in amazement as soon as she spotted the guitar leant up against the four-poster. I’d bought it while out with Louis when she was happy with Harry; I spotted it in the window of a shop we walked past and I begged Louis to get it for her.

The guitar was a sleek black model, reflecting the artificial light from the ceiling onto the wall opposite. It wasn’t too unlike from her prized blue electro-acoustic; all the strings were bright silver unlike the thicker bronze strings on her first guitar; the back was pushed outwards a little compared to her blue one; and the whole thing was thinner and more streamlined.

My smile grew as I watched her face light up and she threw herself around me.

“I love you so much,” she said into my neck.

“You know I love you too,” I smiled back, hearing those words for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime and she let go, grabbing the guitar and perching herself on the bed, testing it out. “I tuned it all up and ready so...”

“Thanks,” she grinned at me and started playing the chords to Diana.

“Front page’s all your pictures, they make you look so small, how could someone not miss you at all?” I sung Liam's first part and Louis took Harry’s.

“I never would mistreat ya, I’m not a criminal, I speak a different language but I still hear your call,” I was about to go into the chorus but Katie stopped playing, looking up to me with expectant eyes.

“Can I sing?” she asked. The doctor had told her that because of the operation on her lung it wasn’t wise to do anything strenuous, as in sing for a long period of time or run around, for at least two months. She hadn’t used her voice for three weeks now and I could tell she was itching to sing – one song couldn't hurt.

“Go on then,” she punched the air triumphantly at my words and sung the chorus.

“Diana, let me be the one to light a fire inside your eyes; you look lonely you don’t even know me, but I can feel you crying. Diana, let me be the one to lift your heart up and save your life, I don’t think you realise baby you’ll be saving mine.”

“Diana!” Zayn’s soprano voice came through and he wandered in, taking his part as usual.

“It’s only been four months but you’ve fallen down so far, how could someone mislead you at all?” I sung, and even though she didn’t know it, I wrote this part for Katie when she was still ‘just a fan’. It made the song even more special for the both of us and I planned on telling her about it...someday.

“I wanna reach out for ya, I wanna break these walls, I speak a different language but I still hear your call,” Louis took his solo.

 

“Diana, let me be the one to light a fire inside your eyes,” Katie's voice was beautiful and gave me shivers every time. “You look lonely you don’t even know me, but I can hear you crying. Diana, let me be the one to lift your heart up and save your life, I don’t think you realise baby you’ll be saving mine.”

“Diana!” Zayn went over the top perfectly in time. “We all need something,” he took Harry’s second solo too, for he and Liam were out, “this can’t be over now. If I could hold ya swear I’d never put you down.”

“Diana,” we all sang in unison, “let me be the one to light a fire inside your life; you look lonely you don’t even know me, but I can feel you crying. Diana, let me be the one to lift your heart up and save your life, I don’t think you realise baby you’ll be saving mine.”

“Diana,” Zayn layered again. “

“Baby you’ll be saving mine,” Louis smiled.

“Diana,”

“Ohh,” I added.

“Baby you’ll be saving mine,” Katie finished and grinned to herself and to us. “That felt so fucking good, you have no idea.”

“You sounded amazing,” I complimented her and she blushed. I chuckled and pulled her in for a hug; I’d never get tired of that.

“Can we go out somewhere? Please? To eat or something or anything?” she begged looking from me to Louis to Zayn and back to me.

“Katie, you know what the doctor said...” Louis trailed off.

“I know what he said and I don’t care!” I could feel her snapping again and I sighed, knowing beforehand that this outburst was only a matter of time.

“You should care,” Zayn said softly, and it surprised me. He usually didn't get involved.

“I do care,” she replied, glaring at Zayn, contradicting herself. “But I feel _fine_ ,” I raised my eyebrows at her, knowing how she could be. “And I’m not lying. I swear. Being stuck in this hotel is actually killing me, no matter how nice it is.”

“What could it hurt?” I asked, looking at Louis and Zayn with baited breath. “If she feels fine, and we keep a close eye on her, and go to a restaurant close to the hotel and bring emergency stuff with us… what harm can it do?”

“You make a point...” I could feel Louis caving in to my logic and her begging, and I nodded towards Katie, who got up and pulled Louis down onto the bed, the two of them sitting cross-legged opposite each other.

“Louie. Please.” she used her eyes to persuade him more than her words. “It won’t be that bad. I know there are fans and shit but you have bodyguards for a reason; if you tell them not to let fans near us then they won’t be able to get near us. That’s what they're paid to do.”

“She’s right you know,” Zayn chipped in as I heard the door of the room slam.

“HARRY! LIAM!” Katie called, and I knew in a second that Harry would be on her side. Liam however, I wasn’t too sure about.

“Who died,” Liam asked, laughing as he wandered through after Harry.

“Hopefully my house arrest,” Katie grinned though Liam’s smile seemed to fall from his face.

“But the doctor said-”

“Don’t,” Zayn warned him, and he shut up.

“Kat,” Harry had picked up this new nickname for her from somewhere. “The doctors know a lot more than we do, and don't you think we should listen to them?”

“Yes,” she agreed, “to an extent. But I feel fine Harry, I swear on my life, and I’m not lying to get out of here. I honestly feel up to it.”

“You sure?” Harry raised his eyebrows, glancing around at the rest of us as if he was trying to find confirmation.

“ _Yes_ ,” she sounded frustrated again. “I’m sorry for lying sometimes but I’m telling the truth; I know going out this once to just eat or something will be so much better for me than being stuck here for another week.”

“And it’s not like out bodyguards do a bad job,” Louis tacked on, and I grinned at him.

“Touché,” Harry agreed, stroking his imaginary beard because he couldn’t grow one himself.

“Hang on wait a minute,” Liam cut in. “Surely doctors are doctors for a reason and we should listen to what they say.”

“ _Look_ at her Liam,” Zayn cut in again, taking us all by surprise for the second time. “I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t be acting like this if she wasn’t fine, and as the doctor also said – everyone reacts differently to different medicines and scenarios. She’s taking it well; she’s a strong girl, surely you know that.”

“Yes, but-”

“But what?” Louis asked. “If we keep near the hotel we can always come back if things get so bad. Most fans will be understanding and will keep away if we go out first for five minutes and meet them and ask them to stay away, and the bodyguards we have are great.”

“Yes, but-”

“No more butts,” Katie cut in. "Apart from Niall’s, but that’s mine,” she winked at me and I burst out laughing, wiggling my ass around for her amusement.

“Democratic voting time!” Louis exclaimed excitedly. “All of those in favour of going out to dinner tonight to one of the restaurants across the street say ‘I’!”

Everyone, including Liam, said ‘I’ and Katie punched the air.

“Fuck yes! Chili’s maybe?” she smirked, knowing both me and Liam loved Chili’s, especially the chicken nachos.

“I’m so up for that,” Liam grinned and I fist pumped them both in agreement.

“Louis? Harry? Zayn?” I turned to each one asking for their opinions.

“Katie’s treat, I guess,” Louis said and the remaining two boys nodded in agreement. “And anyway, they do fucking great steaks there if I remember correctly?”

“Indeed they do,” I assured him.

“Excellent,” Louis replied. “Good call Kates,” he said, high-fiving her, and she stuck her tongue out.

“Yeah, you all love me now,” she drawled, laughing. “Come on; let's get out of this place.”

 

~*~

 

I woke up in the middle of the night to a whimpering coming from next to me. I was used to this by now; Katie woke me up due to nightmares almost once a week this was but I was starting to get worried, for this was the third night in a row when she’d had one. Something was wrong whenever she had nightmares and I knew that, but tonight was different. She’d never woken me up without being awake herself before.

I watched her toss and turn and wondered how she hadn’t woken me up sooner; her left arm was tangled in her hair and I couldn’t see her right; every five seconds or so she’d flip over to the opposite side she was laying on, sometimes staying still for longer and laying on her back looking at the ceiling; and she was constantly whimpering quietly. Half of me didn’t want to wake her because I’d read somewhere that if someone was dreaming, whether having a nightmare or not, you were supposed to wait until they woke themselves up.

I twisted my position so I could take her into my arms the second she woke up and I watched her helplessly as tears started to fall, and my longing to wake her up grew stronger. Not a minute later she started whispering my name, firstly almost inaudibly and then growing louder, like she was talking to me herself but terror and pain layered her voice.

I couldn’t take it any longer and wrapped her in my arms, whispering her name and consoling her over and over into her hair, trying to untangle her left hand from her brown curls but failing. She didn’t wake up for a minute and pulled her arms away from me, and I dodged a blow to the face which probably would’ve hurt like a bitch if it had hit. I was pretty sure that it would be better for her mentally to wake up and I took her tighter into my arms, talking to her louder and stroking her face reassuringly until she woke up.

Her green eyes were bright and vivid due to the tears and I could see them relax and drop a little as she realised what she’d done. She buried her face into my chest and I told her that everything was okay; I’d ask her what was on her mind in the morning, realising that this probably wasn't the best time to ask her about it.

“I hate this,” she murmured into my bare chest.

“I know,” I replied quietly, kissing her hair.

“No, not having them,” she looked up to me with sad eyes. “It’s the fact that you have to deal with it. I’m so messed up,” she let go of me and tried to turn away, but I just held her closer to me.

“I’ve dealt with worse,” it was true; it was easier seeing her like this than lying lifeless in a hospital bed, though neither of them were really favourable to either of us.

“That’s a lie,” she didn’t look at me.

“You’d be surprised at what I’ve seen.”

“Try me,” she stopped resisting me and looked me in the eyes.

“Do you really want to know?” I raised my eyebrows, hesitating. I didn’t know if I actually wanted to tell her how it felt to see her like that; I knew I didn’t want to remember, let alone recount it.

“You’d be surprised at what I’ve seen,” she repeated her words back to me and sat up, setting up the pillows to support her. I did the same, got comfortable and started talking, knowing when I did I wouldn’t be able to stop.

“You have no idea,” I started, not tearing my eyes away from hers. “We told you that you were out for three days; you weren’t. It was just over a week. We told you three days so you didn’t freak out and not get better but now you’re almost better...” I paused, gauging her reaction but she was just looking at me expectantly, fully listening.

“That week was so long. I had nothing more to do than sit by your bedside every hour that I could and yeah, there were other things out there that were possible for me to have done to pass the time but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave you there. What if something happened? The doctors were worried that your memory would be lost and you wouldn’t know who anyone was – not even yourself – and he told me not to panic and he told me not to worry about it because it was only a suspicion but what else could I do?

I was so often left alone with you because the boys had other commitments… like explaining why we had our whole tour in New York pushed back two weeks and then moving all the other dates around and taking some out to be able to work around one of the five members of the band refusing to leave the hospital because of his girlfriend.”

She was still listening.

“I don’t know how to say this to you and to be honest I don’t know if you've experienced it yourself because you were out of it and I have no idea what goes on in your head but I watched you almost die, for real.” The words didn't mean to come out that bluntly and that harshly but they did, and I heard her take in a sharp intake of breath but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop.

“You were going to wake up: it looked like you were going to wake up. Louis and Harry were there and they were playing cards and I was just watching you and I honestly thought you were going to wake up...and then the heart monitor started jumping. I can’t describe what I felt in that moment and Harry knew it was bad so pulled Louis away from the room, and Louis tried to pull me out too but I stood my ground. I knew if I left you that you would leave me and I couldn’t let you leave me because I don’t know what I would be without you. I knew I was nothing without you and I had to stay there for you and even if I watched you die then at least I would have been with you until the end.”

I didn’t notice that I was crying until she reached forward and wiped the tears away with her delicate hands, and I kept talking.

“I’ve seen you almost die, Katie. I know you’ve seen me die in nightmares and now I can finally feel what you feel every night and to be honest I don’t know how you can be so strong and deal with all of that but I don’t care that I have to watch you be like this. I don’t care that you’re like this because I’ve come to realise that it’s so much better that you are like this than that you’re gone, okay? You’re still perfect to me.”

She didn’t reply and settled on leaning into my body, trying not to cry into my chest and failing. I seemed to be the one comforting her again, holding her in my arms and rocking her back and forth until she looked back up to me with drier eyes than I expected.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “and don’t say I shouldn’t be because even if you think I shouldn’t be, I am. I’m so sorry for putting you through that and I wish I didn’t. I wish it didn't happen and... I wish it more than you’ll ever know. I can promise you that a million times over.”

“Why?” I asked curiously.

“I’ve seen pictures of the wreckage; it’s everywhere. You should see my twitter feed at times – but that’s a whole different story – and it’s just haunting me,” she finished with a yawn.

“Hey, we’re both tired. Come here,” I settled back down into a lying position, and she did the same, pressing our bodies together but keeping our faces at the same level. I hesitated before kissing her softly, and pulled back when she made it clear that she wanted to carry on. “We can carry on tomorrow, and we can chat about it then too. Yeah?”

“Okay,” she mumbled with her eyes set in mine. They seemed to get more beautiful the longer I looked at them.

“Okay,” I replied, biting down a smile.

“Oh my god stop flirting with me!” she giggled and I kissed her gently again.

“I’m glad you got that reference,”

“I’m glad you made it,” she shot back. “Just don’t go all Augustus Waters on me would you?”

“What, you don’t want me to get one pack of cigarettes to last me the rest of my life? I thought that was a pretty good idea to be fair,” I teased, knowing exactly what she meant.

“Each to their own,” she laughed back, “but you know what I mean, right?”

“My thoughts are-”

“Stars I cannot fathom into constellations,” she finished the quote for me. “And I’ll take it that you do know what I’m talking about.”

“Of course I do, and as I said before – I could never leave you. I stick by that.” I watched her smile at my words and whisper thanks before goodnight.

She kept her fingers intertwined with mine as her eyes closed and I felt her body relax, and I did the same, enjoying the falling sensation that I got just before I fell back to sleep.

 

~*~

 

I didn’t know if I wanted to go through with this, but both Katie and I woke up in a mind-set to talk things through and get to the bottom of everything.

Well... I was in that mind-set, anyway.

I had woken up after her and she was already down in the hotel café with Harry when I wandered down there, not being able to find her in the apartment anywhere.

I quickly saw them sitting at a two-table in the corner of the café and gave Harry a look which said ‘I need to talk to her alone’ and he got the point, saying something to her and pointing my way before getting up graciously and walking out, giving me a low-voiced “good luck” as he passed.

“Hey,” she said with a smile as I took Harry’s now vacated seat. “I got you your usual coffee, is that okay?” she pushed the cup to her left my way and took a sip out of the one to her right.

“You know it’s okay,” I replied, trying to smile back at her but curiosity and worry were eating at my insides.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, picking up on my thoughts as she usually did.

“I just wanted to talk,” I started and she diverted her eyes down.

“That’s usually a bad thing…” she mumbled. I heard the worry and almost fear in her voice and reached across the table, silently asking for her hand. She obliged, and I rubbed it reassuringly.

“Usually, yes,” I agreed, “though this isn’t usually. It’s nothing bad, I promise.”

“Alright...” she still seemed nervous and in all honesty, I didn’t blame her.

“Something’s wrong, and no matter how well you can hide it from everyone else, you can’t hide it from me, you know that?” I told her and she nodded, though said nothing more. “Wanna talk about it?”

I watched her shake her head and sighed to myself, knowing this would be harder than I’d first hoped and expected.

“Don't,” she replied to my sigh, not looking at me. “Don’t make me talk about it.”

“Why love? I’m worried,” I longed for her to look at me but she kept her eyes down. “This is the third day in a row you’ve had a nightmare. Something’s wrong and it won’t be right until you tell someone,” I pleaded, trying to reason with her but to no avail.

“Yes, something’s wrong. No, I really don’t want to talk about it,” she told me stubbornly. “I’ll talk about it when I want to, okay?”

I went to reply but I got cut off by a shriek from the opposite corner of the room where the entrance was and I twisted my head away from Katie and in that direction. Three girls were standing at the door of the café being kept away from us by Steven, another of our bodyguards, and I smiled at them, making a split second decision to give Katie and I another few minutes to try and get her to talk, though I feared she’d stay stubborn with me.

I looked at Katie and she looked back at me, nodding as though knowing my plan without having to tell her and we both got up and headed towards the door, still smiling at the girls who were snapping our pictures every five seconds.

“Hey girls,” I grinned at them, hiding the actual emotions I was feeling with ease. Too much ease, I noted, but I’d address that later. “Could you do us a favour?”

“Anything for you Niall,” the older blonde girl chirped and I felt Katie’s hand snake around mine.

"Could you go and wait outside or in the foyer for fifteen minutes? I’m sure Steven will be happy to chat to you until we come out,” I smiled and Katie did too, and for a second I marvelled just how she could smile so bright and hide so much.

“Of course!” the youngest girl grinned up at us; she couldn’t have been more than twelve, if that. “Can we have pictures later?”

“Sure sweetie,” I replied, and she looked like she could explode with joy. “

If there’s too many girls up there I'm sure Steven can remember you three?” Katie asked, her voice completely different to the way she was talking to me and her smiled seemed genuine, even though I knew better. I looked at him and he nodded.

“We’ll be ten minutes, lead them out to the front desk. I’ll stay down there for those three and that’s it, but only if there are more than fifteen-ish people out there. Keep an eye on the youngest as well; if she gets into trouble please help her,” I whispered into Steven’s ear and he gave me a short smile and nodded before turning back to the three girls and leading them away.

Katie took me back to the table we were at and I took another sip of my coffee. It was nearly cold and I remembered that the coffee’s from this place were only good if you drunk them within the first ten minutes of purchase, and sighed once again.

“Please talk to me,” I almost begged, locking my blue eyes with her green before she could have time to look away.

“Why? Why does it matter so much to you?” she didn’t break the eye contact.

“Did you listen to _anything_ I said last night?!” I asked, and I could feel my temper rising out of both frustration and worry; the latter being prominent.

“Every word,” her voice dropped. “Every single fucking word, Niall. Don’t you think for a second that I didn’t.”

“Then why won’t you talk to me?” I asked, lowering my voice like hers. “Do you want to keep me worrying? Do you want me to just give up with you and not fucking care about anything you do?” I stopped talking, trying to regain my breath and temper.

“It’s not that,” she said softly, “it’s that I _don’t_ want you to worry. It’s that I don’t want you to bother with my problems because you have so many of your own-”

“Like what?” I asked incredulously.

“Fans,” she answered simply. “And I hate talking about things. I hate it, and you should know that.”

“I know you hate it, but it helps,” I tried to reason with her. “I just want to stop you having nightmares, because I hate being helpless...”

“They won’t stop. I’ve had them for ages and they’re not going to just stop like that,” her temper was rising just like mine was.

“But there has to be some way-”

“Just leave it Niall.”

“Katie, please...”

“No! I’ve said no, and it means no. I don’t want to talk about it. Just fucking leave it alone already.”

I knew I shouldn't have pushed it further but I had to. I had to do everything I could to help her because I’d been helpless for too long already and if that meant arguing with her then so be it.

“Just talking would help a little bi-”

She stood up before I could finish my sentence, scraping her chair back and slamming her hands on the table.

“I’m done,” she told me, before storming out of the café.

I put my head in my hands and ran my fingers through my hair, wondering whether to just stay here for the rest of my life before remembering the girls I’d promise pictures to. I groaned and pulled myself up from the chair after another five minutes of thoughts whirling through my head and forced a smile on my face, getting ready to face masses of girls waiting in the lobby.

The noise of the crowd increased tenfold as they saw me, and all I could hear was my name echoing around the lobby. My forced smile did the job for the second set of five minutes I was stood there, posing for photos and signing various things, before heading back into the elevator to the top floor.

Liam met me at the top and didn’t let me out of the lift, and I didn’t resist him; I let him explain how Katie had come up crying and didn’t want to see anyone but Louis and how she just wanted to be left alone, with Louis.

I didn’t question her flawed logic.

Liam and I made our way back down in the glass elevator, much to the surprise and delight of the swarm of girls at the elevator entrance. Liam spoke to Andy, another one of our bodyguards, and made the girls move out of the way to clear a path.

We signed a few more things and took a few pictures with the girls crying to see us though made our way quickly out to the cars with Andy following us, and another two bodyguards in front of us. I didn’t know their names because they were stationed with us only for this hotel and were the people who drove us around places (because we weren’t legally allowed to drive in the US), and Liam whispered something to the first one and got in the car.

I got in the opposite side to him quickly and girls immediately started banging on the doors before we pulled away, and I only just realised I had no idea where we were heading.

I didn’t really care.

I’d never argued with Katie before, and it’d come at the worst time. She was nearly well enough to be back on stage and I wanted her first concert in America to be special. I call them her concerts even though they’re One Direction’s, but the stage doesn’t feel right without her anymore. It’s like she’s become the sixth member of One Direction; she’s influenced the melodies in the newer songs and changed the harmonies in the older ones, and not just changing them but improving them.

And the worst thing about everything was that I still had no idea what had been causing all of this.

“Niall,” Liam broke the silence softly. “What happened mate?”

“We argued…” I trailed off.

“Why?” Liam asked me with empathetic eyes.

“Because I’m worried about her,” I answered honestly in the shortest way possible.

“You need to be less worried, let go, chill a little,” he told me, and I shook my head.

“I know, but I actually have a reason…” I hesitated before saying more. “Last night was the third night in a row that she woke me up with a nightmare and I don’t mind that because I can look after her but I’m just worried _why_ they’re happening so often and she admitted herself something’s wrong…”

“And she’ll tell you when she’s ready,” Liam told me. “Come on, we’re here.”

We stepped out of the car into a tiny natural car park, with dark trees all around us. It seemed to be a clearing of a forest and there were no signs of any other human life; the only sounds I could hear were the buzzing of flies and the leaves from the trees rustling in the low wind. The quiet of this place compared to the bustling city centre and screaming girls was amazing; it allowed me to be able to think and start to unravel my thoughts which had been twisting themselves up for weeks.

I could see a lightly worn path heading straight into the depths of the forest around us and Liam stepped towards it, motioning for him to follow me.

“How did you find this place?” I caught up with Liam and walked slowly next to him, taking in the wildlife around us.

“Louis found it last week when we were looking for a place to escape the hotel,” he informed me, kicking a stick along the ground.

“It’s amazing, can we take it with us?” I laughed and he chuckled along with me.

“I wish mate, I wish.”

We kept walking in silence and I let my thoughts flow freely, trying to sort them out in the absence of the urban noises that usually surrounded me.

I knew I had to find out what was wrong with Katie, though I had to be careful not to spark an argument like the one today; it was bad enough once, let alone another time. I also knew I had to keep her safe, though I didn’t know what from yet. I’d work that out as soon as I knew what was wrong… I couldn’t just keep walking here, doing nothing, I had to go back.

I knew in my heart that I couldn’t go back. Not yet.

Liam and I came to a clearing with a bench, and as I plopped down on the end of the bench I took my phone out to text Louis and see how Katie was doing, but Liam stopped me.

“Don’t,” he said, “it ruins the atmosphere. Just cut yourself off from everything for an hour and a bit; it won’t kill you. Promise.” I rolled my eyes at him but slipped my phone back in my pocket; I noted that I had no texts when I’d given the phone a quick scan of my eyes anyway.

“I’m gonna go walk around by myself, meet you back here in a bit?” I asked Liam after a tiny period of silence sitting together.

“Give me your phone,” Liam instructed.

“Fine,” I rolled my eyes for a second time and handed it to him. “Now I don’t have a watch.”

“You can estimate ten/fifteen minutes, can’t you?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “If I get lost I’ll shout the Batman theme tune.”

“Perfect,” Liam grinned at me as I turned my back and started walking, wishing I had a guitar in my hand to be able to sing out my thoughts.

I found a path through the middle of the forest, and I first though it was the path we came from but didn’t pass the rock I’d taken a mental note of to make sure we didn’t get lost. I didn’t take this part into account however; I thought I’d stick with Liam the whole time we were in here. I didn’t know what I was looking for or why I was wandering alone either, so I just kept walking further and further into the forest the deeper my thoughts ran in my mind.

I didn’t keep track of the time and I knew I ended up walking for a lot longer than just fifteen minutes but I didn’t really care much because someone would find me sooner or later. I relished in the peace and kept in my own mind; I was able to block out all the distractions around me now that I didn’t have my phone and I didn’t even notice I was doing it.

I kept walking forward and forward and I reached the edge of another clearing so I turned around and walked back the way I came which I worked out wasn’t actually the way I came. I surprised myself for not freaking out and tried to make my way back to the rock that I’d seen on the way in, but I couldn’t find it.

Fucking hell why did Liam have to have my phone?

I debated actually shouting out the Batman theme tune but decided against it, wanting to keep my last shred of dignity. I just made my way around logically, noting things which I had already passed and trying to make sure that I didn’t pass them again, for it was no use going around and around in circles. I did try to stand still at one point but as soon as I did so panic started to creep up on me and I decided that I had to keep moving. If I kept moving, I’d either find the clearing I’d come from or the car park, and if I found the clearing before the car park I could work my way back and vice versa if need be.

“Fucking _hell_ Niall Horan!” Liam crept up behind me and made me jump out of my skin. “Where the fuck have you been?!”

“I got lost,” I said pathetically.

“Batman theme tune?! Dude you were gone for like two hours!” I didn’t realise it was that long and grimaced.

“I’m so sorry,” I apologised sincerely.

"It’s fine; just try not to lose your way following me back to the car. Louis is starting to get worried,” Liam held up a stream of texts from the eldest boy, begging us to come back. “And I mean super worried.”

“Oh Lou,” I sighed to myself and looked away for a second, but one of the texts caught my eye.

_Please Liam, Niall needs to come back. I don’t know how to deal with this like he does..._

I pointed to it. “What does this mean?”

“I honestly have no idea, but it was only sent ten minutes ago and it takes about twenty to get back. I’ve said we’ll be there soon now that I’ve found you.”

“Okay,” I replied, a knot in my stomach starting to form. This wasn’t good.

Liam and I made our way quickly back to the car and strapped ourselves in the back; not a word was spoken throughout the journey and I was starting to feel sick by the time we pulled into the hotel car park, hoping that everything would be okay but knowing that it was anything but okay.

Liam texted Louis that we were here and not two minutes later Harry came out of the doors as we went in, flanked by bodyguards. The paleness of his usually colour-rich face immediately indicated that something had happened and he led us through, our bodyguards leaving us when we exited the elevator at the top floor.

“I didn’t mean to, she said she wanted to be left alone and I-” Louis was babbling frantically at us as soon as we opened the door and he looked straight at me. “I’m so sorry Niall, I’m so sorry I didn’t take care of her like I promised,” it looked like he wanted to say more but Harry gently took him away from me before he could say too much, encasing him in a hug and rubbing his hair, telling him that everything was okay.

“Where’s Zayn?” I asked, and Harry replied.

“In with her, or as much as he can be... I had to take Lou out because he hates seeing her like this.”

“Seeing her like what?!” I knew the answer as soon as the words came out of my mouth.

Liam was already in her room – not mine, I noted as a first – and I followed him in.

My heart dropped at the way Zayn was positioned outside her en-suite door, and I knew in that second exactly what she’d done.


	17. Chapter 17

I gestured for Zayn and Liam to leave the room and they did so, giving me one last worried glance before quietly closing the door. I stood still in the silence for a minute, just hearing the muffled sobs of Louis through the walls of the apartment, and then moving towards the thin piece of wood that separated the bedroom and the en-suite. I noted that there wasn’t a lock and tried to open it but I could feel a heavy weight against her side of the door, blocking anything and anyone who wanted to come in.

“Don’t be like this,” I breathed to her through the door and I heard a quiet hitch in her breath to let me know that she heard me. “You know it will help if you let me come in,” I reasoned with her.

“Go away,” her shaking voice sent a chill through me, breaking my heart.

“I’m not going to do that and you know it,” I told her gently.

“Well you’re not coming in," her voice broke and she didn’t say anything more, broken sobs coming from the room. I wanted to push on the door and physically move her out of the way so I could get in but I knew that would be a breach in our trust and to make this actually better that wouldn’t help in the slightest.

“Don’t make me push you,” I warned her with the empty threat but got no reply, so tried a different tactic. “I’ll get Louis back in here...”

“No! No, don’t,” I don't know what had happened between them when myself and Liam were gone but it must have been something.

“Let me in then,” I instructed her gently, and though I didn’t get a reply I heard her move from the door. I timidly pushed on it again and it cracked open, allowing me to slip in and take a glance around.

With one glance I saw her lying on the floor, now up against the bath instead of the door, with her head in her crossed arms on her knees and hiding her wrist from my sight. I didn’t say a word to her and took her in my arms and held her close, not caring that I was getting blood all over my white vest shirt, though we didn’t stay like that for long because I wasn’t going to let her pass out in my arms from loss of blood. I tried to help her up but she wasn't having any of it; I ended up picking her up in a marriage-like lift and placing her in the bath, letting her get comfortable by herself.

I kept the doors open so I could see her as I went through to my room and grabbed bandages to dress the wounds, and was about to go back but Harry walked over to me and his eyes widened at my clothes, most probably, and beckoned me over.

“Later Harry,” I shook my head at him. “She needs me.”

“Just tell me she’s okay so I can tell Louis the same with meaning,” he pleaded and I nodded, turning away from him and back into her bathroom. It was only when I walked back in that I noticed how pale she was and saw the whole bathroom other than just having all my attention focused on her.

I saw blood around the sink where she probably started and moved quickly down to the door to stop Louis coming in any further, though by his face and texts earlier he must have gotten in the way and tried to stop her when he realised what she was doing. Following a smear of blood along the wall, either Louis had tried to help her and she pushed him out or she pushed him away before he could help – I couldn’t tell which one would be the most likely – and she must have stayed by the door for the duration of time until I got back and got in because of the small pool of red surrounding the hinges on the floor.

Just before I turned back to her I spotted my reflection in the blood-stained mirror and it looked like something out of a horror movie.

_I didn't save her_

The e and the r were slanted and blurred, as if she’d fallen or dropped to the ground as soon as she wrote those words. I wanted to clean the words off the mirror in a second so I didn’t have to look at them anymore but I knew I couldn’t do that yet because I had to clean her up first.

I turned around and almost ran back to her, watching her eyes slip downwards and I started to panic for the first time since seeing her like this.

“Oh no you don’t,” I told her, hauling her top half into a sitting position and taking her wrist into my left hand, sorting out the bandages with my right. It was the first time I’d taken a proper look at these cuts and I took a double take, trying to fathom how she had done this to herself. Two of them were probably deep enough for stitches and should have probably been looked at (the others ranged from scratches to her ‘usual depth’ - I hated that term) but I knew I was in trouble anyway; I didn’t want to make it worse for me or her or the rest of the boys, especially Louis.

“Holy shit Katie...why do you do this to yourself...” I bit down on my lip as I cleaned them out with the cold water from the bath tap. Her eyes were open but glossed over and her face didn’t twitch; I just wanted her to snap out of it and let me help her. At the moment, she didn’t let me do anything; I was just doing it anyway.

For the first time, I thought about how screwed I’d be if I fainted at the sight of blood, and let out a harsh dry laugh.

“I could have saved her,” her lips moved and words came out of her mouth but they didn’t sound real. “I could have saved her.”

I was about to ask who she ‘could have saved’ but no words would form in my mouth. I focused on the task at hand and it was silent until I’d finished her arm and she pulled away quickly, looking straight at me.

“Don’t you see?! I could have saved her Niall. I could have fucking saved her and I didn’t. I wasn’t there for her. I didn’t show her I cared enough and now she’s gone and it’s all my fault,” she started to attack the bandage on her arm and I caught them both with my hands, stopping her.

“Snap out of it,” I told her sternly, though my face softened as soon as the words were out of my mouth. “I don’t even know what's happened,” I moistened my lips when biting down, on my guard and ready to protect her from herself if I needed to.

“Lexi,” she choked out, “Lexi died. She took her own life and now I can’t tell her anything I wanted to tell her and it’s not fair, it should have been me, I should have done it before her, I should have saved her and I could have saved her and I FUCKING DIDN’T,” she took me by surprise and shouted the last three words, trying to tug her arms from my grip and punch the wall. I kept her back and let her lash out at me instead of herself; I barely felt anything anyway because I was much more focused on keeping her safe.

I wondered how long she’d been keeping this bottled up and away from me; it must have been quite a while for this much anger and sadness to build up inside of her. I could feel my heart break a little more every time I saw her hit out, or start crying, or more often both at the same time.

Once she’d tired herself out enough, she closed her eyes and I picked her up again, taking her through to my room and laid her on my bed. She protested quietly after I let go of her and even though it was only 3 in the afternoon I walked around to the other side of the bed and laid myself on the top of the sheets, holding her close to me and enjoying the chills she sent through my body like always.

“I’m so sorry,” she apologised to me after a while, her head still in my chest. “You didn’t have to do all that. You probably shouldn’t have done.”

“Why shouldn’t I?” I breathed into her hair, the final statement taking me by surprise.

“Because then I might learn.”

“Learn what? That I don’t care?” I asked incredulously. “What would we gain with that? I can’t let you become worse, and I hope you know that.”

“Learn that I can’t do this,” she whispered and her voice broke but no tears came; she’d cried everything out earlier.

“I’d prefer you not to do this to yourself, I agree,” I caved in. “Though while you are like this, I’m with you. You don’t have to pretend, you don’t have to hide, and I’d love it if you didn’t lie…”

“No one’s said anything like that to me before...” she hesitated. “They just tell me it’s okay... it’s not okay and I know it’s not okay and I don’t wish it was. I just wish I wasn’t like this...”

Inspiration struck me and I started to sing.

“ _Your eyes, your eyes make the stars look like they’re not shining,_  
Your hair, your hair falls perfectly without you trying,   
You’re so beautiful, and I tell you every day,”

I saw the first genuine smile of the day creep on her face and a tiny light returned in her eyes.

“ _I know, I know when I compliment you, you won’t believe me,_  
And it’s so, it’s so sad to think at you don’t see what I see   
But every time you ask me ‘do I look okay?’ I say,”

She started mouthing the words along with me.

“ _When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change,_  
Cause you’re amazing, just the way you are.   
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while   
Cause you’re amazing just the way you are.  
Yeah,”

She took over for the second chorus and her voice was a little raspy from crying, which just made it even more amazing.

“ _Your lips, your lips, I could kiss them all day if you let me_  
Your laugh, your laugh, you hate but I think it’s so sexy   
You are beautiful and I tell you every day,”

I smiled and joined in with her for the second part.

“ _Oh you know you know you know I’d never ask you to change,_  
If perfect’s what you’re searching for then just stay the same,   
So don’t bother asking you look okay cause you know I’ll say,”

I put my finger to her lips and I sung the rest of the song to her and she was smiling fully by the end of the song.

“ _When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change,_  
Cause you’re amazing, just the way you are   
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while   
Cause girl you’re amazing just the way you are,  
The way you are   
The way you are   
Cause girl you’re amazing just the way you are,  
When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change,   
Cause you’re amazing just the way you are   
And when you smile the whole world just stops and stares for a while   
Cause girl you’re amazing just the way you are.”

I finished the song and I held her in my arms for a while, until started to doze off. I looked over at the clock and it was 4pm - I guess crying and nightmares takes it out of you - and I gently untangled myself from her and got up, heading through to the kitchen to find some cleaning stuff for the bathroom.

“Niall!” Liam called out to me and walked quickly over. “How is she?”

“Fine, for now,” I answered, opening the cupboards up and searching through them.

"What're you looking for?" he looked puzzled at me.

“Just stuff to clean her bathroom thing with,” I grabbed some bleach in disgust and a cloth, turning back to Liam. “Fun times.”

“Want help?” he generously offered, about to grab another cloth but I declined.

“Nah, I’m okay,” I answered, not knowing why I wanted to clean it alone but knowing I had to.

“Well if you need anything, gimme a shout,” he smiled at me. “And once you’re done, go and talk to Louis for me? He’s still not fully recovered after all of this and won’t listen to myself or Harry; Zayn hasn’t tried.”

I nodded and set off back towards her room, bleach and kitchen countertop spray in my hands and a raggedy cloth half hanging out of my jeans pocket. I only intended to use the first if the kitchen spray didn’t do the job which I hoped it would, because I hated using bleach. It seemed wrong, too artificial, too dangerous...

I got to work, cleaning the words from the mirror first with ease. They slipped off the glass like they’d wanted to come off as soon as they were written and I was glad.

I’m sure that image would be pressed into my mind for the rest of forever.

The sink however was a different matter. No matter how hard I scrubbed or how much kitchen cleaner I put on the surface, the deep red stain just wouldn’t budge. I sighed in defeat, filling the sink up with water and pouring a decent amount of bleach into it, mixing it around and leaving it there for the rest of the clean-up. Thankfully the floor and bath were easy to clean and bleach wasn’t needed to be used, but the smell from the sink made me want to throw up.

Weird, how I could survive blood easily, but bleach made me feel like this.

Ugh.

I turned my head for the first time into her room and to my surprise she was sleeping peacefully, not tossing and turning like I expected her to be. Despite the situation I smiled to myself, loving the fact that I’d helped stem her nightmares for the time being.

I tackled the sink again and this time the blood came off easily and I thanked the Lord under my breath, letting the bleach and water drain down the plug hole and spraying the place with air freshener to try and cover up the horrible smell the bleach left behind. Quickly giving that up as a bad job I moved over to Katie, placing a light touch of a kiss on her cheek and tiptoeing out, quietly closing the door behind me to give her some peace.

I walked through into Louis’ room after Harry gave me a relieved and grateful glance; looking up from the TV he wasn’t really watching. I saw Louis on his bed, one arm wrapped around his knees and the second one holding his phone, scrolling through something (I guessed Twitter) and his eyes were wide and face pale.

“Louis?" I asked hesitantly, and he snapped his head up to me.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologised to me without looking up, his voice thick.

“Don’t be,” I told him and I meant it. “What’re you looking at?”

“No, look at this...” he held his phone out to me, the glare of the screen making me squint for a second for my eyes to adjust. I was correct in my thinking that he was scrolling through Twitter, though I didn’t recognise the account he was looking at.

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _wow. I can’t believe nialls girlfriend survived that thing, I got hopeful for a second_ **– about a month ago.**

I grabbed the phone from his hands and scrolled upwards, reading newer and newer tweets.

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _I wish the boys would notice me **-**_ **about a month ago _._**

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _scratch that, I wish that girl would have died so I was nialls **– about 3 weeks ago.**_

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _is her name Katie??? I've always hated that name **– about 3 weeks ago.**_

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _she should have died fgs **– about 3 weeks ago**._

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _she did die??? FUCK YES **– about 3 weeks ago**._

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _FUCKING HELL she woke up fucking dammit why I nearly got him **– about 3 weeks ago.**_

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _natiee isn't real management set it up ffs **– about two weeks ago.**_

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _you people believe anything **– about two weeks ago.**_

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _CANT YOU SEE HOW LOUIS LOOKS AT HER ITS A FUCKING COVER UP **– 2 weeks ago** _

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _she can’t even sing omg **\- about a week ago** _

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _anyone know her twitter??? **\- about a week ago** _

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _“@fuzzybunnouis: @Nialls_Girlfriend69 @katieellenxo” THANKS LOVE **\- about a week ago**_

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _@KatieeEllenxo go and die whore **\- about a week ago**_

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _@KatieeEllenxo you're a cutter right? cutters deserve to be shot **– 3 days ago**_

That one in particular made my stomach churn.

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _still think she should have died in that crash she deserves it **– 3 days ago**_

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _I deserve niall not her oh my god fave if you agree (4 RTs, 12 faves). **– 2 days ago**_

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _you all hate me but I don't care??? I'm only saying truth **– 2 days ago**_

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _yeah they'll notice me now bitches **– 2 days ago**_

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _@we_hate_KE aw thank you bby ilyt you deserve more followers_

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _@KatieeEllenxo why don't you reply? You scared little bitch? Awwww I'll get niall to fix you_

_RT @Nialls_Girlfriend69: **@KatieeEllenxo:** @Nialls_Girlfriend69 thank you pumpkin :)) – **2 days ago**_

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _HAHAHAHAHA she replied probs management **– 2 days ago**_

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _wow you're all such bitches you're supposed to support me **– 2 days ago**_

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _she took my man why wouldn't I hate her??? **– yesterday**_

**_@Nialls_Girlfriend69:_ ** _if I could shoot her I would and then niall would live happily ever after with me **– 9 hours ago**_

I stopped reading and threw the phone back to Louis, disgusted. He didn’t catch it and just let it fall, laying itself between us.

“I can’t believe our fans,” he whispered, biting down hard on his lip. It was bloody already.

“Stop biting,” I told him gently, “it’s making it worse.”

“I don’t care," he tried to snap back but it fell pathetic, though stopped biting around his mouth.

“She’s fine by the way, sleeping,” I informed him and his demeanour relaxed a little, though not much. “Are there many like this?”

“Not that I can find... I went through her twitter to see if she was okay and found that reply. It was her latest tweet so went through the girl’s twitter and that’s what I found...”

I breathed out, wondering how many people were actually like this. I hadn’t checked my twitter for a while though Management had posted on my behalf so I didn’t do a Zayn and just not tweet for ages; Management wanted me to stay active and if that meant going on my account and tweeting a few tiny things then I didn't mind.

“No wonder she hurts herself,” Louis broke the silence again and his voice split with emotion. I took him in for a hug, nodding into his shoulder and I was surprised when he didn't cry.

“I know Lou. I know. We just need to help her find a way to push it aside...”

“How?”

“I haven’t worked that out yet,” we fell silent for a few minutes more before I broke it again. “Want me to go and sneak her phone? Block a few people who hate on her or something? Because that’s the only thing I’ve got so far...”

“It’s a start,” Louis sighed. “I’ll get it; I’m quieter than you are and to be honest I want to see her looking peaceful with my own eyes, even if she is sleeping,” I nodded in understanding and agreement and watched Louis’ fast retreating back out of the door.

He returned quickly with her phone in hand, and he swiped his arm across his forehead in a dramatic way.

“Close shave?” I asked, with a hint if a smile.

“Just a bit,” Louis said, “she almost woke up when I opened the door _and_ her phone was on the end of the bed touching her feet. Too close.”

I allowed myself to laugh a little and again as Louis tried to unlock her phone and failed.

“There’s a passcode,” he sighed in frustration.

“My birthday,” I said with a wink.

“14th September?” He put the numbers in and I shook my head, biting down a smile at Louis.

“Try again,” I chuckled.

“15th?”

“Other way,” I laughed and he smacked his hand to his head.

“Of course, sorry Niall,”

“It’s all good,” I replied as Louis unlocked her phone.

“...do you know her Twitter password? It’s logged out,” Louis looked expectantly up at me.

I cursed under my breath, not knowing, but quickly realising it was a good thing that she was logged out. It was less temptation for her to log in and see hateful things about her, whereas if she’s already logged in it only takes one click of the app to see everything.

“No idea,” I replied. “Try names and places and songs and lyrics until you get in or locked out?” Louis nodded, quickly typing in things on the phone. A triumphant grunt came from his mouth as he got in and I high-fived him.

“We’re probably gonna have to tell her about this so she can change her password,” Louis told me; I hadn’t thought of that.

“It’s not like we’ll use it for anything bad though?” I questioned. “Don’t tweet anything from it, don’t follow people from it, don’t DM anyone from it...just look, and there’ll be no harm done?” Even though I’d backed up my own point, I still felt a little bad planning on not telling her.

“I guess, but it still feels like… morally wrong,” Louis had a point.

“Alright, let’s tell her when we see fit. But not yet,” I said quickly. “You wanna read some out or should I? Or are we just reading in turn?”

“I’ll read a few out,” Louis paused, scrolling through the phone. “Or maybe not…” he grimaced.

“What?” I asked, not knowing if I really wanted to go through with reading these anymore.

Louis had clicked on a tweet with 13 RTs and 16 faves, and it read _‘@KatieeEllenxo I wish you’d died in that crash bc that’s all you deserve’_. I scrolled down a bit with my finger and read the replies, ranging from ‘ _same_ ’ and ‘ _agreed_ ’ to _‘omg you’re such a horrible person you’re the one who should die_ ’ and everything in-between.

I blew out and it made an almost low whistle, not knowing what to think. On the one hand, that was completely horrible and everything made sense to me now: why she’d been so down and shut off and how forced her smile was (along with the death of her friend), but it also gave me hope. The majority of the replies were positive towards Katie and negative towards the so-called “Directioner” – I wouldn’t class her as one – but I knew that one negative thing in Katie’s mind could have a million positives and wouldn't make any difference. She’d believe all of it and I had to get her to stop it, somehow. I just didn’t know yet.

I pulled out my own phone and glanced at the username of the girl who send out the tweet not four minutes ago, and opened Twitter. I was about to send a tweet to the girl but Louis quickly stopped me once he realised what I was going to do.

“Don’t. That’s what she wants. Don’t give her the attention she wants.” I nodded and realised Louis’ words were filled with logic, though I did send out a tweet while I was at it.

**_@NiallOfficial:_ ** _Don’t talk about Katie in tha ways that I’ve seen. She’s perfect to me and I couldn’t ask for a better girl. #Natiee_

I added the extra ‘e’ because she told me that’s how she liked it, and I thought it looked better too. The tweet indirectly addressed everyone who was giving her a hard time and I quickly shut down the app as my mentions exploded, almost knowing that ‘Natiee’ would probably trend very soon and maybe then people would give her a better time.

I could only hope.

I got a notification through my phone two minutes later from Twitter – I had verified notifications on – from Ed.

**_@edsheeran:_ ** _@NiallOfficial well said mate! In the US in a couple a weeks, meet up sometime?_

I showed Louis the tweet and he gave me a half-hearted smile and nod.

**_@NiallOfficial:_ ** _@edsheeran sure man! Can't wait ta see ya_

I put my phone away and turned off vibrate before returning to Katie’s phone and addressing Louis.

“So what're we gonna do?” I asked.

“I don’t know… this is worse than the stuff that El gets, and I thought I’d seen the lot there. I was wrong,” Louis’ voice broke again and I took him in for a hug, trying not to let my own emotions through. I felt like I’d done so much crying that day though it’d only really been minimal; I’d done enough crying at the hospital a few weeks ago to last me a lifetime.

“What do we do?” I asked, almost defeated.

“What can we do?” Louis mirrored my own face.

“I don’t know...” he was right; there was nothing much we could do apart from support her.

She’d probably also freak out when I told her we'd meet up with Ed Sheeran sometime, too, and that made me smile. That and the fact that there were only a few days left until we could hit the stage together again and get her back in the routine we all loved. I grinned at myself and Louis did the same, not having to ask what I was so happy about; either knowing what I was thinking or not really caring, just wanting me to be happy.

“Niall?!” Katie's voice came from through the apartment and made me jump; I’d been expecting her to sleep for a lot longer than that though I wasn’t disappointed that she woke. I heard mumbling from the sofas in the middle of the penthouse and she quickly came bursting in through Louis’ door.

“Do you know where my phone- oh.” she stopped in the doorway and glared at me, and I realised I still had her unlocked phone in my hand. “What the hell are you doing?”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little note on this one - there is smut at the end of the chapter so I apologise if you don't like it and tbh it's not that detailed it just gives the whole fanfic a little more mature feel. So yeah just a warning if you actually read this :)

**~Katie’s POV~**

I burst in through Louis’ door from the direction of Harry and grinned at Niall’s smile. I hadn’t seen him this happy for what seemed like ages and the events from this morning were ringing in my mind, playing them over and over. I’d dreamt about it though I was thankful that it wasn’t too bad; I hadn’t woken up crying, so that was a start. I’d cried way too much today.

I spotted my phone in Niall’s hands and I froze, my mind whirling. What had he gone through? Had he gone through my messages? Or my Tumblr? Or... My Twitter feed. I didn’t really care what he saw because I had nothing to hide on there but hoped that he hadn’t gone through my Twitter, only because I hated seeing it and everything that came with the fame of being Niall Horan's girlfriend. I didn’t want him to go through the tweets that were sent to me and the ones only I saw;  I didn’t want him to see what I had to go through. It didn’t bother me too much anymore because I’d learnt to shut most of it out when I was in a decent mood; it was just recently when I remembered Lexi. My stomach knotted up at the thought of her and I tried to push it away and even though it didn’t fully work, I noticed I was getting better at distracting myself.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked him, more malice in my voice coming through than I’d planned. I stood my ground.

Niall didn't say a word, helplessly looking over to Louis for support, though the older bit said nothing either. “Well?!” I pushed.

“We, um,” Louis started, trying to find words and evidently failing.

“We wanted to know what was going on,” Niall said pathetically.

“You know what’s going on,” I snapped, though my voice wasn’t as harsh as before. “What and who gives you the right to take my phone?”

“No one,” Niall looked bashfully down to his lap. “We just wanted to see...”

“See what?” I questioned. “I’m not hiding anything. There’s nothing _to_ see.”

“I was going through your Twitter page on my phone,” Louis started to explain. “And I saw a reply you gave to some bitch... and Niall wanted to know how much more there was.”

“My Twitter,” I groaned at the same time that Niall protested with “you did too!”

“What’s wrong with your twitter?” Louis asked.

“You should know,” I spat back.

“I’m sorry,” Louis looked honestly apologetic.

“You should be,” I could feel myself caving in at the two pairs of eyes on me; I could never keep anything against these boys for long.

“Hugs?” Niall asked, and I didn’t have time to give a reply before I was pulled down onto the bed by my boyfriend and given a double bear hug by both boys, not being able to breathe… but in a nice way.

“What if I didn’t want hugs?” I teased as they let go of me at the same time.

“Tough,” Louis winked at me. “Can Harry join in too?”

Again, I didn’t get time to reply before Louis called Harry through and the youngest boy came flying through the door, tripping over one of Louis’ shirts on the floor which I’d not noticed before now and landing with his face inches away from Louis’ crotch.

“We can leave,” Niall chuckled and Harry scrambled up, head-butting Louis in the chest.

“NO! DON’T LEAVE! WE HAVENT KILLED HER WITH HUGS YET,” Louis protested.

“I’m thinking I should run,” I glanced at Louis and Harry before taking off, Niall’s arms narrowly missing me as I sprinted through the apartment.

Liam looked at me in horror as I approached the sofa he and Zayn were sitting on, skidding around the back of the couch and diving behind the soft red piece of furniture, whispering quickly to Liam to say I went a different way than I did and laying down on the fluffy carpet floor; all of this happening in under fifteen seconds.

Harry, Niall and Louis came through next, their voices loud, asking Liam where I was and he kept to his word; I assumed he said I went an opposite way because I heard the pattering of feet through the apartment which included Niall’s heavy footfalls when he ran. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay here for long so I sprung up and went back into Louis’ room, firstly thinking about sliding under the bed but quickly rethinking after spotting a pair of his underwear thrown under there, and heading to the en-suite. I closed the door almost silently behind me and laid down in the shower-bath, shutting the shower curtain around me.

I was having way too much fun with this.

I kept my breathing low but regulated as so as they burst back into Louis’ room, Harry’s voice calling out my name. I stayed as silent as I could and listened in to their conversation; it really wasn’t that easy to avoid doing, in my defence.

“Under the bed,” Louis instructed, and Niall spoke up.

“Have you seen it under there?! It’s a fucking bomb site! If she had any sense at all she’d be in the bathroom, hiding behind the door,” I smiled to myself.

“I’m with Niall, Lou,” Harry chuckled. “You’re so messy.”

“Alright alright don’t rub it in,” Louis replied cheekily. “Bathroom!” I pulled my knees into my chest, somehow thinking if I kept myself smaller then they wouldn’t find me, knowing my logic was completely flawed.

I almost stopped breathing as the door of the en-suite crept open, and Niall’s shout of “GOTCHA,” followed by “damn,” made me jump out of my skin.

“I told you Niall,” Louis sing-songed.

“Go and check under the bed then!” Niall laughed back. “She won’t be there. You should’ve checked in her room too.”

“I did,” Harry came through into the bathroom.

“And?”

“She’s not in there,” I could hear Harry's mischievous side through his voice.

“Helpful,” Niall replied as Louis called from the other room.

“LIAM SAYS SHE’S BEHIND THE SOFA!” Louis shouted. I held back a giggle, loving Liam in that moment.

“Come on!” Harry said, and I watched through the gap in the curtain as Harry grabbed Niall’s arm and dragged him out if my eye-line and out the door.

“HARRY!” Louis shouted. “I THINK SHE’S IN YOUR ROOM!” I giggled and immediately put my hand to my mouth, holding my breath to see if they’d heard me. Thankfully they hadn’t, as I heard another short muffled conversation in the living room moving through to Harry’s room, probably.

I crept out of my second hiding place and went back to my first, high-fiving Liam and Zayn who were just sitting and watching the scene unfold. I slipped down behind the sofa and took up my original position, waiting for the three boys to come back.

“I swear we’ve looked everywhere,” I heard Louis’ voice louder.

“You can’t have looked everywhere,” Zayn chuckled. “She’s just too sneaky.”

“They know something,” Harry said. “Look at those faces...”

“I do not!” Liam said way too reproachfully to be genuine.

“Do too,” Niall countered with a laugh.

Meanwhile, I’d crawled under the sofa and waved at Zayn in my eye-line, who flashed me a smile and moved his eyes to the left, either meaning I should go that way or the three boys were that way. I took it as the first and made my way left, suddenly springing out of the bottom of the sofa and making a run for Niall’s room. I heard a quick “get her!” from Zayn and I laughed, sprinting into the room and throwing myself under the duvet of Niall’s bed, ready to be caught.

“I can’t see you so you can’t see me!” I called as the door opened.

“Nice try,” I could hear Harry’s smirk through his tone.

“You’ve been very naughty Katie,” Louis said through a laugh.

“Naughty children have to be punished,” Niall added, and my dirty mind went haywire.

“That could be taken so wrong– HEY! PUT ME DOWN!” I squealed as Louis and Harry threw the duvet off me and Niall grabbed me around the waist, hoisting me up and over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift before I could finish my sentence.

“No can do,” I watched Louis grin when I turned my head in his direction.

“Every action has a consequence, whether good or bad, as Paul loves to say,” Niall laughed as we walked out of his room and into the living space, being careful not to bash me on anything.

“And I think this should be a bad one,” Harry kept the smirk on his face as Niall walked into the middle of the room, Louis grabbing a chair and placing it down, and Niall gently dropping me onto said chair. I tried to get up and run but Liam stepped in and placed his hands on my shoulders, not roughly, but enough to get me to not be able to move anywhere.

“I’m scared,” I tried to keep back a grin but failed. “I’m not going to have to give you all sexual favours, am I?” the boys cracked up laughing and I did the same.

“Debatable,” Harry walked back in with Niall, and whipped cream.

“Oh no,” I said, pointing to the can in his hand. “I’d rather be tickled to death than that stuff go in my hair.”

“You told me you weren’t a girly girl,” Niall stuck his tongue out at me and I glared playfully back.

“I’m not,” I protested. “I just don’t like white sticky stuff in my ha– NO STOP GUYS NO NOT LIKE THAT,” I hid my face in my curls and went bright red at what I’d said without thinking. I really should stop doing that.

“I’m sorry,” Liam said, not sounding sorry at all. I thought about digging my fingers into the pressure points on his hands to let go of me but thought against it, remembering how much it hurt when my friend did it to me one time.

“I’m serious though, one spot of that goes in my hair or on my face and you’ll regret it,” I warned them, knowing exactly how to stop them.

“Regret it how?” Zayn asked curiously.

“I’ll set fangirls on you,” I grinned victoriously as all faces fell.

“You wouldn’t,” Louis said darkly.

“You know I would,” I flashed a sickly sweet smile and Niall winked in my direction, knowing I was completely serious and that I’d won this one.

“Fine then,” he conceded. “Tickling it is!”

“Didn’t really think this throu– NO STOP,” I wriggled around in discomfort as Niall’s fingers dug playfully into my sides, and soon there were two other pairs of hands getting under my neck and on the soles of my feet. As soon as I got a seconds’ break, I lunged for Louis, knowing he was the most ticklish member of the band and he was on the floor in seconds, the rest of the boys’ attentions turned away from me and towards the oldest boy.

“WHITE FLAG,” Louis screeched and we all giggled and carried on. “I surrender, I surrender,” he rolled away from us and scrambled into Harry’s arms, melting into a five year old.

“What’s wrong LouieBear?” Harry asked, trying to be patronising but ruining it by laughing through it.

“Mean people are tickling me,” he frowned dramatically. “Only you’re allowed to tickle me.”

“Awww Lou. You’ll be fine,” Harry laughed, and I couldn’t help but watch as my OTP unfolded. It was a guilty pleasure and I would say I was sorry… but I’m not.

“I’m hungry,” Niall whispered in my ear and I giggled.

“You’re always hungry,” I replied. “Where do you wanna eat?”

“Do they have Wagamama’s in America?”

“I have no idea… ask Liam? He usually knows this stuff,” I looked over at ‘Daddy Direction’ who, like me, seemed completely enraptured by the Larry scene unfolding.

“Great idea!” Niall turned quickly away from me and dragged out Liam’s name. “Leeeeeeeeyuuuuummmmm?”

“What Niall?” Liam asked with a smile.

“Does Wagamama’s exist in America?”

“I think so mate, but are you sure?” Liam asked, evidently making out that he didn’t fancy it. Niall nodded enthusiastically and I nodded along with him. He probably looked like bobble heads.

“OI GUYS,” Zayn called; he’d obviously been listening into mine, Liam and Niall’s conversation. “Who wants to eat where?”

“I was just thinking a Maccas to be fair,” Louis pulled himself out of the conversation he was having with Harry to answer Zayn. Harry nodded with Louis and Liam agreed with them both too.

“What about you Zayn?” Liam asked.

“I don’t really mind, but Niall and Katie wanna go to Wagamama’s so might go with them,” Louis gave Zayn a look of ‘you’ll be a third wheel remember’ and Zayn quickly changed his tune. “Actually I dunno, might just go with you lot and leave them to it.”

“Good answer Zayn,” I laughed. “Niall’s hungry so I’m gonna go get ready and then we can go, whatcha say?” I looked at Niall and he groaned.

“You’re already ready,” he protested and I looked down at myself. I was in my pajyma shorts and a tiny tank top, and my hair was half up. I was anything but ready.

“I won’t be more than ten minutes,” I promised him. “In the time it takes me to get ready, you can go find the nearest Wagamama’s and call them up to see if they have private tables,” Harry sent a smirk my way as soon as I finished my sentence, and I air-slapped him back.

“I’m pretty sure they don’t-”

“Mention your name,” I replied, biting down a grin. “Use your fame for once?”  I held my breath, knowing all of the boys didn’t really like using their fame like this much.

“If you can get ready in less than seven minutes, you have a deal,” Niall grinned.

“YAY! Thank you,” I smiled and pecked him on the cheek before flouncing off to my room and having the dilemma of picking decent clothes to go out with in three minutes, leaving five to sort out my hair and face.

I opened up the suitcase next to my bed which I’d barely slept in (I was always with Niall in his) and quickly sifted through the clothes, throwing jeans and baggy tops aside and trying to find the one dress I’d brought with me. While looking through, I found the top I bought while out with the boys on the day of the crash; I hadn’t touched it and no one had seen it but Louis – for he was there when I tried it on in the store and almost forced me to buy it – because there were too many memories attached to it. I was torn because it really was a nice top; it was deep purple in colour with tiny white swirls across the hems of the V-neck and the short sleeves. It came to just below the top of my legs and I hesitated for a moment before slipping it on, and looking myself up and down in the mirror once I decided to put on denim shorts even though the top almost covered them.

It was warm out so I’m sure people wouldn’t mind.

I splashed water on my face to freshen up a little before I let my hair down and it flowed into curls around my shoulders. It felt warm on my neck and fell almost to my chest, just the way it always did. I was grateful that it didn’t get too crazy like I knew it sometimes could and I bounced back out of my room to an astonished-faced Niall, looking me up and down.

“That was quick,” he breathed out. “And you look stunning.”

“Thanks, but it’s really not that much of a deal,” I brushed it off, though I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. “It’s not like I’m wearing a dress.”

“You’re finally wearing it!” Louis chimed, walking through into the living room and flashing me a toothy smile.

“Yeah, aha,” I smiled back.

“Told you that you looked gorgeous in it,” he stuck his tongue out.

“I do not,” my feeble attempt at declining the compliment failed as I got a chorus of “you do too,” from the four boys in the room. I didn’t know where Harry was.

“There’s a Waga’s in the next town over,” Zayn informed me and my heart sank, almost not wanting to go in a car again. I’d only been in the tour bus since the accident and that was just… different. Somehow.

“It’ll be fine,” Niall took my hand and squeezed; I’d obviously given more away on my face than I’d liked to.

“Yeah,” I tried to smile but was only half able to. “Is Paul driving us?” I asked.

“If you want him to,” Niall smiled reassuringly at me and I nodded, him placing his cool lips to my forehead.

“Go on,” Harry walked back into the room. “I’m sure you want time alone away from us,” his voice was forced, and his eyes gave away something almost longing about him. I brushed it off.

“Not like they get enough of that already,” Liam winked my way and I buried my head in my hands to hide my blush, though half smiling through them.

“Shut up Liam,” Niall laughed. “See you guys later!”

“Bye,” the boys chorused as we walked out the door, Niall went first and he almost dragged me through it, bounding excitedly down the corridor and to the elevator.

The masses of fans down there this morning had slowly dwindled away, leaving only around seven girls sitting down, leaning against the walls of the lobby. They jumped up as soon as me and Niall got in the glass elevator, and started screaming his name, though I heard my name too. I looked and Niall and he grinned, and I whispered to him that it was a super weird feeling that they were shouting my name as well as his and he just shrugged, saying “you get used to it.”

The doors of the elevator opened and Paul met us as we got out, giving Niall a high five and smiling at me. We made our way around to the front of the foyer and we took pictures with the seven girls and posed for some photos for the one pap that was there; he was surprisingly nice, for a paparazzi. He let us past when we wanted to leave and in turn, Niall signed a blank piece of paper for his daughter (though not before Paul checked that it was _actually_ blank and Niall wasn’t being conned into something).

We got into the big black car, a different one to the two in the crash, and Paul got in the driver’s side as Niall and myself got in the back. He helped me in though I didn’t need it, and it made me feel better but I wasn’t sure why.

“Look at what this one girl gave me,” Niall laughed, holding out a box.

“Should we open it or should we test it for bombs first?” I joked, peeking up the corner of the plastic lid.

“Open it, duh,” Niall stuck his tongue out at me. “It’s pretty heavy. What’s the betting it’s food?”

“About 99.9 per cent,” I laughed. “You open it, it’s yours,” I pushed him in curiosity.

“Is it bad that I'm kinda scared?” Niall asked me completely seriously and I laughed at his expression.

“No,” I told him “but OPEN IT ALREADY.”

“Alright alright,” he caved in, closing his eyes and opening the lid. “Oh my god, what the?”

I actually had no idea what they were. Five potatoes and a letter was in the plastic box, and I wondered if they actually _were_ bombs for a second. I took the letter out and opened it (I wasn’t sure why it was addressed to us both, but I took the responsibility and opened it; knowing Niall we would have just been mesmerised by the gift and not even bothered with the letter) and Niall took one potato out of the box and turned it over before bursting out into his amazing laughter.

“What is it?” I asked, trying to grab another one from the box but he pulled it away and out of my grip.

“No no no, you read the letter first,” he smirked at me and I glared.

“Fine,” I said, glancing down at the piece of paper in my hands. My name was tacked on as an extra with a different colour pen.

_Dear Niall and Katie,_

_First of all that was really formal and I didn't mean it to read like that... whoops._

_Hi :)_

_My name is Maddie and I'm fifteen, nearly sixteen. I don’t mean to be creepy but I know quite a bit about you Niall (and Katie too, now, though not much. You two are so cute btw)_

_I don’t like to admit it but you’re my favourite in the band, and I guess I’m a Niall girl, even though I don’t usually like that saying. Only because people overuse it on Twitter and I don’t want to be associated with half of the people on Twitter because most of them are bitches. Sorry for the language, though watching interviews and tour diaries I probably don’t need to be sorry...that was creepy again. Whoops. Oh well._

_Anyway I just want to say thank you for everything and helping me through the worst part of my life. All of you were people I could (and still do) hang on to and have kept my spirits up when I’m feeling down and low, and I can’t thank you enough for that. I’m seeing you in concert on your first show in Florida, and I can’t wait. I’m not near the stage but they’re pretty good seats anyway, and being near the stage doesn’t matter to me though it would be something nice to have in my memory. Just to see you on stage and having fun will make my life haha. :)_

_Um, so yeah. The potato stamps are my funny way of saying thank you; my sister was making some in primary school and brought them home the other day so I thought I’d try and do something unique... They look decent from the outside right now so hopefully if you try them out then they’ll be pretty decent so yeah. My sister used poster paint when she did hers (she’s in first grade) and the paint came off the walls when my mum washed it hard enough xD she’s a terror, and is in love with Harry, or as in love as a seven year old can be. She’s coming with me to the concert btw._

_So yeah. Thank you for everything and I love you (in a fully platonic way, I’m not one of those girls who thinks they’re gonna marry you or something) and my Twitter is @MaddieFor1D if you ever actually read my rambling. Haha :)_

_Byeee!  
-Maddie .xx_

“Cute girl,” Niall laughed. “What’s her Twitter again?” he asked me as he took a picture of the five potato stamps with their faces on it.

“MaddieFor1D,” I replied, a plan forming in my head.

“Let’s surprise her then,” Niall grinned at me and I guessed he tweeted a picture of the stamps and tagged her. “And let the fangirling commence in 3..2..1..”

“Don’t forget to follow her,” I tacked on, smiling and grabbing the Harry potato. I looked at it face on and it actually looked like him, and then I realised that the carving wasn’t switched and would be backwards when we used it for whatever reason...

This could get interesting.

We arrived at Wagamama’s, a couple of girls recognising Niall but we only waved for a picture and nothing more. There was a young boy in his twenties waiting for us in the foyer of the restaurant and lead us straight through a door and up the stairs, obviously reserved for special parties and people like us. Or probably just Niall.

He showed us to a small booth big enough to fit one person each side – two at a push – and left; our menus were already laid on the table. We had chopsticks to our lefts and a drinks menu in the middle and somehow Niall persuaded me to try a cocktail, but only on the basis that he had the same one too. I decided on one of the ‘House Favourites’ as they were labelled on the flimsy piece of card, and was simple: vodka, blended oranges and apples, and pineapple juice with a sliver of orange on the side of the glass. It reminded me of the smoothies I had as a kid and it was basically one of those... just with alcohol in it. Niall had turned his nose up at first and tried to persuade me into having a more alcoholic drink but soon gave it up as a bad job, just laughing at my ‘lack of drinking knowledge’. He was right there though; I’d never been properly drunk in my life though I was only a month off seventeen.

I didn’t know if I wanted to be either.

We ordered our meals and chatted about a few small things; what we were going to do on the first show; what we were going to be like around the fans; and just talking about the band, until he took out a dark blue box from his pocket. I stared at it and tried to work things out; it wasn’t small enough to be a ring yet it wasn’t large enough to be a Pandora bracelet (he’d seen me admiring them with Louis when Louis got one for El) so I was curious. He handed it to me and I took it, feeling the weight of the box and he just laughed and promoted me to open it.

I did so, and the sight inside took my breath away. It was a necklace, though it wasn’t just any necklace. It was silver, the thin chain glinting and my name hung from the links of the chain in the middle. The top of the K and the end of the second E had tiny diamonds carefully welded into them and they shone in the low light.

“It’s so beautiful,” I breathed, taking it out of the box and holding the chain up. I was about to put it on myself but Niall got up, undid the clasp at the back and I pulled my hair up to allow him to do it up at the back of my neck. He did it up quickly and dropped it down carefully so it hung from my neck and lay to rest on my chest, like it was meant to be there.

“Just like you then,” he smirked back at me, knowing full-well how cheesy that line was.

“That was so cheesy I think you could put Pizza Hut out of business,” I shot back, not even trying to hide my smile.

“That’s a good one,” he sounded impressed. “I’m so using it sometime.”

“You're the one who says shit like that, not me,” I grinned, and he nodded.

“Truth, but when Harry and Louis...” Niall trailed off because our food came but I nodded and agreed.

 

~*~

 

We got back to the apartment late; we’d gone for a walk through one of the local parks under the stars and had lost track of time. The boys were, to our knowledge, asleep or in their rooms doing something so we effectively had the whole apartment to ourselves, but we didn’t care. All I wanted to do was head to his room and cuddle with him for the rest of the night and he seemed to reciprocate that feeling as he carried me to his room first without taking a second glance at mine.  I knew what was going to happen almost as soon as we entered the car to go back; he couldn’t keep his hands or lips off me and I liked it. I loved the sudden and intense intimacy between the two of us and I didn’t know what brought it on but I didn’t care; all I wanted was him and everything he had to give and nothing else mattered to me.

He had me in a bridal lift and placed me on the bed as he went through to the bathroom, turning his phone off, pulling off his vest and sliding out of his denim shorts so he was only left in his boxers. I was about to slip out of my shirt but he stopped me, and I knew what he was going to do. I laid on his bed and he crept up on me, slowly straddling over my body and I shivered pleasurably as his cold hands slipped under my top and felt me up and down, pulling it over my head and throwing it on the floor, moving to my shorts. He undid the button swiftly and tugged at the waistband, playing with them and with me before sliding them off as he did with my top, leaving them discarded on the end of the bed.

He stopped with his hands and started with his lips, trailing his cool mouth up my stomach and quickly jumping over my bra and onto my neck, sucking on the soft skin and I moaned in enjoyment, arching my back a tiny bit to press myself closer to him. Once he’d finished on my neck he moved his lips to my own, and I gave back all the passion I felt from him. I could feel him working his way to my bra, carefully undoing the clips at the back and sliding the straps down from my shoulders, and I moved my arms around naturally to let the bra fall to the floor the same as the rest of my clothing. We didn’t break our lips from each other when he moved his hands down to my knickers, using both hands then only one to slip the black lace from my body.

It was my turn now.

I pulled away and tried to get up, and he got the message quickly. He rolled onto his back on the bed and I took his position, taking the time to give him a love bite on his neck before caressing my hand over his boxers. I could feel his cock already risen through the fabric and he groaned at me, trying to take them off himself but I kept his hands back. I teased him a little longer then slipped them off, taking in the view which I loved to get used to.

I didn’t get a long time in charge because as soon as they were off, he made his way to retake his first position and kept his hands on my sides, kissing me deeply and finally sliding himself inside of me, breaking our lips apart afterwards because of the sheer force of the orgasms that we were creating inside of each other. They built up for mere seconds before our orgasms peaked at the same time, and we arched in together before he slowly pulled out, falling back against the soft covers of the bed.

He looked at me and smiled, turning himself over and cuddling me in so he could fall asleep. No words were needed as he took me back into his soft arms and closed his eyes with the smile still plastered over his face and I looked up to him, reflecting his expression, and thought to myself; _I’m the luckiest girl in the world._


	19. Chapter 19

I rolled over and I felt a pair of arms wrap themselves protectively around me as the memories from the previous night came flooding back. I could feel the strong and firm biceps press against my chest, though when I opened my eyes after lots of internal persuasion his eyes were still closed and his breathing regulated. I wanted to lie here forever but my body had very different ideas, so I pushed his arm up and off me gently and slipped out of bed without waking him.

After going to the bathroom and checking myself over in the mirror, I slipped one of Niall’s vests on – hoping he wouldn’t mind as I couldn’t find something of my own that I wanted to wear until he woke up – and walked through into the kitchen complex. I made myself a simple glass of milk after finding out that we’d run out of hot chocolate (I blamed Louis, he was worse than me at drinking that stuff) and made a mental note to get some more today before Liam wandered through from his room in just his boxers. I had a hard time keeping myself from staring at his perfectly toned body.

“Morning,” I chirped, and he grinned at me.

“Good morning,” he replied, “You seem super happy for a Monday morning.”

“What?” I hid a smile – apparently unsuccessfully.

“I’m surprised you’re out here, actually,” Liam obviously knows something.

“Shhh,” I smacked him playfully as he passed me to get his usual morning coffee. “What do you know?”

“What don’t I know?” he responded with a wink and I resisted the urge to smack him again. “It’s obvious Kat, if you wanna be subtle about it then don’t be so cheery,” he joked around with me.

“What, am I not allowed to be happy now?” I pouted, trying to keep back a laugh. Liam didn’t reply and just winked at me as the kettle boiled, and he sorted out his coffee.

“I’ll be back in a bit,” Liam told me.

“Alright, I was gonna go back to Niall anyway,” I smiled.

“I just hope you used protection,” he shot cheekily at me as he darted back in his room, and it sent me into a panic.

We hadn’t.

I stood in the kitchen, the happiness from the previous evening quickly wearing off and being replaced with an almost blinding worry. I wasn’t going to tell Niall unless he picked up on it and made a deal out of it and after a lot of deliberation I decided not to tell any of the others either, not unless… no. If I didn’t think it, it wouldn’t happen.

I calmed myself down enough and tried to regain the happiness back before going back into Niall’s room, and to my relief he was still asleep. I kept his vest on and slipped back into bed and his arms made themselves around me again, so I nestled myself deeper into his chest.

“Where were you?” he mumbled into my shoulder as I got comfortable. I was mistaken.

“Getting hot chocolate,” I answered. “Though there was none so Louis probably finished it. I’ll get more today,”

“Mmm,” I could tell he was basically still asleep and not aware of anything but myself lying in his arms.

“Go back to sleep,” I murmured just as quietly.

“Mmm,” he repeated, just in a protesting tone this time.

“Mmm,” I mocked him with a smile which didn’t reach my eyes. I was glad his were still closed.

“You’re so cute…” Niall trailed off, and I could tell he was battling with sleeping and me being there. It was easy enough to tell that sleep was winning, by quite a way.

“Go back to sleep,” I repeated, a little more forcefully and he shook his head. “I’ll stay here.”

At that reassurance he seemed to let himself go, and a few minutes later his breathing became regulated again and his arms slackened a minute amount around me, but I just kept myself close. I loved to watch him sleep; the way his nose sometimes twitched and the way his eyelashes curled up on his left eye put stayed flat on his left. The way no matter what, if we slept together (which we had done almost every night) he would have his arms always around me and nothing would make him move unless he was forced to.

I thought about the day ahead; it was last day before the day of my first show with the boys. How did I forget? I couldn’t wait to be on the stage again and most of all I couldn’t wait to just be myself around them. I wasn’t myself unless I could perform or unless I was with Niall alone and I was sick of it, and everything it came along with it.

The boys were going to perform Best Song Ever and Live While We’re Young without me, and then invite me on stage and do the rest of the show with me. This was a little different to the UK tour, because I would be on stage with them for the whole time after those first two (even though I wouldn’t be singing in a couple of them) whereas before I was on for around five songs and then went back off again, always waiting for them to finish their show. It was going to stay that way for this tour but was changed a few days ago upon Louis’ request apparently, which surprised me a little, only because it wasn’t Niall who suggested it. I warmed to the change quickly; beyond ecstatic that I got more stage time with the boys and that it was going to be implemented so soon.

I knew exactly why it was changed, however.

I felt Niall stir in my arms after what felt like only minutes, though I’d been lying there for over an hour. I watched as his eyes twitched and slowly opened, his mouth curling quickly up into a grin as he noticed me watching.

“You’re even more beautiful in the morning,” Niall told me, his morning voice low and gruff. It was amazing.

“You’re even more cheesy in the morning,” I said back, cutting off his reply with a kiss.

“You’re wearing my top,” he stated with a glint in his eye once we pulled apart.

“You okay with that?” I asked hesitantly. I didn’t get a reply; only another kiss full of fire and passion. He ended it, got up and headed to the bathroom, and I decided to get out of bed also and walk through to the kitchen, hoping to find Louis in there. I was in luck and crept up behind him before clamping my hands on his sides and making him bend double.

“Bitch!” he gasped for air as I laughed.

“Good morning to you too,” I replied, and he made a lunge for me but I dodged out of the way. “Where’s all the hot chocolate powder?”

“What?” Louis questioned way too innocently to be genuine. His cheeky smile crept on his face as I playfully glared him down. “I didn’t mean to… well I did… but it went to good use.”

“What did you do with it?” I asked apprehensively.

“You’ll see, in around,” Louis glanced at the clock, “five minutes.”

“Louis…” I tried to be serious and failed; the look on Louis’ face was too mischievous.

“ _LOUIS WILLIAM TOMLINSON!_ ” Harry’s voice roared through the apartment and a heard a scream from outside; the girls had obviously heard it too and reciprocated.

“A little shorter than five minutes,” I laughed as Harry’s door slammed open. “You might wanna move,” I advised Louis and he sprinted off into my room at the first sight of Harry. His hair and most of his face was covered with hot chocolate powder, some layering his shoulders and the left side of his bare chest. I couldn’t keep my laughter in as Niall and Liam came through in their boxers to see all the fuss; Zayn must’ve still been asleep.

“I’m actually going to murder that kid,” Harry muttered angrily, trying and failing to brush the powder off. He must have been drenched in water before this for all of it to stick like that.

Niall, Liam and I were just laughing and I spotted Louis’ head poke cautiously out of my bedroom door so I motioned for him to keep down and away. Of course he didn’t listen to me; he slowly stepped out and tried to keep a straight face as he admired his handiwork on Harry. 

“Powder in the hair dryer is such a classic,” Louis grinned and Harry jerked his head up, running towards the older boy. Louis was done for. 

“You’re a dead man,” Harry snarled, though it wasn’t nearly as ferocious as he wanted it to be. The snarl was more like an angry kitten than an angry tiger which just made the four of us laugh more. “Oh you’re laughing now...” Harry really was hopeless at threats. 

“You probably want a shower,” I suggested, my laughter bubbling down to a few giggles. 

“I’ve already had a shower today though,” Harry groaned. 

“Or Louis to lick you up, either or,” I glanced over at Louis and he winked playfully at Harry, who stormed back into his room, probably going for his second shower of the day. I did feel a little bad for him; it always seemed to be Harry on the end of Louis’ pranks and he probably got tired of it quicker than he let on. 

“He knows it’s just a bit of banter,” Liam reassured me at my eyes on Harry’s back. 

“Yeah,” I replied, “I’m gonna go have a shower though, I haven’t done yet,” I smiled at the three boys and walked into my own room and took a shower, because that’s where all my stuff was. 

I let the hot water roll over my back and through my hair, over my face and down my back. The room quickly filled with clouds of steam but I didn’t concentrate on that; I was too busy trying not to concentrate on my worries which, of course, only made me worried more. The main one was the whole unprotected sex thing but I was also a lot more scared than normal about mucking up tomorrow. Today was the last day before I got on stage again after all and I felt like I couldn’t be less prepared, and even though Niall told me I was a natural, I was still worried. They’d gone over the timings with me yesterday; they sing two, we all sing four, they sing another two, we all sing another three, they sing one alone and we all come together at the end. I’ll be sitting on the platform which goes across the stage at the back when they’re performing by themselves (or that’s the plan) – the one which Harry sits on during Little Things. 

I’d gone over everything in my head while washing my hair before realising I’d been just standing and thinking in the shower without actually doing anything for around ten minutes. I quickly turned off the water and stepped out, wrapping an off-white fluffy towel around me and choosing an outfit for the day. I planned on only going out to the shops so I didn’t want something too smart but I wanted something decent; something that I wouldn’t look like a hobo in if girls found where I was and decided to take pictures, though that was unlikely. I decided on my usually tight-fitting Ravenclaw top which was now pretty loose, almost loose enough to scare me.

Almost.

I slipped on new blue skinny jeans that I’d worn only once before as well and headed out of my room, popping my head around Niall’s door to say that I was going to the shops, but he was in the shower also. I decided to just leave it and let Liam know – who caught me as I was about to walk out of the door – where I was going.

 

~*~

 

I hurried back into the apartment, slamming the door behind me. That was a lot more hectic than I thought it would be and it really wasn’t a pleasant experience. I leant up against the wall and slid down against it, catching my breath and attempting to stop shaking.

That was the last time I’d ever go out without a bodyguard, no matter how much they scare me.

“You alright?” Zayn surprised me by walking over and plopping himself down beside me.

“Yeah,” I lied, trying to keep my voice steady and failing.

“You’re a horrible liar,” Zayn chuckled.

“Not always,” I defended myself, cracking a smile.

“Today,” he replied with a copy of my smile, and I shrugged. I didn’t expect a lot more from him. We’d never really talked anyway; when it came down to it, he was the person I knew least about of the band.

“What's wrong?” he pushed. Today was full of surprises.

“Went out, got mobbed, basically,” I said with a smile, but his slipped from his face.

“Didn’t Paul go with you?!”

“No... I only told Liam I was going and said I would be fine. I didn’t really give him time to say anything more,” I explained and Zayn gave me a glare. “Don’t look at me like that; I was seriously only going across the street to the store to get some hot chocolate stuff after Louis pulled that stunt this morning.”

“You’re really not used to this, are you?” Zayn’s glare was replaced by an expression I couldn’t read. Worry? Concern? Anger? A mixture of the three? I shook my head, and in an unexpected turn of events he wrapped his arms around me and held me close. I didn’t realise I was still shaking until he whispered for me to stop. Hot tears threatened to spill in the corners of my eyes but I pushed them back; I had nothing to cry about. Zayn was just being nice.

“You get used to it,” Zayn whispered just loud enough for me to hear. “It takes a while, but you do.”

“How long did it take you?” the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

“A while,” he admitted, pulling out of the hug and hesitating. “Longer than the others. A lot longer. They all took it into their stride and were able to handle it as soon as we left The X Factor house, but it was all too surreal for me to take in.” I nodded in understanding and realised why he came over and no one else did. All the boys probably knew what happened to me as soon as I came back through the door but only Zayn came over. Because Zayn understood.

“We got mobbed that first day,” he carried on. “And I freaked out. So did our old crew in all fairness because no one was expecting it quite like it happened but – I don’t know if you’ve seen it–”

“I have,” I admitted. I remember sitting at my laptop around a year ago on one of the ‘bad nights’ trying to find something to make me smile. It was recorded on a crappy phone camera but you could sense the madness within the crowd. No wonder Zayn freaked.

“Then you’ll know,” he concluded, not saying anything more but I nodded. “You do get used to it though. Other than if you’re Niall, who loves it one day and hates it the next,” he smiled and I smiled back, knowing how Niall was.

“Heard my name,” Niall bounded through, slipped on the fake tiled floor and crashed down not two inches away from me. “Ow.”

“You alright?” I asked, trying to hold back a laugh.

“Yeah, are you?” he asked seriously.

“Am now,” I glanced over at Zayn and he smiled at me. “Girls are insane, I tell you.”

“I could’ve told you that years ago,” Niall smirked. “It’ll teach you not to go out without a bodyguard though.”

“When did you get all serious?” I asked, and Niall did nothing but laugh. “You could've just said,” I whined.

“It’s better for you to learn the hard way,” Niall winked and his stomach grumbled. “But right now, I’m starved. Come on; let's go find the others and somewhere to eat yeah?” I nodded and set off to find Harry, while Zayn quickly found Liam and Niall found Louis.

“Be careful,” Louis warned me. “He’s in a foul mood.” I raised my eyebrows; I'd never experienced Harry in a really bad mood and I didn’t know if I wanted to either.

“And whose fault would that be?” Liam questioned and Louis looked at the floor in guilt. I didn’t wait for the rest of the conversation to pan out; I just knocked lightly on Harry's door and let myself in after a few seconds of silence.

“Harry?” I asked tentatively. I got no answer, so walked in a little further and quickly realised he wasn’t in his bed like I thought he would be. “Harry,” I said his name a little louder, and got nothing in response. I sighed out in frustration and opened the curtains to let a little more light into the room, even though the thin curtains weren’t really doing their job in the first place. A low whimper came from the closed bathroom door and I felt a tug at my heartstrings; no matter what anyone said I’d always had a soft spot for Harry even being a Niall girl.

Against my better judgement, I pulled at the closed bathroom door. It wasn’t locked and I was caught off guard as it opened as soon as I touched it, to the sight of Harry leaning up against the wall of the shower with his head in his hands. I could tell he was trying to keep as quiet as possible and he didn’t lift his head when I opened the door, though his body language shifted so I could tell he knew I was there.

I didn’t think about anything; I just pulled him into an obviously well-needed hug and let him cry on my shoulder. I had no idea what happened, but it was probably something to do with the media. I kept away from it at all possible but Harry wasn’t the type of person who was able to do that; if someone was saying thigs about him he’d want to know who and what for. It was his downfall, really. I felt for the youngest member of the band, and the longer he cried on me the more my heart broke.

“Hey.. hey.. Harry..” I tried to console him, and at first it just made him cry harder but then started to work. “There we go… shh… it’s okay. It’s okay.”

“Thank you,” Harry choked out, grabbing some toilet roll and rubbing his eyes. They were now rimmed with red and were vivid green, similar to mine just after I’d been crying. The only difference was that mine were flecked with brown, whereas his were flecked with blue. No matter what anyone said, they really were beautiful.

“What happened?” I asked, and regretted it instantly as Harry’s face contorted a tiny bit. “You don’t have to tell me, I just wondered if there would be any way I could help.”

“No, there’s no way you can help, probably,” Harry looked almost apologetically at me and I felt the tug again. “It’s just… media. You know the drill.” I nodded.

I did. From Larry rumours (which I now know are based on truth) to gambling stunts to womanizer stories, there was a lot of media coverage on Harry. Thinking about it, it’s probably one of the smaller reasons why One Direction got so famous in the first place.

Harry was trying to clean himself up, though somewhat unsuccessfully. For a start, he ws getting water everywhere and just getting himself more and more frustrated which wouldn’t help anyone.

“Come here,” I told him, and he scooted over to me. Tear tracks still stained his face – I had no idea what he was doing for the two minutes beforehand – and I wiped them away with a wetted piece of toilet paper. Not the best, but it did the job. I did the same with another two pieces and gave them to Harry to place them over his eyes, explaining that they reduced the redness around the rim; it was an old trick I’d learnt from my mother. I’d seen too many fights between her and my father not to know how to do this.

“Thanks,” he repeated, and smiled a genuine smile at me.

“You’re welcome,” I replied. “You might want to change your top; it’s soaked. Along with mine,” I laughed and he looked mortified.

“I’m so sorry!” he apologised quickly, and I brushed it off.

“It’s just a few tear stains Harry, it’s nothing a washing machine can’t fix,” he still looked bad. “Seriously Haz, it’s all good.”

“Okay,” he half-smiled. It was something, at least.

“If the worst comes to the worst – which it won’t – I’m sure I can wear one of Niall’s shirts,” I smiled and Harry’s smile seemed to fall slightly, but I tried not to take notice. He pulled his plain black shirt off, giving me a good view of the stomach tattoos, and slipped another one on with a Ramones logo printed across the front.

“Come on, let’s go get something to eat,” I smiled at Harry and he smiled back as we walked out of the room together.

“Harry!” Louis chirped, though his smile slipped for a fraction of a second when he took in Harry’s appearance. I think he was about to ask him how he was but I gave him a warning look, and so he just hugged his friend.

“Guys,” Niall whined. “I’m super hungry.”

“You’re always hungry,” I laughed, walking over to him and taking his hand. He gave me a peck on the forehead in reply.

“Your point is?” Niall smiled sweetly. I didn’t have a reply to that.

“Come on, before Niall _dies_ of hunger,” Liam laughed and Zayn and Louis joined in. Harry kept quiet but tried to smile, and did a pretty good job but I could tell it wasn’t genuine. I decided to keep an eye on him for a while.

 

~*~

 

**~3 weeks later, Houston, Texas~**

 

I’d kept my eye on Harry and we hadn’t had another episode like the one three weeks ago since then. He seemed to be happier and there was more light in his eyes than a month ago, though there still was something not right about him which I couldn’t put my finger on.

Today was the day I’d been waiting for; even travelling around the US and performing almost every night couldn’t put my mind off it. My mind often travelled back to the night where Niall and I had unprotected sex and today was the day when it was able to see whether I was pregnant or not. It was really just a silly worry, but I had to get it checked out because it’d been drilled into me since I knew what sex was that if you had it unprotected you’d probably get pregnant.

Still, no one knew, and I was planning on keeping it that way unless I actually was.

I made an excuse that I’d been feeling under the weather for the past couple of shows and wanted to get it checked out by a doctor before the upcoming show tonight, which earned me a few looks of worry and a “why didn’t you tell me?” from Niall, though no looks of suspicion. I’d decided against the pregnancy tests in the stores; there was just too many risks of both being found out and the wrong result being declared. I insisted on going alone – it wasn’t hard to persuade them because they all had vocal coaching today which I somehow managed to get out of – though Paul was to drive me there and escort me. I wouldn’t make a mistake like going out alone again, and it wasn’t like Niall would let me either.

It was a quiet but quick journey to the doctors on the very same day that I’d told them about it; being the girlfriend of a worldwide popstar had its perks. I was immediately shown through to the doctors and I made him swear to secrecy (even though by law he had to do that anyway) before explaining the whole situation to him. He asked me for any symptoms and I declined, though he said it was too early for symptoms anyway. He gave me a cup that I had to pee in and told me after I’d done that, that the results would be here to pick up later today, as I’d made sure that I didn’t want any of the band to know so they couldn’t be sent to the hotel.

I thanked him and left, wondering how I’d survive the day not knowing.

“Anything seriously wrong?” Niall asked as soon as I walked into the room we were sharing. He must have also gotten out of vocal coaching because it was only 10.30am and it didn’t finish until 12.

“I don’t know yet; have to go back this afternoon to pick the results of the tests and stuff,” I said completely honestly. “I don’t think it’s anything serious though, stop worrying. It’s probably just a stomach bug,” I smiled and though it didn’t reach my eyes, he copied me.

“Better safe than sorry,” he said.

“Exactly,” I replied. “Why aren’t you with Helen?”

“Too jittery and stuff. I couldn’t concentrate on anything and we all knew it wouldn’t do me any good stuck there,” Niall explained, and I felt a little bad for not telling him there and then. I bit my tongue.

“You shouldn’t have…” I trailed off, the temptation to kiss him suddenly overcoming me. Where did that come from?

“Maybe not, but I’d much rather be here with you,” I didn’t reply to that and just pressed my lips to his. He reacted quickly to the passion and longing in the contact and his tongue found mine, dancing together in our mouths and we stayed that way for another ten minutes at least, just enjoying the alone time we had together.

He finally pulled away from me and suggested that we get out of here and go to a park, and even though I was nervous of girls and such around, he said he knew a place where we could go and not be mobbed too much. Paul had gone with the four other boys but Steve and another bodyguard were here so they drove us to this remote park that Niall knew and gave us our space, but stayed close enough that we wouldn’t be in danger.

Niall was right; we didn’t see many girls around and actually got time to ourselves, though I did notice a couple of cameras. I didn’t mind because I’d expected them and I looked pretty decent for how I actually felt, I just hoped upon hope that none of them ended up in a tabloid magazine with rumours. I’d seen a few more unavoidable ones about Harry but he seemed to be able to keep away from the stories now, or he was just getting better at hiding everything.

I hoped the first, though somehow I knew it was the second.

The day passed a lot quicker with Niall by my side and before I knew it, it was 4.30pm. He kissed me quickly but passionately and I waved goodbye to him as he got out of the car to go back into the hotel with the second bodyguard who came to the park with us. Steve stayed in the driver’s seat and offered for me to come up front but I declined, telling him I’d sit in the front on the way back. He didn’t question it though looked concerned and gave me a fatherly look as we pulled up to the doctors, as if he sensed my nervousness. In all fairness, you could be deaf and blind and still be able to tell I was nervous now.

I walked in and the receptionist at the desk gave me a warm and comforting smile, and I half-smiled at her back, out of curtsey. She sent me straight through and the doctor was sat back in his chair, relaxed but obviously tired from his full day before this. He sat up a little straighter and gave me the same smile the receptionist gave me but this time I couldn’t return it; my focus was on the A5 piece of paper in his hand and nothing else.

“Welcome back,” his warm voice would probably comfort me under normal circumstances, but it wasn’t doing anything for me today.

“Hello,” I tried the word and my voice cracked.

“We tested you for a few things today Ms. Ellen,”

“Please, call me Katie,” I tried to keep calm, and I’m not sure how I managed to get that sentence out.

“Katie,” the doctor corrected himself. “And you have nothing out of the ordinary,” my heart jumped, this means I’m not pregnant right? “However.”

He handed me the piece of paper and I scanned the top ones; white blood cell count, red blood cell count, blood sugar levels. I skimmed the rest and went down to the bottom of the page.

**Pregnancy: _Negative._**

I breathed a sigh of relief, allowing my overworked brain a moment of relief.

“Your symptoms that you described earlier in the day could be down to stress, so I would suggest trying to relax more and lighten your schedule a little,” the doctor smiled and I knew I could do the first; the second I wasn’t so sure about. “I won’t give you any medication for it just yet, though if it does get any worse please do come back and I’ll prescribe something,” I nodded.

I didn’t know what to tell Niall; I could just tell him it was nothing and the doctor didn’t prescribe anything but he wouldn’t buy it; so that only left the truth. I didn’t know why I was so worried about telling him both that I was suffering from stress, and that I went to see if I was pregnant. The latter felt like something I had to hide because I’ve been so paranoid for the last two weeks. Maybe I could ask the doctor for some birth control or something, just to be safe, and then I could just wave the packet of pills in front of him and say that they were antibiotics, though I knew he’d find out sometime.

Breathe, Katie.

“Thank you,” I tell the doctor. “Could I be able to go on birth control to prevent this worry further?” I tried to smile, and it must have worked better than I thought because he smiled warmly back.

“Of course, I’ll send an email through to the nurse at the counter and she’ll get that ready for you now,” the doctor replied, turning back to his 2001 computer and tapping quickly on the keyboard.

“Thank you very much,” I said sincerely.

“Down the corridor, to the left and you’ll come back out at the waiting room. It was nice to talk to you Ms. Ellen,” the doctor ended the conversation and showed me out, and I made my way back down into the waiting room and joined the end of the small queue of two people to get the birth control. The line moved quickly and the lady at the counter smiled at me, and she reminded me a lot of my mother. I felt a twang in my chest at the resemblance; I missed my mum a lot, though I’d never tell anyone. She’d know what to do in this situation. The nurse gave me two packets of birth control pills, telling me to take one every morning at the same time and they’d work like a charm.

This could get interesting.

I walked out and quickly back into Paul’s car, and I was glad when he didn’t ask any questions about it. He saw the pills in my hand and probably assumed that everything was sorted but I knew I wouldn’t have as easy of a time with Niall; he’d want to know the ins and outs of the appointment and I’d have to tell him the truth. Sigh. But I wasn’t pregnant (which was the only thing I was worried about) so it’s fine.

It was a silent car journey back to the apartment and Paul helped me through the crowd of girls in the lobby of the hotel. I was surprised they hadn’t been moved out by the hotel staff already; they’d been there for almost three days but they wouldn’t be there for much longer, because we were moving states overnight tonight. Knowing them, they’d follow us. There was at least one fan that followed us across state, and right now one fan had been in the crowds for four states. She couldn’t have been more than 18, definitely still in high school and I wondered how she was able to do this when I remembered that the percentage of high school dropouts was a lot higher in the states than in the UK and was actually legal to drop out here. I didn’t want to make assumptions about her, but it was inevitable.

“Katie!” Niall bounded over to me and swept me into his arms as soon as I opened the door. He kept me in his embrace for what seemed like forever and by the time he let go I was surrounded by the band, all of their faces lined with worry in some way or another.

“Lighten up guys,” I laughed, “I’m not gonna die.”

“Well that’s a relief,” Harry joked, though I could hear a weight lift in his voice.

“It’s just some stress thing, though I’m not sure why because touring is amazing,” I said honestly; I had been stressing but it wasn’t about the tour.

Niall’s face turned down into a frown and looked almost guilty. “I’m sorry, we shouldn't-”

I cut him off. “No, it’s fine. It’s probably just the girls following us around everywhere, I still need to get used to it,” I looked at Zayn and he smiled both knowingly and apologetically at me.

“Still,” Niall pouted and I laughed a bit.

“I’m gonna go have a shower and get changed,” I said, looking down at my old jeans and feeling my hair. It was in real need of a wash. “I don’t really feel like going out tonight, but I know it’s your night off and you usually go out and-”

“It’s fine, we can stay,” Zayn smiled at me, but Harry exchanged a glance with Louis.

“Well um... me and Harry we um...” Louis started.

“We were kind gonna go out, and I thought Liam wanted to go see some sights...” Harry looked ashamed.

“That’s fine! I can stay here and order pizza, you two go to dinner,” I smiled at Harry and Louis, and they grinned back. “Zayn, Liam and Niall can go and take some pictures for me and give me a lecture after,” I laughed but Niall wrapped a protective arm around me.

“I’m not leaving you here alone,” he warned in a more serious tone than I expected.

“Yeah, me and Zayn can go by ourselves and then give you both a lecture,” Liam grinned and Niall nodded.

“Alright,” Zayn agreed.

“Okay, now I really need to shower. I’m guessing you’ll probably be gone by the time I get out so bye guys,” I smiled and gave each boy a kiss on the cheek, leaving Niall till last and giving him a peck on the lips, and flounced off into my room to take a shower.

I walked into my room and took the birth control pills out of my pocket and shoved them under a couple of garments of clothes in my suitcase; far enough down that people wouldn’t be able to see though close enough to the top that I wouldn’t forget and would be able to find them easily. I hopped in the shower and let the hot water cascade down my back, relaxing my tensed shoulders, which had gone unnoticed until that second. I tried to think of an easy way to tell Niall the truth of why I went to the doctors and I just couldn’t do it, and after a long and torturous argument with myself going back and forward between the options, I decided to just tell him when the topic came up and not before, nor after.

I didn’t really try to impress as I decided what to wear for the evening; Niall and myself were only going to order a pizza and watch a (most probably) uninteresting movie which one of us fell asleep in, so I just shoved on the first things I could see. This happened to be my light purple tank top and my white denim shorts which were about a year old, and so were a little loose on my waist but I didn’t mind.

“You’re looking beautiful tonight,” Niall grinned as I walked through into the now deserted front room of the large apartment. I didn’t even check my face in the mirror but I knew I probably looked tired, though that just made me appreciate the compliment even more.

“Thanks, you don’t look so bad yourself,” I grinned back. “What pizza do you want?” I flicked open the pamphlet and ran my eyes over the choices.

“Oh, I’ve already ordered some,” Niall blushed. “I was hungry, okay?”

“It’s fine,” I laughed and sat opposite him on the sofa, crossing my legs. “What d’you get?”

“Pepperoni and Hawaiian,” he replied, and I widened my eyes.

“You got two pizzas? For just us?” he nodded. “You’re crazy.”

“No, I’m hungry,” Niall smirked.

“That’s all men are; hungry,” I teased. “Oh, and horny,” I added as an afterthought, and Niall just winked.

“Slow down tiger.”

I went to reply but was cut off by the phone on the little table behind me. I picked it up and the front desk informed us that our pizza was here, and Niall said he’d go get it, being the ‘gentleman he is’ in his words. He quickly returned with the two boxes, the top one obviously opened.

Typical Niall.

“You were too hungry to wait?” I questioned, sticking my tongue out. He nodded with his mouth full. “We’re never gonna be able to get through this lot, jeez…”

“Oh but you forget, I’m the famous Niall Horan,” he winked again.

“I thought that was the stuff of the fanfictions,” I laughed, but Niall was serious.

“I am very passionate about my food thank you very much,” Niall said through his second mouthful of pepperoni pizza.

“You’re acting like we’ve just met or something,” I laughed again and took a bite of a slice of pizza.

“When you question me about food,” he playfully glared and me and I raised my hands up.

“I know, I know.”

We fell silent after this and ate in the mostly quiet; I ended up eating about three fifths of one pizza and Niall ate the rest, spare one slice. That boy never failed to surprise me. In the end we decided to watch The Vow; I’d never seen it before but Niall had apparently been forced to watch it in the cinema by Harry when it came out.

“This is so boring,” Niall drawled ten minutes in, obviously trying to get a reaction from me. He reached forward for his glass and I pushed him for his comment. His glass slipped from his hand from my knock and beer splashed all over my top and down to my shorts, some even making its way over my onto my thighs, though somehow completely missed him. I sighed in frustration and Niall just laughed at me, and I giggled with him before getting up to change.

“Babe,” he’d never called me that before, but I didn’t mind. If I was honest with myself, I kinda liked it. “Go shove something of mine on, it’s probably more comfy,” I glanced over to him questioningly ad he shrugged. “My room’s closer than yours anyway.”

“Whatever,” I replied, grinning and bounding through to Niall’s room, pulling off my dirty top and slipping one of his only black ones on. It hung halfway down my thighs and I searched valiantly for a pair of shorts but I couldn’t find one.

I walked back through in just his top and his eyes widened at the sight of me, and I could feel the mood change in an instant. “I can’t find any shorts of yours, can I just get mine?” I tried to ignore his expression but I couldn’t.

“You’re fine like that, right?” Niall said, a hint of a smirk around his mouth.

“I guess, but-”

“Please?” Niall asked, getting up from the sofa and softly walking over to me stood in the doorway. “It’s not as though you’ll be wearing it for long anyway…”

“Niall…” I whispered as he pressed his lips against mine, guiding me towards the bed and not breaking the kiss.

“I don’t know what it is… about you wearing my clothes,” Niall said as I moved my mouth down from his lips to his neck. “It’s so… so…” I cut him off, bringing my lips back to his. He could finish that sentence some other time, as I almost ripped his shirt off him. He lifted his shirt up on me, so my stomach was visible but no more; I’d expected him to take it off completely but only slid my panties off as unbuttoned his jeans and broke my lips away from his, moving down to kiss his chest and slid his trousers off. I could feel his hard cock through his boxers and moved my hand slowly across the length through the material, making him moan in pleasure but leaving it at that, bringing both hands back up to his chest.

“Oh no… you don’t do that,” Niall’s eyes were almost wild; I’d never seen him like this before. He moved himself so he was positioned above me, and steadying himself with one hand, he ran the other through my hair. “Now…”

“Nu-uh,” I smiled, though that smile turned into a groan when Niall swooped down and bite gently just above my collarbone. I did what he wanted me to do; I took his boxers off with surprisingly calm hands and threw them over the side of the bed. I wanted to be in charge but Niall was having none of it, bringing his lips back to mine once again and grazing my bottom lip with his teeth, catching the edge of them as he reluctantly pulled off. I whined in protest as moved off me, opening the bedside drawer and bringing out a tiny foil packet.

“We forgot last time…” he whispered. “Would you.?” he looked at me expectantly and I bit down nervously on my lip. I hadn’t actually put a condom on a penis before and I didn’t count the plastic ones we had to use for sex education when I was eleven.

“Um…” I hesitated and he laughed, though not at me.

“I’ll show you, come,” he took my hand and placed it on top of his, and ripped the corner of the packet with his teeth. He held the rubber gently between his thumb and forefinger and rolled it easily down his cock, being careful not to tear it in the process. “See? Easy,” he smiled, and the mood did a flip again. “Now… where were we?”

He straddled himself back over me and locked his lips with mine, quickly sliding himself into me with ease. It didn’t hurt and that I was grateful for but didn’t dwell on the fact; I could feel a pressure building up and Niall was going fast today, faster than he’d ever gone before. Granted, we usually took it slow but this was a whole other level. My hands found his shoulder blades and I scraped down, trying to hit the peak my orgasm at the same time as his. He kept moaning my name quietly, each time his lips sound mine and brushed them against my own, and my back arched as my orgasm peaked and he came into me. He pulled himself out and sorted out the condom, placing it on the table by the side of the bed and collapsing back onto the bed, taking me into his arms. I leaned my head against his chest and sighed with satisfaction.

“What was the thing about me wearing your clothes?” I asked softly, and he chuckled.

“You look… very hot,” he admitted, and I was pretty shocked. I didn’t think it was possible to be hot. “What’s with the expression?”

“Nothing,” I smiled.

“I love you,” Niall whispered into my hair. I still got butterflies every time he told me, and honestly I had no idea what I’d done to deserve him in my life.

“I love you, too.” 


End file.
